Online dating

Lyaiera

Someone I know asked me out a few months ago. They may very well have been pissed as a fart and not remember it, but I think he was serious. He's a lovely man, really kind and considerate, but I didn't feel any spark between us, so I turned him down. It's been playing on my mind a lot. I don't get asked out a lot, I've literally never been on a date. I would love to feel something for this guy, but I just don't.

We've talked more since he asked me out, running into each other often enough. Neither of us have brought it up.

I've had some real anxious thoughts, I don't know how they compare to reality but I feel like I've been looking for relationships (romantic and otherwise) in the wrong places. I also feel like people aren't giving me due respect. But this man has, and he hasn't shied away from continuing whatever friendship we have. Although I don't have those feelings for him I do care about him, and I would like to get to know him better, and see if he could be a bigger part of my life.

I don't want to lead him on, so I'll have to be careful but I think, if I can gather the courage, I'll ask him if we can go from drinking friends to real-life-true-proper friends. He's shown a lot of respect for me, and it's something I need more of. And I would like to get to know him better. He's a lovely man, and a lot of men have frightened me recently, so it would be nice to have someone who's kind to me in my life.

So I'm not going on a date, or asking anyone out, but I am asking if someone will be my friend.

bluestrattos

Deleted User wrote: »

No park. Working

But for future reference salted caramel from Murphy's

duly noted, and according to their website, it looks they do very good ice creams. Guess i'm dropping by wicklow street to try them.

consider yourself invited next time the Sun is shining

endabob1

Deleted User wrote: »

Just this once I would like to be the one asked

Sure I'd ask ya myself if I wasn't so far away :P

Shint0

Lyaiera, that's a very brave statement and an interesting take on love. Arranged marriages have always been based on that principle that love is something that grows over time while downplaying the absence of that 'spark'. While companionship ought not be overlooked it's only one facet of a relationship. Life is short but when you're not in the right relationship it can be very long

maudgonner

Lyaiera wrote: »

So I'm not going on a date, or asking anyone out, but I am asking if someone will be my friend.

I think he's be mad to say anything other than a resounding yes.

Meanaspie

maudgonner wrote: »

I think he's be mad to say anything other than a resounding yes.

I hope it works like that, but he may also be of the opinion that he has plenty of friends and may not want to spend time with someone if it isn't going to lead anywhere :rolleyes: not to put a dampner on things but I've seen it happen

maudgonner

maudgonner wrote: »

I think he's be mad to say anything other than a resounding yes.

I couldn't agree more. Lyaiera your post warmed my heart. Even putting love and romance to one side it's such a lovely thing to simply ask another person if they will be your friend.
A connection that we made easily (for some) as children but have forgotten how to do as adults.

Best of luck to you x

Lyaiera

Meanaspie wrote: »

I hope it works like that, but he may also be of the opinion that he has plenty of friends and may not want to spend time with someone if it isn't going to lead anywhere :rolleyes: not to put a dampner on things but I've seen it happen

I'm fine with that. And I would totally respect someone's decision to not get tied up with a person they feel something for, or at least used to feel something for if it wasn't going to lead anywhere. He could feel in a hard place, and I wouldn't want to upset him or cause him any problems. If we want different things, we want different things.

He could very well be over me anyway. And asking me out might have been a heat of the moment thing. But I won't know until I ask. And I really do think he's a good person.

Mister Vain

Tell me how wrote: »

Has anyone ever reverse searched online.
This is where you enter your personal details (age/gender) and your location as the search target and suss out your competition.

Yes and I'm far better looking than the rest of them and have a better profile too. I'm surprised I'm not getting more replies.

bluestrattos

Mister Vain wrote: »

Yes and I'm far better looking than the rest of them and have a better profile too. I'm surprised I'm not getting more replies.

that's your problem! you're too good and too awesome, that everyone thinks they can't get to your level, so they settle for the other (inferior) ones!! yugo buddy!!

CelticRambler

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Anyone else have any dates lined up for the weekend? Any prospective dates??

A girl from Michigan PM'd me on another forum this afternoon and asked if there's a good dance in my neck of the woods in July.
(There is)

That's the closest I've got to date for ... a long, long time.

Will console myself with two nights of dancing this weekend - bank holiday here. :cool:

Chain Smoker

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Anyone else have any dates lined up for the weekend? Any prospective dates??

Yup

A 20 year old and a person that a very basic google of them brought up farrrrrrrrrr too much information so I might cancel.

Timberrrrrrrr

Chain Smoker wrote: »

Yup

A 20 year old and a person that a very basic google of them brought up farrrrrrrrrr too much information so I might cancel.

Rough??? :eek:

Chain Smoker

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

Rough??? :eek:

well... one of the first google results was an old tumblr about their work as a professional dominatrix.

I guess the lesson to be learned there is that that's probably something to list on your profile to get out of the way, or just don't use the same username everywhere.

Witchie

Chain Smoker wrote: »

well... one of the first google results was an old tumblr about their work as a professional dominatrix.

I guess the lesson to be learned there is that that's probably something to list on your profile to get out of the way, or just don't use the same username everywhere.

Don't cancel or she might punish you.

Timberrrrrrrr

Chain Smoker wrote: »

well... one of the first google results was an old tumblr about their work as a professional dominatrix.

I guess the lesson to be learned there is that that's probably something to list on your profile to get out of the way, or just don't use the same username everywhere.

:eek:





Link to her profile






:pac:

tomwaterford

Chain Smoker wrote: »

well... one of the first google results was an old tumblr about their work as a professional dominatrix.

I guess the lesson to be learned there is that that's probably something to list on your profile to get out of the way, or just don't use the same username everywhere.

How old was she??


Though bit harsh to hold past againest her?
(Unless that's something your completely againest that dominatrix shtie)

Chain Smoker

tomwaterford wrote: »

How old was she??


Though bit harsh to hold past againest her?
(Unless that's something your completely againest that dominatrix shtie)

28

Well, I mean, the issue with me isn't really her past or whatever, it's that I know far too much that I shouldn't know. I guess that's a risk you take when you google something a person may not be aware is googlable (I'd say you're a ****ing idiot if you don't realise how traceable using the same username is, mind). I WILL just spend the whole time trying to get the conversation on that topic so I can ask questions.

(It's not really my thing, at least I thought it wasn't; we're a 95% match so OKCupid might know something I don't...)

UPDATE: then again, 20 year old literally just cancelled and I've a really empty weekend...

PandaX9

Chain Smoker wrote: »

28

Well, I mean, the issue with me isn't really her past or whatever, it's that I know far too much that I shouldn't know. I guess that's a risk you take when you google something a person may not be aware is googlable (I'd say you're a ****ing idiot if you don't realise how traceable using the same username is, mind). I WILL just spend the whole time trying to get the conversation on that topic so I can ask questions.

I have fallen into this trap once before. Never again, I have no business knowing the things that they themselves do not tell me. Found out that the guy I was mad about had literally just got out of a 6 year relationship before meeting me and he was made effectively homeless by this and was going through all sorts of disputes.. The only time Facebook stalking has made me feel guilty mind :pac:

CelticRambler

PandaX9 wrote: »

I have no business knowing the things that they themselves do not tell me.

D'you not think, though, that if you can find out that much about them that easily, and then you become part of their life, they might end up putting as much info about you and your relationship online?

Chain Smoker

PandaX9 wrote: »

I have fallen into this trap once before. Never again, I have no business knowing the things that they themselves do not tell me. Found out that the guy I was mad about had literally just got out of a 6 year relationship before meeting me and he was made effectively homeless by this and was going through all sorts of disputes.. The only time Facebook stalking has made me feel guilty mind :pac:

Sounds like it potentially saved you a few weeks though

(here's where you tell me that he's now your husband of 24 years)

Ignatius in bloom

Chain Smoker wrote: »

28

Well, I mean, the issue with me isn't really her past or whatever, it's that I know far too much that I shouldn't know. I guess that's a risk you take when you google something a person may not be aware is googlable (I'd say you're a ****ing idiot if you don't realise how traceable using the same username is, mind). I WILL just spend the whole time trying to get the conversation on that topic so I can ask questions.

(It's not really my thing, at least I thought it wasn't; we're a 95% match so OKCupid might know something I don't...)

UPDATE: then again, 20 year old literally just cancelled and I've a really empty weekend...

Could of been just a phase and she could be awesome or not better to find these things out in person. I find people get scared too easily over what they 'uncover' themselves when reality might be completely different.

Shint0

CelticRambler wrote: »

D'you not think, though, that if you can find out that much about them that easily, and then you become part of their life, they might end up putting as much info about you and your relationship online?

It's almost like an occupational hazard now that comes with the the territory. Whatever happened to 'What happens in Vegas....'. I ended a relationship straight away when I innocently stumbled across very private, intimate details (not visual) in relation to me on an internet forum which I instantly recognised about me albeit anonymous. Cut straightaway. Gone. Can't be dealing with that sh!t. Ain't nobody got time for that.

maudgonner

I came across this article when we were talking about the lottery win in Sligo on another thread.

It's about a woman in the UK who was denied a win after she tried to claim with a ticket that was put through the wash. What caught my eye is that they had used information from her online dating profile in the article. I was pretty shocked when I read it - bad enough that they use Facebook pages, but online dating? What the hell is wrong with the media!

On a dating website, Miss Hinte has described herself as a nurse who hopes to return to university to study for a degree in emergency hospital care allowing her to “qualifie” [sic] as a paramedic.
There is no Miss Hinte identified on the Royal College of Nursing register.
On the dating website, Miss Hinte wrote: ”Everyone deserves happyness in life so my outlook in life is tat if ur lucky enaugh to find it then u should hold on to it.”

Collie D

Shint0 wrote: »

It's almost like an occupational hazard now that comes with the the territory. Whatever happened to 'What happens in Vegas....'. I ended a relationship straight away when I innocently stumbled across very private, intimate details (not visual) in relation to me on an internet forum which I instantly recognised about me albeit anonymous. Cut straightaway. Gone. Can't be dealing with that sh!t. Ain't nobody got time for that.

I once had a gf and we had an ongoing dispute about her putting up photos of us together on Facebook. I just didn't like having my mug online. She thought it was because I wanted nobody to know about us...we were living together ffs...hardly a state secret.

I now actually have my own Facebook page but rarely use it and have often deleted posts that mention me.

Tat last sentence hurts my eyes

Collie D

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Tat last sentence hurts my eyes

Thought you were referring to my post for a minute

Collie D

Collie D wrote: »

Thought you were referring to my post for a minute

Sorry Collie. I'm using my phone and quoting one sentence is awkward

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Collie D wrote: »

I once had a gf and we had an ongoing dispute about her putting up photos of us together on Facebook. I just didn't like having my mug online. She thought it was because I wanted nobody to know about us...we were living together ffs...hardly a state secret.

I now actually have my own Facebook page but rarely use it and have often deleted posts that mention me.

Don't understand people's need to broadcast their entire relationship or the minute details of their children's life on their social media.

"Braxton enjoying the sun."
- 2 min video of a 2 year old pulling the face off a boxer dog
"Daddy and son time"
- 1 min video of 2 year old in a ball pit at a fun factory, looking at a ball, and trying to climb over a block.

"Dinner time with bae"
Pic of someone's dinner
#fitfam #lovehim

And the worst, when couples put pics up of each other sleeping. Beyond creepy.
It's a lot of pressure, the "perfect couple" online, the perfect relationship, when in reality he's probably putting his weeks wages up his nose on a Saturday night and she's still texting her ex.

FortySeven

PandaX9 wrote: »

I have fallen into this trap once before. Never again, I have no business knowing the things that they themselves do not tell me. Found out that the guy I was mad about had literally just got out of a 6 year relationship before meeting me and he was made effectively homeless by this and was going through all sorts of disputes.. The only time Facebook stalking has made me feel guilty mind :pac:

I'll add this to the list of things that make me unattractive. Yay. :mad:

My disputes look like they will be ongoing for the long haul.