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Online dating

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    #3482
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    KikiDee wrote: »
    It's reasonable to assume that they will have FB etc but not reasonable to assume they're fake if they don't
    I'm just basing it on experience tbh.


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    #3483
    KikiDee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭KikiDee


    armaghlad wrote: »
    I'm just basing it on experience tbh.

    I get that but don't judge everyone based on a bad experience. You could potentially be missing out on some great girls :)


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    #3484
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    There are pretty good privacy reasons to stay off of Facebook permanently - anyone with sense will avoid ever creating an account really.

    We're only a couple of years away (at most), from people being tracked ubiquitously online, based on facial/body appearance/features in photographs, being uniquely identifiable and searchable across the whole internet (this was already done recently with a popular Russian social networking site) - so anyone who does have social media accounts with public photos of any kind, would be very smart to start closing/shutting-down/deleting everything now.


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    #3485
    La.de.da
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,010 ✭✭✭La.de.da


    I have Facebook. I love it for staying in contact with nieces, nephews and family and friends over the world. I get to see their lives.

    It is that reason I would not give access to it to potential daters. It's non of their business as far as I'm concerned.


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    #3486
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    I'm not big on social media but one's stance on it is a reasonable question in the context of OD assuming there's a somewhat normal pace. There is a privacy and vulnerability factor for genuine users and I'd hate to alienate someone I may have liked because they felt they were being kept at a distance just because. I think it's a reasonable question and I'd happily explain my stance if it made someone more comfortable about how genuine I was being with them.


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    #3487
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    mickmackmcgoo wrote: »
    You should never make assumptions on Dating sites. Everyone's different . Just because you and your circle use certain social media apps doesn't mean others do or should. Personally I don't have snapchat or instagram, probably due to my age but I have had girls on pof accuse me of being a catfish because I have neither and just like Lexi, I wouldn't give a stranger access to my Facebook until after I have physically met them .
    It's being vigilant, I work on the presumption that if they come across like a catfish then there's a good chance that they are. That's something they have to deal with and I know I'm not the only person who gets suspicious as I've had this conversation before with friends and the fact you've been accused of being a catfish shows that plenty of people are also wary when someone doesn't have fb etc... it along with snapchat and instagram are probably the 3 most popular apps in the world, so when people don't have them I naturally get suspicious.


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    #3488
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    KikiDee wrote: »
    I get that but don't judge everyone based on a bad experience. You could potentially be missing out on some great girls :)
    And some great big hairy men in their underpants :pac:


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    #3489
    KikiDee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭KikiDee


    armaghlad wrote: »
    And some great big hairy men in their underpants :pac:

    And you definitely don't want to be missing out on those!!! :D:D


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    #3490
    mickmackmcgoo
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 950 ✭✭✭mickmackmcgoo


    Well obviously someone who has been catfished is going to be vigilant . And if you suspect everyone on the site to be one then you shouldn't bother with it. Lots of people are naturally private and don't feel the need to broadcast their lives to the world through social media . What's wrong with a bit of mystery and build up to meeting someone, text them , chat to them on the phone and then go meet them.


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    #3491
    tomwaterford
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 ✭✭✭✭tomwaterford


    La.de.da wrote: »
    I have Facebook. I love it for staying in contact with nieces, nephews and family and friends over the world. I get to see their lives.

    It is that reason I would not give access to it to potential daters. It's non of their business as far as I'm concerned.

    TBF to armaghlad....I don't think he wants access to your account....just to see an account for you exists/not fake


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    #3492
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    P.S: Could someone check their PM quota? (is full) :)


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    #3493
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Did someone mention big hairy men??

    :p


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    #3494
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    There are pretty good privacy reasons to stay off of Facebook permanently - anyone with sense will avoid ever creating an account really.

    We're only a couple of years away (at most), from people being tracked ubiquitously online, based on facial/body appearance/features in photographs, being uniquely identifiable and searchable across the whole internet (this was already done recently with a popular Russian social networking site) - so anyone who does have social media accounts with public photos of any kind, would be very smart to start closing/shutting-down/deleting everything now.
    This is what I don't understand. Facebook collects data on all its users. Yet people have the highest possible privacy settings to stop others snooping their profile, when the ones doing the spying are Zuckerberg and Co!

    (PS I realise the irony as I am one of those people; however my reasons for doing so were work related)


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    #3495
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    armaghlad wrote: »
    There's dismissing and then there's finding it odd.

    I personally wouldn't find it too odd if a 40 year old didn't have a Facebook profile because it's not beyond the realms of possibility that they, like yourself, hadn't become as engrossed with social media in the same way, say someone half your age would be. When a 20 year old says they don't have facebook, I think it is odd because it is an oddity for someone that age not to have facebook...

    Ouch!
    Seriously though, social media has been around for years, my generation being some of the first to be involved.
    I don't care for it.
    If I gave you my name & you googled me, you wouldn't find a single photo of me online anywhere.
    Maybe couple of things in a newspaper, but no photos
    You wouldn't believe I'm real.


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    #3496
    KikiDee
    Registered Users Posts: 1,052 ✭✭✭KikiDee


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Did someone mention big hairy men??

    :p

    Ohhh she's a girl after my own heart this one!!


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    #3497
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    armaghlad wrote: »
    There's dismissing and then there's finding it odd.

    I personally wouldn't find it too odd if a 40 year old didn't have a Facebook profile because it's not beyond the realms of possibility that they, like yourself, hadn't become as engrossed with social media in the same way, say someone half your age would be. When a 20 year old says they don't have facebook, I think it is odd because it is an oddity for someone that age not to have facebook...


    If she said back
    "I'm uncomfortable sharing my private information with you, can we get to know each other more/meet up first?" would that be okay?


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    #3498
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    If she said back
    "I'm uncomfortable sharing my private information with you, can we get to know each other more/meet up first?" would that be okay?
    It depends. I'd be inclined to take them at face value if they said that. But if they were already coming across catfishy I'd still be sceptical...


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    #3499
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If they came off as catfish though would you not be better off just blocking and deleting? Seems way too much hassle


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    #3500
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    If they came off as catfish though would you not be better off just blocking and deleting? Seems way too much hassle
    I do. I tend to stop replying. You can't always be certain either way.


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    #3501
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    The whole catfish thing amazes me, i thought first it was just about trying to obtain cash from people but it seems people do it for kicks. I don't get the buzz they obtain, like you can never meet the person so why bother.

    It's strange behaviour


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    #3502
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Suppose they're just very lonely and very insecure. Feel bad for them


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    #3503
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    Starokan wrote: »
    The whole catfish thing amazes me, i thought first it was just about trying to obtain cash from people but it seems people do it for kicks. I don't get the buzz they obtain, like you can never meet the person so why bother.

    It's strange behaviour
    There was a young fella of 17 not far from me who took his own life due to being black mailed online; I'm not sure if it was cat fishing per se but it involved him being persuaded to take photos of himself which were then used against him unless he coughed up £ks which he clearly didn't have. This was last year, only a few weeks ago an intercounty hurler was also involved in something similar though not as serious, again being blackmailed but went to police instead who are investigating. So it's always better to be safe than sorry, I always like to know that the person I'm talking to is who they say they are, if they take offence to that it's as much their problem as it is mine.


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    #3504
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Suppose they're just very lonely and very insecure. Feel bad for them
    I don't. It's pathetic behaviour. I feel insecure and I don't go pretending to be someone I'm not.


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    #3505
    Witchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    armaghlad wrote: »
    This is probably a phenomenon that females don't experience; and if they do it's on a far, far lesser scale than what men do. So maybe if you experienced as many fake profiles as I do on OD, particularly pof, you'd maybe share a similar outlook; cos you'd know what I am talking about.

    First off, i dont express this sentiment with all women on OD. But the second a (catfishy) girl engages me in conversation I am entitled to ask what I want. If they don't like that they can push on. If you're going to have a profile that screams out catfish, then expect to have it scrutinised.

    I just find it hard to believe that a young, attractive girl in her 20s doesn't have facebook, instagram, or snapchat; but is willing to give me "her" whatsapp...

    I also don't get this uber-private approach on online dating, you have to be willing to compromise this to some extent if you have any notion of being successful

    I have been catfished a few times on Tinder. I have copped onto it quickly though and had some fun with stringing one along, so it is not just men who get it done to them.

    Just on reasons some people do it, having watched the tv show, they are many and varied. Some are for self esteem issues, some are for money and some are for revenge. I know of a case where a girl catfished an ex so that she could get him to flirt with her and send the proof to his new fiance. Not sure if she sent the evidence or not but he didn't catch on that he was being catfished. Dumb fecker.

    I am always wary. I will trust people to a certain extent but as soon as I spot a chink in the armour, and like ArmaghLad it may be down to a reluctance to share any other photos or full name for social media purposes, then I will call them out on it and block them.


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    #3506
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    If someone demanded my full name I'd be thinking "control freak" and I'd say see ya after to them and block them. I'd have absolutely nothing to hide I just wouldn't be comfortable disclosing information like that to someone I don't know, or have never met.


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    #3507
    fin12
    Registered Users Posts: 10,934 ✭✭✭✭fin12


    Witchie wrote: »
    I have been catfished a few times on Tinder. I have copped onto it quickly though and had some fun with stringing one along, so it is not just men who get it done to them.

    Just on reasons some people do it, having watched the tv show, they are many and varied. Some are for self esteem issues, some are for money and some are for revenge. I know of a case where a girl catfished an ex so that she could get him to flirt with her and send the proof to his new fiance. Not sure if she sent the evidence or not but he didn't catch on that he was being catfished. Dumb fecker.

    I am always wary. I will trust people to a certain extent but as soon as I spot a chink in the armour, and like ArmaghLad it may be down to a reluctance to share any other photos or full name for social media purposes, then I will call them out on it and block them.

    Omg there was or still is a brilliant documentary about that on Netflix called Tall Hot Blond, it was unreal what consequences resulted from someone pretending they were someone they were not, lives completely destroyed over it. I'd really recommend anyone to watch it.
    one man ends up dead, another jailed for live all because of a fake online romance
    True Story.


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    #3508
    Witchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,597 ✭✭✭Witchie


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    If someone demanded my full name I'd be thinking "control freak" and I'd say see ya after to them and block them. I'd have absolutely nothing to hide I just wouldn't be comfortable disclosing information like that to someone I don't know, or have never met.

    I understand that but you got to see it from the other side where you are not sure who you are talking to and if they are legit.


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    #3509
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    If someone demanded my full name I'd be thinking "control freak" and I'd say see ya after to them and block them. I'd have absolutely nothing to hide I just wouldn't be comfortable disclosing information like that to someone I don't know, or have never met.
    Well if anyone demanded anything off me on OD I'd block them aswell. I ask politely and explain to them about catfishing and they soon get the picture.. if they've nothing to hide they'll usually give something to prove they're legit...


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    #3510
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,080 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    There are pretty good privacy reasons to stay off of Facebook permanently - anyone with sense will avoid ever creating an account really.

    We're only a couple of years away (at most), from people being tracked ubiquitously online, based on facial/body appearance/features in photographs, being uniquely identifiable and searchable across the whole internet (this was already done recently with a popular Russian social networking site) - so anyone who does have social media accounts with public photos of any kind, would be very smart to start closing/shutting-down/deleting everything now.

    Really? Is that not a bit extreme? This sounds like technoparanoia to me. Facebook can spy on me all they want, I've nothing to hide. I rarely post personal stuff on it anyway.


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    #3511
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    armaghlad wrote: »
    Well if anyone demanded anything off me on OD I'd block them aswell. I ask politely and explain to them about catfishing and they soon get the picture.. if they've nothing to hide they'll usually give something to prove they're legit...

    It works both ways. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes and volunteering something that makes them feel they are speaking to someone trustworthy is practically a courtesy, IMO. Even if it's like totally super uncool to admit it, we've all done it or would do it if we thought we were speaking to some nice and genuine.


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