Online dating

FAILSAFE 00

Online dating, that's one minefield I'd prefer not to walk through lol.

Shenshen

RDM_83 again wrote: »

While I wouldn't agree with the extremity of what the poster is talking about I do think there may be some truth in it.

There is a fairly small percentage of women openly looking for casual stuff on these sites.
There is a fairly hefty proportion of guys only looking for casual stuff.
There is more woman than men portraying themselves as only interested in something that can go somewhere.

What occurs is a very high interest in any woman online looking for NSA and a fairly decent proportion of men willing to portray themselves as looking for something more but actually just after NSA.

It gives a very skewed perception of other people and isn't really great for either gender. Nobody owes anybody anything but I can see how it can be disheartening no matter what people are looking for.

If you doubt it ask one of your (female) friends who indicates they are looking for NSA and take a look at quiet how many messages they get, could easily be 50-100 a day.

On the flipside I think Debtocracy is placing way to much emphasis on male looks, those 50-100 messages a day will mainly consist of creepyness or one-liners an ability to chat and a bit of respect goes a hell of a long way,

Anyway that was my ill informed short term experience of it!

I wouldn't argue with the fact that there are more guys looking for some NSA than there would be women looking for just that.
But I always thought that this was an honest reflection of real life, not something particular to dating sites?

Cupcake_Crisis

Debtocracy wrote: »

This is why online dating doesn’t work in the vast majority of cases: So take a girl who is 5/10. Because all men look like rapists online and because of female hypergamy, she will only talk with an 8/10 guy or above (only 20% of guys are rated above average attractiveness online).

So the 8/10 guy and 5/10 girl get talking and go on a date. While the 8/10 guy is happy to get a date, he is probably not going to consider the girl as relationship material (he’d rather an 8/10 girl but she won’t talk to him). As such, his main motivation is to have sex with this girl rather than form any meaningful relationship. The 5/10 girl therefore concludes that all men are pigs and that there’s no good men out there, with the average nice guy barely registering on her radar (by ‘nice guy’ she means attractive, tall, wealthy nice guy).

This phenomena of female hypergamy is becoming more prevalent in general. There’s articles aplenty these days about how there’s no good men left, with women even attributing gender population discrepancies and higher proportions of gay men to account for the lack of good men. Interestingly, the main reason women attribute freezing their ovaries is not because of career progression, but because they cannot find a suitable partner. At the same time, men are increasing their standards for commitment and marriage so the mathematics are getting even worse – the amount of single people is increasing rapidly across the Western World and no amount of online dating apps can stem the tide.

What a load of old tripe!

ibarelycare

I've been online dating for years! In my third "proper" relationship from OD at the moment (previous two both lasted close to two years) but have also had shorter term ones, flings, NSA, etc.

Tinder has made OD so much more acceptable to the general public now than it was even 3/4 years ago. But it's also made "real life" dating harder. People are less likely to try and approach someone in a pub with the fear of getting shot down, when they can just do it from their phone while sitting in their underwear on the couch.

You have to have a thick skin for OD. My main advice would be not to take it too seriously. It's great fun for the most part. I've met some awesome people and have some great stories from it. Keep your expectations low to avoid disappointment. And keep plugging away. We only click with a small percentage of people we meet. If you're going to be severely disappointed if your first OD experience doesn't turn into happily ever after, then it's not for you.

Wibbs

Shenshen wrote: »

I wouldn't argue with the fact that there are more guys looking for some NSA than there would be women looking for just that.
But I always thought that this was an honest reflection of real life, not something particular to dating sites?

+1. I think the only difference with OD is that this can be more obvious compared to face to face encounters. Because of the window shopping nature of it, you see more obvious patterns that are already reflected in real life on a smaller scale. It's also a more visual medium, so that plays a part too in perceptions too. I reckon this is where notions like "hypergamy" and other daft US redpill stuff thinks it's getting support for their "theories". They're kinda right in parts, but not in the way they think. The fact is good looking people do better in a visual dating medium. Not a shock. Good looking people do better in face to face dating too. Women get more approaches online? Not a shock. Women get more approaches offline too. Tall men do better online? Thin women do better online? Again hardly a shock.

VisibleGorilla

I've never done it, been in various different forms of relationships while it has gained in popularity.

To me I don't think I would bother with it, it seems to give people unrealistic expectations of what they bring to the table in any form of relationship.

I rather old fashioned in person meeting.

Martypants1

Been a user of computers since I was a kid so big into online.

So have tried all the sites.

I'd advise anyone looking to get a relationship from it to meet the person they're texting quick.

I've never been looking for something serious on it as I like my own company too much but have met loads of cool people on them.

I do use a copy and paste opening message but it works really well and makes my intentions known.

One thing I learned is that older women find younger men (24 here) cuter than they are. Giggity!!!!

muppetkiller

I met my better half on Plenty of Fish 4 years ago and will most likely get married in the next year or two
plenty of nice 1 -2 year relationships from online prior to her too.
I think it's a fantastic way for people to meet others without having to go to a pub.

AnonoBoy

I like when people can't meet someone nice they blame "online dating".

Nobody in the 1990's blamed "real life" when they couldn't meet someone nice.

Speedwell

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I like when people can't meet someone nice they blame "online dating".

Nobody in the 1990's blamed "real life" when they couldn't meet someone nice.

Oh, sure they did, and do. Just look at the people who, forgive me, seem to think they can solve their "involuntary celibacy" problem by advocating that men enforce their "rights" against unwilling women. (I'm alluding to a certain person who is considered influential among a certain fringe group I'd rather not call undue attention to.)

AnonoBoy

Speedwell wrote: »

Oh, sure they did, and do. Just look at the people who, forgive me, seem to think they can solve their "involuntary celibacy" problem by advocating that men enforce their "rights" against unwilling women. (I'm alluding to a certain person who is considered influential among a certain fringe group I'd rather not call undue attention to.)

Those lads don't blame the world, they blame feminism!

Yup. That's it lads. It's feminism and not your f*cking godawful personality that's holding you back!

I was always someone who found approaching random girls just a step too far personally... That fear of rejection. Could build a foundation with a base laid but you're severely limited in that sense.

I'm with my current GF through OD nearly 4 years.

Met my fair share of girls before that with mixed to bad outcomes.
Always felt like packing it in but like a gamble, the next winner could be around the next corner.

Some things I learned that are worth following:

Don't meet someone without a picture; learned that the hard way, while I'm no Brad Pitt this girl was bottom of the barrel beyond belief... I could have walked past her(she said a lot never turned up, well that was because she held the pics and they saw her first) but at least saw the few hours out... Awful experience.

Don't talk to them for long; if they wont meet in a public setting after 1/2 weeks move on, I invested so much time and effort with girls who wouldn't take the next step and/or you meet and you see their pics were a nicer angle/no spark.

Don't commit to one; you can hit it off and spend all your time talking to one, you give them a commitment in a way "I want a date with you so I'll park talking to the rest"..... They'll likely find someone else inbetween and/or disappear midconvo and not return.
Don't commit until you've met and it goes well, you owe a stranger nothing.

FineFilly

had been dabbling up and down with online dating for a while,met some wasters and the amount of men who throw a tantrum for not replying(I never judge by their pic)whats the point wasting time but then met the soundest lad ,chatted for a while had loads of common interests ad click in general we met and all going great so far ,all my other long term relationships I had met in person and I can tell u its not always the best way to go

bluebell27

I met my husband online nearly five years ago. Our first baby is due in a few months.

I did meet some strange people from it before meeting him but then the same could be said of people I met on pubs/clubs and most people I met were nice and genuine, just didn't click.

We didn't really go to the same places so don't think I would ever have met him otherwise. Very glad I tried online dating as he is perfect for me and I couldn't be happier!

RDM_83 again

bluewolf wrote: »

hi

I'l take that completely non sarcastically as a compliment :P and highlight the was


Wibbs has sort of covered a bit of what I meant but I don't think it should be understated the difference that the patterns being more pronounced makes.

An averagely good looking girl more might get hit on a few times on a night out, on a dating site its everyday with lots of contact.
Same with the guy sending out messages on a night out he might try chat up a handful of people but he might be spending everyday sending online messages.
People don't think a nightclub is at all representative of all single people, online dating these days now its common does give more of that impression.
Its fine if you have self-confidence (if your being ignored) or aren't narcissistic (if your getting loads of attention).
The thing is a lot of younger people are using it now and that will create a warped/unrealistic impression of your self worth.

I'm not on a complete downer an about it as a thing I actually had a ball with it and met cool people but I see it has its badsides and how it can create a skewed viewpoint of the opposite sex (I love a good controversial gender war thread but prefer it kept to After Hours), as well as this meeting people in real life is weirdly actually easier IMO (and more fun!)

Personally I think the groups it aren't good for are respectively younger guys looking for casual things and 30+ sincere woman looking for relationships

Shenshen wrote: »

I wouldn't argue with the fact that there are more guys looking for some NSA than there would be women looking for just that.
But I always thought that this was an honest reflection of real life, not something particular to dating sites?

Martypants1

RDM_83 again wrote: »

Personally I think the groups it aren't good for are respectively younger guys looking for casual things and 30+ sincere woman looking for relationships

Gotta go for the older woman

antocann

I tried online dating . My brother suggested it to me .

I had quiet a few messages from woman. But it was all new to me and i didnt reply. But one message stood out. This was summer 2014.

I started talking to a lady she is a couple of years older than me and i didnt know if that would be a problem
and after 3 days talking/ texting we decided to meet up .

Something felt right about it . So i met her gave her a single red rose . Both sat there for a while didnt know what to say lol.
After the nervs settled down .we got on great. I was seriously falling for her

She went home the next day . Didnt think i would ever see or here from her again

Now its 2016 The one lady who was the only one i decided to message back had been there for me through so much .

And who would of tought dec 2015 i married this beautiful lady

MadJack2016

Online dating is a waste of time if you are really serious about meeting somebody because most of the women on these sites will have full inboxes. There's no way most women are going to bother reading through all the messages and looking at all the profiles and responding to them all and the likelihood of agreeing to a date just because they liked his photo and shared a few flirty texts is remote.
So for most men and women on these sites its just a harmless game anyway.
Do some people genuinely get together on these sites? Maybe.
If you want to meet somebody and have a relationship you are going to have to meet them socially the old fashioned way.

RDM_83 again

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I'l take that completely non sarcastically as a compliment :P and highlight the was
s

It was a joke about your one liner messages comment
You type a nice detailed profile (in this case, post) and get just a "hi" from someone

:pac:

armaghlad

I'm starting to consider myself a bit of an OD veteran at this stage. I became single around this time two years ago; this was when tinder was starting to get some traction. I told myself for about a fortnight that I wouldn't go near it and that it was a pile of shíté. Well here I am today and I'm still on tinder AND pof lol. I reckon I've met about 25 women through tinder in that time, and one from pof (although i only started using it recently). I'm in my late 20s and have met girls raging from 18 to a divorcee of 39.

My whole approach is to be upfront about my intentions. I've had a few casual relationships but mainly dates and nsa. On my profiles I make it clear that I don't write first - this is to save time waiting on a reply more than anything; plus I have seen first hand the amount of matches/messages women get on these apps so I don't want to add to that. If a girl likes me she can write to me.

I have to say though with the catfish on pof and the bots on tinder I'm starting to consider retirement. I've made friends (and maybe the odd enemy) and had some great dates. I have no doubt in my mind that if I wanted a relationship in the past two years I would have one by now. In that respect I couldn't recommend OD enough.

BrokenArrows

Met my wife online.

Ruu

Offline dating is where its at. Posted in my reply and waiting for a response...any day now. *watches for postman*

RDM_83 again

bluewolf wrote: »

It was a joke about your one liner messages comment
You type a nice detailed profile (in this case, post) and get just a "hi" from someone

:pac:

I'll take my compliments where I can get them goddammit!

Seriously though think a lot of guys would be happy to receive even a hi

Anyway since being a "sapiosexual" is apparently the in thing here is some sexy statistics :P

blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-biggest-lies-in-online-dating/

Aidan Holland

I think dating in general these days for men is hard now I'm all for equal rights equal pay, job opportunities,free abortions and everything equal for woman But I think feminists have created this cloud of suspicion around men I mean according to them we are all potential rapists. In my opinion the rise of radical feminisem is down to single mums now look if your in the unfortunate situation that the father of your kid or kids doesn't pay child maintenance or plays no part in your children lives that's sad but please stop blaming or harbouring a hatred for all men just because you had a bad experience

Aidan Holland

Aidan Holland wrote: »

I think dating in general these days for men is hard now I'm all for equal rights equal pay, job opportunities,free abortions and everything equal for woman But I think feminists have created this cloud of suspicion around men I mean according to them we are all potential rapists. In my opinion the rise of radical feminisem is down to single mums now look if your in the unfortunate situation that the father of your kid or kids doesn't pay child maintenance or plays no part in your children lives that's sad but please stop blaming or harbouring a hatred for all men just because you had a bad experience

You think the rise of radical feminism is because single mums who receive no input from their childrens father have developed a hatred for all men?

maudgonner

Ruu wrote: »

Offline dating is where its at. Posted in my reply and waiting for a response...any day now. *watches for postman*

Letter sent...

Aidan Holland

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You think the rise of radical feminism is because single mums who receive no input from their childrens father have developed a hatred for all men?

I think radical feminists tar us all with the same brush and its unfair,I know a few single dad's who the wife or girlfriend has taken flight but they don't hate women because of it.

Colser

Aidan Holland wrote: »

I think radical feminists tar us all with the same brush and its unfair,I know a few single dad's who the wife or girlfriend has taken flight but they don't hate women because of it.

Seriously Aidan where are you seeing this happening?

You know a few single dads getting a raw deal and I know a few single mothers getting the same but I genuinely dont see a surge in women thinking that all men are rapists or whatever.

Now if you were to say do I think most men are cheaters...well thats another story and another thread.;)

whiskeyman

Ruu wrote: »

Offline dating is where its at. Posted in my reply and waiting for a response...any day now. *watches for postman*

Are you naughty enough for any 'sposting' yet?

Aidan Holland

Colser wrote: »

Seriously Aidan where are you seeing this happening?

You know a few single dads getting a raw deal and I know a few single mothers getting the same but I genuinely dont see a surge in women thinking that all men are rapists or whatever.

Now if you were to say do I think most men are cheaters...well thats another story and another thread.;)

I was on the bus coming from work a couple of days ago and there was this girl and she was about early 30s and walking on the street and I looked at her backside and I'm sure thousands of men do it and probably women look at men if there attractive and then upon turning round looked at 2 women who were given me the evil eye and how dare you kind of Expression.I just think men are made to feel guilty for having these feelings and its unfortunate

Colser

Aidan Holland wrote: »

I was on the bus coming from work a couple of days ago and there was this girl and she was about early 30s and walking on the street and I looked at her backside and I'm sure thousands of men do it and probably women look at men if there attractive and then upon turning round looked at 2 women who were given me the evil eye and how dare you kind of Expression.I just think men are made to feel guilty for having these feelings and its unfortunate

That makes no sense to me.
How could they tell what you were looking at if they were behind you and why would they care?

Was your tongue hanging out panting or what?

Aidan Holland

Colser wrote: »

That makes no sense to me.
How could they tell what you were looking at if they were behind you and why would they care?

Was your tongue hanging out panting or what?

I was at the seats at very back were some seats are facing one another,I just had a quick glance did not make it noticeable but the saw it anyway and that's the last time I'll do that ever again

Aidan Holland

Aidan Holland wrote: »

I was on the bus coming from work a couple of days ago and there was this girl and she was about early 30s and walking on the street and I looked at her backside and I'm sure thousands of men do it and probably women look at men if there attractive and then upon turning round looked at 2 women who were given me the evil eye and how dare you kind of Expression.I just think men are made to feel guilty for having these feelings and its unfortunate

Radical feminism is built on the ideology that society is a patriarchy where men are the oppressors of women. It is indeed an extreme view and one I personally don't hold.
There will always be men and women who are offended in the way you describe. I'm just not sure if it's because they believe that all men are evil rapists.

There are some single mothers who because they have had a hard time will tar all men with the same brush. There are some single dad's who because they have had a hard time will tar all women with the same brush. The risks of dating can create similar attitudes. If a man or a woman went through enough bad experiences some of them can adopt an attitude of "all men are the same" or "all women are the same".

I really don't believe the above views have anything to do with radical feminism.

Two men walk into a bar. But not all men.

armaghlad

Ugh.. Just got this great match on POF so I thought I'd message her.. but I can't! "She only accepts messages from certain people"; but apparently not people she matches with!?

B.A._Baracus

armaghlad wrote: »

Ugh.. Just got this great match on POF so I thought I'd message her.. but I can't! "She only accepts messages from certain people"; but apparently not people she matches with!?

"Alright, what type of fella do I want messaging me?

* Must earn over 50k a year
* Must not have messaged users for sex
* only accept messages with over 2,000 words.
* Must be single with no kids
* Must have his own car
* Must have expensive car
* Must have his own place


Oh crap, I forgot to write my profession.... currently unemployed..."


Am I wrong? :pac:

Rhea Rose

armaghlad wrote: »

Ugh.. Just got this great match on POF so I thought I'd message her.. but I can't! "She only accepts messages from certain people"; but apparently not people she matches with!?

Can't you select age preferences etc. on POF? Maybe you just don't fall into the age bracket she's looking for. I wouldn't take it personally.

fatknacker

Anyone I've ever interacted with "sapiosexual" on their profile is generally a sap.

maudgonner

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

"Alright, what type of fella do I want messaging me?

* Must earn over 50k a year
* Must not have messaged users for sex
* only accept messages with over 2,000 words.
* Must be single with no kids
* Must have his own car
* Must have expensive car
* Must have his own place


Oh crap, I forgot to write my profession.... currently unemployed..."


Am I wrong? :pac:

Wow, not jumping to conclusions at all there, are we?

RDM_83 again

fatknacker wrote: »

Anyone I've ever interacted with "sapiosexual" on their profile is generally a sap.

Did you not know Stephen Hawking was recently voted Britain's sexiest man.

I would go a bit further and say anybody that labels themselves as anything --sexual, sounds harsh but apart from bisexual they are made up labels (seriously pansexual and bisexual mean the same thing!)

B.A._Baracus

maudgonner wrote: »

Wow, not jumping to conclusions at all there, are we?

Nah, its more like you taking a clear joke, twisting it, so you can be offended. But I guess this is where you say how it wasn't a funny joke, right?

Colser

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Nah, its more like you taking a clear joke, twisting it, so you can be offended. But I guess this is where you say how it wasn't a funny joke, right?

I thought it was funnyish:pac:

maudgonner

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Nah, its more like you taking a clear joke, twisting it, so you can be offended. But I guess this is where you say how it wasn't a funny joke, right?

Fair enough, my sense of humour bypass obviously kicked in cause I was stuck late at work :pac:


(Deletes claim to have a good sense of humour from dating profile...)

Foxtrol

Chain Smoker wrote: »

I've been using this tinder alternative called Bumble that's pretty popular here where the woman has to message first and if she doesn't within 24 that match is cancelled. A guy can refresh one match per day if he likes, I assume to send a slight message that he does want to hear from that person in particular. It's really clever imo.

Anyways, asides from the overall design being by far the best I've encountered, it's also had the most engaging conversations by far and I suspect that has a lot to do with the extra immediate investment that comes from being the person to message rather than the one to deal with heaps of tedious openers and inappropriate ****.

Big fan of Bumble.

It is funny though that after seeing so many women with profiles on other sites stating along the lines of “Make more effort than just saying ‘Hi’ when messaging me”, that about 95% of initial messages I receive from women on Bumble are just ‘Hi’ (with maybe an emoji thrown in if they’re feeling generous). Not complaining at all though, as I’m not sure what some people expect from an initial message to a complete stranger. It’s however clearly not so easy making the first move when the shoe is on the other foot.

Foxtrol

In general I think OD is great. I believe it’s especially good for Irish dating culture, as chatting up strangers is unfortunately still seen by many as taboo unless one or both parties are drunk.

One possible downside with OD (especially in big cities) is that you nearly have too many options, meaning you can end up with the feeling that something a bit better is just one more swipe away.

Obviously better to have feast than famine but it could easily cause difficulty if one or both parties have that mindset. It can lead to people multi-dating, not giving enough time to get to know each other if there isn’t instant fireworks, and jumping ship as soon as anything goes wrong. These are all normal issues in RL dating but I feel OD intensifies them.

Alf Veedersane

Ruu wrote: »

Offline dating is where its at. Posted in my reply and waiting for a response...any day now. *watches for postman*

Send a French letter.

Makes you seem cosmopolitan.

You're welcome.

worded

For women online dating is like a huge supermarket of choice with endless
Rows of men to choose from

For guys - we get a corner shelf at LIDL

armaghlad

Rhea Rose wrote: »

Can't you select age preferences etc. on POF? Maybe you just don't fall into the age bracket she's looking for. I wouldn't take it personally.

Oh I didn't - It's just rarely I see a girl on pof who I think "wow". Aw well Maeve85 if you're reading gimme a second chance

Richard Hillman

Love tinder but wouldn't go on a date with any of them or even message them.

I just like to have a guilt-free gander at the lovely ladies. I have no interest in talking to them about themselves or telling them about myself

Richard Hillman

Richard Hillman wrote: »

Love tinder but wouldn't go on a date with any of them or even message them.

I just like to have a guilt-free gander at the lovely ladies. I have no interest in talking to them about themselves or telling them about myself

Would you not be better off looking through an Oxendales catalogue?