Online dating

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-05-2016 6:58pm

Why do you think you'll never find anyone?

10-05-2016 6:59pm

Swings and roundabouts for all.

The Wisdom of Aunty Persepoly (2016)

fin12 · 10-05-2016 7:00pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Why do you think you'll never find anyone?

I suppose because I could tell and was so open with my ex, I could tell him everything and would never feel judged, it's just hard for me now to see that il be able to ha e that with someone else, that il feel that comfortable again.

Penny Tration · 10-05-2016 7:02pm

fin12 wrote: »

I suppose because I could tell and was so open with my ex, I could tell him everything and would never feel judged, it's just hard for me now to see that il be able to ha e that with someone else, that il feel that comfortable again.

You will

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-05-2016 7:06pm

fin12 wrote: »

I suppose because I could tell and was so open with my ex, I could tell him everything and would never feel judged, it's just hard for me now to see that il be able to ha e that with someone else, that il feel that comfortable again.

I get that. But hey, think of the fun you'll have building up that trust with someone new!! The first time you tell him a gross story, savouring in the look of horror/morbid curiosity he gives you. It's not the same once he starts becoming desensitised. You have lots to look forward to.

Mister Vain · 10-05-2016 7:25pm

Chain Smoker wrote: »

Online dating is a total waste of time in a rural area

I wouldn't agree with that completely. If you have your own transport you can travel to towns and cities. I haven't had much luck with online dating but I have met some great people through photography groups online. The groups aren't in my area granted but I go up to Dublin most weekends and have a good time doing what I enjoy.

CelticRambler · 10-05-2016 7:26pm

Chain Smoker wrote: »

Online dating is a total waste of time in a rural area, the population isn't there for it and you'll be dealing with areas more reticent regarding those kind of things anyway.

Before SuperHero's departure, I'd intended saying that I was in much the same position about three years ago (if you count one long-term child-rearing relationship as one of the "three" :pac: ). Once my single-parenting duties were over, I was "on the market" again ... but there is no market - see screenshot from today's OKC page.

Online dating in its current form just doesn't work for the people it should be most useful for. That's not to say the internet can't work for us - it does, and if you get rid of the "dating" side of it and concentrate on shared interests, you can develop long-distance friendships that become more than that.

Otherwise, it's a question of getting right out of your normal territory. I met three sisters at a dance on Saturday, who'd met up for the weekend. One had travelled 75km, one 275km and one 400km. I wouldn't even have registered on their radar if I'd been counting on any dating site. I might meet the "275km" one again in July (she's a young wan, what would she see in an auld fella like me :rolleyes: ) - if I do, it'd be a better success rate than any OD encounter.

tomwaterford · 10-05-2016 7:30pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

I wouldn't agree with that completely. If you have your own transport you can travel to towns and cities. I haven't had much luck with online dating but I have met some great people through photography groups online. The groups aren't in my area granted but I go up to Dublin most weekends and have a good time doing what I enjoy.

That actually sounds deadly way to pass the weekends

CelticRambler · 10-05-2016 7:30pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

I wouldn't agree with that completely. If you have your own transport you can travel to towns and cities.

YOU can, but the girls/women you're messaging have their pick of all the average and above-average lads closer to themselves, so you have to come across as mind-blowingly amazing even to get a response to your message, never mind a date.

tomwaterford wrote: »

That actually sounds deadly way to pass the weekends

It is. Mine is a different interest, but with the same outcome. In a way it was thanks to trying and getting nowhere with OD that encouraged me to put more effort into my weekends. I'm guaranteed to meet plenty of women (and men) of all ages, and even if most of them are in satisfying relationships, at least I get to practise my chatting up!

And they use sentences with more than one word!

Shint0 · 10-05-2016 7:42pm

So how far are people willing to travel? If you met someone from Malin Head and you were from Hook Head. I did the long distance thing once after meeting online although not quite that distance. As I drove and they didn't I was the one doing most of the driving. By the time I would arrive they would want sexy time straight away where as I just wanted a nap after working all week and driving. Looking back the distance was ultimately the biggest stumbling block and lead to the end of the relationship.

Mister Vain · 10-05-2016 8:02pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

That actually sounds deadly way to pass the weekends

It does be good craic alright. It keeps me busy, and while most of the women I meet may be already in relationships or are too young/old, I'm still meeting plenty of new people which is definitely a good thing.

CelticRambler wrote: »

YOU can, but the girls/women you're messaging have their pick of all the average and above-average lads closer to themselves, so you have to come across as mind-blowingly amazing even to get a response to your message, never mind a date.

That's kind of the case regardless of where you're living though. I don't think my response rate would be much different if I were living in a more populated area.

Chain Smoker · 10-05-2016 8:12pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

That's kind of the case regardless of where you're living though. I don't think my response rate would be much different if I were living in a more populated area.

Ah no, definitely not. Like, where I am right now, I wouldn't consider going further than a 30 minute subway ride and I'm male. When you're in a populated area it's pretty hard to justify going to the effort.
It sounds like you've a really good attitude about it all though; got other things going on in your life, making the best of it, etc, so I'd say that might shine through on your profile and get you more responses than another person (me), would manage. There'd be a huge difference between "sure I don't care about the distance much at all, I do be driving up Dublin way regularly for all sorts" and "I WILL TRAVEL GREAT DISTANCES FOR YOU", if you can get the former across in a message, I'm sure it'd help a lot.

PandaX9 · 10-05-2016 10:19pm

Shint0 wrote: »

So how far are people willing to travel?

I'm sure this isn't the enlightening answer you were hoping for but I've found that the closer they live to me, paradoxically the harder it is for me to be in a long distance relationship.

I'm in Dublin. One of my boyfriends was from Scandinavia. we saw each other every fortnight or so. It was pretty fantastic - but not financially or mentally easy to do given I was a teenager and it was him doing the brunt of the travelling. It was easier for him because he was the one doing the travelling, and not waiting. Distance was not a factor in the ending of the relationship.

Example two: I'm in Dublin, boyfriend lives over 5000km away. I do all of the travelling to and fro - see each other every 6-8 weeks or so. It's fantastic because there's always a meeting to look forward to, there's always the excitement for travelling and also going home (in my case anyway). He hated it because he was the one doing the waiting. Distance was not a factor in the ending of the relationship.

Example three: I'm in Dublin. Guy I'm dating - not yet boyfriend lives on other side of Dublin. He works and I work, and though he lives in Dublin he needs about an hour give or take to get into town so impromptu meetings are few and far between. Went on a number of dates before I told him that while I really liked him, the distance wasn't what I was looking for given just getting out of another LDR. Distance was the reason we stop dating.

In my case, if I know that my boyfriend is far far away - mentally I can focus and essentially condition myself to not think about or pine for seeing him because I know that when I do it'll be worth it. I can tell myself that circumstances are as they are, and seeing each other requires planning but it is part of the appeal in a sense - the travelling and the being together in an another world.

If my boyfriend lives in the same city as me and I can't arrange so much as an impromptu walk on the beach or in a park or drinks in town.. I get frustrated. And I'll try to tell myself "oh it'll be great to see each other" etc.. But I don't know why, I can't. I get antsy and annoyed at the situation - why is it so hard to get together when we live relatively close? Time spent between meetings often goes on for what feels like too long when you're discussing things you both see on a daily basis and either the frustration takes over or it feels awkward to continue.

But then again the above three examples could also just be more of a case of general intensity of my feelings: guy #1 - first love, total infatuation and unsustainable, guy #2 - love at first sight as children, love of my life thus far, shared life together (:rolleyes: I know but..

) and guy #3 really sound, really nice but probably not for me anyway!

10-05-2016 10:36pm

Example 4. It's all so much easier if both are close to each other.

10-05-2016 10:40pm

Of course that easiness is subjective. I have no problem travelling a bit but that for me is anything two hours and under. Of course the fella would have to be willing to do some of the travel as well.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-05-2016 10:46pm

The effort though. Used to "see" someone who lived 1/2 way cross the country. Sometimes we both would meet up 1/2 way or else he'd come to me. If I was after letting my inner physco shine bright like a diamond though, I'd drive to him. It was a pain in the hoop. We fought constantly because I felt we never got to see each other though to be fair he was the one that had to make the most effort. Wouldn't be into it again, not worth it.

10-05-2016 10:49pm

Shint0 wrote: »

If you met someone from Malin Head.

Woah!!!!
Malin head!
Are there people there?
Jeeesh!

10-05-2016 10:51pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

The effort though. Used to "see" someone who lived 1/2 way cross the country. Sometimes we both would meet up 1/2 way or else he'd come to me. If I was after letting my inner physco shine bright like a diamond though, I'd drive to him. It was a pain in the hoop. We fought constantly because I felt we never got to see each other though to be fair he was the one that had to make the most effort. Wouldn't be into it again, not worth it.

It can be difficult. It's really dependent on the two people involved. I wouldn't be interested in travelling to Donegal or Kerry but Galway, Cork and Limerick would be grand.

My own inner psycho hasn't had an airing in quite some time. Might rectify that with the next one :pac:

KERSPLAT! · 10-05-2016 10:53pm

I've done long distance, Dublin to Donegal. Lasted about 2 years after which we moved in together, broke up the following year, obviously not because of the distance. It can work is all I'll say

10-05-2016 10:57pm

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

I've done long distance, Dublin to Donegal. Lasted about 2 years after which we moved in together, broke up the following year, obviously not because of the distance. It can work is all I'll say

Oh it absolutely can work but jaysus I'd be a menace on the roads all the way to Donegal

Mister Vain · 10-05-2016 11:00pm

I don't mind traveling long distance as long as I can park in her garage. Some parts of Dublin are a nightmare.

FortySeven · 10-05-2016 11:03pm

What is this 'inner psycho'?

Anger or just some kind of impulsive behavior?

maudgonner · 10-05-2016 11:04pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

I don't mind traveling long distance as long as I can park in her garage.

Snigger.

tomwaterford · 10-05-2016 11:19pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

I don't mind traveling long distance as long as I can park in her garage.

^^^really hope this was meant :pac:
(Didn't see MG post...there)

Though personally anything over an hour or so....twud want to be well worth it as you'd want to get on exception ally well

easyeasy · 10-05-2016 11:19pm

Distance can definitely work. Lived 4 hours from the person but if there is enough desire on both ends then it can work.

Don't think i'd do it again though mind

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 10-05-2016 11:20pm

FortySeven wrote: »

What is this 'inner psycho'?

Anger or just some kind of impulsive behavior?

Well, put it like this... He doesn't need to cheat on me. I have multiple personalities, he just needs to tell me who he wants tonight.

Ah no, all joking aside. Stuff like I'll randomly open up our whatsapp conversation to see when he was last online. And I'll bite my tongue for as long as possible because lord knows I know I'm being irrational, and then I'll snap and I can't help it, ranting and raving what's he doing on whatsapp at 4 o clock in the morning?? You told me you were going to sleep!

Or I'll have an awful dream he'll have cheated, or left frogs in the bed, or locked me into a room with rats, or something else I'll be terrified of. And I'll wake up upset, and he'll be there, sleeping all peaceful like he's done nothing wrong. And when he'll finally wake up I'll be humming with him but I can't say anything because I'll sound crazy but I'll be genuinely upset with him so I'll ask him to do something I know he won't do (clean the upstairs Windows outside) and then start a fight with him over that.

I'm getting much better at keeping my rage to myself though

CelticRambler · 10-05-2016 11:22pm

PandaX9 wrote: »

I'm sure this isn't the enlightening answer you were hoping for but I've found that the closer they live to me, paradoxically the harder it is for me to be in a long distance relationship.

In my case, if I know that my boyfriend is far far away - mentally I can focus and essentially condition myself to not think about or pine for seeing him because I know that when I do it'll be worth it. I can tell myself that circumstances are as they are, and seeing each other requires planning but it is part of the appeal in a sense - the travelling and the being together in an another world.

You're not alone in that. I think people who've done it can see that it works, but it's hard to explain to people who live in the intensity of a city environment. Being "rural" also slows things down too, which means you (can/should) know more about the person you're going to meet and can justify more than a quick coffee. But it does require the other person to be on the same wavelength.

10-05-2016 11:25pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm getting much better at keeping my rage to myself though

You need to come with me to the bottle bank

KERSPLAT! · 10-05-2016 11:25pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Well, put it like this... He doesn't need to cheat on me. I have multiple personalities, he just needs to tell me who he wants tonight.

Ah no, all joking aside. Stuff like I'll randomly open up our whatsapp conversation to see when he was last online. And I'll bite my tongue for as long as possible because lord knows I know I'm being irrational, and then I'll snap and I can't help it, ranting and raving what's he doing on whatsapp at 4 o clock in the morning?? You told me you were going to sleep!

Or I'll have an awful dream he'll have cheated, or left frogs in the bed, or locked me into a room with rats, or something else I'll be terrified of. And I'll wake up upset, and he'll be there, sleeping all peaceful like he's done nothing wrong. And when he'll finally wake up I'll be humming with him but I can't say anything because I'll sound crazy but I'll be genuinely upset with him so I'll ask him to do something I know he won't do (clean the upstairs Windows outside) and then start a fight with him over that.

I'm getting much better at keeping my rage to myself though

Lexie: you cheated on me you bastard!!

BF: what!?

Lexie: in my dream! Don't act like you don't know!!. ****!

FortySeven · 10-05-2016 11:26pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Well, put it like this... He doesn't need to cheat on me. I have multiple personalities, he just needs to tell me who he wants tonight.

Ah no, all joking aside. Stuff like I'll randomly open up our whatsapp conversation to see when he was last online. And I'll bite my tongue for as long as possible because lord knows I know I'm being irrational, and then I'll snap and I can't help it, ranting and raving what's he doing on whatsapp at 4 o clock in the morning?? You told me you were going to sleep!

Or I'll have an awful dream he'll have cheated, or left frogs in the bed, or locked me into a room with rats, or something else I'll be terrified of. And I'll wake up upset, and he'll be there, sleeping all peaceful like he's done nothing wrong. And when he'll finally wake up I'll be humming with him but I can't say anything because I'll sound crazy but I'll be genuinely upset with him so I'll ask him to do something I know he won't do (clean the upstairs Windows outside) and then start a fight with him over that.

I'm getting much better at keeping my rage to myself though

Picture me whistling quietly whilst nervously walking backwards.

Only kidding. I think we all have a bit of this. (You sound like you have a larger portion though).

Online dating

Comments