Online dating

Legal Action

Penny Tration wrote: »

If you've been rejected by every woman you've ever approached, there's something going wrong. I dunno if it's your approach, your standards or your looks. I doubt it's your looks though. I know you say you're below average but many, many "below average" people get dates.

Actually I think my biggest problem is I'm introverted. Introversion seems to be the biggest turn off to woman. I wish I could one of the cocky outgoing types who seem to get all the girls but it's just not me.

Superhero1993

stateofflux wrote: »

Bollox. thats low Self opinion talking. noone is better than anyone else. there is no such thing as 'standards'. Get out there, have fun, and dont take anybody seriously. Regret is way worse than rejection.

Fully agree with this. We are all created equal, I fully believe I could get Ariana Grande if she visited my town etc

Shint0

Legal Action wrote: »

Man, I've pretty much given up on relationships and women at this stage. Online or off, nothing ever works for me. People say "looks don't matter" but they do and if you're below average like me then the game was rigged from the start.

I really don't want to be one of those bitter women hating weirdos but a lifetime of rejection from the opposite sex...well it starts to change your opinion of things.

Some of us men just weren't meant to be with women. Maybe I should join a monastery or something.

Don't take every rejection personally. Sometimes people are just not in the right space, place or time to engage or respond. It's not always about you

Penny Tration

Legal Action wrote: »

Actually I think my biggest problem is I'm introverted. Introversion seems to be the biggest turn off to woman. I wish I could one of the cocky outgoing types who seem to get all the girls but it's just not me.

Ah. Yeah I'm gonna be honest, that probably isn't helping.

You don't need to be cocky and outgoing, though. Chatty and friendly can work, but that depends on just how introverted you may be. Introverted to the point of struggling to hold a conversation, make a joke, flirt and needing constant alone time? That'll hinder you.

Legal Action

Shint0 wrote: »

Don't take every rejection personally. Sometimes people are just not in the right space, place or time to engage or respond. It's not always about you

Kind off hard not to when it's a lifetime of rejection. I know other men in a similar boat to me. And they're not a bunch of Elliot Rodger creeps, they're normal guys who have good jobs, aren't fat or ugly, but just seem to interest women.

Legal Action

Shint0 wrote: »

Don't take every rejection personally. Sometimes people are just not in the right space, place or time to engage or respond. It's not always about you

Kind off hard not to when it's a lifetime of rejection. I know other men in a similar boat to me. And they're not a bunch of Elliot Rodger creeps, they're normal guys who have good jobs, aren't fat or ugly, but just don't seem to interest women.

Legal Action

Penny Tration wrote: »

Ah. Yeah I'm gonna be honest, that probably isn't helping.

You don't need to be cocky and outgoing, though. Chatty and friendly can work, but that depends on just how introverted you may be. Introverted to the point of struggling to hold a conversation, make a joke, flirt and needing constant alone time? That'll hinder you.

I'm fine in a one to one situation. Put me in group and I clam up. I guess women see me as the quite boring guy and lose all interest. Oh well, I can always work hard now, save up retire early to Thailand!

Mister Vain

Legal Action wrote: »

I'm fine in a one to one situation. Put me in group and I clam up. I guess women see me as the quite boring guy and lose all interest. Oh well, I can always work hard now, save up retire early to Thailand!

Don't be that guy.

I think a lot of people used to see me as the boring guy because I don't drink much. I wouldn't be good in groups either but I started doing other activities and meeting people on meetup which helped me a lot and I said bollox to the others. Do what you enjoy doing.

Legal Action

Mister Vain wrote: »

Don't be that guy.

I think a lot of people used to see me as the boring guy because I don't drink much. I wouldn't be good in groups either but I started doing other activities and meeting people on meetup which helped me a lot and I said bollox to the others. Do what you enjoy doing.

Well I don't know, might be better to have a trophy Thai wife than be alone. We'll see.

Mister Vain

Legal Action wrote: »

Well I don't know, might be better to have a trophy Thai wife than be alone. We'll see.

Well all joking aside, a guy I work with is married to a Filipina and he seems quite happy. Like that he's fairly introverted and never drank so found it difficult to meet women.

Testament1

Is it just me or has Tinder gone quiet lately? I was dating a girl for a while so I deleted my account. Things ended up not working out so I went back on Tinder and am getting nowhere near the amount of matches/replies that I used to. App seems ridiculously buggy too, crashes after a few swipes.

Signed up to POF recently but haven't used it much yet.

PucaMama

Legal Action wrote: »

Kind off hard not to when it's a lifetime of rejection. I know other men in a similar boat to me. And they're not a bunch of Elliot Rodger creeps, they're normal guys who have good jobs, aren't fat or ugly, but just don't seem to interest women.

You are aware women look for more than good looks and money/jobs in relationships?

Legal Action

PucaMama wrote: »

You are aware women look for more than good looks and money/jobs in relationships?

Yep. They look for out going cocky guys.

armaghlad

Legal Action wrote: »

Yep. They look for out going cocky guys.

Not really. I'm quite shy and it hadn't stopped me meeting women

PucaMama

Legal Action wrote: »

Yep. They look for out going cocky guys.

No they don't. You know women are people too. Have you ever thought we might want someone we have things in common with?

Shint0

Legal Action wrote: »

Yep. They look for out going cocky guys.

You do come across as having a slight defeatist negative attitude which can be a self fulfilling prophecy. You got to play with the habit of winning.

Lyaiera

PucaMama wrote: »

No they don't. You know women are people too. Have you ever thought we might want someone we have things in common with?

"They always go for the cocky guy who treats them bad. Not a nice guy like me who'd treat them good. Stupid women. I hate them."

Legal Action

Lyaiera wrote: »

"They always go for the cocky guy who treats them bad. Not a nice guy like me who'd treat them good. Stupid women. I hate them."

**** off I never said that. It's my experience that women go for the out going cocky types. That doesn't make me a women hater.

spaceCreated

Legal Action wrote: »

Yep. They look for out going cocky guys.

Yeah, if you act like a jack#ss they'll be all over you???? TBH I think you're confusing cocky and outgoing with someone whose willing to chat/flirt or make an attempt with a girl. Its like trying to win the lottery without playing...

Lyaiera

Legal Action wrote: »

**** off I never said that. It's my experience that women go for the out going cocky types. That doesn't make me a women hater.

I'm not taking specifically about you, but it's something that was said to me last night. How women go for assholes, and end up crying over them and if only they went for me. He was blaming women for not choosing him. I told him to get over it. If you can't respect women enough to make their own choices, even bad ones, and date someone who isn't you you'll get nowhere.

Shake it off. They're the ones missing out. Keep looking for someone who appreciates you.

KERSPLAT!

Folks there's a rereg that's going to keep reregging to post in this thread specifically. If you think someone is trolling your best off not responding and just report the post, the quicker the mods see it the quick we can ban and delete the posts.

Penny Tration

Penny Tration wrote: »

That's... Not true.

If a woman isn't immediately delighted or jumping into bed with you, that's not being guarded. that's being normal.

If you think a woman isn't worth the effort, don't even try.

My boyfriend is a nice guy. He's also not a pushover, has plenty of confidence and wasn't afraid to tell me to fcuk off or otherwise treat me like a human. He also waited months for sex - not because I'm guarded. Because I have standards I stick to. He didn't put in extra effort. he knew I wasn't the gushing, clingy, desperate for sex type. He knew that from the beginning and chose to stay. He wasn't making effort, he was being himself.

There are plenty of women out there who because of past experiences where they weren't treated the best in relationships then they will be very very hesitant and guarded to get involved again.

They will be too terrified to take the chance.

BunkMoreland

I guess I'm a loser, la-hooooo-a-hoooser!

Mister Vain

Has anyone ever matched with someone they work with or someone they know? On that new show First Dates, there were two people who had actually been on a date before. The guy didn't recognise her. Anyone here ever been in a similar awkward situation?

Shint0

Deleted User wrote: »

There are plenty of women out there who because of past experiences where they weren't treated the best in relationships then they will be very very hesitant and guarded to get involved again.

They will be too terrified to take the chance.

That's very true, Persepoly and Lord knows I have had my trust violated not just romantically. The way I have tried to overcome this is to try look at things ojbectively and say that was about that person, that individual themselves, not me. Society can't function without taking a chance, without at least some level of blind trust. When I approach a green traffic light I have to trust that the other cars will stop for the red.
So I have to believe that not all men are B's in the same way not all women are B's either. I do believe in giving people a chance, even second chances. Good people can sometimes screw up. Yet sometimes we meet someone where the chemistry is so powerful it can knock you down, the passion so strong you can't even breathe yet if they are not reliable you have to let them go and I have had to do it. There will always be one who 'who got away' and maybe it was for the best.

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

There are plenty of women out there who because of past experiences where they weren't treated the best in relationships then they will be very very hesitant and guarded to get involved again.

They will be too terrified to take the chance.

I agree but likewise that does not apply to all women. Not to "boast" but I've had past lovers do unbelievably disrespectful and hurtful things to me in the past - but luckily enough that does not cause me to freeze up when I meet men who share any characteristics that remind me of whichever ex. I have put it to rest in my head, yes X man was a dick to me for Y reason and did Z thing to me - it was all him. It wasn't me, or anything to do with me - it was all him. Likewise it wasn't all men who are 6 foot 2 and have black hair, it was all him. I don't fear people who possess a penis because someone who had one hurt me once. However, I know that I was not always in such a good place mentally and I do not judge those women who are finding it hard to find themselves be free of fear.

I agree with your point nonetheless - unfortunately there are people out there with lasting psychological effects that can be felt. There are a multitude of reasons why. Mental health comes into it and sometimes, some people have been so broken down by others that it takes them a lot to recover, if at all.

PandaX9

Legal Action wrote: »

Kind off hard not to when it's a lifetime of rejection. I know other men in a similar boat to me. And they're not a bunch of Elliot Rodger creeps, they're normal guys who have good jobs, aren't fat or ugly, but just seem to interest women.

I think that when dating, fundamentally the most important thing to realise that if you approach someone and they do not want to interact with you or reject you - it could be for any number of reasons. Simply today I had a guy message me on Tinder with a very desperate attitude asking why I had replied to one of his messages, but not subsequent ones. In theory, I owe him no explanation but I didn't want the guy to be more hurt than he already had been and I told him the truth of the matter:

We matched, we spoke for a bit and then life got in the way. I matched with someone else who really captivated my attention and I began to focus on this one person. I more or less stopped chatting to everyone on tinder - it wasn't just him - as myself and the other chap moved onto whatsapp. I was telling my friend about it, and she said its common for her to do that too when she meets someone she likes. The chap who initially asked me why I didn't reply was satisfied with the answer, thanked me for the reply.. But then kind of shot himself in the foot by saying "ah but would you not give me a chance, I think you're a cracker and I feel like this only ever happens to me because I've matched with 500 people and only 20 have replied to my messages" blah blah blah. Again I told him that unfortunately a match does not guarantee that the other people will want to talk to you for a number of reasons or may disappear from a conversation, and not to take it personally.

I know, same as anyone, how hard it can be to find someone who is attracted to you. There have been times in my life where I felt like the ugliest, most dull woman on earth simply because I felt like no one wanted to be with me. This was down to three things;

1) it wasn't true but sometimes when you feel this way it can be projected in your behaviour, call it desperation or trying too hard
2) I did not want to be with the people that did want to be with me, perhaps someone had been asking me out at the time but for whatever reason I was not attracted to them in anyway. Elliot Rodgers types LOVE honing in on this - "how dare she say she is unlucky in love/lonely/nobody wants her when I have asked her out and she rejected me!! I hate wimmins!!"
3) there wasn't the opportunity for me to meet the right person, or people. Sometimes time and fate just factor into these things to be honest.

Yes I firmly believe it is not the case for all women and all men. It's just something I think we should be aware of when dating.

Chain Smoker

RE date ideas, my only suggestion would be to not bother with anything you don't feel really okay about. If you don't feel like going to some restaurant is going to be very conducive to good conversation and whatnot, it's not an environment you particularly like, **** it.

I actually hate hate hate eating out with strangers. I've made it work with a few people by finding ways to make that in itself part of the experience when they want to go to one, but it's usually fairly likely to be an awful experience for all involved. No point wasting both of your time with something you know will be ****

armaghlad

Mister Vain wrote: »

Has anyone ever matched with someone they work with or someone they know? On that new show First Dates, there were two people who had actually been on a date before. The guy didn't recognise her. Anyone here ever been in a similar awkward situation?

Matched with a few that I knew to see but quite on speaking terms. Hooked up with one. Big mistake!