Online dating

It is important to know what you are looking for in a person and what you can offer. But a list at the end of your profile chronicling the things you want and don't want is very negative. That's a bad start. If you must stick something down make it a bit funny and throw in something of yourself as well.

Vex Willems

Deleted User wrote: »

It is important to know what you are looking for in a person and what you can offer. But a list at the end of your profile chronicling the things you want and don't want is very negative.

Yep and an instant turn off

KomradeBishop

There was a discussion earlier in the thread, about not having a photo - I've always been pretty conscious of this, mainly for privacy reasons more than anything else (don't use Facebook, don't put a photo up on anything really) - and this here is a good example of why I am never going to put my photo up publicly on anything online, ever:

Anonymity in public could soon become a thing of the past. A service called FindFace allows users to photograph people in a crowd and work out their identities with 70% reliability. It works by comparing photographs to profile pictures on Vkontakte, a social network popular in Russia and the former Soviet Union, with more than 200 million accounts. In future, the designers imagine a world where people walking past you on the street could find your social network profile by sneaking a photograph of you, and shops, advertisers and the police could pick your face out of crowds and track you down via social networks. In the short time since the launch, FindFace has amassed 500,000 users and processed nearly 3m searches.

https://yro.slashdot.org/story/16/05/17/1653234/face-recognition-app-taking-russia-by-storm-may-bring-end-to-public-anonymity

It's only a matter of time - maybe a year or two - before you can be ubiquitously identified online, based on your photo, if you've posted it anywhere that's publicly accessible.

Timberrrrrrrr

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I love them

Should men "flash" their tattoos on tinder?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

No it's lame, tbh

Ignatius in bloom

KomradeBishop wrote: »

There was a discussion earlier in the thread, about not having a photo - I've always been pretty conscious of this, mainly for privacy reasons more than anything else (don't use Facebook, don't put a photo up on anything really) - and this here is a good example of why I am never going to put my photo up publicly on anything online, ever:

Anonymity in public could soon become a thing of the past. A service called FindFace allows users to photograph people in a crowd and work out their identities with 70% reliability. It works by comparing photographs to profile pictures on Vkontakte, a social network popular in Russia and the former Soviet Union, with more than 200 million accounts. In future, the designers imagine a world where people walking past you on the street could find your social network profile by sneaking a photograph of you, and shops, advertisers and the police could pick your face out of crowds and track you down via social networks. In the short time since the launch, FindFace has amassed 500,000 users and processed nearly 3m searches.

https://yro.slashdot.org/story/16/05/17/1653234/face-recognition-app-taking-russia-by-storm-may-bring-end-to-public-anonymity

It's only a matter of time - maybe a year or two - before you can be ubiquitously identified online, based on your photo, if you've posted it anywhere that's publicly accessible.

Ain't nothing to hide ain't nothing to worry about!!

FortySeven

Ignatius in bloom wrote: »

Ain't nothing to hide ain't nothing to worry about!!

Historically this has been bad advice. What is acceptable now can suddenly change. Like being Jewish in '33.

FortySeven

Any opinions on getting some professionally taken photos for a profile?

Nothing altered or false. Just more flattering than an HTC selfie. I know some women who have done this and they look great with proper lighting and someone who has an eye for their best profile.

Some of the pictures on match I see are just terrible.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Would you not see someone in their natural environment? I'd look nothing like a professional pic when he's tying my hair up so I don't get vomit on it after drinking all night. Wouldn't be giving them false hope

FortySeven

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Would you not see someone in their natural environment? I'd look nothing like a professional pic when he's tying my hair up so I don't get vomit on it after drinking all night. Wouldn't be giving them false hope

Thinking more from a male perspective. The ratios are wildly against us as was seen in the 12 hour experiment. Any advantage is a must in my book. Essentially this is marketing. Have you ever been in a take away that took their own pictures of the food? Unappetising at best. Professional shots are a must in any other visual marketing campaigns.

I look like a deer caught in the headlights when I photograph myself. Not my natural self at all.

Shint0

It's a bit like the fake lips and makeup thread on AH. Are we misrepresenting ourselves by preening ourselves to look different to how we are in our natural state? Everyone wants to look good and look their best. It's totally natural but have we gone too far in the opposite direction.

I remember in the start of online dating I had no profile pic but still got a lot of interaction out of it. Somebody I met online and started going out with had no profile either. We agreed to meet. All he told me in advance was he slightly resembled someone from a particular band and I was ok with that.

Most people I have ever dated or been in a relationship with probably fall into the 'average' or 'less than average' category looks wise. Someone I previously had a relationship with that electrified me the most you would definitely not pick out in a crowd looks perspective. We didn't meet online but when we met it was just instant. I looked a mess and he was very casually dressed. It wasn't even physical or sexual. It was more than that. We both instantly knew we were looking in the mirror and went on to have one of those Heathcliff/Cathy relationships. For various reasons it didn't work out but we still check in on each other from time to time to make sure the other is doing ok. If I swiped him on Tinder which most probably would have I would have missed out on that whole experience.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

When I met the luckiest man, when I was 17, I felt comfortable with him because he was NOT the kinda guy I find attractive. Now, he isn't too hard on the eye to be fair to him. He'd probably get chatted up more than I would on a night out. But, nope. Not my type.

Had I been in anyway physically attracted to him, we wouldn't have been so close, we wouldn't have realised there was feelings there, and he'd be missing out big time probably settled down with someone else nowhere near as wonderful as me.

There's definately more to someone than just their looks. I mean, if I went out solely to pick up a guy I was physically attracted to, he'd prob have a full sleeve (though I wouldn't say I liked tattoos), shaved head, and a criminal record. Now - those traits aren't what I like in a guy and they wouldn't be marriage material, but they're eye candy for me.

Luckiest man couldn't be anymore different. I would say I'm fairly shallow but wouldn't write someone off on looks alone.

maudgonner

FortySeven wrote: »

Thinking more from a male perspective. The ratios are wildly against us as was seen in the 12 hour experiment. Any advantage is a must in my book. Essentially this is marketing. Have you ever been in a take away that took their own pictures of the food? Unappetising at best. Professional shots are a must in any other visual marketing campaigns.

I look like a deer caught in the headlights when I photograph myself. Not my natural self at all.

There's something a bit endearing about slightly awkward photos though. Of course I may just be projecting because I hate having my photo taken :D

If it looks like a professionally taken and posed photo then it could be a turn off too. It might come across like you're a bit up yourself. Depends if it's obviously a staged thing, I guess.

gourcuff28

LexieOnRale wrote: »

When I met the luckiest man, when I was 17, I felt comfortable with him because he was NOT the kinda guy I find attractive. Now, he isn't too hard on the eye to be fair to him. He'd probably get chatted up more than I would on a night out. But, nope. Not my type.

Had I been in anyway physically attracted to him, we wouldn't have been so close, we wouldn't have realised there was feelings there, and he'd be missing out big time probably settled down with someone else nowhere near as wonderful as me.

There's definately more to someone than just their looks. I mean, if I went out solely to pick up a guy I was physically attracted to, he'd prob have a full sleeve (though I wouldn't say I liked tattoos), shaved head, and a criminal record. Now - those traits aren't what I like in a guy and they wouldn't be marriage material, but they're eye candy for me.

Luckiest man couldn't be anymore different. I would say I'm fairly shallow but wouldn't write someone off on looks alone.

That guy you described is what we call a slayer, he is Chad, he pumps and dumps, then you settle with Phil the scrawny accountant who thoght his job in KPMG would make him desirable to women

Dial Hard

FortySeven wrote: »

Thinking more from a male perspective. The ratios are wildly against us as was seen in the 12 hour experiment. Any advantage is a must in my book. Essentially this is marketing. Have you ever been in a take away that took their own pictures of the food? Unappetising at best. Professional shots are a must in any other visual marketing campaigns.

I look like a deer caught in the headlights when I photograph myself. Not my natural self at all.

There's a vast swathe of middle ground between a crap selfie and getting professional photos done just for your profile, you know. Just pick a few good shots of you from various nights out/holidays/family events and use them (cropping out any extraneous people).

I've 6 photos on my Tinder profile and not one of them is a selfie.

CelticRambler

The risk with good-quality posed pictures is that you'll be inclined to use them for some other purpose, won't you? I've identified a few people from pro photos that Google Images matches up perfectly with their LinkedIn profile or similar. :eek:

More often, though, I find that an incredibly well-taken, well-lit, well-posed photo shows up on Google as definitely not "one of us" ...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

No, I settled with a guy that I felt was my best friend in the whole entire world. Someone I would trust with my safety and wellbeing more than I would trust myself. I settled with a guy who knows not to let me walk all over him, who'll tell me no or to go f u c k myself when I need to hear it. I settled for someone who worked hard for 7 years before qualifying for his area of expertise because he wants to have a nice life and provide for his family. I settled for a guy that doesn't care if I'm wearing expensive clothes or makeup or if I'm still in yesterday's pjs with hair sticking out all over the place. Someone who knows if I'm about to go off at the deep end, who knows by words i use in texts if I'm not ok even though I'll tell him I am. Someone who can look at me and know what I'm smirking at when nobody else would have a clue.

I'm glad he wasn't my type. I would never have got to know him if he was my type. Of course I'm attracted to him now, he's hot. But I'd have totally missed out back then if it was tinder because he'd have been a left


Edit: need to start quoting posts I look like I'm talking to myself

maudgonner

There's been a good few posts with us women recommending what we think works. How about the guys chip in with their point of view?

When you see a woman's (or a man's ) profile what is it that makes you decide to send a message?

The photos, what she's interested in, what she's written in her profile?

What are the biggest turn-offs in a profile?

gourcuff28

If I think she's hot and doesn't look like a bitch or some idiot who attends Krystal/Everleigh Garden

gourcuff28

gourcuff28 wrote: »

If I think she's hot and doesn't look like a bitch or some idiot who attends Krystal/Everleigh Garden

Jaysus.

gsi300024v

I like seeing a different photo, bit bored of the ones where someone is trying to be different but all the trying to be different can look the same as everyone else trying to look different.
If I see some humour in the photos or profile I like that. But not a look at me I'm mad pretending to drink from a bottle of wine. I like family friends, who doesn't.
Every photo a selfies in a messy bedroom when they about to head out for the night.
They can be pretty, and dressed well, but I need them to be a bit different. Not sure how to describe it.
I don't like people putting down online dating while still doing it, it is also putting me down.
I like profile filled out but not 2500 words.
GAA or football tops are turn off, I've no interest in either. FAke tan not fan of, don't mind tan or white.
All photos of head so you no idea what shape someone is.
One photo like you hate having photo taken, turn off.
Too many of what you don't wants in profile is turn off.

Shint0

I think profiles should be short, snappy and leave them wanting to know more.

KomradeBishop

Stating that they'll make an effort to reply, so long as someone makes an effort with their message, would certainly make people more likely to bother. After a while you just can't be arsed putting in effort messaging anyone.

If anything in the profile comes off as censorious, before a message is even sent, that's usually a big turn off.

Don't do the duck lips thing - or if you do, might as well cross your eyes at the same time, to complete the effect/impression you're giving off :pac: - in fact, that probably will get you more replies...

Almost all the profiles are completely generic/the-same though. If female, it doesn't matter how good your profile is really, I think - you'd be hard pressed to make it so bad that you won't get messages.

mickmackmcgoo

maudgonner wrote:

What are the biggest turn-offs in a profile?

All group photos with the same 4 girls in it
Photos of your head only
Photos of your sky dive
Photos of you on a beach 100 yards from the camera
Putting on your profile -wants to find someone to marry- happens on pof
Putting on your profile- "not looking for fun etc" - this leads to conflict if a guy is chatting to you and having a laugh and then he makes a slightly flirty comment- the default response from girls is " so are you just here for the ride" hate that one

gourcuff28

gourcuff28 wrote: »

If I think she's hot and doesn't look like a bitch or some idiot who attends Krystal/Everleigh Garden

How exactly do bitches & idiots look??

CelticRambler

Not writing anything!
Or using the phrases "looking for genuine guy" or "people tell me that I'm ..."

Other than that, much the same as you girls have said - well written, correctly punctuated (or an explanation that you're writing in something other than your native language) and something that indicates you've got realistic expectations.

I'm happy to be called judgemental if that's what it is, but I can't stand seeing photos taken in a mirror. :mad: And the classic one-armed selfie-pose is a turn-off. Smartphone cameras have a timer function. Prop the feckin' thing up somewhere and let it take a decent photo - like we used to do in the olden days!

Oh, and photos of sunglasses (or worse, oversized sunglasses that make you look like some fly-woman hybrid)

gourcuff28

bubblypop wrote: »

How exactly do bitches & idiots look??

You just know when they might look alright but bland and shallow as ****.

Mr. CooL ICE

gourcuff28 wrote: »

If I think she's hot and doesn't look like a bitch or some idiot who attends Krystal/Everleigh Garden

gourcuff28 wrote: »

You just know when they might look alright but bland and shallow as ****.

Mod: No more of this, thanks.

maudgonner

gsi300024v wrote: »

I don't like people putting down online dating while still doing it, it is also putting me down.

I really hate that too. Anybody who has done OD for any length of time knows about the bad bits, why the hell would you put it in your profile? You're dead right, it sounds like an insult.

Tell me how

maudgonner wrote: »

There's been a good few posts with us women recommending what we think works. How about the guys chip in with their point of view?

When you see a woman's (or a man's ) profile what is it that makes you decide to send a message?

The photos, what she's interested in, what she's written in her profile?

What are the biggest turn-offs in a profile?

You just had to ask didn't you!

gourcuff28 wrote: »

If I think she's hot and doesn't look like a bitch or some idiot who attends Krystal/Everleigh Garden

I wouldn't necessarily feel that that view is representative of what all men think.

For me. Definitely enough of a physical attraction to make me feel here might be a spark but not expecting love at first sight.
A profile that includes some of the thought process as to why they are there.
Pictures that make me want to ask about when or where it was taken.
Some interests and reasons why those appeal to them but not really a massive list or a thesis on the reasons behind them.

All of the above can be deemed redundant by something of the "je ne sais quoi" variety which isn't necessarily about looks or anything. It could be a phrase used or in one instance, a picture, not of the lady, that had me intrigued.