Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Online dating

Options
1…2021232526…130

Comments

  • Options
    #662
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    That doesn't prevent dating sites from contributing to those attitudes though - to promoting them more - right?

    Just like donedeal.ie can contribute to them, yeah?


  • Options
    #663
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    No I'm not. I'm criticizing the snap judgements...I'm not criticizing what people are trying to use the snap judgements for.

    Except that's not what you said. You didn't say: 'I haven't judged anyone for not liking profiles or messages without images', you said: 'I haven't judged anyone for why they don't like profiles or messages without images'.

    But to be honest I think you've derailed this thread for long enough with your commentary on how online dating and judgy women are contributing to the downfall of society, so I won't nitpick your posts any more.


  • Options
    #664
    BastardFace
    Registered Users Posts: 98 ✭✭BastardFace


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    That doesn't prevent dating sites from contributing to those attitudes though - to promoting them more - right?

    But at the end of the day, does it really matter? If that is the way society is naturally going, then who cares? It's not worth raising your blood pressure over.


  • Options
    #665
    Debtocracy
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭Debtocracy


    Online dating could well promote hyper-judgemental attitudes, especially if someone starts it at a young age when the brain has more plasticity. So take an 18 year old girl who is ‘average’. Prior to online dating, she is probably feeling a bit low about her attractiveness, given the constant exposure to attractive females in the media. She goes online and then gets 20 messages a day. It’s not that she will get a high opinion of herself, but rather her unconscious mind now starts to think that there’s a surplus of handsome, tall men out there wanting to be her boyfriend.

    The problem for this girl however, is that the majority of guys she meets online will be looking for sex. This will be particularly the case if she is choosing very attractive guys to date (most girls will only consider dating men in top 15%). The bigger the attractiveness differential, the more likely the guy is just looking for sex. She could just date an average guy online who would be delighted to have a girlfriend but his profile will simply generate no biochemical attraction. Furthermore, in the real word, the average guy seems lame to the handsome, surfer, jet-setting guys online.

    So because of the illusion of choice online, girls will develop hyper-judgemental attitudes of men on areas like height, career, athleticism etc. In response, the average 5ft 9, slightly overweight, €28,000 earning guy will develop a sense of learned helplessness, will give up chasing girls and get the majority of his sexual satisfaction from porn. He may also develop very negative attitudes towards women – gold-diggers, promiscuous, manipulative etc. A subset of average guys will become online experts (in the same way as gamers), though most girls will consider them weirdos when they actually meet on a date.

    Online dating is constantly increasing and it is inevitable that it will change the way each gender perceives each other. To think that girls always rejected guys in the real world the same way as online is ridiculous, the population of Ireland would be 5% what is now if that was the case.


  • Options
    #666
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    Online dating could well promote hyper-judgemental attitudes, especially if someone starts it at a young age when the brain has more plasticity. So take an 18 year old girl who is ‘average’. Prior to online dating, she is probably feeling a bit low about her attractiveness, given the constant exposure to attractive females in the media. She goes online and then gets 20 messages a day. It’s not that she will get a high opinion of herself, but rather her unconscious mind now starts to think that there’s a surplus of handsome, tall men out there wanting to be her boyfriend.

    The problem for this girl however, is that the majority of guys she meets online will be looking for sex. This will be particularly the case if she is choosing very attractive guys to date (most girls will only consider dating men in top 15%). The bigger the attractiveness differential, the more likely the guy is just looking for sex. She could just date an average guy online who would be delighted to have a girlfriend but his profile will simply generate no biochemical attraction. Furthermore, in the real word, the average guy seems lame to the handsome, surfer, jet-setting guys online.

    So because of the illusion of choice online, girls will develop hyper-judgemental attitudes of men on areas like height, career, athleticism etc. In response, the average 5ft 9, slightly overweight, €28,000 earning guy will develop a sense of learned helplessness, will give up chasing girls and get the majority of his sexual satisfaction from porn. He may also develop very negative attitudes towards women – gold-diggers, promiscuous, manipulative etc. A subset of average guys will become online experts (in the same way as gamers), though most girls will consider them weirdos when they actually meet on a date.

    Online dating is constantly increasing and it is inevitable that it will change the way each gender perceives each other. To think that girls always rejected guys in the real world the same way as online is ridiculous, the population of Ireland would be 5% what is now if that was the case.
    And the same can be said if you reverse the sexes.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #667
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,708 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    Online dating could well promote hyper-judgemental attitudes, especially if someone starts it at a young age when the brain has more plasticity. So take an 18 year old girl who is ‘average’. Prior to online dating, she is probably feeling a bit low about her attractiveness, given the constant exposure to attractive females in the media. She goes online and then gets 20 messages a day. It’s not that she will get a high opinion of herself, but rather her unconscious mind now starts to think that there’s a surplus of handsome, tall men out there wanting to be her boyfriend.

    I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're not actually female because if you were and had done online dating, you'd know that only a tiny percentage of those 20 messages a day are actually going to be from handsome, tall men.


  • Options
    #668
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Where are all of these tall handsome men who want to be my boyfriend??


  • Options
    #669
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Where are all of these tall handsome men who want to be my boyfriend??

    Out being assholes to women and stopping the nice guys getting girlfriends.


  • Options
    #670
    Tell me how
    Registered Users Posts: 21,637 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    Deleted User wrote:
    Where are all of these tall handsome men who want to be my boyfriend??

    4 of them asked you out this year..... :)

    "Handsome" the definition of subjectivity


  • Options
    #671
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    She goes online and then gets 20 messages a day. It’s not that she will get a high opinion of herself, but rather her unconscious mind now starts to think that there’s a surplus of handsome, tall men out there wanting to be her boyfriend.

    . Furthermore, in the real word, the average guy seems lame to the handsome, surfer, jet-setting guys online.

    Where are these men???
    And why are they not sending me 20 messages a day???


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #672
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,708 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Where are all of these tall handsome men who want to be my boyfriend??

    They don't want to be your boyfriend, they only want to shag you and blag you, remember?


  • Options
    #673
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    maudgonner wrote: »
    Except that's not what you said. You didn't say: 'I haven't judged anyone for not liking profiles or messages without images', you said: 'I haven't judged anyone for why they don't like profiles or messages without images'.

    But to be honest I think you've derailed this thread for long enough with your commentary on how online dating and judgy women are contributing to the downfall of society, so I won't nitpick your posts any more.
    It takes more than one person to derail something - and nitpicking like you're doing here, is the way to do that in a fruitless way.

    My posts are not about the general reasons why people don't like profiles or messages without images - they are explicitly about the snap judgements I have been discussing, irrespective of what those snap judgements are used to try and justify.

    You are deliberately rephrasing what I've said to suit your argument - you know you are doing this too, you are 100% fully aware that you are using a straw-man, and that you are nitpicking - the purpose of that is precisely for you to derail what I'm saying.


  • Options
    #674
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    BastardFace wrote: »
    But at the end of the day, does it really matter? If that is the way society is naturally going, then who cares? It's not worth raising your blood pressure over.
    Society doesn't have a 'natural' way in which it goes - it's artificially shaped by the influences within it - which means recognizing negative influences is important.

    This potential issue with dating sites doesn't by itself get my blood pressure up, more the nonsense where in one breath people deny it, and then in the other breath play down only the extent of it (which implicitly acknowledges it has a real effect on society).

    That in itself is interesting though, as it leads you to wonder why there is such defensiveness over it.


  • Options
    #675
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Tell me how wrote: »
    4 of them asked you out this year..... :)

    "Handsome" the definition of subjectivity

    Four shortish, two of whom were smelly men :p


  • Options
    #676
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    If I read the words 'snap judgements' again...


  • Options
    #677
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    If I read the words 'snap judgements' again...

    They're a kind of breakfast cereal, aren't they?


  • Options
    #678
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    If I read the words 'snap judgements' again...

    Snap judgements.


    :pac:


  • Options
    #679
    ibarelycare
    Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    If I read the words 'snap judgements' again...

    Or "hyper-judgemental". Or "straw man". :pac:


  • Options
    #680
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Snap judgements.


    :pac:

    *wince*


  • Options
    #681
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Where are all of these tall handsome men who want to be my boyfriend??


    I'd date you P!
    1/3 be enough for you?


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #682
    coffee_cake
    Registered Users Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    ibarelycare wrote: »
    Or "hyper-judgemental". Or "straw man". :pac:

    Is the straw man tall and handsome?


  • Options
    #683
    PirateShampoo
    Registered Users Posts: 4,406 ✭✭✭PirateShampoo


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Four shortish, two of whom were smelly men :p

    That's very judgmental of you. :)


  • Options
    #684
    Ignatius in bloom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Ignatius in bloom


    Jeeze you're all taking it too seriously!! You will reject and will get rejected! Use it as a fun way to possibly meet someone but have other alternatives! And as for no profile pic? Would you buy magic beans from someone you can't see? No Is the Anwser! Physical attraction is important! It's necessary and that's not being fickle or anything else it's just what makes us attracted initially to the opposite sex. The love bit comes later! And online dating is no different than pubs really I for one have had as much success and failures in online dating as I have in more traditional ways of meeting people! I will say this a good profile goes A long way.


  • Options
    #685
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Ignatius in bloom wrote: »
    Jeeze you're all taking it too seriously!! You will reject and will get rejected! Use it as a fun way to possibly meet someone but have other alternatives! And as for no profile pic? Would you buy magic beans from someone you can't see? No Is the Anwser! Physical attraction is important! It's necessary and that's not being fickle or anything else it's just what makes us attracted initially to the opposite sex. The love bit comes later! And online dating is no different than pubs really I for one have had as much success and failures in online dating as I have in more traditional ways of meeting people! I will say this a good profile goes A long way.
    Except the discussion wasn't about people having no profile pics - there is nothing wrong with passing on profiles with no pics... - it was about variations of the words-that-make-people-wince above...


  • Options
    #686
    Ignatius in bloom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Ignatius in bloom


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Except the discussion wasn't about people having no profile pics - there is nothing wrong with passing on profiles with no pics... - it was about variations of the words-that-make-people-wince above...

    Well I didn't quote you! In general I was saying as it was a topic people spoke of.


  • Options
    #687
    pq0n1ct4ve8zf5
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    KomradeBishop wrote: »
    Except the discussion wasn't about people having no profile pics - there is nothing wrong with passing on profiles with no pics... - it was about variations of the words-that-make-people-wince above...

    Ah here you're not the boss of the discussion and not every bloody post on here is a response to your ones. I really don't think you're going to convince anyone with posts 77-1000 of a variation on a theme if the first 76 haven't worked


  • Options
    #688
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    bluewolf wrote: »
    Is the straw man tall and handsome?

    Possibly, but if he hasn't been to Oz yet he won't have a brain. So intelligence had better not be important :(


  • Options
    #689
    Pintman Paddy Losty
    Registered Users Posts: 1,913 ✭✭✭Pintman Paddy Losty


    *On a first date*

    Boy: Have you ever been to the states?
    Girl: No, I prefer travelling in Europe, I'm not the biggest fan of Amer-
    Boy: -I can't believe you have jumped to such a snap judgement. You're being hyper-judgemental about an entire nation.
    Girl: Just based on travel shows I don't think I'd like to visit, I prefer Europe.
    Boy: That is a straw man argument. You have reached a snap decision about an entire country based off little evidence. There may be many aspects to the United States that you enjoy. Basing your entire opinion and creating negative attributes about the country solely based on your experiences to date. That is what is wrong with society today.
    Girl: Can we get the bill, please.


  • Options
    #690
    Ignatius in bloom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Ignatius in bloom


    Zachariah Swift Marrow wrote: »
    Ah here you're not the boss of the discussion and not every bloody post on here is a response to your ones. I really don't think you're going to convince anyone with posts 77-1000 of a variation on a theme if the first 76 haven't worked

    As if the world has suddenly become fickle and about looks and beauty!! That's been around centuries from cleopatra to marlon Monroe! Caesar to frank Sinatra! Sex appeal sells so what! :) I wouldn't buy a shampoo with a picture of Rab C Nesbitt as its selling point! Or maybe I would.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #691
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    Zachariah Swift Marrow wrote: »
    Ah here you're not the boss of the discussion and not every bloody post on here is a response to your ones. I really don't think you're going to convince anyone with posts 77-1000 of a variation on a theme if the first 76 haven't worked
    I'm not trying to tell people what to discuss, but when continued posts keep portraying what I said (even if unintentionally), as something I did not say, yet which many posters like to keep misrepresenting me as saying - then I'm pretty much forced to point out that misrepresentation.

    Ignatius wasn't deliberately doing that, yet what was said there, was dragging things back in that direction.

    I don't want to be responding to posts which do that - yet I don't want to be misrepresented. There is fúck all chance of convincing anyone indeed, when a huge number of the posts at this stage keep bringing up that same misrepresentation whack-a-mole style.

    It's actually quite a pain in the hole - and I think more than a few posters are fully aware of doing it, and of supporting it, at this stage.


This discussion has been closed.
Advertisement