Online dating

armaghlad

PandaX9 wrote: »

On the flip side, I do have a male friend who uses tinder solely for sex. He talks to people, gets their snapchat, flirts whatever have you - doesn't usually bother with even asking them out on dates because it's easy to put up a snapchat story whenever he's on harcourt street and girls often message him like "oh my godddd you're on harcourt street? No way, me too! Small world! Come find me in diceys etc". He brings them home, does the deed and then after sending them away in the morning he often tries to erase all virtual trail of this girl unless he thought there was something exceptional about her - usually works until she sees him in a club next him down the line. The corridor leading up to his apartment is like a conveyor belt of women in the summer months, it's quite sad because some of them have genuinely thought theyre his girlfriend in the past if he calls them more then once.

Fair play to him. I have to admit I basically use tinder for the same purpose; albeit I've calmed down quite a bit. Most fellas I know that are on it are genuinely seeking a relationship.

Superhero1993

PandaX9 wrote: »

To be fair, even if you do see someone's picture beforehand - they still "could be anyone". Just because you've seen a photo of them doesn't make them any less likely to be a creep/sexually aggressive etc. But I get your reasoning that you could be texting what you think is Mark, aged 24 with a full head of brown hair and what arrives on the date is Martin, aged 64 with a beer gut and combover. But I think that's pretty rare..

Apologies for the absolute wall of text in my last post, is probably more irrelevant than I thought initially.

I always swap Snapchat names and start sending cute selfes (Nudes=No No) so I can establish if she is real. Also I think it is so sad that a woman would even have to state shes not after sex on a first date.

PandaX9

armaghlad wrote: »

Fair play to him. I have to admit I basically use tinder for the same purpose; albeit I've calmed down quite a bit. Most fellas I know that are on it are genuinely seeking a relationship.

Most people I know that use is are genuinely seeking relationships also. The reason my friend uses tinder for sex is because he "can. And it's easy". He's quite an arrogant guy though so I have no doubt he propositions a huge percentage of his matches and isn't fazed when girls ignore it/kick off in response. To him it's just a numbers game. And as long as he's being upfront about it, he's not doing anything wrong. I may not agree with his methods but look at the end of the day, if he tells someone in the first place that all he wants is sex and they agree - who am I to judge? I don't judge anyone for having casual sex if that's what they want. It just isn't what I want. And frankly, the way he talks about these women leaves a lot to be desired. He has the ego of Narcissus when it comes to women. I certainly judge that :pac:.

Lyaiera

I have no issue with people using these places for casual sex. It's when I specifically state I'm looking for a relationship and they're all, "Lookin for sum fun?"

The last person who tried that with me I told, "My idea of fun is sitting on the couch with someone while reading a book and having a radio documentary playing." He lol'ed and never messaged me again. I don't know why he even tried in the first place seeing as I specifically said I'm looking for a serious relationship.

Superhero1993

Lyaiera wrote: »

I have no issue with people using these places for casual sex. It's when I specifically state I'm looking for a relationship and they're all, "Lookin for sum fun?"

The last person who tried that with me I told, "My idea of fun is sitting on the couch with someone while reading a book and having a radio documentary playing." He lol'ed and never messaged me again. I don't know why he even tried in the first place seeing as I specifically said I'm looking for a serious relationship.

It truly is chalk and cheese between the messages women and men get. Like some of the stuff women have to put up with is baffling while guys get no replies.

PandaX9

Superhero1993 wrote: »

I always swap Snapchat names and start sending cute selfes (Nudes=No No) so I can establish if she is real. Also I think it is so sad that a woman would even have to state shes not after sex on a first date.

"If she is real"! Dear god man, how many bots or catfish have you encountered? People who ask for my snapchat find out pretty quickly that I'm not going to pretend to be perfect for them or always have my make up on - 90% of my snaps are of either:

A) my cats because I can't be arsed angling the camera at me and the "conversation" doesn't warrant it
a PS3 controller or some other inanimate object for same reason above and cats are not nearby
c) me, sans make up, glasses on askew, a tracksuit because I'm either 1) relaxing at home or 2) in the library frantically trying to study and I don't understand girls who bother looking nice for the library, but good for them.

The other 10% will be whatever else. Except nudes. Not a fan of them in the slightest, probably ties into the whole not being a fan of casual sex. Have some sense of mystery damn it.

Doesn't stop them funnily enough and lucky for me I think some people just get off on the reverse voyeurism of sending photos of themselves to people.

Regarding the sex thing - it's not like I start every conversation a la nu wave tumblr feminists "I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.". It's more like, if it comes up in conversation somehow - I'm not going to lie for the sake of flirting or fear of ruining a conversation with someone I otherwise like. If they don't agree with or respect my views, then we can both move on to find other more compatible people. I have had people try to convince me why I'm "wrong" which is amusing. It's a personal choice, no big deal, get over it.

PandaX9

Lyaiera wrote: »

I have no issue with people using these places for casual sex. It's when I specifically state I'm looking for a relationship and they're all, "Lookin for sum fun?"

The last person who tried that with me I told, "My idea of fun is sitting on the couch with someone while reading a book and having a radio documentary playing." He lol'ed and never messaged me again. I don't know why he even tried in the first place seeing as I specifically said I'm looking for a serious relationship.

Here, I'm not trying to be forward but like.. If you ever decide you want to go for women I'll gladly try a relationship with you. Or even friendship. You sound like my soulmate. Friend soulmate. I swear I could have written that post!

I log in to my okcupid account wondering if there will be many messages from many interesting men. No.

"luv ure sexy specs".

Sweet Jesus. I think the stupid men see my profile as a challenge because the majority of the messages I have been receiving are similar to the above.

The other possibility which I find harder to consider is that they see in me a kindred spirit, one who is also stupid.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

"All the better to see a better man with" - the big bad wolf

Superhero1993

Superhero1993 wrote: »

First off, you were brave meeting when ya didn't even know what he looked like. Could have been anyone, I wouldn't advise it.

Well, anyone could be anyone!!
And it's not a major issue what he looked like, I find people become more attractive to you the longer you know them.

And besides, I'm a 40 year old woman with plenty of sense, so I'm not going to take unnecessary risks!

Superhero1993

PandaX9 wrote: »

"If she is real"! Dear god man, how many bots or catfish have you encountered? People who ask for my snapchat find out pretty quickly that I'm not going to pretend to be perfect for them or always have my make up on - 90% of my snaps are of either:

A) my cats because I can't be arsed angling the camera at me and the "conversation" doesn't warrant it
a PS3 controller or some other inanimate object for same reason above and cats are not nearby
c) me, sans make up, glasses on askew, a tracksuit because I'm either 1) relaxing at home or 2) in the library frantically trying to study and I don't understand girls who bother looking nice for the library, but good for them.

The other 10% will be whatever else. Except nudes. Not a fan of them in the slightest, probably ties into the whole not being a fan of casual sex. Have some sense of mystery damn it.

Doesn't stop them funnily enough and lucky for me I think some people just get off on the reverse voyeurism of sending photos of themselves to people.

Regarding the sex thing - it's not like I start every conversation a la nu wave tumblr feminists "I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.". It's more like, if it comes up in conversation somehow - I'm not going to lie for the sake of flirting or fear of ruining a conversation with someone I otherwise like. If they don't agree with or respect my views, then we can both move on to find other more compatible people. I have had people try to convince me why I'm "wrong" which is amusing. It's a personal choice, no big deal, get over it.

Ive encountered enough 'fake' women to want to see if they are real.

armaghlad

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Ive encountered enough 'fake' women to want to see if they are real.

x1.

I make it a priority to get their sc pretty promptly. I don't think girls understand the amount of bots and catfish there are out there. I deleted pof because of it. Was chatting to a girl, seemed genuine and even told me the school she taught in so I though hmmm she must be real... asked for her fb "I don't have fb"... fair enough, some people don't, especially teachers. "You on snapchat?" Still awaiting reply. What bugs me is this goat was really keen to meet me, god knows what man I'd have been rocking up to see if I'd just said **** it and went on ahead and met her/him.

Superhero1993

Deleted User wrote: »

I log in to my okcupid account wondering if there will be many messages from many interesting men. No.

"luv ure sexy specs".

Sweet Jesus. I think the stupid men see my profile as a challenge because the majority of the messages I have been receiving are similar to the above.

The other possibility which I find harder to consider is that they see in me a kindred spirit, one who is also stupid.

Dya mind me asking what kind of msg would make you reply?

Superhero1993

armaghlad wrote: »

x1.

I make it a priority to get their sc pretty promptly. I don't think girls understand the amount of bots and catfish there are out there. I deleted pof because of it. Was chatting to a girl, seemed genuine and even told me the school she taught in so I though hmmm she must be real... asked for her fb "I don't have fb"... fair enough, some people don't, especially teachers. "You on snapchat?" Still awaiting reply. What bugs me is this goat was really keen to meet me, god knows what man I'd have been rocking up to see if I'd just said **** it and went on ahead and met her/him.

Exactly. Not gonna take any risks.

Mister Vain

whiskeyman wrote: »

I think I've mentioned this before, but I wouldn't get hung up on other peoples interests / hobbies etc...
Sure, it may be nice to share some, but you are closing yourself off from what could be a super person to be with.

I'd have to agree with this. I couldn't care less what a persons hobbies are tbh. It's a bonus if you have something in common but its not what attraction is built on. It kind of annoys me when someone says two people would be perfect for each other because they share common interests.

Superhero1993

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Dya mind me asking what kind of msg would make you reply?

One that spells "do you" and not "dya".

A silly message with bad spelling is very unappealing to me. I would prefer if he had taken a bit more time to write something a bit more interesting or had mentioned some of my profile.

Superhero1993

Deleted User wrote: »

One that spells "do you" and not "dya".

A silly message with bad spelling is very unappealing to me. I would prefer if he had taken a bit more time to write something a bit more interesting or had mentioned some of my profile.

Haha im looking for any tips for myself when messaging women lol

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

God I hate that.
Men thinking they've a God given right to your private information

"Where do you work?"
"What's your surname? Add me on facebook."
"Add me on snapchat?"


Call me paranoid but I a) don't have to prove myself to anybody or b) need to pander to his trust issues or c) am not so stuck for choice that I feel obliged to disclose private identifing information to someone I don't know from Adam.

My Facebook is very private. I keep everything on it private. My friends, my wall, my photo. People can't tag me in anything without approval. I would have nothing to hide but someone pressing me for private information before meeting them in person would be told no. And if they continue to press, I'd just block them.

armaghlad

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Dya mind me asking what kind of msg would make you reply?

Look you need to dye your hair black and curl it, buy an 1983 w126 300 merc in some obscure colour (resembling green) start writing short stories and buy a small but quaint dwelling with functioning fireplace...

Superhero1993

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Haha im looking for any tips for myself when messaging women lol

Well I'd get your spelling correct and only use "lol" if something is actually funny. Make a bit of effort

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

One that spells "do you" and not "dya".

A silly message with bad spelling is very unappealing to me. I would prefer if he had taken a bit more time to write something a bit more interesting or had mentioned some of my profile.

I agree wholeheartedly. I have to say, I like it when people clearly have taken the time to read my short tinder biography and send a message that shows that. Makes it that bit more personal I suppose?

Proper grammar is a must. I'd include spelling in that but sometimes the line between what is a mistake and what is autocorrect can be blurred. Text speak is really unattractive to me, always has been. I think it is a sign of laziness, I've never understood the appeal. That carries over to how people actually speak in person too, but it's not something that I would write someone off over.

Superhero1993

Deleted User wrote: »

Well I'd get your spelling correct and only use "lol" if something is actually funny. Make a bit of effort

Leave my use of 'lol' alone I just happen to find a lot of things funny
Seriously though, my spelling is immaculate and effort is never a problem

Superhero1993

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Leave my use of 'lol' alone I just happen to find a lot of things funny
Seriously though, my spelling is immaculate and effort is never a problem

Then you are good to go

PandaX9

LexieOnRale wrote: »

God I hate that.
Men thinking they've a God given right to your private information

"Where do you work?"
"What's your surname? Add me on facebook."
"Add me on snapchat?"


Call me paranoid but I a) don't have to prove myself to anybody or b) need to pander to his trust issues or c) am not so stuck for choice that I feel obliged to disclose private identifing information to someone I don't know from Adam.

My Facebook is very private. I keep everything on it private. My friends, my wall, my photo. People can't tag me in anything without approval. I would have nothing to hide but someone pressing me for private information before meeting them in person would be told no. And if they continue to press, I'd just block them.

The Facebook thing is something that bothers me also. I find it very odd that someone wants my personal details despite not having met me. Definitely agree with points a) and c) especially. I won't usually give out my phone number either unless we've agreed to go on a date.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

PandaX9 wrote: »

The Facebook thing is something that bothers me also. I find it very odd that someone wants my personal details despite not having met me. Definitely agree with points a) and c) especially. I won't usually give out my phone number either unless we've agreed to go on a date.

Hey babe! Where you from?
Oh very good! Where do you work? Oh cool... Where abouts is that?? What's it called? You look good... Any more pics for me?? What's your surname panda? You're very secretive! Add me on Facebook there... I want to see more of you, you're gorgeous xoxo

Faaaack off

Dial Hard

Superhero1993 wrote:

I always swap Snapchat names.

armaghlad wrote:

I make it a priority to get their sc pretty promptly.

What if they're not on Snapchat? I'm not.

Deleted User wrote:

I log in to my okcupid account wondering if there will be many messages from many interesting men. No.

All I ever got when I was on OKC was 'Murricans looking for a tour guide for their upcoming visit to Dublin. It was bizarre.

Dial Hard

PandaX9 wrote:

The Facebook thing is something that bothers me also. I find it very odd that someone wants my personal details despite not having met me.

I know someone who adds/accepts all his potential dates on Facebook before they've even gone out. Just, no. My whole life is on Facebook so there's no way in hell I'm giving someone access to all that before we've even met. Also, what if the date is a disaster? Then you've to unfriend them and it all just seems rather sad and pointless.

armaghlad

Dial Hard wrote: »

What if they're not on Snapchat? I'm not.



All I ever got when I was on OKC was 'Murricans looking for a tour guide for their upcoming visit to Dublin. It was bizarre.

I only ask for their snapchat if they seem catfishy. And if not snapchat then some form or social media that verifies that they are who they say they are. Most of the time you can distinguish which ones are catfish though

PandaX9

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Hey babe! Where you from?
Oh very good! Where do you work? Oh cool... Where abouts is that?? What's it called? You look good... Any more pics for me?? What's your surname panda? You're very secretive! Add me on Facebook there... I want to see more of you, you're gorgeous xoxo

Faaaack off

*shudders*

I honestly don't understand how people don't see how pushy they're being at with questions like that.

tomwaterford

armaghlad wrote: »

I only ask for their snapchat if they seem catfishy. And if not snapchat then some form or social media that verifies that they are who they say they are. Most of the time you can distinguish which ones are catfish though

Snap chat is grand....it's pure easy to block and there's no info about you/your Past on it


Though I do think at times I'm too old for it