Online dating

maudgonner

KomradeBishop wrote: »

That's not what he said at all - you completely rephrased what he said, into something totally different.

Maybe I did, and if so I apologise. But after re-reading the post, that's still what it sounds like to me. What do you think happened?

endabob1

yourdeadwright wrote: »

I had 2 dates recently with the same girl from Tinder ,both went really well,
Second date we end up being a bit bold, So I thought this is great pick up great looking girls go for a few dates ,have fun and move on to the next,
So I told her I didn't want anything serious and moved on and now I totally regret it ,
Only after 2 other dates with new girls did I realise I really really liked her
Of course when I called her she had heard from someone id been on other dates and now wants nothing to do with me ,So I totally messed that up and I'm a lil freaked about it,

From her perspective, it sounds like she thinks you are a player and were treating her as an easy fall back; She hears you're on other dates, knows exactly what happened on your date with her, assumes the same, assumes you are just making a booty call.

If she made it clear she wants something serious, I could see why she wouldn't go back for seconds, as it were

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

If I had two great dates with someone I liked, and ended up sleeping with him after the second date for him to turn around and say he didn't want a serious relationship, keep it casual, AFTER sex. I'd be like yeah whatever.
I wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms to mess me around again, if he was still on tinder. In fact I'd be raging he thought he could pick up where he left off

Penny Tration

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If I had two great dates with someone I liked, and ended up sleeping with him after the second date for him to turn around and say he didn't want a serious relationship, keep it casual, AFTER sex. I'd be like yeah whatever.
I wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms to mess me around again, if he was still on tinder. In fact I'd be raging he thought he could pick up where he left off

This. In fact, I had someone do similar. Dated, liked me, blah blah, doesn't want anything serious. A while later, a change of mind. No thanks.

Multi-date if you want, but don't drop anyone (male or female) then expect them to take you back when you realise the grass isn't greener. that's pure headwrecker behaviour.

Penny Tration

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Ah I ****ing give up. I know I'm probably always giving out on here but whens you gots to vent you gots to vent why the **** can I not get any ****ing replies. Stuck up bitches and there not wanting to chat :P Let them give out about guys breaking their hearts all the want when they ditch them after they sleep with them. I am no longer gonna give a **** cos when a guy that wants something more comes by they blank him. *And Breath* I feel much better now carry on everybody

You're probably lovely, but it's not their fault if they just don't fancy you.

yourdeadwright

maudgonner wrote: »

manonboard wrote: »

I find it a little strange that she wants nothing to do with you because you dated some others? Its a bit odd like, of course you date other people, you were out looking for dates when you met her.
I can understand if her own feelings had moved on and she was into another, but it seems a tad 'punishy' to say no because you were with others.

He went out with her twice, and they slept together (presumably). He then decided there were plenty of fish in the sea (no PoF pun intended), so he could do better, and ended things with her.

Then discovered there were not plenty of other fish in the sea after all, so tried to get back with her. If I was her it wouldn't exactly have made me feel great to know he decided to settle for me after all.

I know he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but it certainly wasn't the nicest way to handle things. But as I say, we all live and learn from stuff like that.

I suppose when you put it like that it makes sense,
I actually liked her because she wasn't a push over like some girls, who seem to have no self respect ,
I guess that's what made her blank me

yourdeadwright

Penny Tration wrote: »

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If I had two great dates with someone I liked, and ended up sleeping with him after the second date for him to turn around and say he didn't want a serious relationship, keep it casual, AFTER sex. I'd be like yeah whatever.
I wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms to mess me around again, if he was still on tinder. In fact I'd be raging he thought he could pick up where he left off

This. In fact, I had someone do similar. Dated, liked me, blah blah, doesn't want anything serious. A while later, a change of mind. No thanks.

Multi-date if you want, but don't drop anyone (male or female) then expect them to take you back when you realise the grass isn't greener. that's pure headwrecker behaviour.

in my defence, from the get go we both said we wheren't a couple and we'd see how things went,
I thought she was dating to ,

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

What do you mean no self respect?

Chain Smoker

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Ah I ****ing give up. I know I'm probably always giving out on here but whens you gots to vent you gots to vent why the **** can I not get any ****ing replies. Stuck up bitches and there not wanting to chat :P Let them give out about guys breaking their hearts all the want when they ditch them after they sleep with them. I am no longer gonna give a **** cos when a guy that wants something more comes by they blank him. *And Breath* I feel much better now carry on everybody

I've been checking in on this thread the last few days waiting for this meltdown tbh

Have a reread through that post there and realise how charming it seems. Especially the smilies.
What were you sending that was so worthy of a reply that only a stuck up bitch would say no?

yourdeadwright

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If I had two great dates with someone I liked, and ended up sleeping with him after the second date for him to turn around and say he didn't want a serious relationship, keep it casual, AFTER sex. I'd be like yeah whatever.
I wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms to mess me around again, if he was still on tinder. In fact I'd be raging he thought he could pick up where he left off

I was new to whole dating thing after a long term relationship and guess I just presumed it was ok to Multiple date until you kinda decide what you want,.
I had no problem if she was doing the same, Id have loved to explain myself but she said she didn't want me to reply to her so I will respect that,

Penny Tration

yourdeadwright wrote: »

in my defence, from the get go we both said we wheren't a couple and we'd see how things went,
I thought she was dating to ,

Yeah obviously it wasn't a relationship after two dates.

But to tell her you're not interested in more, then come back after realising she's better than the others? Headwreck behaviour.

thattequilagirl

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If I had two great dates with someone I liked, and ended up sleeping with him after the second date for him to turn around and say he didn't want a serious relationship, keep it casual, AFTER sex. I'd be like yeah whatever.
I wouldn't be welcoming him back with open arms to mess me around again, if he was still on tinder. In fact I'd be raging he thought he could pick up where he left off

Yeah it is funny how the "I don't want anything serious" chat always happens after sex, very rarely before!

maudgonner

Penny Tration wrote: »

Yeah obviously it wasn't a relationship after two dates.

But to tell her you're not interested in more, then come back after realising she's better than the others? Headwreck behaviour.

Exactly. I doubt highly he broke her heart, but shouldn't expect her to want to see him again if he told her he was moving on, and did. And as thattequilagirl said, the timing also wasn't the best - telling her he want to move on immediately after they slept together!

Lyaiera

Chain Smoker wrote: »

I've been checking in on this thread the last few days waiting for this meltdown tbh

Have a reread through that post there and realise how charming it seems. Especially the smilies.
What were you sending that was so worthy of a reply that only a stuck up bitch would say no?

I had similar said to me Saturday night. "They always go for the guys who are no good for them, not me. Then they break up and they're crying about it. If only they'd gone for me." All with the undertone that these people don't know what's good for them, shouldn't be allowed make their own decisions. How "I" would be their saviour, etc. And he's often complained about feeling down and how there's no point to anything.

Then there's plenty of other people who are all, "**** THEM! RAAWR! They don't know what they're missing out on. I AM A GLORIOUS WONDER BEAST! If they don't want me, well it's their loss. I WILL FIND SOMEONE GLORIOUS AND WE SHALL CONQUER VALHALLA TOGETHER! But for the mean time I'll have a packet of tayto and see if I can find a date with someone who likes me for me."

Your value isn't defined by whether you have 100s of dates, or no dates. It's your value in your self.

PirateShampoo

yourdeadwright wrote: »

in my defence, from the get go we both said we wheren't a couple and we'd see how things went,
I thought she was dating to ,

If one of the other dates had gone better would you have still tried to get back with her?

yourdeadwright

Penny Tration wrote: »

yourdeadwright wrote: »

in my defence, from the get go we both said we wheren't a couple and we'd see how things went,
I thought she was dating to ,

Yeah obviously it wasn't a relationship after two dates.

But to tell her you're not interested in more, then come back after realising she's better than the others? Headwreck behaviour.

Well we where still speaking and texting ,
It wasn't that I wasn't interested it was more lets keep causal and see what happens, we had said that from the start , It was 10 days after she brought up starting a relationship that I came back and said I made a mistake,

To be fair I understand her but just annoyed I messed up, She still text me as a friend just won't go on a date

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Ah I ****ing give up. I know I'm probably always giving out on here but whens you gots to vent you gots to vent why the **** can I not get any ****ing replies. Stuck up bitches and there not wanting to chat :P Let them give out about guys breaking their hearts all the want when they ditch them after they sleep with them. I am no longer gonna give a **** cos when a guy that wants something more comes by they blank him. *And Breath* I feel much better now carry on everybody

... Waiting for the "they're not even good looking anyway!"

maudgonner

Lyaiera wrote: »

I had similar said to me Saturday night. "They always go for the guys who are no good for them, not me. Then they break up and they're crying about it. If only they'd gone for me." All with the undertone that these people don't know what's good for them, shouldn't be allowed make their own decisions. How "I" would be their saviour, etc. And he's often complained about feeling down and how there's no point to anything.

Jaysus, that sounds very familiar. Only to be followed quickly afterwards by messages telling me how I was just like the other bítches who wouldn't give him a chance. I acted all nice but I was really worse than the rest of them for getting his hopes up by being kind. Pages and pages of abuse

Lyaiera

LexieOnRale wrote: »

... Waiting for the "they're not even good looking anyway!"

Sure they're probably a lesbian.

Penny Tration

Tbh I think the main reason guys that are like "I'm so nice, why do all these women only want b*stards," don't get dates is they have a sense of entitlement and a massive, massive chip on their shoulder.

A truly "nice" guy wouldn't be calling women bitches, insulting their choice in partner, revelling in thinking "i told you so" when they've been hurt and thinking these women owe them something.

Superhero1993

Penny Tration wrote:

You're probably lovely, but it's not their fault if they just don't fancy you.

So it is a looks thing? Best to go back under my bridge then?

Penny Tration

Superhero1993 wrote: »

So it is a looks thing? Best to go back under my bridge then?

I didn't say it's about looks. Could be personality, could be how you articulate yourself, could be anything.

manonboard

maudgonner wrote: »

Jaysus, that sounds very familiar. Only to be followed quickly afterwards by messages telling me how I was just like the other bítches who wouldn't give him a chance. I acted all nice but I was really worse than the rest of them for getting his hopes up by being kind. Pages and pages of abuse

Yeah I think its very common perspective. Self debilitating too. Easy trap to fall into.
There's a sense of entitlement over another person about it, and as you indicate, a lack of true respect for there autonomy.

I've felt it several times myself after a string of no 'success' but it showed me how i was viewing things wrong. Success is a person not wanting to be with me when they don't feel it. It's also two people meeting and liking each other.

Feeling annoyed that other people don't want to be with you is a bit objectifying of the other person, as if they were something to win and use for pleasure. I think that very view comes across to women easily enough and they can be very turned off by it, for good reason too.

Lyaiera

maudgonner wrote: »

Jaysus, that sounds very familiar. Only to be followed quickly afterwards by messages telling me how I was just like the other bítches who wouldn't give him a chance. I acted all nice but I was really worse than the rest of them for getting his hopes up by being kind. Pages and pages of abuse

I pointed all this out to him. About how you can't be giving out about people who just don't like you. They're their own person, they could have a whole host of reasons for not liking you. Have a bit of confidence in yourself, you'll find someone. They're not crazy bitches for doing their own thing. People are entitled to make their own decisions, even if they're mistakes. You have to respect people. You have to allow for differences.

He was all "Yeah, you get it." So I said, "Plenty of other women get it as well." "Yeah, but you're different. You're not a real woman." Gee thanks.

KomradeBishop

I don't defend guys going off on a tiff, and needlessly insulting women or making silly generalizations about women - but remember: Guys are 'disposable' on dating sites, due to the numbers - and have a legitimate reason to feel there is a severe lack of common courtesy (which is nobodies fault - it's purely an issue of numbers).

Doesn't justify outbursts generalizing about women, but factor that in and give someone a chance - i.e. give them a chance to see why the outburst is irrational - before jumping into judgments and further assumptions about their personality based on what they've said.

maudgonner

Superhero1993 wrote: »

So it is a looks thing? Best to go back under my bridge then?

Only if you assume attraction is all about looks. Which it isn't.

How about you look at things from a different perspective? Do you rule out girls based on their looks? Would you maybe consider messaging a girl that might not meet your usual 'attractiveness threshold' and see whether you might come to fancy her once you get to know her?

Penny Tration

manonboard wrote: »

Yeah I think its very common perspective. Self debilitating too. Easy trap to fall into.
There's a sense of entitlement over another person about it, and as you indicate, a lack of true respect for there autonomy.

I've felt it several times myself after a string of no 'success' but it showed me how i was viewing things wrong. Success is a person not wanting to be with me when they don't feel it. It's also two people meeting and liking each other.

Feeling annoyed that other people don't want to be with you is a bit objectifying of the other person, as if they were something to win and use for pleasure. I think that very view comes across to women easily enough and they can be very turned off by it, for good reason too.

It's pretty class that you copped onto how you were viewing the situation. Many men and women never realise that they're thinking in a self destructive way.

The view comes across pretty much immediately to most people tbh. you can spot that kind of crap a mile away unless you're emotionally stunted.

The objectification thing is spot on. Nobody owes someone else their time. Unfortunately some people believe they're entitled to it because they're "nice."

Tell me how

Superhero1993 wrote: »

Ah I ****ing give up. I know I'm probably always giving out on here but whens you gots to vent you gots to vent why the **** can I not get any ****ing replies. Stuck up bitches and there not wanting to chat :P Let them give out about guys breaking their hearts all the want when they ditch them after they sleep with them. I am no longer gonna give a **** cos when a guy that wants something more comes by they blank him. *And Breath* I feel much better now carry on everybody

I think you said this in your outside voice instead of your inside voice. Even then, I hope you were joking but it sounds like the epitome of the insecure individual who blames others for their shortcomings.

You've gotta help yourself. You've said in previous posts that there's nothing to do where you live, no where to meet friends or potential partners so my question is.

Why do you stay there?

I don't mean to be dramatic but why not move to a town or city where you might be able to better live the life you want. People generally start to do this from 17/18 with college. No reason why at 24 you can't consider it.

Ladies want more than just a "nice" guy. They want a guy with ambition and interests and the ability to seek them out for himself.

No woman is going to make you in to the person you want to be if you don't help yourself.

Penny Tration

KomradeBishop wrote: »

I don't defend guys going off on a tiff, and needlessly insulting women or making silly generalizations about women - but remember: Guys are 'disposable' on dating sites, due to the numbers - and have a legitimate reason to feel there is a severe lack of common courtesy (which is nobodies fault - it's purely an issue of numbers).

Doesn't justify outbursts generalizing about women, but factor that in and give someone a chance - i.e. give them a chance to see why the outburst is irrational - before jumping into judgments and further assumptions about their personality based on what they've said.

I agree with most of your post. Men definitely pulled the short straw with online dating. I think it's fair to say women have it far easier in terms of getting responses and dates.

However, why should anyone give someone a chance after an irrational outburst? Sure, the man/woman may be having difficulty, but why listen to that crap? If I want to vent, I do it to a friend. I wouldn't expect a stranger to listen to it. People use dating sites to get dates, not to listen to vitriol and be an unpaid therapist.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

To be fair if the women here started "oh men want nothing to do with me cause I have a child, selfish bastards"... People would be all over that.