Online dating

Mister Vain

I've only really done it abroad. It just doesn't feel right here.

Trebor176

I wouldn't just go up to some random wan in the street and say "you're hot. Would you like to go out some time?" No doubt the shape of her hand would be quite evident in my cheek. Or failing that, I'd be doubled over in pain after sustaining an almighty kick in the liathroidi :P

No, it takes at least a bit of a conversation to see how things go. If there's a chance that she's enjoying the conversation, then it's no harm to ask her out then. That would probably be the more sensible thing to do, would it not?

I've had many wasted opportunities in the past, due to shyness and a possible lack of confidence. I guess at the time I felt I'd be just rejected, so I left it. Even on public transport, a girl sitting opposite me would catch my eye, but I felt I could never strike up a conversation with her, especially if she has earphones in. What would one say randomly without seeming creepy?

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

I've only really done it abroad. It just doesn't feel right here.

A simple chat on a train for example can lead somewhere unexpected

Mister Vain

Deleted User wrote: »

A simple chat on a train for example can lead somewhere unexpected

Killiney?

An attractive woman approached me on the train recently and asked me was this train going to Drumcondra. We chatted briefly and then she got off at Drumcondra. Drumcondra girl if you're reading this, I think you're hot.

Trebor176

Mister Vain wrote: »

Killiney?

An attractive woman approached me on the train recently and asked me was this train going to Drumcondra. We chatted briefly and then she got off at Drumcondra. Drumcondra girl if you're reading this, I think you're hot.

That takes me back to the flirty part in the letters section of The Metro back in the day

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A simple chat on a train for example can lead somewhere unexpected

I've often ended up talking pure Shute on terraces etc at matches with WANs


But tbh I wouldn't regard that as chatting them up...it's pure having a laugh/talking away is all

Mikkl

I'm neither introverted nor shy but I still need the internet! I've discovered that it's a truth universally acknowledged amongst conservative respectable decent married folks that a single mother must be in want of a husband; somebody else's. So I err on the side of never talking to men in public in case that man is somebody else's husband and I 'm seen, and another erroneous rumour trashing my character circulates! That does sound extremely paranoid but I was seen with a (divorced) man in a hotel once years ago and I literally cringe still remembering how this biddy and chief stalwart of the parish put down her gin and her cards to watch me cross the lobby. Her niece deleted me off fb the next day! I figured she must have inferred that he was married! But I don't know that so I've never added fuel to what I think people might think by setting them straight.

Anyway, I go to work, they're all women or married or gay. I go to yoga, they're all women. I go to a new gym round the corner, they're all on 'roids. I go out, and I'm surrounded by the wall of vagina as I've heard a man say.

Mister Vain

Mikkl wrote: »

I go out, and I'm surrounded by the wall of vagina

Where can I get tickets for that?

Mikkl

Does that chatting to people on the street or on the train ever lead to an exchange of numbers though!?

Mikkl

Mikkl wrote: »

Does that chatting to people on the street or on the train ever lead to an exchange of numbers though!?

It has for me and dates. It's not a regular occurance mind.

Mikkl

Encouraging.

wakka12

Trebor176 wrote: »

I wouldn't just go up to some random wan in the street and say "you're hot. Would you like to go out some time?" No doubt the shape of her hand would be quite evident in my cheek. Or failing that, I'd be doubled over in pain after sustaining an almighty kick in the liathroidi :P

No, it takes at least a bit of a conversation to see how things go. If there's a chance that she's enjoying the conversation, then it's no harm to ask her out then. That would probably be the more sensible thing to do, would it not?

I've had many wasted opportunities in the past, due to shyness and a possible lack of confidence. I guess at the time I felt I'd be just rejected, so I left it. Even on public transport, a girl sitting opposite me would catch my eye, but I felt I could never strike up a conversation with her, especially if she has earphones in. What would one say randomly without seeming creepy?

Hmm well to not be creepy the topic you come up with would have to not be forced. As in it would have to crop up naturally like one of you ask for directions or something and maybe one of you happen to know somebody from that place blah blah
Also if she has earphones in do not try to engage her.

cantdecide

I'd definitely prefer to do it that way but I generally don't for two reasons; it's Ireland and my physicality- I'm too physically imposing and I have the instant likability of Red Forman. Therefore, I give it a miss.

jimbobaloobob

Mikkl wrote: »

Does that chatting to people on the street or on the train ever lead to an exchange of numbers though!?

It did on many occasion for me, or i wouldn't bother with numbers and just go and arrange a date there, not give them a number and take the risk they would turn up. Most did some didn't but the trill and excitement of the unknown is amazing

Shint0

Mikkl wrote: »

Does that chatting to people on the street or on the train ever lead to an exchange of numbers though!?

Absolutely!

From walking the dogs to waiting in the NCT office or just being a customer in the type of environment where customer/staff relations would not be considered a breach of boundaries. You just need to be able to pick up on cues and 'steer' the conversation by asking probing questions in a subtle and discreet way to elicit the information you need It's about being able to spot opportunities and acting on it if you feel the urge without coming across as a nutter. That's for later when you let the guard down

Hombre Lobo

Ladies / Gents,

How does a (successful) conversation usually go for ye on an OD site that may finally lead to a meet up?

I have to be doing something wrong because the women I chat to seem to show interest initially (they must if they are messaging me first right?), but after a few messages it just seems to go nowhere.
I usually try to establish what they do, ask about some common interests if we have them, how they like to spend their free time at weekends or on holiday. Sometimes it's hard to keep the conversation going though when they aren't asking questions about yourself either. It feels forced at this point.

Maybe I'm going about it all wrong but I would never tell a girl she's hot / sexy or descend into sex talk after a few messages online. She's still a stranger and if I'm chatting to her then it usually means I already find her attractive, plus I'd feel really awkward doing that and feels like you are coming on way too strong. It's not who I am so I don't pretend to do it.

Hombre Lobo

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

Ladies / Gents,

How does a (successful) conversation usually go for ye on an OD site that may finally lead to a meet up?

I have to be doing something wrong because the women I chat to seem to show interest initially (they must if they are messaging me first right?), but after a few messages it just seems to go nowhere.
I usually try to establish what they do, ask about some common interests if we have them, how they like to spend their free time at weekends or on holiday. Sometimes it's hard to keep the conversation going though when they aren't asking questions about yourself either. It feels forced at this point.

Maybe I'm going about it all wrong but I would never tell a girl she's hot / sexy or descend into sex talk after a few messages online. She's still a stranger and if I'm chatting to her then it usually means I already find her attractive, plus I'd feel really awkward doing that and feels like you are coming on way too strong. It's not who I am so I don't pretend to do it.

Let's role play.

I'm a girl on a dating site. Now you send me the first message.

Lone Stone

talk to them like you would a normal person its not a Q & A

Felix Jones is God

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Let's role play.

I'm a girl on a dating site. Now you send me the first message.

"How's she cutting"?

Hombre Lobo

Deleted User wrote: »

Let's role play.

I'm a girl on a dating site. Now you send me the first message.

You are the queen of my heart

Hombre Lobo

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

You are the queen of my heart

Ugh.

I'm trying to help!

Username here

Lone Stone wrote: »

talk to them like you would a normal person its not a Q & A

Hombre Lobo, this is good advice.

You can find out what someone is interested in through natural conversation (did you see the fist Spanish goal last night? Wasn't Robert Downey Junior great in Civil War? Do you think Radiohead have gone a little too strange with their latest album?) rather than asking them straight out what they like to do in their spare time - that's a bit too "interviewy" for most, I would think....

Mister Vain

wakka12 wrote: »

Hmm well to not be creepy the topic you come up with would have to not be forced. As in it would have to crop up naturally like one of you ask for directions or something

Yeah that's the way I do it. I see an attractive girl and I ask her for directions to a certain place, pretending to be the lost tourist. Then I'd try and build a conversation from there. Tbh it usually doesn't lead to anything but after doing it a few times I find it does boost my confidence which is certainly a good thing.

Hombre Lobo

Username here wrote: »

Lone Stone wrote: »

talk to them like you would a normal person its not a Q & A

Hombre Lobo, this is good advice.

You can find out what someone is interested in through natural conversation (did you see the fist Spanish goal last night? Wasn't Robert Downey Junior great in Civil War? Do you think Radiohead have gone a little too strange with their latest album?) rather than asking them straight out what they like to do in their spare time - that's a bit too "interviewy" for most, I would think....

You're still asking questions though, no?
I see your point, it's more natural and I do lead to that but in the first message or two I at least try to establish some interests so that some common ground can be found. If someone had little to no interests listed in their profile it only seems natural to ask them how they like to spend their free time and carry it from there?
For e.g - I'd ask a girl if she liked football or is she following the Euros before I'd ask her 'did you see the first Spanish goal last night. Otherwise it could just result in 'I can't stand football'

Hombre Lobo

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

You're still asking questions though, no?
I see your point, it's more natural and I do lead to that but in the first message or two I at least try to establish some interests so that some common ground can be found. If someone had little to no interests listed in their profile it only seems natural to ask them how they like to spend their free time and carry it from there?
For e.g - I'd ask a girl if she liked football or is she following the Euros before I'd ask her 'did you see the first Spanish goal last night. Otherwise it could just result in 'I can't stand football'

Instead of asking "do you like football" you could try, "I'm looking forward to the match later on. I really think we're in with a chance bla bla bla bla, are you a football fan"?

Felix Jones is God

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Instead of asking "do you like football" you could try, "I'm looking forward to the match later on. I really think we're in with a chance bla bla bla bla, are you a football fan"?

And she says....no....then what does he do

Women!

Hombre Lobo

Felix Jones is God wrote: »

And she says....no....then what does he do

Women!

Or doesn't respond
I see her point though. It's a more casual and informal way of asking. Saying "Do you like football?" sounds very clinical or interview like. I'm not saying I would have phrased it that way either, I was just giving an example of what I would have asked before talking about a topic she might hate.

Felix Jones is God

Felix Jones is God wrote: »

And she says....no....then what does he do

Women!

Hopefully it won't be just "no". It will be,

"I wouldn't be a fan at all but I totally get the enthusiasm it provokes. Some friends of mine are mad about the soccerball I'll be curled up with a book today. Will you go out for a few pints "?

cantdecide

I do struggle with the initial small talk process IRL as well as in OD and I often feel that the natural charmer wins over the deeper conversationalist at this stage.

I can do the small talk in OD to a certain degree but then it fizzles out. Things have gotten flirty once or twice but IME, the conversations that get flirty are the ones that ones that never lead to meeting up. It's a catch 22