Ghosting

DareGod

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You are very much entitled to hold that view DareGod.

Thanks?

wurzlitzer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You are very much entitled to hold that view DareGod.

Guys please!

How do we prevent the world from this ghosting psychology today says its rampant !

Lol, never judge a book by its cover, but never judge a book by its contents page either I say

Coz that book might have some blank pages under some of those chapter headings.....

the evasion_kid

Here's me thinking "ghosting" was when you withdrew from society into a 4 wall hermit......I've been doing it wrong for years...

wurzlitzer

LexieOnRale wrote: »

There's a term for that? I always just assumed it was called not bothering to text back and then you sort of forget you ever were talking to them

It depends

It's alright if it's a ONS that's just not replying or ignoring

Ghosting is when you have actually had "romantic relations or dated for a while"

Like in my case three months then they just disappear or become unavailable

Probably due to

1. Being spineless
2. Dating someone else
3. Really not bothered no integrity to do the decent thing

DareGod

DareGod wrote: »

That's far too many exclamation marks.

Back on topic. We all learn how to treat people from our environment. Lots of people haven't had the wonderfully, emotionally educational upbringing that the rest of us have had, and end up treating others less than perfectly as a result. If you choose to judge them for that that's your prerogative.

I'll give you an example.

Two people meet on a night out. They swap numbers. They are really in to each other. Dates happen. A month passes and all is well. One person has really opened themselves up to the other and is confident it's going somewhere. Out of the blue communication from the other stops. This person knows how they are liked, knows that they were let in to someone else's life, knows that they are trusted.

Yet none of that is enough for that person to do the decent thing and be upfront. What person thinks it's ok to just ignore somebody's feelings in that way? To just blank them and keep going?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Are you being too needy?
Are you texting them constantly?
Are they busy?
Are they really bad at texting back?

Shannon757

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Are you being too needy?
Are you texting them constantly?
Are they busy?
Are they really bad at texting back?

Are you asking too many questions?

wurzlitzer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'll give you an example.

Two people meet on a night out. They swap numbers. They are really in to each other. Dates happen. A month passes and all is well. One person has really opened themselves up to the other and is confident it's going somewhere. Out of the blue communication from the other stops. This person knows how they are liked, knows that they were let in to someone else's life, knows that they are trusted.

Yet none of that is enough for that person to do the decent thing and be upfront. What person thinks it's ok to just ignore somebody's feelings in that way? To just blank them and keep going?

Whoa! Well said that's a good analogy

But my situation was different the ghost thought I was falling in love with them, I told them that was not the case that I liked them a lot and it was about having fun not about quantifying it was three months! You can't fall in love with someone after three months seeing them once a week!

When you have the talk maybe it's time to walk.....

Labelling in early days kills everything

Love takes time & trust

But all in all good analogy
Could not put it better myself

Balls

CaraMay

DareGod wrote: »

I think your opinion on this is horrifically immature.

I think you have an excuse for everything. No one goes to dumping classes but if you have any spine at all you treat the dumpee with a bit of respect

Ice Maiden

Deleted User wrote: »

I'll give you an example.

Two people meet on a night out. They swap numbers. They are really in to each other. Dates happen. A month passes and all is well. One person has really opened themselves up to the other and is confident it's going somewhere. Out of the blue communication from the other stops. This person knows how they are liked, knows that they were let in to someone else's life, knows that they are trusted.

Yet none of that is enough for that person to do the decent thing and be upfront. What person thinks it's ok to just ignore somebody's feelings in that way? To just blank them and keep going?

I know two people it was done to. Although a bit different as both were completely online, but that is one of the huge dangers of meeting someone online and not meeting them in person. An idea of who they are builds up in each person's head, and it can be as embellished as hell. Turned out to be utter lies in the case of one of them - using stock photos and stuff, lying about who they were. Then, sudden cutting of contact - ways to contact them online blocked. No response to texts. Vanished into thin air after all these months investing in the online relationship. The aggrieved parties did want to meet them constantly but the "ghost" would keep putting it off.

Atrocious. Really psychologically ****ed up.

wurzlitzer

wurzlitzer wrote: »

Whoa! Well said that's a good analogy

But my situation was different the ghost thought I was falling in love with them, I told them that was not the case that I liked them a lot and it was about having fun not about quantifying it was three months! You can't fall in love with someone after three months seeing them once a week!

When you have the talk maybe it's time to walk.....

Labelling in early days kills everything

Love takes time & trust

But all in all good analogy
Could not put it better myself

Balls

You know I don't think it's about the reasons why. Even if you were falling in love, even if you were being too needy, or not enough needy It's about how we treat each other. Be kind when ending, be honest without sticking the knife in, don't lead the person on, don't cause them to wonder, when things are going south say so.

goz83

I thought this was another one of those poo threads. I guess it is pretty close though.

maudgonner

It's a pretty low thing to do. A guy I went out with for three months did something similar. When I eventually met up with him a few weeks later he said "Oh, I asked my cousin for advice and this is what he told me to do".

The guy was 36 years old.

Yes, I had a lucky escape

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Shannon757 wrote: »

Are you asking too many questions?

I'm sorry Casper come back
We can still have a future

wurzlitzer

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Are you being too needy?
Are you texting them constantly?
Are they busy?
Are they really bad at texting back?

None of the above

In fact for one I would be antithesis of needy and I am terrible at texting

Until two weeks ago they the puca started to be bad at texting back and foregoing made plans and with excuses using words like hopefully

Before that normal in fact he used to text me before bed almost every night!

We only seen each other once a week we both have very busy lives

As for busy excuses are good Monday to Friday but when you start making excuses like I already made plans and suggesting hopefully next week then coming up with another excuse that's fading not owning up and saying look it you crazy cat I just ain't digging it and using busy instead is lame ...he's not a world leader or running a country even

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

wurzlitzer wrote: »

None of the above

In fact for one I would be antithesis of needy and I am terrible at texting

Until two weeks ago they the puca started to be bad at texting back and foregoing made plans and with excuses using words like hopefully

Before that normal in fact he used to text me before bed almost every night!

We only seen each other once a week we both have very busy lives

As for busy excuses are good Monday to Friday but when you start making excuses like I already made plans and suggesting hopefully next week then coming up with another excuse that's fading not owning up and saying look it you crazy cat I just ain't digging it and using busy instead is lame ...he's not a world leader or running a country even

Best thing about being single is keeping your options open. Mr Tuesday night is ghosting out? That's too bad, NEXT!
Don't give anyone else the power to manipulate your feelings or your emotions.

wurzlitzer

goz83 wrote: »

I thought this was another one of those poo threads. I guess it is pretty close though.

It's pretty ****e alright

But I have vented

Like a true woman scorned

I deserve a roasting for feeling like a scary Mary

Like you I did not give a toss about the content of the "Ship" love or no love

It's the RESPECT bit

Lucky escape I know

gctest50

CaraMay wrote: »

I think you have an excuse for everything. No one goes to dumping classes but if you have any spine at all you treat the dumpee with a bit of respect

no, if there is any good in you at all you'll make them think they've dodged a bullet

maudgonner wrote: »

It's a pretty low thing to do. A guy I went out with for three months did something similar. When I eventually met up with him a few weeks later he said "Oh, I asked my cousin for advice and this is what he told me to do".

The guy was 36 years old.

Yes, I had a lucky escape

just pick a deceased cousin, so when the next one hears about it, it won't seem so bad

Lia_lia

Never heard about this before. Thought this would be about ghosts.

maudgonner

gctest50 wrote: »

no, if there is any good in you at all you'll make them think they've dodged a bullet




just pick a deceased cousin, so when the next one hears about it, it won't seem so bad

I know you were probably joking, but in all honesty, no it didn't make me feel great at all. I had a few weeks of feeling like absolute crap about it, which was a shame since it wasn't anything very serious and we could easily have ended on good terms if he had handled things better.

I trusted and respected this guy and he treated me like I wasn't worth the time & effort it would take to have an honest conversation. It made me doubt my judgement and knocked my confidence. It's a really shitty thing to do.

If you want to end things with someone, have enough respect for them to tell them honestly to their face. And if you don't find it easy - well tough, grow a pair, you're meant to be an adult.

LETHAL LADY

I don't get these new fangled gizmos. Why would any right minded person expect to meet the love of there life through an app. Yeah, I'm sure I'll be corrected, but feck that for a game of cowboys

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I don't get these new fangled gizmos. Why would any right minded person expect to meet the love of there life through an app. Yeah, I'm sure I'll be corrected, but feck that for a game of cowboys

Dating sites are another way to meet a person. Many have been successful. I never knock them because I'm single and know how hard it can be out there.

LETHAL LADY

Deleted User wrote: »

Dating sites are another way to meet a person. Many have been successful. I never knock them because I'm single and know how hard it can be out there.

I didn't mean to knock them as such, but I wouldn't depend on them either.
Truth be told, they might work well for younger folks reared on their tech stuff, but if as an slightly older lady I ended up single in the morning, they'd be my last resort. Being a cynical type I just don't trust what folks say online.

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I didn't mean to knock them as such, but I wouldn't depend on them either.
Truth be told, they might work well for younger folks reared on their tech stuff, but if as an slightly older lady I ended up single in the morning, they'd be my last resort. Being a cynical type I just don't trust what folks say online.

They are another way is all. It is very difficult to meet people and form lasting relationships today. I've a feeling if you were single then you wouldn't rule out online dating.

wurzlitzer

Lia_lia wrote: »

Never heard about this before. Thought this would be about ghosts.

It's scary stuff alright !

I never heard of it either but now
I know is a ghost is someone one who lacks a soul fades away basically all facade no substance

Disappears

But ghosting true strange term!

Haunts people

Haunting mmmmmm

Haunts you with the lack of truth lol

LETHAL LADY

Deleted User wrote: »

They are another way is all. It is very difficult to meet people and form lasting relationships today. I've a feeling if you were single then you wouldn't rule out online dating.

I'd hate like hell to be depending on a text or picture sent back to reassure me that I was validated though.

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I'd hate like hell to be depending on a text or picture sent back to reassure me that I was validated though.

It's not about being validated. If that's what you are using it for then you need to take a look at yourself. It's two people who start chatting online with a view to going on a date and seeing if they connect.

wurzlitzer

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It's not about being validated. If that's what you are using it for then you need to take a look at yourself. It's two people who start chatting online with a view to going on a date and seeing if they connect.

True true

But people love to validate it's kinda of creepy

It should be about having fun and getting to know people,,

I fear for humanity

tomwaterford

wurzlitzer wrote: »

True true

But people love to validate it's kinda of creepy

It should be about having fun and getting to know people,,

I fear for humanity

Just so I'm clear...is validate when someone's being needy/annoying/full on

Who wants that in their life/wants to be that person??

Smidge

tomwaterford wrote: »

Just so I'm clear...is validate when someone's being needy/annoying/full on

Who wants that in their life/wants to be that person??

I think in this case tom, the validation means getting the "approval" of another person ie the same as likes on facebook etc. So the online dating version of validation would be getting lots of interest ie "you're hot" etc

Robsweezie

wurzlitzer wrote:

But people love to validate it's kinda of creepy

Only thing i want validated is my parking ticket

Being validated is looking for the approval and acceptance of others. If a person is particularly insecure in themselves or unhappy with who they are then having other people respond to them positively will make them feel good.

LETHAL LADY

Deleted User wrote: »

It's not about being validated. If that's what you are using it for then you need to take a look at yourself. It's two people who start chatting online with a view to going on a date and seeing if they connect.

I don't though!

LETHAL LADY

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I don't though!

The "you" was meant in a general sense. I didn't mean to imply you personally.

mud

I am guilty of the crime of Ghosting.

Picture it. Dublin 1999. Young mud works in a small family business, gets on great with the owners and has handily enough just had her heart broken so is more than happy to fall into the arms of the owners' son who is away in college.

It started off fine, minor misgivings on my part about a few little things he had done. Controlling behaviour, turning up unannounced and uninvited. That sort of thing but I was on the rebound so I ignored all the warning bells.

After maybe two months of said ignoring, I realised that I was actually going out with a sociopath who forced me to watch porn, passed weird comments about his parents' sex life and was just a creep in general.

My immaturity ruled my head and I simply disappeared off the face of the planet. Wouldn't return calls and quit my job so I ghosted him and my employer all in the one go.

In retrospect I should have just told him to fuuck off to his face but I was so in over my head and miles out of my comfort zone that I just panicked and was compelled to eject him completely from my life.

Ice Maiden

I think if you "ghost" someone who treats you badly it is a different story to doing so to someone who has done nothing wrong/things seemed to be going well... and leaving them bewildered.

mud

Yeah I get that but from his POV everything was going well, he didn't know what a creep he was.

LETHAL LADY

Deleted User wrote: »

The "you" was meant in a general sense. I didn't mean to imply you personally.

Fair enough Persepoly

Smidge

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

I don't though!

I wasn't directing that at you LL, just putting my interpretation of the phrase to tom

Smidge

I'll put my tuppence in
I dont think internet dating would appeal to me if I were to be single tomorrow.
I genuinely feel its not for me, and that in now way is meant to cast aspersions on anyone else who uses it.

As for ghosting....back in my day it happened, just without a name.
Although, I think we called it " get the hint". :pac:
I never took it too personally tbh, just wrote it up as a lucky escape!!

wurzlitzer

Smidge wrote: »

I'll put my tuppence in
I dont think internet dating would appeal to me if I were to be single tomorrow.
I genuinely feel its not for me, and that in now way is meant to cast aspersions on anyone else who uses it.

As for ghosting....back in my day it happened, just without a name.
Although, I think we called it " get the hint". :pac:
I never took it too personally tbh, just wrote it up as a lucky escape!!

Get the hint is different lol
You get treated badly by get the hint to your face so get the opportunity to tackle them you can throw pints at them or pour it over their head in public or throw dirty looks at each other

Whereas ghosting is created by this smArtphone culture, you don't get to look them in the eye lol

Get the hint was not widespread
Ghosting seems to be epidemic

They just disappear

So do you move on?

Hell yeah I will but I have spent the last two weeks wondering Wtf happened

Optimalprimerib

The fact that I had to google what ghosting is makes me want to ghost you op.

It's basically completely ignoring communication with one person or group of people until they go away.

mmooney1983

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

Lisacatlover

So... you had been dating a guy for three months, seeing each other once a week? Then for a couple of weeks he's not in as frequent contact and isn't free and texts you saying hopefully another time? So your response is to send him a link to an online article about 'ghosting' and ask him if he has any balls? Then he says you two need to meet up 'to have a chat'.

Sure, one interpretation is he's this 'spineless' guy that 'ghosted' you.

But I get the feeling his thread would be something like -

"So I was dating this girl for a few weeks. She was a bit full on, but things were going OK. Then I'm a little bit busy and can't meet up a couple of times and I get this nuts passive aggressive text off her out of nowhere linking to some article on the psychology today website and her saying I have no balls. Yikes! So obviously I'm done with that, texted back fairly quick to tell her we needed to meet up for a chat, so I can dump her. If you don't hear back from me in two days send my bunny rabbit somewhere safe."

Shannon757

mmooney1983 wrote: »

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

Sure they're probably related to you anyway.

Sh1tbag OToole

mmooney1983 wrote: »

How can someone vanish in a country this small? You'll bump into them sooner or later, which will be embarassing for them!
I wouldn't dream of contacting them or looking for an explanation. Just look right through them when you do walk by them on Grafton St.

The girlies who did this to me were usually recluses and were rarely seen out, they prefered to spend the evening sitting on their bed reading a book or with netfix on and eating from a jar of nutella or a bowl of nuts.

I have also been told a few fairly far fetched 'lost my phone' stories as an excuse for being unreachable for weeks

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

Sh1tbag OToole

Payton Refined Barracuda wrote: »

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

That hasn't gone out of fashion either, along with fanciful tales of how their phone dropped down the toilet on the day but they left it dry out and now it's working again

lawlolawl

Payton Refined Barracuda wrote: »

Seems similar to being "stood up" in my day. Same principle, different delivery.

Yeah, it's the same thing but millennials need a new trendy term for everything apparently.

CaraMay

lawlolawl wrote: »

Yeah, it's the same thing but millennials need a new trendy term for everything apparently.

Yeah! Wonder what the male version of 'mistress' will be called