Online dating

spaceCreated

Doylers wrote: »

Oh im all kinds of freaked out right now :eek::eek:

I'm watching you right now... nah just take a look at my post history if you can't figure out who I am you shouldn't be doing that masters.

Chain Smoker

smash wrote: »

The definition of contradiction

Get some sleep man!

That was the point!

You're gonna have all kinds of particular criteria, the notion of settling is either ridiculous and won't work or horribly bleak. They're elastic though, they.... Stretch? I forget.



The French. I guess they do.

Doylers

spaceCreated wrote: »

I'm watching you right now... nah just take a look at my post history if you can't figure out who I am you shouldn't be doing that masters.

Mark? Who else in applied knows about my plans haha

PandaX9

KomradeBishop wrote: »

That's among the kind of things that wrecks my head about all of this, like I was talking about before - except a different example - that's such an arbitrary thing for your friends to exclude people over, and it is very snobbish.

Things like that aren't just a matter of innate preference, the way many aspects of attraction are, instead they are a choice - and I don't agree with the concept, that just because we're talking about dating, that somehow that kind of stuff should be exempt from criticism.

People seem to take the idea that because some aspects of attraction, are partially innate and difficult to change, thus are free from criticism - that this means all choices in how people select in dating, are similarly free from criticism - but one and the other are not alike.

People are free to act and make whatever decisions they like, just not free from criticism for it - and rightly so - hence I guess, why those people would never state such things openly.

I agree with your observation. It's akin to saying "mechanics need not apply" or "Swipe right only if you work in Deloitte, KMPG, PWC.." Etc.

Differing educations aren't a big deal at all to me, but I find it really unattractive if my lovers aren't curious about the world. If they have absolutely no desire to learn anything new, and open their minds. I really felt it in my last relationship where I would be reading an article about breakthroughs in biomedical science or something like El Niño phenomenon and he would go "what's the point? Sure lets stick on the telly instead.". I love learning new things and its fundamental to me that my lovers share at least some of that interest!

It also ties in to geographical snobbery and classism. Recently had a drunk hard man try to justify his less than respectful behaviour to me by saying "here listen, just by talking to you I can tell that you've been brought up well. You haven't lived like like I have.. So that's why I do these things". Eh, what? Sorry I made no assumptions about your life from you, please extend the same courtesy to me. Also don't see how being "well-brought up" = naive to the injustices of the world. Even the concept of a good upbringing is generally subjective.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

KomradeBishop wrote: »

That's among the kind of things that wrecks my head about all of this, like I was talking about before - except a different example - that's such an arbitrary thing for your friends to exclude people over, and it is very snobbish.

Things like that aren't just a matter of innate preference, the way many aspects of attraction are, instead they are a choice - and I don't agree with the concept, that just because we're talking about dating, that somehow that kind of stuff should be exempt from criticism.

People seem to take the idea that because some aspects of attraction, are partially innate and difficult to change, thus are free from criticism - that this means all choices in how people select in dating, are similarly free from criticism - but one and the other are not alike.

People are free to act and make whatever decisions they like, just not free from criticism for it - and rightly so - hence I guess, why those people would never state such things openly.

Would you not see them as doing you a favour though? Imagine being stuck with someone that pretentious? Lord save us. It would be minus craic. It reminds me of a girl I went to school with, she went off to the UK to do nursing, very snobbish. I was good friends with her in primary school when I was still suitable company. But as we got older, she would just make you feel really bad about yourself.

Anyway, another one of the girls did nursing in Dublin but didn't enjoy it, took ages to finish etc. And when she finally did finish she was working in dunnes, and not as a nurse... The girl home from the uk met her in dunnes one day and asked her when she had plans on "getting a real job".

I don't know, if they were excluding me on the basis I didn't go to the right school, I'd be inclined to be thankful.

Superhero1993

Guys get called dick's for not wanting to go out with women that are overweight, which they can change yet women can dismiss a guy for his height, which he can't change. I'm 5'11" so don't have that problem but I've some small friends and I don't see that as fair.
By all means, its OK to not go out with a guy if yea too small for you but its not fair when guys are called shallow for not being attracted to heavier women

Witchie

I don't care what job someone has as long as they work hard and are motivated and happy.

Same goes for colleges. As long as they are willing to put in an effort to learn then I am good with that.

Basically I can't be dealing with someone who is happy to just plod through life expecting everything to be handed to them.

Unless they are mega mega rich....then shave him and bring him to my room. ��

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Guys get called dick's for not wanting to go out with women that are overweight, which they can change yet women can dismiss a guy for his height, which he can't change. I'm 5'11" so don't have that problem but I've some small friends and I don't see that as fair.
By all means, its OK to not go out with a guy if yea too small for you but its not fair when guys are called shallow for not being attracted to heavier women

No if a guy doesn't want to date someone overweight he's not a dick.
If he doesn't want to date her because she's too tall, he's not a dick.
If he's not attracted to her, he's not a dick.

What I would take issue with is a man who'll ride said overweight girl and act like she's good enough to **** but not good enough for anything else. That's being a dick. He either likes her or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he should leave her alone.

Superhero1993

LexieOnRale wrote:

What I would take issue with is a man who'll ride said overweight girl and act like she's good enough to **** but not good enough for anything else. That's being a dick. He either likes her or he doesn't. If he doesn't then he should leave her alone.

LexieOnRale wrote:

No if a guy doesn't want to date someone overweight he's not a dick. If he doesn't want to date her because she's too tall, he's not a dick. If he's not attracted to her, he's not a dick.

That's very true but ya hear plenty of guys getting slammed for not finding overweight women attractive.

Mister Vain

PandaX9 wrote: »

I know what I want and I want it now. I want you, because I'm Mr...

I'm here.

Witchie

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Guys get called dick's for not wanting to go out with women that are overweight, which they can change yet women can dismiss a guy for his height, which he can't change. I'm 5'11" so don't have that problem but I've some small friends and I don't see that as fair.
By all means, its OK to not go out with a guy if yea too small for you but its not fair when guys are called shallow for not being attracted to heavier women

As one of these women I have absolutely no problem with a guy not being attracted to me because of my weight. Just be nice about it.

Recently matched with someone on Tinder who obviously hadn't looked past my first picture or would have known my larger lady status.

While chatting to me he noticed and asked. I confirmed and he very politely said that wasn't for him. I told him I understood coz I can be fussy like that about height. Turns out he was 5'5" and we had a laugh about it and unmatched. The world is still turning.

I know am not everyone's cup of tea but then I would rather be some guy's glass of Bollinger than a mug of Barrys.

KERSPLAT!

Superhero1993 wrote: »

That's very true but ya hear plenty of guys getting slammed for not finding overweight women attractive.

This isn't true, IMO. If you don't find someone attractive, be it because of their hair colour, weight, height, etc. that's your prerogative. You can't be forced to find someone attractive.

J Mysterio

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Do guys get women viewing their profiles and messaging them first?

Ive had a few but havent been 'into them'.

KomradeBishop

PandaX9 wrote: »

I agree with your observation. It's akin to saying "mechanics need not apply" or "Swipe right only if you work in Deloitte, KMPG, PWC.." Etc.

Differing educations aren't a big deal at all to me, but I find it really unattractive if my lovers aren't curious about the world. If they have absolutely no desire to learn anything new, and open their minds. I really felt it in my last relationship where I would be reading an article about breakthroughs in biomedical science or something like El Niño phenomenon and he would go "what's the point? Sure lets stick on the telly instead.". I love learning new things and its fundamental to me that my lovers share at least some of that interest!

It also ties in to geographical snobbery and classism. Recently had a drunk hard man try to justify his less than respectful behaviour to me by saying "here listen, just by talking to you I can tell that you've been brought up well. You haven't lived like like I have.. So that's why I do these things". Eh, what? Sorry I made no assumptions about your life from you, please extend the same courtesy to me. Also don't see how being "well-brought up" = naive to the injustices of the world. Even the concept of a good upbringing is generally subjective.

That's fair enough on the preference for someone who is intellectually engaging and who has a curiosity to learn new things - that'd be something I'd look out for myself as well.

I've found as well, that this doesn't necessarily correlate well with someones education or academic credentials as well - e.g. some fields of study lead people into very rigid/uncritical ways of thinking, whereas someone with a good level of critical thinking and humility about their own intelligence, with a more modest education, can be far more intelligent than someone who likes to collect and be recognized by their credentials.

Going off on a tangent a bit, but: A lot of the time though, I get the impression that sometimes when people say they look out for intelligence in a partner, it's actually a proxy for something else they are looking for - having interesting things to say, being a good storyteller/explainer, or simply being successful professionally - which doesn't necessarily have much to do with academic intelligence, and e.g. can lead to matching with people who only have a very superficial/pseudo-intellectual knowledge of a subject, yet who are good storytellers/explainers.

Nothing wrong with that per se - just something interesting I've noticed before.

PandaX9

Witchie wrote: »

As one of these women I haveabsolutely no problem with a guy not being attracted to me because of my weight. Just be nice about it.

Recently matched with someone on Tunder who obviously hadn't looked past my first picture or would have known my larger lady status.

While chatting to me he noticed and asked. I confirmed and he cery politely said that wasn't for him. I told him I understood coz I can be fussy like that about height. Turns out he was 5'5" and we had a laugh about it and unmatched. The world is still turning.

I know am not everyone's cup of tea but then I would rather be some guy's glass of Bollinger than a mug of Barrys.

I am by no means a small girl but neither am I a 300+ pound queen labouring under delusions of having an eating disorder. I would class myself as being normal.

Once on tinder, some guy's first words were "Can't tell if you're curvy or just fat". I don't understand the need to try to illicit a reaction like that, if you think I'm fat why swipe yes to me and if you're just being inflammatory to get my attention, I have nothing to justify to you. No skin off my nose but I could imagine someone's feelings being hurt for something like that.

Superhero1993

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

This isn't true, IMO. If you don't find someone attractive, be it because of their hair colour, weight, height, etc. that's your prerogative. You can't be forced to find someone attractive.

That's true but I disagree that guys aren't criticised for having problem with a womans weight.

Mister Vain

PandaX9 wrote: »

I find it rare that people state their height measurements on tinder so I've no real way of knowing unless they/I ask before the date.

This is another thing I've wondered about. Tinder doesn't have all the info of other dating sites so if you're just going by a photo and its a headshot, do you ask about their height?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Superhero1993 wrote: »

That's true but I disagree that guys aren't criticised for having problem with a womans weight.

Really? I don't see that at all. Unless you're being a dick about it.

KomradeBishop

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Would you not see them as doing you a favour though? Imagine being stuck with someone that pretentious? Lord save us. It would be minus craic. It reminds me of a girl I went to school with, she went off to the UK to do nursing, very snobbish. I was good friends with her in primary school when I was still suitable company. But as we got older, she would just make you feel really bad about yourself.

Anyway, another one of the girls did nursing in Dublin but didn't enjoy it, took ages to finish etc. And when she finally did finish she was working in dunnes, and not as a nurse... The girl home from the uk met her in dunnes one day and asked her when she had plans on "getting a real job".

I don't know, if they were excluding me on the basis I didn't go to the right school, I'd be inclined to be thankful.

Ya I wouldn't want to be stuck with someone who was snobbish like that - but at the same time, if that type of person doesn't openly display such behaviour, you might end up matched with someone like that, and not find out for a long time.

I don't think people are always conscious of when they can be like that either as well.

Superhero1993

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Really? I don't see that at all. Unless you're being a dick about it.

May just be different perspectives. It is true that some guys are pigs which is a part of it.

KERSPLAT!

If you're being a dick about it you deserve to be pulled up on it. You in the general sense not you specifically.

J Mysterio

[Deleted User] wrote: »

The minimum height I like a man to be is 5'8 but really I prefer a tall man. I'm only 5'4 but I just love it when the guy is much taller.

Equally, I like petit ladies. Im 6ft.

PandaX9

Superhero1993 wrote: »

May just be different perspectives. It is true that some guys are pigs which is a part of it.

Likewise some wimmins can be ignorant also. If you're not attracted to someone, you're fully within your rights not to be but if you do choose to disclose that information - just keep it in the back of head, be sensitive and nice about it but leave no ambiguity.

It's a tough one. You're not under obligation to explain to someone why you don't want to take things further, but if you do it's either hard to tell them the actual reason if it is related to their appearance or say it diplomatically.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Ya I wouldn't want to be stuck with someone who was snobbish like that - but at the same time, if that type of person doesn't openly display such behaviour, you might end up matched with someone like that, and not find out for a long time.

I don't think people are always conscious of when they can be like that either as well.

My partners a bit like that. Not in a nasty way, but it does play on my mind a bit. When I left school I went to a real college, got myself a real degree. After I graduated, I took a year to myself and completed two more diplomas in a complete different industry, which I work at now.
I absolutely love my job. Yeah it's got nothing to do with my real degree and I'm sure people think I'm a bit thick.

My partner had to study for something like 7 years before he qualified completely in his field. I know him over 10 years, so he knows I'm not stupid, and the funny thing is, my "trade" means I bring in just a little bit less than him depending how much hours I put in, but he'll still tell me to "get a real job" sometimes.

If we were just getting to know each other at this stage, I'd tell him to sling his hook but people do look down on certain jobs, or there's stereotypes associated with different professions. People are weird.

Superhero1993

PandaX9 wrote: »

Likewise some wimmins can be ignorant also. If you're not attracted to someone, you're fully within your rights not to be but if you do choose to disclose that information - just keep it in the back of head, be sensitive and nice about it but leave no ambiguity.

It's a tough one. You're not under obligation to explain to someone why you don't want to take things further, but if you do it's either hard to tell them the actual reason if it is related to their appearance or say it diplomatically.

Totally agree. I would never tell a woman her weight is why I am not interested. That would be an awful thing to do to her. Mind you, weight doesn't bother me.

Superhero1993

LexieOnRale wrote: »

My partners a bit like that. Not in a nasty way, but it does play on my mind a bit. When I left school I went to a real college, got myself a real degree. After I graduated, I took a year to myself and completed two more diplomas in a complete different industry, which I work at now.
I absolutely love my job. Yeah it's got nothing to do with my real degree and I'm sure people think I'm a bit thick.

My partner had to study for something like 7 years before he qualified completely in his field. I know him over 10 years, so he knows I'm not stupid, and the funny thing is, my "trade" means I bring in just a little bit less than him depending how much hours I put in, but he'll still tell me to "get a real job" sometimes.

If we were just getting to know each other at this stage, I'd tell him to sling his hook but people do look down on certain jobs, or there's stereotypes associated with different professions. People are weird.

As long as my woman is happy, id be delighted with her being a bin lady. Couldn't give a ****.

Mister Vain

Superhero1993 wrote: »

That's true but I disagree that guys aren't criticised for having problem with a womans weight.

I think its more that men get a hard time for turning down a woman regardless of her appearance. It has happened to me a few times. A girl shows an interest in me. I'm not attracted to her so I politely say no. Then I get people saying "Are you gay? You're too fussy" etc. From my experience women don't get criticised as much for declining an offer.

Witchie

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Totally agree. I would never tell a woman her weight is why I am not interested. That would be an awful thing to do to her. Mind you, weight doesn't bother me.

*crosses fingers*

1993 was when you became a superhero....not when you were born?

PandaX9

Mister Vain wrote: »

This is another thing I've wondered about. Tinder doesn't have all the info of other dating sites so if you're just going by a photo and its a headshot, do you ask about their height?

I generally don't ask about height. However, I have in the past when the date is something that we're going to walk around in a lot/enough to be side by side for ages and I want to know what kind of heels to wear.

But nowadays I just don't care, if I'm wearing heels and turn out to be taller than my date - he's not actually shorter than me it's just a visual effect.

Superhero1993

Witchie wrote: »

*crosses fingers*

1993 was when you became a superhero....not when you were born?

Sadly was when I was born lol 22 years old ha Age is only a number tho