Online dating

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I have sent them in the past to boyfriends and men I'm dating but not to strangers.

Ya divil

Pfft....snapchats aare a devil for it....but I dunno you'd really want to trust/know someone properly before sending on such pics to peoples tbh

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

Pfft....snapchats aare a devil for it....but I dunno you'd really want to trust/know someone properly before sending on such pics to peoples tbh

You would. People can act in strange ways when relationships end or dates don't develop. We can't be too careful. Snapchat pics can be screensaved so I wouldn't trust them either.

jimbobaloobob

What's the use for snapchat then?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Even when you break up with someone, would you really want someone else seeing those intimate photos though? In the past, I've had pics of someone on my phone, things ended, I got hurt and really hated him, but sharing those pics (before deleting them) would never have crossed my mind, because when they were sent it was a "moment" and I'd hate anyone else sharing that moment. Does that even make sense

Grayson

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Even when you break up with someone, would you really want someone else seeing those intimate photos though? In the past, I've had pics of someone on my phone, things ended, I got hurt and really hated him, but sharing those pics (before deleting them) would never have crossed my mind, because when they were sent it was a "moment" and I'd hate anyone else sharing that moment. Does that even make sense

I'd be more scared that the phone would be lost. And that's even after an ex of mine showed stuff to her friends.

B.A._Baracus

PandaX9 wrote: »

From the marvel of 9GAG, (meaning this example is most likely fake but still), in the realm of online dating none of us are safe from bunny boilers like this;

http://m.9gag.com/gag/aPW6RKR?ref=fbp

Be vigilant friends

Fake as f**k :pac:

KomradeBishop

Ya trading pics of any kind is a bad idea for sure - even when you 'delete' them on the phone, they are not really deleted, they are trivially recoverable.

Unless you're the type who doesn't care if your pics get lost and seen widely, better not to do it.

cantdecide

LexieOnRale wrote: »

sharing those pics (before deleting them) would never have crossed my mind, because when they were sent it was a "moment" and I'd hate anyone else sharing that moment. Does that even make sense

Definitely agree. No matter what the circumstances, even if your trust in that person was misplaced, you would just be letting yourself down.

PandaX9

I don't know if this applies to any of you, but there's been an occasion where after splitting up with my ex - I felt uncomfortable at the thought of him having the photos. Which is a bit of a grey area, I willingly sent him stuff and he had reciprocated, and we'd seen each other naked thousands of times. However, our break up was not clean and for whatever reason, the issue of intimate photos really weirded me out - the fact that he still had them, and wanted to look at me in that light when it was over.

So in my case, never again. wasn't even a fan of them to begin with but long distance will make you do things you're not always happy with :rolleyes:

With regards naked photos you need to use your intuition. If you don't have intuition then don't send them.

I sent quite a few to my ex. He is a good person who would never ever share those photos around. Of course they don't have my head attached. There is another guy who I've slept with casually in the past and recently. Not in a million years would I send him any kind of photo of me, even without my face.

So like most things it depends.

cantdecide

The thrill for some is the sending, IME. I've received unsolicited pics in the past but I'm probably a little too body inhibited to send them rather than trust or general mortification issues (which is not something I mislead people about). I've learned it's not a better idea to stifle someone that likes to send them. It's all about trust and understanding.

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

The thrill for some is the sending, IME. I've received unsolicited pics in the past but I'm probably a little too body inhibited to send them rather than trust or general mortification issues (which is not something I mislead people about). I've learned it's not a better idea to stifle someone that likes to send them. It's all about trust and understanding.

I know for me it was knowing that my body was being appreciated by a man I was sexually and emotionally attracted to.

cantdecide

Deleted User wrote: »

I know for me it was knowing that my body was being appreciated by a man I was sexually and emotionally attracted to.

That's not the first time I've heard that.

In the spirit of trust and sharing that we're speaking about today, I've decided that it's time to challenge myself. An opportunity for personal growth and development. No more inhibitions for me. Fellow OD threaders behold... my first online diick pic. Gulp...

cantdecide

cantdecide wrote: »

That's not the first time I've heard that.

In the spirit of trust and sharing that we're speaking about today, I've decided that it's time to challenge myself. An opportunity for personal growth and development. No more inhibitions for me. Fellow OD threaders behold... my first online diick pic. Gulp...

No doubt some would see that as being the objectification of women but I don't buy in to that kind of thing.

You are really taking a risk there with that pic you know!

TerrorFirmer

The vast majority of people are decent, most guys are actually uncomfortable having photo's of their exes and it takes a real scumbug to actually share them elsewhere. I recently discovered a photo archive of an ex of mine on an old hard drive that had some pretty now-inappropriate photos, I actually deleted them instantly - we're now on good terms and the thought of even looking at them seemed so incredibly wrong.

Andre 3000

I really don't get the point of sending nudes. It only frustrates me that I am not with her in person. I think most lads view it as some sort of achievement that they can brag about more than anything. I've got a fair few of them but they do nothing for me tbh. Sometimes after a ONS I'd discover hours later a nude in my most recent pics in my phone's album...that's kind of cute and funny, a little memento if you will. But when you're not with the person it'd just p*ss me off. Teasing is a great thing, but like everything else, I prefer the real life version over the digital/online one.

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

With regards naked photos you need to use your intuition. If you don't have intuition then don't send them.

I sent quite a few to my ex. He is a good person who would never ever share those photos around. Of course they don't have my head attached. There is another guy who I've slept with casually in the past and recently. Not in a million years would I send him any kind of photo of me, even without my face.

So like most things it depends.

Thing is, it's not so much that I don't trust him and he could potentially share them - it's the feeling of oh god I don't want him to look at me or think of me in that way anymore. It just creeped me out. Ultimately, it's my body and my responsibility to send or not send them, but what do you do when your feelings towards your ex change so much that the thought of them sexualising you repulses you. We were madly in love and that whole shebang but you can never predict how attitudes will change down the line so I guess I wish he had only his memories to **** to if he felt that way inclined (excuse the vulgarity) and not actual hard evidence. Before anyone questions me of having notions about myself, I wouldn't have ever thought about it this way until he sent me a screenshot of his phone screensaver and phone albums when he was hammered post break up and it was all me .

jimbobaloobob

PandaX9 wrote: »

Thing is, it's not so much that I don't trust him and he could potentially share them - it's the feeling of oh god I don't want him to look at me or think of me in that way anymore. It just creeped me out. Ultimately, it's my body and my responsibility to send or not send them, but what do you do when your feelings towards your ex change so much that the thought of them sexualising you repulses you. We were madly in love and that whole shebang but you can never predict how attitudes will change down the line so I guess I wish he had only his memories to **** to if he felt that way inclined (excuse the vulgarity) and not actual hard evidence. Before anyone questions me of having notions about myself, I wouldn't have ever thought about it this way until he sent me a screenshot of his phone screensaver and phone albums when he was hammered post break up and it was all me .

You cant control his feelings for you, whether they are obsessive, vulgar whatever... I guess its a tough one but you have to try and not think of the turn ons he gets from your image.
I suppose thats where the intangible thoughts of the mind cant be controlled by us or others.

cantdecide

PandaX9 wrote: »

I wouldn't have ever thought about it this way until he sent me a screenshot of his phone screensaver and phone albums when he was hammered post break up and it was all me .

Well that's a breach of trust as far as I'm concerned.

PandaX9

PandaX9 wrote: »

Thing is, it's not so much that I don't trust him and he could potentially share them - it's the feeling of oh god I don't want him to look at me or think of me in that way anymore. It just creeped me out. Ultimately, it's my body and my responsibility to send or not send them, but what do you do when your feelings towards your ex change so much that the thought of them sexualising you repulses you. We were madly in love and that whole shebang but you can never predict how attitudes will change down the line so I guess I wish he had only his memories to **** to if he felt that way inclined (excuse the vulgarity) and not actual hard evidence. Before anyone questions me of having notions about myself, I wouldn't have ever thought about it this way until he sent me a screenshot of his phone screensaver and phone albums when he was hammered post break up and it was all me .

Unfortunately there is not an awful lot you can do. It's a very individual thing you know. My break up was amicable and my ex is a really good person. Of course you never really know. If he wants to get his kicks from my pictures let him off. But that's me. Your experience has been rather different.

manonboard

PandaX9 wrote: »

Thing is, it's not so much that I don't trust him and he could potentially share them - it's the feeling of oh god I don't want him to look at me or think of me in that way anymore. It just creeped me out. Ultimately, it's my body and my responsibility to send or not send them, but what do you do when your feelings towards your ex change so much that the thought of them sexualising you repulses you. We were madly in love and that whole shebang but you can never predict how attitudes will change down the line so I guess I wish he had only his memories to **** to if he felt that way inclined (excuse the vulgarity) and not actual hard evidence. Before anyone questions me of having notions about myself, I wouldn't have ever thought about it this way until he sent me a screenshot of his phone screensaver and phone albums when he was hammered post break up and it was all me .

Hi PandaX9,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I found it interesting. I wanted to reply and ask you some questions to understand the why's of your thoughts if thats ok?
Why do you think it repulses you that he might think of you in a sexually attractive way?
You were in love and probably drooling over each other at some time like we all do , I'm not asking WHAT changed but whatever it was, why does it repulse you now?

I guess i'm coming from opposite places. I still have sexual thoughts about some of my exes from time to time. I discourage it a little for my own benefit, reigniting desire for people i don't want to be with would be self sabotaging and also ignoring all the wonderfully attractive and sexual people around me now. I certainly think some of my exes still think about me in that way. I know one specifically doesn't because they found it made them sad and didn't help...cross the line if you get me
I don't want to be with any of them, but I know they are sexual attractive people, and they feel the same about me so I'm just curious why you feel that way?

fin12

Has anybody noticed the same people on different websites, when you put the same location?

fin12

fin12 wrote: »

Has anybody noticed the same people on different websites, when you put the same location?

I'm sure that means that they have joined more than one site.

PandaX9

manonboard wrote: »

Hi PandaX9,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I found it interesting. I wanted to reply and ask you some questions to understand the why's of your thoughts if thats ok?
Why do you think it repulses you that he might think of you in a sexually attractive way?
You were in love and probably drooling over each other at some time like we all do , I'm not asking WHAT changed but whatever it was, why does it repulse you now?

I guess i'm coming from opposite places. I still have sexual thoughts about some of my exes from time to time. I discourage it a little for my own benefit, reigniting desire for people i don't want to be with would be self sabotaging and also ignoring all the wonderfully attractive and sexual people around me now. I certainly think some of my exes still think about me in that way. I know one specifically doesn't because they found it made them sad and didn't help...cross the line if you get me
I don't want to be with any of them, but I know they are sexual attractive people, and they feel the same about me so I'm just curious why you feel that way?

I agree that my example is a rather uncommon one, I think. The fact that he thinks of me in a sexually attractive way is not repulsive per se - as I said, we had been in love at one point and had a very healthy sex life, so naturally our attraction to each other was never in question. I would have the same experience such as yourself for my other exes - I think they're hot, body would totally go there but mind would not allow because of reasons (eg break up/incompatible personalities/bad blood/see each other as friends now).

I know you didn't ask what changed but why, I think its probably more complex than I initially thought myself. I suppose my situation isn't regarding nudes or not finding your exes attractive, it's more of a what happens after a relationship. Essentially in this case, the long and short of it is that we broke up for very definite reasons; one of them being an unhealthy and emotionally abusive attitude towards me. It is for this reason I regret sending the nudes and do not like to think of him being out there and getting his jollies off to my physicality. It disgusts me how one can treat me with such disrespect and contempt as a human and have such issues with my fundamental personality - yet still continue to sexualise me. I guess in that sense, I see his continued sexual attraction to me as degrading. He has little to no respect for my privacy and has a culturally-biased Madonna-whore complex towards me. I honestly would never had thought "oh god so and so has seen/imagined me naked" after the fact but factoring in my ex's treatment of me, it made me uncomfortable. We both know that I had sent him nudes, in my opinion there was no reason for him to remind me of that fact other than to embarrass/shame me and perhaps in a sense, exert more emotional abuse. Essentially it came about after an argument where he'd threatened to hack my Facebook, and said "why? Do you talk to other guys and send them little photos like you did me?" And then later that night (to prove a point I suppose) sent me the evidence that yes, he had intimate photographs of me.

To be honest, I feel like I've gone on a bit of a tangent here and I honestly do not wish to slander or disrespect my ex, I loved him once after all. It is just difficult to describe this objectively when it is so subjective to me . Hope that answered your question though, I'm not sure if it did.

I suppose I hadn't thought of why I regretted sending nudes (found them very empowering at the time initially) when I posted the question here if anyone else ever felt weird knowing that somewhere, someone who you are no longer intimate with may have intimate photos of you, and by proxy still think of you sexually.

fin12

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm sure that means that they have joined more than one site.

it's just a bit ackward if u have chatted and dated them from a different website and then join a new one and you are matched with them again especially if you are the one that said u didn't want to meet up with again.

fin12

fin12 wrote: »

it's just a bit ackward if u have chatted and dated them from a different website and then join a new one and you are matched with them again especially if you are the one that said u didn't want to meet up with again.

So what if you are matched again? Obviously you aren't going to do anything about it. Just move on. I really wouldn't worry about it fin. The guy no doubt is aware that that's how online dating rolls.

tomwaterford

fin12 wrote: »

it's just a bit ackward if u have chatted and dated them from a different website and then join a new one and you are matched with them again especially if you are the one that said u didn't want to meet up with again.

Just don't message them??

fin12

I know what both of Ye said makes complete sense but I was going to put up my profile pick and now I don't even feel comfortable putting it up cause it's like I don't want them to know I'm on the website even though they probably won't even give a sh1t, I know this probably doesn't even make sense basically I felt positive about joining it but now just feel really down about the whole thing.

Something I have found since this thread took off is how serious some people take dating. It's supposed to be fun. Taking lack of responses or coming across old flames, etc to heart will leave you with a rather negative experience I think.

Now I know for those who worry a lot that it's not easy to take it lightly. Hell I've just posted in the TA thread about my health anxieties! I'm aware of it and I continue to work on it.
So try your best to overcome the what ifs. What if he/she doesn't right back, what if he/she doesn't call, what if he/she is only after a casual fling, what if he/she will find me too heavy or too slim.

Stop spending so much time and energy over with the other person. Come back in to yourself and what you want.

La.de.da

A lot of people would be one more than one site actively online dating. It's inevitable there would be some cross overs.