Online dating

the_syco

Ladies; do you see Tinder as a dating app, or booty-call app?

Or as a more modern "hot or not" app?

Witchie

the_syco wrote: »

Ladies; do you see Tinder as a dating app, or booty-call app?

Or as a more modern "hot or not" app?

I use it (rather unsuccessfully in Ireland) for dating. I have met 4 guys from there, the most recent being the one that disappeared. The first one is a lovely guy from Scotland who was working here and we are still friends but I wasn't attracted to him, mainly because I am not really into small guys and his hands were smaller than mine. Felt like I was with a child so that was a no go.

Oh and I don't have huge shovel hands or anything, just normal sized ones. He was just very small.

The other 2 where when I was in Florida for a few months last year and had a brief fling with a gorgeous guy from Trinidad followed by a fairly serious relationship with a very handsome Peurto Rican. Think I need to get my ass back over to the States.

I have also found a catfish on there which is documented on Boards but generally have found that when guys see am not going to drop my knickers for them just coz they talk to me, they stop chatting.

Karmella

I had a successful 2nd date with a really lovely fella on Thursday night, and he wanted to meet again last night but I had no babysitter (pesky kids :rolleyes: )

Anyway was describing him to my friend yesterday and turns out he's her first cousin! In all fairness like cork is way too small!!!

Mister Vain

Just wondering do women have a cut off point when it comes to height. Is it one of the first things you check when looking at a mans profile?

Karmella

It's entirely dependent on the woman and her height I'd say. My ex was the same height as me and I never had an issue with it, but weirdly I find myself hovering over a profile when the height is the same or just a little bit above my own, and I have actually discounted some of them - although probably for other reasons too to be fair.

But in general and obviously I'm not speaking for all women here, but usually it's preferable not to have a man smaller than you. Think there was a thread about it some time back?

The Backwards Man

Half their height plus seven inches is the calculation if I'm not mistaken.

PandaX9

Mister Vain wrote: »

Just wondering do women have a cut off point when it comes to height. Is it one of the first things you check when looking at a mans profile?

In theory it's all well and good for me to say oh no, height doesn't matter at all but when I look back and see that all of my past boyfriends have been over 6 foot 3 you know there's a definite trend there. I'm 5 foot 9, I'm prone to wearing a lot of 4 and 5 inch heeled shoes so I'm not particularly short either. I like being with tall men because it's a secure feeling I suppose, but it's not something I specifically look for.

I find it rare that people state their height measurements on tinder so I've no real way of knowing unless they/I ask before the date. Once ended up going on a date with an absolutely gorgeous fella who had a great personality who was 5 foot 4. He was kind and we had so much fun, then at the end of the date he asked me whether I'd be up for getting dinner with him next week and bam... Never heard from him again. I'm convinced it was the height difference that did it for him but I honestly didn't care about it.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'm 5'3 ish, he's gotta be taller than me (not too difficult) in heels too, so I'd say 5'9 or so! That said, most of the guys I've been with have been really tall. If he wasn't too hung up on it, or he was otherwise ideal, I might not be overly bothered.

armaghlad

Probably the most milked joke on tinder is "what do you call guys under 6 ft? Friends"

I like tall girls, but I'm 5 11 and most tall girls want a bean pole lol

The minimum height I like a man to be is 5'8 but really I prefer a tall man. I'm only 5'4 but I just love it when the guy is much taller.

smash

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm 5'3 ish, he's gotta be taller than me (not too difficult) in heels too, so I'd say 5'9 or so!

What if he's 5'6 and wearing 4 inch platforms? Like, if girls can wear silly size heels then why can't lads?

PARlance

smash wrote: »

What if he's 5'6 and wearing 4 inch platforms? Like, if girls can wear silly size heels then why can't lads?

Heel look a bit silly.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Deleted User wrote: »

The minimum height I like a man to be is 5'8 but really I prefer a tall man. I'm only 5'4 but I just love it when the guy is much taller.

One of my friends with benefits was about 6'5. He looked like he was kidnapping me. When we hugged standing up, my Head wasn't even on his chest lol

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

smash wrote: »

What if he's 5'6 and wearing 4 inch platforms? Like, if girls can wear silly size heels then why can't lads?

So long as he doesn't expect me to hold his hand while he's walking like newborn bambi

armaghlad

I have actually no preference with height in a lady... its the other dimensions that concern me

Tell me how

Seems like a lot of women like a man who looks down on them but yet treats them well.

No wonder men are confused.

spaceCreated

Witchie wrote: »

I use it (rather unsuccessfully in Ireland) for dating. I have met 4 guys from there, the most recent being the one that disappeared. The first one is a lovely guy from Scotland who was working here and we are still friends but I wasn't attracted to him, mainly because I am not really into small guys and his hands were smaller than mine. Felt like I was with a child so that was a no go.

Oh and I don't have huge shovel hands or anything, just normal sized ones. He was just very small.

The other 2 where when I was in Florida for a few months last year and had a brief fling with a gorgeous guy from Trinidad followed by a fairly serious relationship with a very handsome Peurto Rican. Think I need to get my ass back over to the States.

I have also found a catfish on there which is documented on Boards but generally have found that when guys see am not going to drop my knickers for them just coz they talk to me, they stop chatting.

Hands eh ?

PandaX9

spaceCreated wrote: »

Hands eh ?

I totally get what Witchie means about hands. There's something very attractive about men having big hands. Again it's like if he's taller than me; he's bigger than me so I feel secure on a primal level. Likewise if his hand encloses mine to the point of enveloping it, it's fantastic.

Having said that, I have had my tall = safe logic backfire before. One of my exes was quite a brawny fecker and he didn't realise how easy it was for him to intimidate people - when having heated arguments he would noticeably shift his behaviour to offence-is-the-best-defence and it would translate into his physical behaviour; he would actually stand up taller and square his shoulders and tower over me in order to get me to back off in submission. It was awful, he never had a girlfriend before and I think he was used to doing that as a way to resolve conflicts with other men but it terrified the bejaysus out of me. I told him I didn't like it because it made me feel like he was getting so het up about things that he was gearing to physically have a go at me, and he laughed in my face. "You think I would ever physically hurt you?" - it's not funny, it's bloody awful.

Height and physique are things that don't rank very high on my list for attraction. When looking for a prospective partner, its much more important for me to be emotionally/mentally compatible with them rather than going for it simply because he fancies himself as a bit of an Adonis. Having said that, initial attraction is very important and there has to be that sexual chemistry there. Its what separates my friends from lovers. You can have a great time with someone and enjoy their company, but if there's no reaction down under for you then maybe it's not meant to be. I'm a very passionate person so I tend to fee attraction quite immediately rather than the whole growing to want someone.

People are also attracted to different things, not everyone is enamoured by the thought of being with a jacked-up brotein personal trainer but given the incidence of them on tinder you'd think there was no other body type going.

Chain Smoker

Height stuff doesn't bother me at all, I've far bigger hangups about my appearance than to be bothered by my thoroughly average height. I'm not going to make any effort to engage with anyone on one of these things who has any kind of silly stated rules in place on (e.g. Partner must be significantly taller or four years older/younger), but it's more that I'm wary of people who have such clear goals for what they want, I feel like they'd just be waiting for you to say something wrong so you can be eliminated.

I don't think I'd be able to tolerate someone if I didn't think they were at least as intelligent as me, nothing makes me hate a conversation more than having to endlessly explain ****. Would not be surprised if my tinder stats showed a huge preference for people with highly regarded colleges in their profile

Oh, and if they're at all overweight it seems like I'm just not going to consider it. Some kind of subconscious mad thing going on there altogether, even on a purely platonic basis, I seem to only interact with skinny ****ers and fitness freaks.


Aaaand I'd probably rather deal with a Christian fundamentalist than someone who describes themselves as highly spiritual.


It's 4am,I'm drunk and I'm in a bad mood, I'd say this post is awful altogether

Witchie

At 5'7 I am not particularly tall, but am not short either. I don't wear heels but I do like my man to be significantly taller. My last proper bf (the Puerto Rican lad) was 6'4 and I loved it. He was also quite bulky and like Panda said it was like a primal need to feel protected. I generally will be much more attracted to someone if they are 6 ft or over, it is just like some people prefer blondes/skinny/brown eyes. For me a man who can rest his chin on my head is the ultimate physical attribute.

That said, my last long relationship of 3 years was with a guy the same height as me. We were friends for years and then he kissed me at a party and that was it. Still love him but we have to many differences in life goals for it to work but it did show me not to write off a guy coz he doesn't tick all the boxes I have in my head. (For the record those boxes are: Tall, intelligent, motivated, funny, kind and not stuck in the same place forever. He lacked the motivation and desire to ever leave his wee nest so that was a part of the problem)

I know I am being fussy now and as an overweight 42 year old divorcee with 2 grown sons, I probably have less right to be fussy than I did when I was a hot single 19 year old, but I don't see why I can't shop for what I want and if I find what I need on the way, so be it.

PandaX9

Chain Smoker wrote: »

It's 4am,I'm drunk and I'm in a bad mood, I'd say this post is awful altogether

You sound like you're a having great time.

Interestingly enough, when speaking in a group with my girlfriends there was a unanimous consensus that they are much more enclined to swipe left on people who have "Carlow IT", "Ballyfermot College of Further Education", "Waterford IT" etc listed as their education than an those with a NUI university or even no education listed at all. It boiled down to the 6 or so of them saying they are undergraduates in a BSc course in UCD so they feel as though they would have nothing to talk about with someone who had different aspirations. Call it education snobbery but it's a matter of personal preference. Obviously they're making the assumption that guys who go to IT's are more likely to be eejits/whatever you want to say which is a very blanket attitude but they're free to descriminate based on what they want. They would never say it to people in conversation, but they do make these observations all the time.

smash

Chain Smoker wrote: »

Height stuff doesn't bother me at all, I've far bigger hangups about my appearance than to be bothered by my thoroughly average height. I'm not going to make any effort to engage with anyone on one of these things who has any kind of silly stated rules in place on (e.g. Partner must be significantly taller or four years older/younger), but it's more that I'm wary of people who have such clear goals for what they want, I feel like they'd just be waiting for you to say something wrong so you can be eliminated.

I don't think I'd be able to tolerate someone if I didn't think they were at least as intelligent as me, nothing makes me hate a conversation more than having to endlessly explain ****. Would not be surprised if my tinder stats showed a huge preference for people with highly regarded colleges in their profile

Oh, and if they're at all overweight it seems like I'm just not going to consider it. Some kind of subconscious mad thing going on there altogether, even on a purely platonic basis, I seem to only interact with skinny ****ers and fitness freaks.

Aaaand I'd probably rather deal with a Christian fundamentalist than someone who describes themselves as highly spiritual.

It's 4am,I'm drunk and I'm in a bad mood, I'd say this post is awful altogether

The definition of contradiction

Get some sleep man!

Doylers

PandaX9 wrote: »

You sound like you're a having great time.

Interestingly enough, when speaking in a group with my girlfriends there was a unanimous consensus that they are much more enclined to swipe left on people who have "Carlow IT", "Ballyfermot College of Further Education", "Waterford IT" etc listed as their education than an those with a NUI university or even no education listed at all. It boiled down to the 6 or so of them saying they are undergraduates in a BSc course in UCD so they feel as though they would have nothing to talk about with someone who had different aspirations. Call it education snobbery but it's a matter of personal preference. Obviously they're making the assumption that guys who go to IT's are more likely to be eejits/whatever you want to say which is a very blanket attitude but they're free to descriminate based on what they want. They would never say it to people in conversation, but they do make these observations all the time.

Must admit myself that if I saw a CFE or carlow IT I am more inclined to swipe left. Funny enough I'm in Waterford IT so seems other colleges look down on us and we look down on others, kind of messed up. Sure hopefully I'll get a few more matches when its updated with masters in UCD come September :pac:

PandaX9

Witchie wrote: »

I know I am being fussy now and as an overweight 42 year old divorcee with 2 grown sons, I probably have less right to be fussy than I did when I was a hot single 19 year old, but I don't see why I can't shop for what I want and if I find what I need on the way, so be it.

Again, I could have written your above post. Love the chin head rest thing. My last boyfriend was also a friend who just turned into the love of my life over the course of one night, but there are too many factors in the way of us being together at this moment.

You listen here now, you fussy 42 year old minx. You're not 42, you're 18 plus 24. You have every right to go for what you want and not be made feel shallow or "high maintenance" for it. Clearly you know this already and good for you, as a 21 year old student I hear no end "your 'standards' are too high!", "you're too intimidating to approach", "would you not just shift him like?" - eh no, because I know what I want and I want it now. I want you, because I'm Mr... Now I have 90ms German euro dance stuck in my head. How did I end up here :pac:?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Yeah witchie, I agree. You don't have to settle, or get into something you're not feeling because you think it's all you deserve.

Chain Smoker

Oh I don't think I'd swipe left based on college or whatever, but if I see they studied in MIT or something, if there's anything else at all interesting I'll want to talk.
The fact I seem to be exclusively dealing with Berkeley graduates here right now is probably a bit of a sign too.

In person, it'd never even enter my head to ask, and if I was told I wouldn't give a ****e either, but in that immediate quick process it's the first thing I go to. Going on looks would probably be a more accurate gauge of their intelligence/interests/etc tbh.

spaceCreated

PandaX9 wrote: »

You sound like you're a having great time.

Interestingly enough, when speaking in a group with my girlfriends there was a unanimous consensus that they are much more enclined to swipe left on people who have "Carlow IT", "Ballyfermot College of Further Education", "Waterford IT" etc listed as their education than an those with a NUI university or even no education listed at all. It boiled down to the 6 or so of them saying they are undergraduates in a BSc course in UCD so they feel as though they would have nothing to talk about with someone who had different aspirations. Call it education snobbery but it's a matter of personal preference. Obviously they're making the assumption that guys who go to IT's are more likely to be eejits/whatever you want to say which is a very blanket attitude but they're free to descriminate based on what they want. They would never say it to people in conversation, but they do make these observations all the time.

Thats their prerogative and it is snobbery, but again lots of dating is going to snobbery. You'd imagine in a few years they'll realize how ridiculous it is to be basing on college but by that time it will probably be based on job which is its own form of snobbery I guess. Weird the no job listed is a preference to the IT, is no job assumed better than being in an IT or is it they feel there is a job there? As far as aspirations goes it is probably not the best to base it on college, the course itself would probably be a better indicator, like whats the better aspiration philosophy major in an NUI or robotics in Cork IT? I;m not saying which I think is merely curious as to what your "cohort would think"

KomradeBishop

PandaX9 wrote: »

You sound like you're a having great time.

Interestingly enough, when speaking in a group with my girlfriends there was a unanimous consensus that they are much more enclined to swipe left on people who have "Carlow IT", "Ballyfermot College of Further Education", "Waterford IT" etc listed as their education than an those with a NUI university or even no education listed at all. It boiled down to the 6 or so of them saying they are undergraduates in a BSc course in UCD so they feel as though they would have nothing to talk about with someone who had different aspirations. Call it education snobbery but it's a matter of personal preference. Obviously they're making the assumption that guys who go to IT's are more likely to be eejits/whatever you want to say which is a very blanket attitude but they're free to descriminate based on what they want. They would never say it to people in conversation, but they do make these observations all the time.

That's among the kind of things that wrecks my head about all of this, like I was talking about before - except a different example - that's such an arbitrary thing for your friends to exclude people over, and it is very snobbish.

Things like that aren't just a matter of innate preference, the way many aspects of attraction are, instead they are a choice - and I don't agree with the concept, that just because we're talking about dating, that somehow that kind of stuff should be exempt from criticism.

People seem to take the idea that because some aspects of attraction, are partially innate and difficult to change, thus are free from criticism - that this means all choices in how people select in dating, are similarly free from criticism - but one and the other are not alike.

People are free to act and make whatever decisions they like, just not free from criticism for it - and rightly so - hence I guess, why those people would never state such things openly.

spaceCreated

Doylers wrote: »

Must admit myself that if I saw a CFE or carlow IT I am more inclined to swipe left. Funny enough I'm in Waterford IT so seems other colleges look down on us and we look down on others, kind of messed up. Sure hopefully I'll get a few more matches when its updated with masters in UCD come September :pac:

With a room in Cellbridge to boot :P

Doylers

spaceCreated wrote: »

With a room in Cellbridge to boot :P

Oh im all kinds of freaked out right now :eek::eek: