Online dating

tomwaterford

Mister Vain wrote: »

Between that and people glued to their phones, I think online is the way to go.

Jesus I hope not

There must be something better way IMO

Trebor176

tomwaterford wrote: »

Jesus I hope not

There must be something better way IMO

I see it on some profiles that girls find it hard to meet someone on a night out or are "fed up of the pub/club scene." Perhaps I've never really been confident to approach a girl in a crowded venue, or just figured it could be difficult anyway, due to noise and the crowds, but moreso a lack of confidence. I feel that the confidence has grown, and can engage more in conversations with girls I may have just met, but not necessarily in pubs or clubs, and I don't tend to be in them much.

I want to get more involved in clubs, if I can, or even try short courses in something like photography, for example. Ok, so I can't expect to meet a girl, date her and all that, but it would be good to meet more people. Online dating isn't really working having been on and off it (mostly on) over the last couple of years. I got two dates and that was it. I was gutted when she no longer wanted to see me, and it has been hard to get over her. I may just stick with it for the time being. I did match with a girl on Koort Me, but she doesn't appear to have been on in the last few days. My message wasn't replied to, so I've no idea.

Actually, being on those couple of dates and the way things ended sort of opened my eyes as to what I need to do. That and turning 30 in a few days. That's really to get my arse in gear and just make those changes in my life, such as those I listed above. I need to be more sociable. I really want a lady in my life, but I am unlikely to find her online at this rate. I was foolish to think that things could have gone somewhere with the last one. Maybe I would be more at ease dating someone that I would have got chatting to in person first, rather than through messages. I don't know! Although my confidence was raised, what happened affected that once more. But, overall, it's fine.

Trebor176

Trebor176 wrote: »

Actually, being on those couple of dates and the way things ended sort of opened my eyes as to what I need to do. That and turning 30 in a few days. That's really to get my arse in gear and just make those changes in my life, such as those I listed above. I need to be more sociable. I really want a lady in my life, but I am unlikely to find her online at this rate. I was foolish to think that things could have gone somewhere with the last one. Maybe I would be more at ease dating someone that I would have got chatting to in person first, rather than through messages. I don't know! Although my confidence was raised, what happened affected that once more. But, overall, it's fine.

Trebor I would wonder why it took you a while to get over a girl after only two dates? It's so so early. Perhaps you get a bit over invested too soon? Doing that can make the whole thing difficult.

Trebor176

Deleted User wrote: »

Trebor I would wonder why it took you a while to get over a girl after only two dates? It's so so early. Perhaps you get a bit over invested too soon? Doing that can make the whole thing difficult.

Perhaps I did. But, it's a lesson learned.

Trebor176

Trebor176 wrote: »

Perhaps I did. But, it's a lesson learned.

I hope so. When I was in my early twenties I did the same. It was horrible. Just take it handy

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Trebor I would wonder why it took you a while to get over a girl after only two dates? It's so so early. Perhaps you get a bit over invested too soon? Doing that can make the whole thing difficult.

I'm a bit hungover....this wan is wise af

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

I'm a bit hungover....this wan is wise af

I've picked up a bit of experience thanks to having my insides ripped to shreds more than once and single handedly putting myself back together each time.

Mister Vain

Trebor176 wrote: »

I see it on some profiles that girls find it hard to meet someone on a night out or are "fed up of the pub/club scene.

I see this a lot myself. While I had a good time last night, I really don't see it as a better option for actually meeting someone. It's hard to get any sort of conversation going with the noise and you can never be sure if the person you're approaching is single. Online dating is not much better. Realistically I'd say my best options for meeting someone are work and hobbies/groups as theses have been the only successful avenues for me up until now.

Trebor176

Mister Vain wrote: »

I see this a lot myself. While I had a good time last night, I really don't see it as a better option for actually meeting someone. It's hard to get any sort of conversation going with the noise and you can never be sure if the person you're approaching is single. Online dating is not much better. Realistically I'd say my best options for meeting someone are work and hobbies/groups as theses have been the only successful avenues for me up until now.

Yes, at least with hobbies/groups there is some common ground, which can be good conversation starters. I've tried the tactic with girls in the course I'm doing, and usually, the conversations go well. However, I'm not to know if they're single or not. From experience, though, I've only managed to strike up conversation towards the end of the course, so never actually get to form a friendship.

From experience, girls in pubs/clubs don't seem too interested. A glance might be all, and that's it. Conversation starters rarely generate much interest, even if the environment isn't that loud. Again, though, I'd probably be more comfortable with someone I've actually got to chat to in person first, and if she seems nice enough, then there's the possibility of trying my luck.

I feel that I need someone in my life now, as I am tired of being single, and have been for some time. Maybe it's why I invested into things too early on. I haven't been used to the dating thing. I should have done more sooner, but it wasn't always possible, or I just never thought about it. Now, I know I need to do more to meet someone.

Felix Jones is God

Sprog 4 wrote: »

Whats the end boss like?

Anyone else go, "Yeah, Shinobi"!

La.de.da

You seem a really lovely guy trebor.
I'm sure it'll all happen for you soon.

I find myself more and more feeling that there won't be one person for me for the rest of my life. Instead there may be a few long relationships spread out over time. It's a kind of intuitive sense I have. There won't be an engagement or a hen party or a church wedding or three children, a dog and a semi-detached.

But I'm ok with that

La.de.da

Same persepoly.
I had the semi-d the dog and almost the ring but that went tits up.
For the most part now I'm content to not ever go that route again.

Someone to share holidays with, weekends and such be just grand.

I'll marry you though if we're still single in our 40s.

La.de.da

La.de.da wrote: »

Same persepoly.
I had the semi-d the dog and almost the ring but that went tits up.
For the most part now I'm content to not ever go that route again.

Someone to share holidays with, weekends and such be just grand.

I'll marry you though if we're still single in our 40s.

You have yourself a wife!!

Trebor176

La.de.da wrote: »

You seem a really lovely guy trebor.
I'm sure it'll all happen for you soon.

Thanks for that. Hopefully it does happen soon enough

sozbox

Deleted User wrote: »

I find myself more and more feeling that there won't be one person for me for the rest of my life. Instead there may be a few long relationships spread out over time. It's a kind of intuitive sense I have. There won't be an engagement or a hen party or a church wedding or three children, a dog and a semi-detached.

But I'm ok with that

aww don't give up just yet. It's always when you make peace with not finding the one that they usually appear

I'm a cat person though so I'm out :P

CelticRambler

Trebor176 wrote: »

I want to get more involved in clubs, if I can, or even try short courses in something like photography, for example. Ok, so I can't expect to meet a girl, date her and all that, but it would be good to meet more people. Online dating isn't really working having been on and off it (mostly on) over the last couple of years. I got two dates and that was it.

...

Actually, being on those couple of dates and the way things ended sort of opened my eyes as to what I need to do. That and turning 30 in a few days. That's really to get my arse in gear and just make those changes in my life, such as those I listed above. I need to be more sociable.

I've got almost twenty years on you, but otherwise was in much the same boat till quite recently. OD just didn't live up to the promise, but going through the motions persuaded me to invest more in being more sociable. The net result (so far) isn't any better as far as dates are concerned, but at least when I ask a girl/woman to dance I get a response instead of an inbox of "no new messages" ... and get far more women making the first move than I ever had online.

Trebor176

CelticRambler wrote: »

I've got almost twenty years on you, but otherwise was in much the same boat till quite recently. OD just didn't live up to the promise, but going through the motions persuaded me to invest more in being more sociable. The net result (so far) isn't any better as far as dates are concerned, but at least when I ask a girl/woman to dance I get a response instead of an inbox of "no new messages" ... and get far more women making the first move than I ever had online.

I just regret not being more sociable up until now. I'm not saying that I'm anti-social. I do like a night out or whatever, but I just wouldn't be out every weekend, which is possibly part of the problem, and probably why I haven't been that confident when it comes to women.

But yes, online dating hasn't lived up to the expectations of many. Yet, for a good few, it has worked. Either people have just dated, or in some cases, have even got married. Maybe it's just a game to a good few. The girl I dated was the first one I dated from online. And the fact she was actually interested in me as well made me feel that there could be something, but it obviously wasn't the case. It's hard to actually find someone where there's mutual interest.

You're right, though. I guess there's no point being disappointed over a lack of replies to messages. It's just a case of getting out there and plucking up the courage to at least chat to a girl. I am going to be brave and try singles nights.

paleoperson

It'll never happen for me, that's for sure, barring some miracle.

A relationship shouldn't be seen as a goal or "accomplishment" anyway.

Trebor176

paleoperson wrote: »

It'll never happen for me, that's for sure, barring some miracle.

A relationship shouldn't be seen as a goal or "accomplishment" anyway.

It will happen eventually. I never thought I'd ever get a date with someone. It happened, but I sort of messed up. . .I think!

Well, yes and no. It's not a competition, but if you've been dating loads of women, it can be nice to finally settle down with someone. Marriage doesn't have to come into it. There are plenty of couples together years that aren't married, or may not intend on going down that route, but they are happy together.

Something I've realized, after spending so much time on online dating and the like; you can't force love. I can spend so long messaging people, getting annoyed at a lack of replies, or having great replies that sometimes taper off, or the people just vanishing, and it achieves me absolutely nothing. If anything, like is happening with a few posters here as well, it's making me feel sexist, thinking that there's an issue with all people of the opposite gender. When, realistically, it's just some members of that gender.

I think I just need to shake off the desire (not even the hope/want) of wanting to be with someone and realize, you know, it will happen eventually. It mightn't happen online, it mightn't happen on a night out, but it'll happen somewhere, sometime.

sozbox

sozbox wrote: »

aww don't give up just yet. It's always when you make peace with not finding the one that they usually appear

I'm a cat person though so I'm out :P

Oh I don't doubt I will meet someone very lovely. It's just that I don't believe that will be the end of my singledom and dating

Mister Vain

So what's the longest relationship you guys have been in?

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

So what's the longest relationship you guys have been in?

Four years.

You?

Mister Vain

Two months.

PandaX9

Mister Vain wrote: »

So what's the longest relationship you guys have been in?

Bordering on two years but we had known each other for over ten. But I'm only young so it's not a big deal. To my great detriment, I've had a relationship lasting a grand total of almost a month with more feeling than a relationship of a year.

I don't tend to compare my past to my present though, I figure the right person(s) will come and go from my life and it'll all be an adventure you know?

tomwaterford

Mister Vain wrote: »

So what's the longest relationship you guys have been in?

Surly the big question is....would you judge someone as off who hasn't any real relationship etc...more middling flings etc


For one reason or another

Trebor176

tomwaterford wrote: »

Surly the big question is....would you judge someone as off who hasn't any real relationship etc...more middling flings etc


For one reason or another

I haven't had a real relationship, being perfectly honest!

Sometimes the shortest relationships can leave the deepest marks. They can end during that early hopeful stage. Long term relationships may end more naturally, two people falling out of love or slowly moving apart.

Of course at the end of the day it depends on the person. Like grief we handle break ups in our own unique way.

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

Surly the big question is....would you judge someone as off who hasn't any real relationship etc...more middling flings etc


For one reason or another

I will be very honest and say I would wonder if a person of say thirty something and up had never had a serious relationship. Or flings. Nothing.