Online dating

He could wear a jumper full of holes for all I'd care. I'd notice but it's not for me to say what someone should or shouldn't wear.

Today I'm wearing purple leggings, purple runners, grey tshirt with a white Indian kinda pattern, blue hoody, oversized cloth bag with black and white strips, hair on top of my head a la birds nest and not a scrap of makeup.

If any person attempted to change or suggest I wear something different they would be shown the door.

Superhero1993

Deleted User wrote:

Today I'm wearing purple leggings, purple runners, grey tshirt with a white Indian kinda pattern, blue hoody, oversized cloth bag with black and white strips, hair on top of my head a la birds nest and not a scrap of makeup.

Be still my beating heart

thattequilagirl

Deleted User wrote: »

He could wear a jumper full of holes for all I'd care. I'd notice but it's not for me to say what someone should or shouldn't wear.

Today I'm wearing purple leggings, purple runners, grey tshirt with a white Indian kinda pattern, blue hoody, oversized cloth bag with black and white strips, hair on top of my head a la birds nest and not a scrap of makeup.

If any person attempted to change or suggest I wear something different they would be shown the door.

Nah I would never tell a fella what to wear. I might however buy him something lovely in a style he might not have tried before to see if he likes it! Would never be a deciding factor for me, but I make an effort when I meet him, I don't think it's awful of me to think he should too!

Pac1Man

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Nah I would never tell a fella what to wear. I might however buy him something lovely in a style he might not have tried before to see if he likes it! Would never be a deciding factor for me, but I make an effort when I meet him, I don't think it's awful of me to think he should too!

Maybe he believed he was making an effort (the nice restaurant included)?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

But that might have been his effort! I do get where you're coming from, buying him something nice, but if it's not his style ..

thattequilagirl

Pac1Man wrote: »

Maybe he believed he was making an effort (the nice restaurant included)?

Maybe. At a guess I'd say he's a bit oblivious in that sense, but yes he did make a big effort with planning the date and driving down. He lives over an hour away. And I really appreciated that!

thattequilagirl

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Maybe. At a guess I'd say he's a bit oblivious in that sense, but yes he did make a big effort with planning the date and driving down. He lives over an hour away. And I really appreciated that!

That is lovely. They are the kind of things that matter, not what he's wearing

Lyaiera

I think the changing someone thing is a really delicate line to walk. I have a friend who I was wingwomaning for years. He's in a happy relationship now. Both me and his girlfriend have given out to him when he shaved off his beard (he doesn't set out to shave it off, he just stands in front of the mirror tidying it up, and tries something, then has so much fun with facial hair styles that the next thing you know it's a mess and all has to go.)

It's really a case of judging the person, and how they'll respond to any suggestions. And you've no definite way of knowing that unless you've known them for a while, and even then it's a risk. It's kind of like one of those leaps of faith. Do I say something and risk offending them? Or will I say something and they appreciate the advice? It's a really intuitive thing, and getting it wrong can seem overbearing and judgemental, but getting it right can really help someone feel good about themselves.

CelticRambler

Time for me to stop lurking on this thread!

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Would people say distance is a big thing especially for women in online dating.

Yep; no doubt about it. :mad:

Mikkl wrote: »

Y'all are funny. I'm amazed by the number of men who put on their profiles that they love travelling. Don't they have jobs?! I've a job and kids, so every man who loves travelling is counted out.

Going by the number of "near me" restrictions on OKC, Mikkl's attitude is fairly typical. But I like travelling and I *do* have a job, which (surprise-surprise) involves travelling. So far this year, I've worked in Alsace, Provence and the Rhône Valley, popped into Switzerland between jobs and did a few weekend trips to the Languedoc while I was down south. Heading back to Alsace next week, then Picardy and will scoot up to Belgium for fun before coming home. Oh, and I've got a family event in Dublin. I could meet any girl just about anywhere in western Europe if she hadn't already written me off because I'm forced to put a specific location on my profile.

In my naïvety, I thought that online dating meant dating online, and would be just right for people like me who've already met every eligble spinster within 50km of home and decided ... mehhhh .

It turns out most people (well, women) want to use it as a hook-up service and if you're not within shagging distance, you're not wanted. I fall squarely into the "completely average, nice guy, maybe a bit boring" category, so I'm already at a disadvantage.

But here's the thing: I've heard time-and-again women saying that they *need* to fast-foward to the real-life meeting as quick as possible so they know whether or not there's any spark, yet according to the stories (like on this thread! :P ) it seems that even when there does seem to be "chemistry", 9 times out of 10 the evening (or morning after) ends in awkward silence.

Surely there can be no better way of indicating to a woman that you're interested in her "as a whole person" by keeping your distance geographically until you've both got to know each other better? I can spend a year or more exchanging e-mails, texts, calls and photos with a business partner before meeting them in real life, and rarely are they any different then than I imagined them to be. I don't understand why anyone would make less effort than that when looking for a romantic partner.

Okay, maybe not a whole year, but you get the idea. :pac:

maudgonner

CelticRambler wrote: »

every eligble spinster

I dunno if I'd be throwing that word around tbh. I'd smack a guy in the face if he called me a spinster


(Not really, but you can bet I'd be doing it in my imagination!)

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I think style is such a personal thing, and although I'm a grumpy judgemental bitch, I wouldn't give him a hard time over what he's wearing. Certainly if he rocked up to a date with tracksuit pants all hotrocks, socks over the ends of the pants, and black runners on him, and the bang of weed, I'd leave. I'd judge him purely on appearance and would have no interest getting to know him. I wouldn't be interested trying to improve him.

If I met someone else a bit mismatched but clean, I dunno it's kind of endearing. I wouldn't write them off because of it and I wouldn't say anything to them about it either.

Luckiest man has to wear suit/shirts and ties all week, so on his downtime he lives in his jeans and tshirts and hoodies. I wear a uniform all week so I love getting really dressed up on my days off. I'm sure it can look a little odd but feck it. He's clean and comfortable, what about it?

Facial hair and bad haircuts though - nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
I try not rise to it because it just encourages him and he'll do it for a reaction. The only time I put my foot down is when he threatens to grow a moustache, or last year he had an awful haircut just before we went on holiday and I had to be seen out in public with him, buy a hat ffs. Though to be fair, my hairs getting blonder and blonder and he hates it, and part of me doesn't want to give in and go back dark because I don't want him to be smug.

CelticRambler

CelticRambler wrote: »

Time for me to stop lurking on this thread! .

It turns out most people (well, women) want to use it as a hook-up service and if you're not within shagging distance, you're not wanted. I fall squarely into the "completely average, nice guy, maybe a bit boring" category, so I'm already at a disadvantage.

But here's the thing: I've heard time-and-again women saying that they *need* to fast-foward to the real-life meeting as quick as possible so they know whether or not there's any spark, yet according to the stories (like on this thread! :P ) it seems that even when there does seem to be "chemistry", 9 times out of 10 the evening (or morning after) ends in awkward silence.

Surely there can be no better way of indicating to a woman that you're interested in her "as a whole person" by keeping your distance geographically until you've both got to know each other better? I can spend a year or more exchanging e-mails, texts, calls and photos with a business partner before meeting them in real life, and rarely are they any different then than I imagined them to be. I don't understand why anyone would make less effort than that when looking for a romantic partner.

Okay, maybe not a whole year, but you get the idea. :pac:

It's a risky business interacting with a potential partner online for a long period of time before actually meeting. A fantasy can quickly develop about the person. There is an odd comfort in the back and forth of texts or even skype. The reality tends to be quite different. There is absolutely no substitute for face to face interaction in the real world.

Also I'm not sure about your statistic of 9 out of 10 dates ending in awkward silence. It certainly hasn't been the case for me.

CelticRambler

maudgonner wrote: »

I dunno if I'd be throwing that word around tbh. I'd smack a guy in the face if he called me a spinster

Believe me, that's being polite about most of the females 'round here. Nothing chic about rural French forty-something women.

Deleted User wrote: »

It's a risky business interacting with a potential partner online for a long period of time before actually meeting. A fantasy can quickly develop about the person. There is an odd comfort in the back and forth of texts or even skype. The reality tends to be quite different. There is absolutely no substitute for face to face interaction in the real world.

Also I'm not sure about your statistic of 9 out of 10 dates ending in awkward silence. It certainly hasn't been the case for me.

No, I wouldn't be too sure about it either ... I know we only hear about the bad stuff.

In any case, apart from two correspondents I "met" on craigslist, no-one's ever given me the opportunity to get as far as back-and-forth texts. So I've more or less abandonned OD and upped the time I spend mixing in real-life with people for whom distance isn't really an issue. One of these days, one of the nice ones won't already have a partner. :rolleyes:

KomradeBishop

Definitely do not spend more than e.g. a week or two in contact with someone, before meeting, if you can help it - does lead to expectations and/or a false image of each other, and thus, potentially a lot of wasted time.

Mister Vain

With regards to clothes, you need to be comfortable. I usually wear chinos as I find jeans and slacks extremely uncomfortable. Some women seem to hate chinos though.

Felix Jones is God

Mister Vain wrote: »

With regards to clothes, you need to be comfortable. I usually wear chinos as I find jeans and slacks extremely uncomfortable. Some women seem to hate chinos though.

It's not just women I'm afraid....I think chinos went out of fashion when the Berlin wall came tumbling down

Mister Vain

Felix Jones is God wrote: »

It's not just women I'm afraid....I think chinos went out of fashion when the Berlin wall came tumbling down

Ahh jasus don't say that. I know sweet feck all about fashion though in fairness. I wear what I'm comfortable with.

Mister Vain

Mister Vain wrote: »

With regards to clothes, you need to be comfortable. I usually wear chinos as I find jeans and slacks extremely uncomfortable. Some women seem to hate chinos though.

Just remember that fashion is different to style. Chinos are your style and what you're comfortable in so don't change

FortySeven

Felix Jones is God wrote: »

It's not just women I'm afraid....I think chinos went out of fashion when the Berlin wall came tumbling down

Pretty sure they were only fashionable on the wrong side of the wall, that's how they could spot the new arrivals. Driving a trabant, wearing chinos.

Karmella

Well I must say that chinos are a darn sight better than skinny jeans anyway! Just wear what you're comfortable with *


* we won't force you to change your style until after about the third date :P

tomwaterford

Karmella wrote: »

Well I must say that chinos are a darn sight better than skinny jeans anyway! Just wear what you're comfortable with *


* we won't force you to change your style until after about the third date :P

Is clothes that massive a deal...been meaning to buy new myself



What do people make on scratches/scars on hands as I do be clean but my hands do be scratches etc and sometimes the dirt is wicked hard to get cleared off the knuckles

Like I do be cleaning for ages with nail brush etc...but it's hard if your rushing etc in a shower after work to get out again

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

Is clothes that massive a deal...been meaning to buy new myself



What do people make on scratches/scars on hands as I do be clean but my hands do be scratches etc and sometimes the dirt is wicked hard to get cleared off the knuckles

Like I do be cleaning for ages with nail brush etc...but it's hard if your rushing etc in a shower after work to get out again

I like a man who has a fine pair of working hands. Scratches and scars wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

tomwaterford wrote: »

Is clothes that massive a deal...been meaning to buy new myself



What do people make on scratches/scars on hands as I do be clean but my hands do be scratches etc and sometimes the dirt is wicked hard to get cleared off the knuckles

Like I do be cleaning for ages with nail brush etc...but it's hard if your rushing etc in a shower after work to get out again

Clothes aren't a big thing as long as they're clean. I think working hands are along the same lines as snickers pants!

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I like a man who has a fine pair of working hands. Scratches and scars wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

They do be clean....just the way it happens...just all scraths/blackened nails...remember being pure mortified at them before on a date long ago


@LOR: let me alone with the snickers pants :pac: :P

Mister Vain

Karmella wrote: »

Well I must say that chinos are a darn sight better than skinny jeans anyway!

They look awful. They can't be too good for the auld scrotum either. I like plenty of room down there.

tomwaterford

tomwaterford wrote: »

They do be clean....just the way it happens...just all scraths/blackened nails...remember being pure mortified at them before on a date long ago


@LOR: let me alone with the snickers pants :pac: :P

Wait.

Do you wear snickers pants Tom???? :pac:

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Wait.

Do you wear snickers pants Tom???? :pac:

Hahahaha....ya :P
(Sometimes..)

The Backwards Man

I always ensure there's no holes in my socks or wax in my ears when going on a first date.

Rewards come to those that make the effort.

maudgonner

tomwaterford wrote: »

Is clothes that massive a deal...been meaning to buy new myself

What do people make on scratches/scars on hands as I do be clean but my hands do be scratches etc and sometimes the dirt is wicked hard to get cleared off the knuckles

Like I do be cleaning for ages with nail brush etc...but it's hard if your rushing etc in a shower after work to get out again

Clothes wouldn't be a big deal for me. I'm not into fashion myself, so wouldn't know what is in fashion for men anyway! If you're wearing clean clothes that are fairly appropriate for whatever we're doing, then that would be the most I'd expect.

As for hands, like Persepoly I have a soft spot for fellas that work with their hands - either in their job or in their spare time. I'd far rather a few scratches & scars than manicured hands that are softer than a baby's bum

tomwaterford

maudgonner wrote: »

I'd far rather a few scratches & scars than manicured hands that are softer than a baby's bum

Maaannn....why is there no one like this in waterford area when I younger


If I ever again go back at it...il Include all this sh1te on me profile :pac: