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Online dating

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    #1142
    I Am Justice82
    Registered Users Posts: 23 ✭I Am Justice82


    I haven,t used any dating sites in ages now, when I did use em one observation I noted & found was if he have non drinker in your profile some people will assume you have or had a drink problem in the past, for example there was times I would be exchanging messages back and forth with a girl and Id get a message saying " I see on your profile you re a non drinker , I hope you don,t have any drink problems, can I ask why you don,t drink ? "

    Id just reply back that in real life I was never a drinker and that,s all there is to it, just because someone has non drinker on their profile doesn,t mean the fellow has drink problems or is some recovering alcoholic , some people just aren,t into the drinking culture- on a night out sometimes I might drink a Becks non alcoholic or drink lucozade for the night .


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    #1143
    Superhero1993
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Superhero1993


    Witchie, Persoply and Lyiaera I wish more women were like ye. Its nice getting messages first or at least replies. I set up POF yesterday, not one message yet. Quite demoralising tbh.


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    #1144
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Superhero1993 wrote: »
    Witchie, Persoply and Lyiaera I wish more women were like ye. Its nice getting messages first or at least replies. I set up POF yesterday, not one message yet. Quite demoralising tbh.

    Would you consider asking for access to the online dating forum here? You can request some of the posters to have a look at your profile and see if it needs a bit of work. It may be that which is the problem. Or perhaps a bit of time is required. I go days without getting a message.

    Have you sent any yourself?


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    #1145
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Superhero1993 wrote: »
    Witchie, Persoply and Lyiaera I wish more women were like ye. Its nice getting messages first or at least replies. I set up POF yesterday, not one message yet. Quite demoralising tbh.

    Yesterday... You need to give it time. Not to say they will message but if you're disappointed after 24hours you're in for a world of disappointment with online dating


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    #1146
    Superhero1993
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Superhero1993


    KERSPLAT! wrote:
    Yesterday... You need to give it time. Not to say they will message but if you're disappointed after 24hours you're in for a world of disappointment with online dating


    It was a restart with fresh new pics. I had been on it for about two months with little success prior


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    #1147
    Superhero1993
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Superhero1993


    Deleted User wrote:
    Would you consider asking for access to the online dating forum here? You can request some of the posters to have a look at your profile and see if it needs a bit of work. It may be that which is the problem. Or perhaps a bit of time is required. I go days without getting a message.

    Deleted User wrote:
    Have you sent any yourself?

    I've sent a good few. I can't get into that forum yet cos I only joined boards.ie a few days ago.


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    #1148
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I Am Justice82 wrote: »
    I haven,t used any dating sites in ages now, when I did use em one observation I noted & found was if he have non drinker in your profile some people will assume you have or had a drink problem in the past, for example there was times I would be exchanging messages back and forth with a girl and Id get a message saying " I see on your profile you re a non drinker , I hope you don,t have any drink problems, can I ask why you don,t drink ? "

    I find that very odd. Perhaps the women wondering about it had experienced problem drinking from others in the past so were very cautious.


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    #1149
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Superhero1993 wrote: »
    Witchie, Persoply and Lyiaera I wish more women were like ye. Its nice getting messages first or at least replies. I set up POF yesterday, not one message yet. Quite demoralising tbh.


    Come on kid! Have you wrote to any ladies?
    I did online dating on and off for about 6 months a couple years ago, and you know how many men I wrote to? None. Not one. Nada.
    There was plenty that I liked, I just didn't want to be the one to do it first. So don't lose heart. Make the first move.


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    #1150
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Superhero1993 wrote: »
    It was a restart with fresh new pics. I had been on it for about two months with little success prior

    Do you have your detail section filled out?
    Height,
    Smoker
    Drinker
    Want/doesn't want children
    Etc


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    #1151
    Superhero1993
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Superhero1993


    Yup, alls filled out. 5'11" don't drink, don't smoke and wants kids. All pretty normal apart from not drinking


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    #1152
    Felix Jones is God
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,160 ✭✭✭Felix Jones is God


    Superhero1993 wrote: »
    I've wrote to a pile too






    Yup, alls filled out. 5'11" don't drink, don't smoke and wants kids. All pretty normal apart from not drinking

    Leave out the don't drink bit.
    Not because people may think you have a problem with alcohol, but because the Irish date scene revolves around bars and clubs, alcohol is a relaxant... If she's drinking and she knows you aren't before you even meet... Well..I think a lot of women will strike you off the list and not give you a chance.
    Leave it blank, and maybe make it a topic of conversation on a first date
    *Just my opinion*


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    #1153
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Is it normal to tell people on a dating site whether you want kids or not? Imagine getting that before even having a coffee? Cya after!


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    #1154
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    Witchie wrote: »
    Am right next door to ya baby....but am too old and decrepit for the likes of you!

    In fact my house is about 3 miles from the border of Armagh. :eek:
    Ah now don't say that ;) I've been on a few dates with Farney women in my time... they don't call me the border fox for nothing :p


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    #1155
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Is it normal to tell people on a dating site whether you want kids or not? Imagine getting that before even having a coffee? Cya after!

    Definitely. It's a hugely fundamental issue that can't be compromised on. It's important to be transparent and open about this. I'm not going to risk falling in love with a man who doesn't want what I want regarding children.


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    #1156
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Definitely. It's a hugely fundamental issue that can't be compromised on. It's important to be transparent and open about this. I'm not going to risk falling in love with a man who doesn't want what I want regarding children.

    I'm sure there's a little time between a first date/messaging online and falling in love... There certainly is for me


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    #1157
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,081 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    "I have 2 kids, I love them. I'm going to put loads of pictures of them on my profile. If you don't like my kids you can feck off."

    I don't mind single mothers but this kind of thing is off-putting.


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    #1158
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    I'm sure there's a little time between a first date/messaging online and falling in love... There certainly is for me

    Of course there is. But first dates can and do lead to love. When do you think the children conversation should happen?


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    #1159
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Is it normal to tell people on a dating site whether you want kids or not? Imagine getting that before even having a coffee? Cya after!

    Certainly on POF it's one of the questions that are mandatory on your profile (although you can click 'Prefer not to say').

    I think it's a good thing. Makes little or no difference if you're looking for a hookup alright. But if you're looking for anything serious it's probably the most fundamental thing that may rule someone in or out of long term plans. You don't have to say a definite yes or no, there's a 'not sure' option too.


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    #1160
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,081 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Of course there is. But first dates can and do lead to love. When do you think the children conversation should happen?

    Much much later.


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    #1161
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Definitely. It's a hugely fundamental issue that can't be compromised on. It's important to be transparent and open about this. I'm not going to risk falling in love with a man who doesn't want what I want regarding children.


    Do you know before you even meet someone? It took me 6 odd years to come around to the idea, and if me and the luckiest man ended in the morning, I'd tell you straight up, I wouldn't be interested in having kids with someone else.

    I'd be a little (a lot) unnerved if that conversation was being put out there in the first couple of months. I'd ghost the sh1t out of someone if they dropped that into convo


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    #1162
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    Got a message from a guy I was chatting to ages ago. Cut it off pretty quickly then because he wasn't interested in a relationship.

    He messaged me again today, and his persistence was paying off. He's a really smart guy, witty, knows himself, knows what he wants. We cleared up some compatibility issues, being quite forthright. Then I said I'd meet up with him. He's all, "Should I book a room." "No. I'm not interested in that." He starts talking again, mildly pushing the issue. So I lay it out, I am not averse to sex, but I am not looking for a hook up. You're a smart man, who wants what he wants, and I'm a smart woman who wants something else. If we can't figure the differences between us then there's no point to this. And there were no more messages after that.

    And it's strange, especially with how open I was with him about some personal details, but it was good in a way. We might be able to have a good one night thing, but I'm not interested in that. That's all he's interested in. But he was open about it, and clear that he's only interested in that. Which is so refreshing from all those guys who start conversations, talk about wanting a relationship, but always seem to turn everything back to sex, no matter what you're talking about.

    I like this guy. I think he'd make some woman very happy if he was ever interested in that (or maybe he already has and is looking for a bit on the side, or doesn't see me as anything more.) But to have a smart, and confident man, who is secure in himself look to you for that and can do it without being creepy is quite gratifying. I hope he finds what he wants.


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    #1163
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    I'm sure there's a little time between a first date/messaging online and falling in love... There certainly is for me

    Not me. If we haven't set the date in the first message, then what's the point? I mean I've got the wedding dress, the cake and the bouquet bought already and the flowers are starting to wilt, I need to find a husband NOW!!


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    #1164
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    I'm far more likely to think, "I need to find a beer, NOW!" than a husband. Speaking of which...


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    #1165
    BlondeMoment
    Closed Accounts Posts: 142 ✭✭BlondeMoment


    What age ranges does everyone have in terms of profiles that show up for them?

    Im 27 and have age preference of 26 to 34-35. I dont like men younger than me so 26 is pushing it!

    Similar to the height preferences, do people dismiss possible conquests based on their age?


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    #1166
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Deleted User wrote: »
    Of course there is. But first dates can and do lead to love. When do you think the children conversation should happen?

    There is no set time and I'm sure it varies greatly depending on the couple or couple to be but for me it wouldn't be something for the early stages of a relationship


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    #1167
    Superhero1993
    Closed Accounts Posts: 126 ✭✭Superhero1993


    BlondeMoment wrote: »
    What age ranges does everyone have in terms of profiles that show up for them?

    Im 27 and have age preference of 26 to 34-35. I dont like men younger than me so 26 is pushing it!

    Similar to the height preferences, do people dismiss possible conquests based on their age?
    Im very mature for my age but older women (even only slightly older) won't go for a 22 year old which is kinda ****.


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    #1168
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Do you know before you even meet someone? It took me 6 odd years to come around to the idea, and if me and the luckiest man ended in the morning, I'd tell you straight up, I wouldn't be interested in having kids with someone else.

    I'd be a little (a lot) unnerved if that conversation was being put out there in the first couple of months. I'd ghost the sh1t out of someone if they dropped that into convo

    I know regardless of who the man would be. I mean it's not something that's dependent on a particular type of man. I would like children. If I was in a relationship with someone who didn't then the sooner we have that conversation the better. This is especially the case for women of a certain age.

    I can't imagine getting to know someone and falling in love with them only to have to walk away because he doesn't want children.


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    #1169
    maudgonner
    Registered Users Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭maudgonner


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Do you know before you even meet someone? It took me 6 odd years to come around to the idea, and if me and the luckiest man ended in the morning, I'd tell you straight up, I wouldn't be interested in having kids with someone else.

    I'd be a little (a lot) unnerved if that conversation was being put out there in the first couple of months. I'd ghost the sh1t out of someone if they dropped that into convo

    Some people absolutely know they want children though. And some know absolutely that they don't.

    For everyone else it's a grey area that may evolve. But if you know for definite, then I think it's a good thing that you look for someone who is at least open to the same plans as you. It depends how important it is to you.


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    #1170
    armaghlad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,660 ✭✭✭armaghlad


    BlondeMoment wrote: »
    What age ranges does everyone have in terms of profiles that show up for them?

    Im 27 and have age preference of 26 to 34-35. I dont like men younger than me so 26 is pushing it!

    Similar to the height preferences, do people dismiss possible conquests based on their age?
    I've been as low as 18 and as high as 38 though I'd maybe go a bit older (im 28)... Age doesn't bother me in that sense, if ya get on with each other what odds it's only a number.


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    #1171
    Mister Vain
    Registered Users Posts: 6,081 ✭✭✭Mister Vain


    BlondeMoment wrote: »
    What age ranges does everyone have in terms of profiles that show up for them?

    Im 27 and have age preference of 26 to 34-35. I dont like men younger than me so 26 is pushing it!

    Similar to the height preferences, do people dismiss possible conquests based on their age?

    I'm 32 and I have it set from 24-34.


This discussion has been closed.
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