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Online dating

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    #3362
    PandaX9
    Registered Users Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭PandaX9


    sozbox wrote: »
    It is possible for her to meet up with him and suss out the situation without sleeping with him :P

    Obviously, but in her mind their romance ended as soon as it began (start: dancefloor, stop: getting into a taxi home alone) and she's indicated no interest to further their relationship so it stood out to us why he would decide that he wants to visit her, and that she would reciprocate the sentiment. Besides, she's abroad on the dates he has mentioned and she has decided that it is for the best, his insistence to visit her has her running for the hills.

    Maybe if they had gotten to know each other (not biblically) and chatted for a few weeks she would have been keen but frankly she's not interested in having him come to Dublin and feeling obliged to see him.


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    #3363
    sozbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,399 ✭✭✭sozbox


    PandaX9 wrote: »
    Obviously, but in her mind their romance ended as soon as it began (start: dancefloor, stop: getting into a taxi home alone) and she's indicated no interest to further their relationship so it stood out to us why he would decide that he wants to visit her, and that she would reciprocate the sentiment. Besides, she's abroad on the dates he has mentioned and she has decided that it is for the best, his insistence to visit her has her running for the hills.

    Maybe if they had gotten to know each other (not biblically) and chatted for a few weeks she would have been keen but frankly she's not interested in having him come to Dublin and feeling obliged to see him.

    Fair enough. I would I think a few weeks of chatting first would be the norm in that case before booking flights.

    Reading your post again though the thing that stands out for me is that he isn't booking flights to see her, he's over for another reason and it's more a convenience?


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    #3364
    Meanaspie
    Registered Users Posts: 375 ✭✭Meanaspie


    sozbox wrote: »
    Friend of mine who is from the UK met a girl on a stag in Dublin, they kissed and danced and he asked for her number.

    They texted for a while and he flew over to meet her a number of weeks later.

    They're now married with two kids and he has relocated to Ireland.

    Hate to think he'd have been tarred with the 'can't he meet girls at home' brush. He could but he liked the Irish girl and they fell in love so I wouldn't be so harsh on yer man.

    This sounds remarkably like my cousin I wonder if it's the same person :confused:


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    #3365
    Witchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    Littlefinger wrote: »
    Am I the only who who makes a point of not talking to people who refuse to put a picture up or send one in private? To me it feels like they are hiding something. Like i wouldn't be what you would call a beauty but I have pictures up.

    Yes they could, like I was, be hiding from a violent stalkerish ex who is also on the site.


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    #3366
    Jack Killian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,663 ✭✭✭Jack Killian


    Andre 3000 wrote: »
    "I never message guys first ever. Your move ______ *winky face*."

    This was followed by another message about an hour later, I still hadn't even seen the first message mind you.

    "Don't play hard to get it kills me. What are you doing tonight?"

    If only all women were so confidently up front :pac:

    Replace "confident" with "pushy & stalkery"!!!

    What's the betting they'd be cribbing using those words if the roles were reversed ?


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    #3367
    Andre 3000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,488 ✭✭✭Andre 3000


    Jack Killian wrote: »
    Replace "confident" with "pushy & stalkery"!!!

    What's the betting they'd be cribbing using those words if the roles were reversed ?

    I'm perfectly fine with being stalked by attractive women!

    Don't hate the player, hate the game :pac:


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    #3368
    PandaX9
    Registered Users Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭PandaX9


    Andre 3000 wrote: »
    I'm perfectly fine with being stalked by attractive women!

    Don't hate the player, hate the game :pac:

    I go absolutely insane with jealousy and longing when I'm into someone and they are, God forbid, busy with their lives. But I would never ever lay my cards on the table by saying "blah blah don't play hard to get/mind games, it kills me" because I don't want to out myself as a psycho :D. Because that's how people interpret these kinds of things from a relative stranger, in my experience.


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    #3369
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users Posts: 6,828 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    PandaX9 wrote: »
    Have genuinely had people offer me accommodations and in two cases, flights to go visit them. And I'm not talking about cases where we would have met, maybe dated and texted for weeks/'months kind of thing. I mean, "hi, how are you? Good thanks... Would you like to come visit me in Germany next weekend?"

    If it's genuine, 1) more money than sense and 2) would make me wonder why they have to fly women out to see them, a red flag.

    The reference to Germany makes me wonder if it's a continental thing. I regularly invite people I've only just met to come and stay - sometimes giving them lift, if I'm not actually at home at the time but on the way there. I've been invited to stay with strangers too (e.g. last night - someone I've only ever had contact with through another forum, never even spoken to - but alas not a romantic interest :( ) It's not considered particularly weird or creepy ...


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    #3370
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PandaX9 wrote: »
    I go absolutely insane with jealousy and longing when I'm into someone and they are, God forbid, busy with their lives. But I would never ever lay my cards on the table by saying "blah blah don't play hard to get/mind games, it kills me" because I don't want to out myself as a psycho :D. Because that's how people interpret these kinds of things from a relative stranger, in my experience.

    I am firmly in the camp of "don't play hard to get /mind games". It might be an age thing but I have no problem saying that. Then again it has been a while since I dated a man who played hard to get or any of that kind of thing.


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    #3371
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,707 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    PandaX9 wrote:
    I go absolutely insane with jealousy and longing when I'm into someone and they are, God forbid, busy with their lives.

    Yeah, that's something you might want to work on.


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    #3372
    PandaX9
    Registered Users Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭PandaX9


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    Yeah, that's something you might want to work on.

    :o it was tongue in cheek. Ah I don't do that, but if I do like someone then it is a shame when they are genuinely busy/not in the mood to get in touch and I get that. Also agree with Persepoly that I would rather that everyone be adults and upfront and play along nicely with their intentions known, but in my experience the guys in my dating "age bracket" don't like this "assertive" way of thinking - see irritation all paranoia of putting "labels" on things.

    CR, it's not continent specific I don't think - have had it happen with plenty of Australians and South Africans also! But I would agree that continental hospitality is different to how people would interact in Ireland.


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    #3373
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    PandaX9 wrote: »
    :o it was tongue in cheek. Ah I don't do that, but if I do like someone then it is a shame when they are genuinely busy/not in the mood to get in touch and I get that. Also agree with Persepoly that I would rather that everyone be adults and upfront and play along nicely with their intentions known, but in my experience the guys in my dating "age bracket" don't like this "assertive" way of thinking - see irritation all paranoia of putting "labels" on things.

    CR, it's not continent specific I don't think - have had it happen with plenty of Australians and South Africans also! But I would agree that continental hospitality is different to how people would interact in Ireland.

    I thought it was very much age dependent alright Panda. You strike me as quite a confident woman who would prefer to be upfront than not :)


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    #3374
    sozbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,399 ✭✭✭sozbox


    Meanaspie wrote: »
    This sounds remarkably like my cousin I wonder if it's the same person :confused:

    Where in the UK is her husband from?


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    #3375
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,080 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I am firmly in the camp of "don't play hard to get /mind games".

    Yes, for the love of jasus yes. The whole dating scene is difficult enough without that sort of thing. I love nothing more than a direct woman who is upfront.


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    #3376
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Mister Vain wrote: »
    Yes, for the love of jasus yes. The whole dating scene is difficult enough without that sort of thing. I love nothing more than a direct woman who is upfront.

    It does require a bit of balance in order to not be too forceful. I mean it's one saying "I like you, let's see where this goes" and another thing saying "I think about you every second of every day and can't wait for us to be together again"
    :p

    It's really important I think to be able to communicate what you want.

    A few months ago a man from the past came back in to my life. Back then I was mad about him and disappointed it didn't go anywhere. This time around I was uncertain as to what he wanted. So I asked him. He wanted a casual thing. I knew I wouldn't be able to do casual with him so told him that I like him too much for that and need protect my feelings. That was that.

    The idea of skirting around what's going on or does he want what I want leaves me cold.


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    #3377
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Skirting around things just cause problems down the road. Best just lay your cards on the table and see how it goes


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    #3378
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I was having the chat last night. This morning I wake up to "I like the idea of my chaos inside you".

    Huh. And they say romance is dead.


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    #3379
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Who calls it chaos tho


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    #3380
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I was having the chat last night. This morning I wake up to "I like the idea of my chaos inside you".

    Huh. And they say romance is dead.

    :eek: are you messaging Satan


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    #3381
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Who calls it chaos tho

    Well it was in the context of the chat. A potentially interesting man. Will see what today brings :)


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    #3382
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Lots of chaos, I'd imagine :D


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    #3383
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Lots of chaos, I'd imagine :D

    Hopefully :D


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    #3384
    KikiDee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭KikiDee


    I could do with a bit of chaos. Just saying.


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    #3385
    Meanaspie
    Registered Users Posts: 375 ✭✭Meanaspie


    sozbox wrote: »
    Where in the UK is her husband from?

    In and around Luton


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    #3386
    sozbox
    Registered Users Posts: 1,399 ✭✭✭sozbox


    Meanaspie wrote: »
    In and around Luton

    My buddy is from Newcastle. It must happen a lot so, who says romance is dead! :) Hard to resist the charms of an Irish girl in fairness.


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    #3387
    Porkpie
    Registered Users Posts: 717 ✭✭✭Porkpie


    What really puts me off online dating is when you're getting on really well with a girl, messages back and forth and then suddenly they go cold, no contact at all. Obviously I do something that puts them off, don't know what it is though. It's a tough balancing act to try to keep the conversation fun and interesting while trying to get to know them.


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    #3388
    PhiloCypher
    Registered Users Posts: 2,389 ✭✭✭PhiloCypher


    Porkpie wrote: »
    What really puts me off online dating is when you're getting on really well with a girl, messages back and forth and then suddenly they go cold, no contact at all. Obviously I do something that puts them off, don't know what it is though. It's a tough balancing act to try to keep the conversation fun and interesting while trying to get to know them.

    You should also bare in mind most girls are fielding messages from multiple suitors , that you didn't make the cut could be less what you did wrong and more what they did right.


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    #3389
    Grayson
    Registered Users Posts: 16,220 ✭✭✭✭Grayson


    PhiloCypher wrote: »
    You should also bare in mind most girls are fielding messages from multiple suitors , that you didn't make the cut could be less what you did wrong and more what they did right.

    It's also that online chats eventually burn out. They all have a predetermined lifespan. It's very hard to keep chemistry going when it's all in your mind. I think after a few messages it's always best to just meet up and grab a coffee or beer.


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    #3390
    PandaX9
    Registered Users Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭PandaX9


    Porkpie wrote: »
    What really puts me off online dating is when you're getting on really well with a girl, messages back and forth and then suddenly they go cold, no contact at all. Obviously I do something that puts them off, don't know what it is though. It's a tough balancing act to try to keep the conversation fun and interesting while trying to get to know them.

    Sometimes life just gets in the way. It happened to me with the guy I'm texting now, we had been chatting and it was fine, but then I had exams so I didn't even look at tinder for a month. We also weren't in any sort of deep conversation and I didn't owe him anything by way of an explanation (what could I have said? "Sorry mate - have to focus on exams now. Bye.") because, like I said, it was all small talk then. Luckily he messaged me when I did resume my tinder dealings and it's all fine.

    In short, when I've been in your position and people have suddenly disappeared prior to actually having met in person, as annoying as it is I just move on to the next person, try to avoid the "eggs in one basket" syndrome as it can happen sometimes and hope for the best next time around. Why do you doubt your communication skills? Most times I find other factors come into play, more related with them than you.


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    #3391
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    The only person I ever "met" online, offline - we were talking for 5 months before meeting because I wanted to be sure he wasn't a physco.
    Turns out I was actually the physco though so sucked to be him. We got on great though for months living in each other's phone and then when we eventually met up I was terrified it was going to be weird and it was actually just awkward for a minute or two and then it was like I knew him forever


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