How do working mums balance life!

annettea

Hi mums/dads
I work full time 41 hours and I am absolutely wrecked .. I have been kying down since 8 ,house is a mess, my 3 year old not played with. I feel so guilty.. I got up to put her to bed which she was great..
I work with children all day so im on my feet and my child is with someone else, and I feel I just cant do it anymore.
How do people balance?
I use to work 38 hours but the place I work with put up my hours , I said no because I knew I wouldn't be able but they were giving out saying its an extra 3 hours fair enough..but I can really feel it. How do other parents do it?
Thanks in advance for tips

emo72

i really dont think its possible to work full time and also be around for the kids. ideal situation one parent works and one parent raises the kids. probably old fashioned attitude, but its an honest view. kind of only really kicked off in the 90s both parents working full time and kids got sent to a creche. and then when the price of houses went sky high, there was no option but for both parents to work. its less than ideal.

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

Into The Blue

We just go to bed with the kids! House gets tidied on a Saturday. No guilt. They are happy playing with kids their own age, rather than bored in the house all day.

Penny Dreadful

I made the decision to go back to work 3 days per week rather than 5. I take two days parental leave each week. It was a good way to see how we would adjust to having less money without the situation being irreversable. Its worked out well enough. Also I'm pregnant again now and will be leaving on maternity leave at the end of May so that will replenish my stock of parental leave days for when I come back again.

I find that having a cleaner come in once per fortnight helps. The heavy lifting of housework is done by her and so it frees up more time to spend together as a family. Is this something that might be possible for you?
We also plan meals for the week - cook a casserole or bolognase, curry type dinner one night that can go into the freezer and reheats well when needed.

It is hard though. If I had my way and there was no impact on our overall household income I'd stay at home with the kids for sure. Unfortunately mortgages and other such things dictate otherwise.

LegacyUser

Ugh.Listen, I'm back full time (37 hr week) with a 20 mth old.It's a nightmare.I just feel the only person that really loses out is the mother.Permanent exhaustion, constant rushing and clock-watching and just never ever time for yourself.I find it helps to be very organised-clothes, lunches etc out the night before, house cleaning at weekends and one wash on every night helps.It's an absolute treadmill though and I'm fast concluding that long-term its not sustainable.We have no.2 on the way aswell.If you can afford a cleaner once every so often.....do it!Personally I want to reduce my hours to part time because the end result will just be me burning out completely and I'm not prepared to get to that point.Despite the fact that my husband is good for sharing the load.No job or income is worth it.

Neyite

How do I balance? Um...dropped standards mostly.

I'm gone at 8am and in the door at 6pm, 5 days a week. I've no option to reduce my working hours. I'd love it if we had a more balanced life - like me working part-time in the mornings, but those kind of jobs are as rare as hens teeth.

We do about an hour of tidy-up and dinner prep. Then you are into dinner time, bath-bed-story. Usually 10pm or after when you finally get to sit down. I ignore whatever housework is left over and tell myself that it wont always be this busy or messy. Saturday mornings is when we get stuck in for a couple of hours to do a proper tidy /floor clean.

I'm currently reading up on KonMari, and will start doing a big de-clutter at Easter which might help me feel more on top of things.

Rose35

Work full-time here aswell, have a 3 year old and it is getting better as just got used to it. I make sure I am on top of the housework before the weekend sets in and then I can spend maximum time with my son and get out of the house.
It is tough and exhausting but have a short commute to work and creche is 2 mins away and he loves it. Thinking of having another one down the line ................but can't see myself giving up my job.

tickingclock

Working full time and it's a total juggle. I always feel rushed and I've no time for myself. It's always go, go go. My husband is great around the house and that helps. My standards have dropped and I'm quite happy with that. Batch cooking really helps me or making dinner for two days Eg. Beef curry or casserole. I also only do one food shop a week with no top ups so I'm not constantly in the shops and definitely not clothes shopping!! Unfortunately nowadays both parents need to work ourselves included.

Into The Blue

Also, a lot of the time people wouldn't mind babysitting if asked, but just don't think to offer!!

We now make sure to get out for an early bird once a month to talk about anything bar nappies!

DSN

My advice - if you can:
1) get a cleaner
2) get big Tesco delivery
3) always prepare least 2 dins @ one time.
I swear if I had to spend part of my w/e doing a big clean or food shopping I'd lose it & seriously question why am I working! Its a constant juggle. am down to 3 day week now - a lot easier but I still do the above.

Into The Blue

also those self serve laundrettes popping up in shopping centre car parks are great for getting three bags of washing washed and dried for a tenner.. two hours out of the house is a bonus!

pkvader

Both of us work a 4 day a week,it was possible in both our jobs thankfully,we also get a cleaner in once every two weeks.We just decided to cut back on careers until the kids got to school age.Both of us saved up a lot of holiday hours before we had kids,so we spread them throught the year,most weeks one of us are home 2 days during the week.

emo72

Actually this is a great discussion. I think women were sold a pup. You can have it all! Career and motherhood!

Well yes, maybe if you have a full time live in nanny and earn a six figure sum. My wife worked in a crèche for a few years and said it was heart breaking. Kids getting dropped off from 730 and being collected at 6. Why bother having kids? As the fees got more outrageous we kept questioning why were people working, chasing their tails, when the bulk of their wages went on crèche fees?

We went with less when our second kid came. My wife have up work. Made more sense to us.

I can't see how the circle will ever be squared.

Mink

Definitely is a good discussion. I actually feel better reading the above as at least I know others are struggling with it. I was actually tearing up this morning on the drive to work just feeling a bit useless & overwhelmed (violins).

I am extremely lucky and have a 3 day week, but then my partner works 2 jobs so I do ALL the housework & cooking. He does bins, cuts the grass & any sort of heavy dirty jobs.

It was offered to me to go fulltime recently and I really should financially but I just can't face trying to do everything evenings & weekends and try spend time with my son. And half of what I'd earn extra would go on childcare/petrol.

My biggest piece of advice is just learn to live with a bit of mess/dirt, better to spend time with the kids and sometimes better to have a bit of "me" time. Squalor for the win.

To be honest, I only get basics done once a week - floors, bathrooms, laundry. And I use the term "done" loosely. Other things like dusting, proper tidy ups, windows, I only bother when I know we've guests coming over.

Also I'm starting to sell off clutter in the house & send stuff off to recycling/charity. That helps make it easier to keep the house slightly tidier & cleaner but also just helps keep your mind clearer... don't know why.

Funkfield

fandook wrote: »

I just feel the only person that really loses out is the mother.

?????

Neyite

emo72 wrote: »

Actually this is a great discussion. I think women were sold a pup. You can have it all! Career and motherhood!

Well yes, maybe if you have a full time live in nanny and earn a six figure sum. My wife worked in a crèche for a few years and said it was heart breaking. Kids getting dropped off from 730 and being collected at 6. Why bother having kids? As the fees got more outrageous we kept questioning why were people working, chasing their tails, when the bulk of their wages went on crèche fees?

We went with less when our second kid came. My wife have up work. Made more sense to us.

I can't see how the circle will ever be squared.

Your wife (and you) have a pretty judgemental and dismissive attitude to the people who use creche services and provided your wife with employment and a take home salary for as long as you needed it.

Were you also judging yourselves, considering your wife worked up until you had your second child, and presumably using childcare herself?

ladyella

OP its certainly not easy but try not to beat yourself up too much about it, there are literally thousands of people on the same merri-go-round as you.
I leave my house with 2 smallies in tow at 7.30am and dont get home until after 6pm. Then its a fog of tea, washing, prepping for the next day, shower and finally collapsing in to bed. I work for a small enough wage and couldnt afford childcare but I have young and able parents who want to help. Having said that, they arent getting younger so myself and himself have decided I might give up work soon and I have full blown dread of this. I've worked since I was a teenager and cant imagine not... anyway, thats off on a tangent.
What helps us now is; I have a love affair with the slow cooker for dinners when we get in.
I use the laundrette every single week. Just 1 bag of towels/bedclothes but it helps ALOT.
For the days Im just not ar$ed I love dry shampoo.
All the big stuff is done on the weekend when the kids can watch tv or play out the back in the morning. They like it and I dont feel bad because the weekend is everyones days off, not just the grown ups.

LegacyUser

Both my parents worked full time the whole time I was growing up. Honestly didn't think our childhood suffered as a result. I know when we were younger my mum did feel guilty and she would book two weeks off as holidays and tell us she would be a "real mammy" for those two weeks and we hated it! She drove us mad wanting to do stuff every second we weren't in school or sleeping. Kids are still people and want space just as much as adults.

Sunny Dayz

OP you are far from being the only one!! And I'm glad to see this thread and read the comments to know that other working mothers feel this way too. It really is a juggling act - I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail, there literally aren't enough hours in the day or week.


Hubbie and son leave the house at 8.30 but I don't need to leave til 9 so I'm trying to squeeze in loading//unloading dishwasher/washing machine then. I'm home at lunchtime and again trying to squeeze in housework while I'm there.


We all land home around 6 and it's a blur of making dinner, doing homework, hobbies/training etc the evenings fly. When the youngster was younger and bed time was earlier, I used to leave the housework until he had gone to bed. I used to have a rule that I needed all done by 10pm so I could sit down and relax with some tv or a book, cuppa tea and bickies. Now himself is older, it's at least 9.30 before he gets near bed and then I'm rushing around trying to get everything ready for the next day.


OP I wish I had some suggestions for you but I think I'm in need of them myself! I know myself that it's me putting pressure on myself to have the house tidy and to do everything. I worry if I'm doing something wrong or just don't have the knack for it, I only have one child, I don't know how people manage with a few!

How Strange

I work 4.5 days and I'd love to go part time but it's not an option in my current job. I'm relatively lucky as some days I came be home at 4.30 or 5 and other days it's 5.30. I leave at 7.10 in the morning which honestly doesn't bother me in the least.

We have a cleaner once a week and we try to batch cook 1 or preferably 2 meals at the weekend so that's our dinners and lunches sorted for the week.

I don't have any answers for you. It's like juggling 10 balls at once and hoping none fall. Having said all that I really enjoy working and I wouldn't be happy being a stay at home parent 24/7. Part time would be the ideal compromise. I think if you were a full time stay at home parent you'd have ther stresses and worries.

Elemonator

My mother still does it. I still have a 12 year old brother. She works at a big lawyers firm in Dublin and is specialised in financial law and then comes home and does everything else! She must get about 5 hours sleep a night but she does it. Truly amazing. You are no the only one OP, unfortunately. But your 3 year old will know that in later years and truly appreciate you for it.

Shadylou

I used to work 40 hrs per week but my hours were cut to 24 (3 days). I work weekend days as my mother and my ex mother can mind the kids then. Even then I don't ever turn down any overtime as I really need the money so I can often find myself working 40 hours with little help from my ex.
I do a huge cook on a Mondayto make sure my freezer is full. I make casseroles, stews, curries and bolognaise. I do all my washing another day but I have to admit to letting housework slide so that I can spend time doing homework or just having a chat to see how their day went.
It's extremely tough and I rely a lot on help from parents and creches and after school clubs but I make sure my kids get enough time with me and if that means that the housework gets neglected then so be it

mirrorwall14

I'm a teacher so I split shift it I can finish in time to get home with him by 430 so I do get time before his bedtime. However I do all my corrections and prep after he goes to bed as well as the usual washing/cleaning. We aren't the tidiest and deep cleans are much rarer. Dinners are a lot of slow cooker and batch meals from the slowcooker. Would love to get a cleaner in but we're saving like crazy for a mortgage so thats not happening anytime soon although I indulged in one coming up to Christmas

annettea

Hi guys!! sounds like everyone is really trying their best ! Its great to know that there is more people in the same situation and everyone feels more or less the same.
I'm absolutely wrecked and I'm really trying.. I also work in a creche and the money is crap, I feel I'm working for literally nothing.. To come back into a messy house, and feel my weekends are gone just cleaning. Like a slave.. Like everyone here haha..
I'm doing what most people are doing coming in the door , dinner, clean, child goes to bed, TV for 20 mins and bed!!
Its great having a rant.

pwurple

The only way we manage is with these rules:
1) Get help.
2) Get organised.

And i skip the tv most of the time. That gives me some time back.

I wonder if you are tired all the time could you get a bit of a health check up? Are you sleeping alright?

Where both people are working full time, help with the house is a godsend. We had a cleaner help us out way before we had children, and i reckon it kept our marriage healthier too. What are you working for, only to come home and start another job or nag eachother over it not being done? Feck that. Also, we dropped some creche days and got an au pair, so the children are at home or can visit their buddies during the day.

Both of us work full time, i do around 50 hours a week, sometimes at weekends, and some travel. I love working, so am not looking for part time. Husband is about the same. Shopping is ordered at night and delivered. Anything i can automate, i do it. (Direct debits etc)

I usually leave earlier in the morning, and get home at 5-6ish. I put something together in the morning before i go, like a chicken in an oven dish, or chop loads of things and stick them in a casserole. I leave a note for our au pair, she turns on oven at whatever time, so it's done and ready to eat at about 6-6:30. I play with the kids, we set the table and eat together. Then homework checking and bed time.

After bed we usually do bills, paperwork, and plan weekend. If we didn't plan, we would arse about doing nothing. So we try to go to the beach, the woods etc with a picnic. The kids bake buns or something for the picnic with me when they wake up at crack of dawn.

It's nicer in the summer when the days are longer and we can go out to play after dinner and there is no homework.

There is no room in our budget for foreign holidays or take-aways, but i gladly choose a happier day to day life with some help over those.

Karmella

+1 on an au pair. Obviously it doesn't suit everybody but I found it the best solution as I'm separated and it's nice to have someone in the house and the kids aren't dragged out to a crèche every morning (this was always the hardest to get done, every morning a fight and tears!!!)

I've been lucky to get a reduction to 4 days, but I'm still out at 8 and not back til 6. The au pair does the school run and plays with the kids all day - and does a quick tidy up after the kids before I get back. Everything else I do and is left to the weekend.Also batch meals and online groceries. But I probably still don't sit down and breathe til after 9 most evenings. My eldest is a disaster for going to bed!!

I have to work to keep a roof over our heads (I was always the primary earner) but also I would go stir crazy at home all the time!! I love my kids but not that much ha ha.

ahnowbrowncow

Will the recent au pair judgement affect you both?

ash23

I was a single parent who worked full time until my child was twelve.
My way of managing was to take a job that was less well paid but was Mon to Fri 9 to 5 and have no commute.
My home, my daughter's school and my job were all within a couple of minutes drive.

When it got too much and I felt burned out I was lucky to have grandparents to call on who would take her for a few days so I could just rest and also spend a day batch cooking dinners etc.

I definitely found the most important yet difficult thing was asking for help. From family and friends. Occasionally I would need to text another parent and ask them to do the school run because I had a meeting. Or have my daughter for a few hours on a Saturday because I had to go into work. I would always return the favour. But it really helped knowing that I had a few people who would dig me out of a hole if I were stuck.

I work part time now and I'm probably less organised and less efficient at home than I was before

dairina1991

we all are in the same boat.(unfortunately)
I have 4year old now i returned to work when she was 18 months old.
We trie our best to be with her as much as we can.
Thankfully me and my husband have fixed rosters. so one off us is home 2 days a week.
Unfortunately we have only 1 day off together as family so we try to make most of it.
I do all the cleaning in my Day off when im by myself with little one.
My husband is a great help aswell he tries his best helps with cooking and house chores so im really lucky in that way.
We do a lot of batch cooking.
Happily my husbands cousin is happy enough to help us with childminding when we need so she minds her 4 days a week.For couple of hours until i get home.
We would love another one... but.. that definitely would mean that i would need to quit my job.

lazygal

ahnowbrowncow wrote: »

Will the recent au pair judgement affect you both?

Wondering about this. We've a minder who comes to the house and I love having them cared for at home. An au pair would definitely be an option but not if it's going to be prohibitively expensive.