How do working mums balance life!

Moonbeam

I was born in the 80's and grew up with childminders , public transport was worse so it took longer to get places.
I used to go to my minder about 7:30 get collected near enough that time in n the evening .
Childcare was alot cheaper though .

Cunning Stunt

How Strange wrote: »

Having said all that I really enjoy working and I wouldn't be happy being a stay at home parent 24/7. Part time would be the ideal compromise. I think if you were a full time stay at home parent you'd have ther stresses and worries.

Happy someone has said this. I am back to work in two weeks after maternity leave and although I hate the thought of handing my child off to a childminder, I am looking forward to being in the company of adults again and not running round the house all day. I go to work to relax, lol!
I agree that part time would be a good compromise. I plan on asking them to cut my hours so I can have a bit of extra time at home with the kids in the evenings.

professore

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

I've seen a lot of women get caught out unfortunately whereby they take a 5-10 year career break to look after the kids and then it's really difficult to get back into the workforce.

I think that's why a lot of men and women continue working and pay crèche fees as they know even though the fees could wipe out some of their income and not make it financially worth it, it's better strategically to keep working for long-term gain.

There are so many opportunities now to retrain after raising kids - my wife has done this - that I don't think it's an issue anymore. The job for life is a distant memory.

LirW

This is an amazing thread.

I currently spend a lot of time thinking of this topic, because my boy is 6 and the second is on the way.

I raised my boy as a single mother, I had him quite young (we didn't live in Ireland at that point) and I sent him to a nanny at the age of 11 months. Back then I was attending university and working, always on the run, eye on the clock. I always told myself I'm a modern and young mother and this is the way I wanna live my life. Even though it was a massive benefit for my son to be with other kids early, I was lying to myself a little bit. After a while, when he was around 3, I felt I need to change my life. Wasn't that easy because with every step I took only in my mind I felt guilty and there have been the big BUTs everywhere.
In the end I dropped out of university and worked more in my job (I loved the job) and started a one years class that I finished with a degree. Was around 30 hours a week and it was the best decision for me and my son.

Then I moved to Ireland with my partner and we expect our little spawn. I happened earlier than we planned but we are delighted but ofc we're facing the big question how to proceed once this blob arrives. I'm at a point in my life where I allow myself to listen to my needs within the family and for me it feels right now to stay at home and focus on my children. My early 20s only consisted of working and studying like a maniac and it led my in a corner of sadness because I had parts of it all but nothing completely. I'm gonna use the time to enjoy my family, my partner, my children and myself. I feel like I have to slow my life down because I was on highspeed the last couple of years.

By now I'm so excited to be at home with my children and help and support my partner. I'm excited to build my home office and chase my goals in an entirely new approach.

TMM12

LirW wrote: »

This is an amazing thread.

I currently spend a lot of time thinking of this topic, because my boy is 6 and the second is on the way.

I raised my boy as a single mother, I had him quite young (we didn't live in Ireland at that point) and I sent him to a nanny at the age of 11 months. Back then I was attending university and working, always on the run, eye on the clock. I always told myself I'm a modern and young mother and this is the way I wanna live my life. Even though it was a massive benefit for my son to be with other kids early, I was lying to myself a little bit. After a while, when he was around 3, I felt I need to change my life. Wasn't that easy because with every step I took only in my mind I felt guilty and there have been the big BUTs everywhere.
In the end I dropped out of university and worked more in my job (I loved the job) and started a one years class that I finished with a degree. Was around 30 hours a week and it was the best decision for me and my son.

Then I moved to Ireland with my partner and we expect our little spawn. I happened earlier than we planned but we are delighted but ofc we're facing the big question how to proceed once this blob arrives. I'm at a point in my life where I allow myself to listen to my needs within the family and for me it feels right now to stay at home and focus on my children. My early 20s only consisted of working and studying like a maniac and it led my in a corner of sadness because I had parts of it all but nothing completely. I'm gonna use the time to enjoy my family, my partner, my children and myself. I feel like I have to slow my life down because I was on highspeed the last couple of years.

By now I'm so excited to be at home with my children and help and support my partner. I'm excited to build my home office and chase my goals in an entirely new approach.

Lir first of all, well done for all you have achieved. I hope you really enjoy your time being at home & new way of chasing goals.
Your words have really resonated with me. I got pregnant in my final year of college, sat final exams & bought a house (that needed renovating) with partner.

When my lo turned 8 months I got a graduate position, luckily he goes to both our mams during week so I don't have that stress. But I am really struggling at the minute with studying for professional exams, working full time, running a household & being a mammy to a whirlwind 1 year old (who often only sleeps a few hours at night). Just feels like I am constantly exhausted and chasing my tail to get things done!!

Oh & big congrats on the impending arrival!

whatdoicare

I worked full time until my little one arrived and due to a series of circumstances I ended up not having a job to return to (businesses were going into liquidation with no warning left right and center at the time) and health concerns, pregnancy and working too hard too long while pregnant related - led to me having to take extended leave and then taking on a much easier less well paid job.

I'm lucky in one sense in that even though I work five days a week full time, I am able to bring my child along with me and there's no need to put her into childcare, saving me that cost but on the other hand, I never get a day off, a lunch break by myself or five minutes to myself in the bathroom. She is with me all day every day with all the tantrums and messes that come with a very young child and it's very stressful tbh

My hubby works 50 - 60 hour weeks and his days off are all over the place so on his rare days of (if he's not called into work) , if it happens to land on the weekend when I'm off - he'll take herself away to his mams or brothers house for a few hours so I can just have some headspace but if he's working the weekend then I have herself and have to do a big shop, prepare for the week, do as much laundry as I can get through (we're potty training right now so the mountain has doubled) clean as much as I can and cook for the day. I can't batch cook as I literally have no room in my fridge or freezer to store any of it. On those days my hubby comes in anywhere from 730pm to 11pm and he's usually gone from 6am.
He does all the hoovering (Not regularly done ) the bins and washes up at night time but otherwise it's all on me because he's simply not there.

We never get date nights or any real time to ourselves and celebrations are take aways and an Aldi bottle of wine. Herself will be heading to school soon and I'm looking forward to having a few hours where I only have to go to work.
Hubby is talking about having another but tbh I'm looking forward to getting some of my life back and I think I'd lose my mind if I had to give up work (which I would have to do) and mind two small children all day everyday by myself. I don't know. I'm in two minds about that one. I'll enjoy my bit of freedom for a few months before I do any thinking on that one.

It's just so hard keeping all those balls in the air but we have to do it and chug along and it gets easier I'm sure as they get older. Then we can sit in our nursing homes and relax.

Moonbeam

That is one of the reasons I had mine close together, I love kids,I could spend my life surrounded by them but at some stage I am going to want to have freedom again and move on to the next stage.
My favorite stage is the baby stage but I can't keep them little forever and 4 of my own is enough!
I will happily spend my days surrounded by children and then in the evenings be able to relax ,luckily my kids also love babies and kids and the 7 and 5 year old s tend to take the piss out of me "oh look mammy it is a baby" "shush don't tell here but there are baby twins over there".

pwurple

whatdoicare wrote: »

It's just so hard keeping all those balls in the air but we have to do it and chug along and it gets easier I'm sure as they get older. Then we can sit in our nursing homes and relax.

Oh my. You work full time, husband works full time and another bit. You must be zonked.

I don't know your circumstances, but you have to place some value on your time too...

When one parent is in the home, make no mistake, they are very valuable in terms of time saved with the thousands of hours of other household jobs.

I got some advice years ago (from a bunch of older women with families rared) to start valuing my personal time at some amount per hour if we are both working. I picked 25 quid. That is what I am happy to accept to get an hour with my family back. So, if going to the supermarket takes me hour, or delievery is 5 euro, then that one is an an easy choice for me.

A cleaning person hoovers our house, does the ironing, dusting etc way faster than I could ever manage with children under my feet, and is 15 euro for an hour... Which gets me two hours back on the weekend.

Before we did some bits and pieces like that we were nagging eachother about housework, and spending out whole weekends cleaning. We were running ourselves into the ground. Now, we can go to the woods or the beach instead, and actually take some time off.

I still do loads of gardening and cooking, because I love it, and maybe that's the case with ironing and hoovering for others. But i really recommend outsourcing anything you hate or fight over where possible.

Ruddler

We've two small kids and I now work part time, 3 days per week. I feel it's the best of both worlds. Hats off to any household that has two parents working full time! I honestly am in awe of you. I do Mon, Wed and Fri so it's like a day on and day off. We seriously struggle with keeping on top of the housework and ironing and are considering getting someone in. It's not like I can spend my days off tackling the house with two smallies running around.

lilmissprincess

I don't know how single parents manage it - you people are absolute heroes. I'm currently balancing 39 hour weeks (plus about an hours commute each way thanks to dependence on public transport for the moment) with solo parenting while himself is away, and it is purely through help from friends who can collect little man from his full time creche and complete lack of house standards! I'm at the stage where I know I need a cleaner but I'm too mortified to allow one in at the moment with the state of the place - how very Irish to need to clean before the cleaner gets there!

Himself is set to be away on and off for a week/ten days at a time so I guess I'll just need to get used to it! (And up the driving lessons!).

Any other tips would be much appreciated!

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

cbyrd

I worked full time until my eldest was 13. I was self-employed within a family business. I worked 5 days 9.30-6 3 days and 9.30-8 2 days a week. I was off on Tuesday and Sunday
When my eldest was born I took 5 weeks off, then returned part-time for 5 weeks them back to full time. Because the business was in front of the old family home (in town) and my 90 year old Nana was there, I took my baby with me. I was a men's hairdresser. My second came along 3 years later, I took 16 days off and returned part-time for a few weeks and brought both of them with me. Full time then again.
I had no car til the 2nd girl was 8 months old. I walked a mile to the Montessori school, a half mile to work back to pick the eldest girl up, back to work for the afternoon and back home in the evenings.
I would have pots in the bottom of the buggy with ingredients for dinner..
It's hilarious when I think about it now!
It was easier when they started school, I had a bus drop them off after and my brothers girlfriend would look after them for the afternoon. When she went to college her mam took over and to this day she is known as Nana. Our adopted family. We're very close, my girls have been flower girls at all the weddings.
When my son came along the younger girl was 7. I took a year off but after 6 months I got offered a job in a different town. My dad was very ill at this time and I didn't want to get sucked back into the family business. It was so hard to get out!
My friend house was on the way so I'd drop the boy off in the morning and she'd pick up the girls from school.
I only did 3 days a week and then just after my dad died I was pregnant with my 4th boy. I worked til 2 weeks over, I finished on Saturday and had him on Monday.
I went back 1 day a week when he was 2 weeks old but the call of family business got to loud. When he was 10 months I went back 4days a week until 2 years ago when I had a car accident. I was 10 weeks pregnant with my youngest girl. I had to give it up as I couldn't stand (still can't) for long periods of time.
Organization is key. I was blessed with an amazing family that took my kids as their own. The live in the country beside the bog. My 2nd girl, 14 now, is just home from a week spent with them .. I moved from Meath to Mayo 2 years ago. I still go down regularly to visit them.
Looking after kids and working was hard, but they became very social kids from mixing with the customers.
Of course a working parent will always have the guilt.. damned if you do or don't.  my kids are happy, I'm now a stay at home mammy and I'm loving it too..

Oh, my house was cleaned on Tuesday and shopped on Saturday evening uniforms were ready the night before and lunches. Dinners were batch cooked between Sunday and Tuesday and Friday was take out day. Lunch time was sort the bills and banking. I'm knackered now remembering

Neyite

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