Online dating

Tell me how · 21-05-2016 9:39pm

keep truckin wrote:

When it didn't work out between the girl I liked in college recently, I actually cried after when I got home, pathetic I know. A heavy heart is a hard thing to deal with. Looking back now I can see where I went wrong, and I did learn alot about myself. I'm not sure if people believe in fate, or it's "meant to be". There was signs that it wasn't, sounds silly but when odd things outside your control go wrong, it really makes you think.

Well, I still believe it's better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

Dare I say, if you can already see "where you went wrong" then you're well on the way to getting through it.

21-05-2016 9:39pm

Tell me how wrote: »

But that's the thing. If you end up with someone who you get on with, are somebit attracted to and they're not an a**hole/b*tch to you, should that not be enough?

I sometimes think those that end up long-term single do so partly (maybe largely) due to their own fairtytale hopes.
I can't speak for anyone else but I think it's a problem I have.

Why would you want to be with someone who you are only somewhat attracted to?

Tell me how · 21-05-2016 9:40pm

Deleted User wrote:

Why would you want to be with someone who you are only somewhat attracted to?

Is it not better than being on your own?

21-05-2016 9:41pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Is it not better than being on your own?

No it really isn't. Do you think it's possible that you'll meet a woman who you're crazy about and vice versa?

KERSPLAT! · 21-05-2016 9:42pm

Tell me how wrote: »

But that's the thing. If you end up with someone who you get on with, are somebit attracted to and they're not an a**hole/b*tch to you, should that not be enough?

I sometimes think those that end up long-term single do so partly (maybe largely) due to their own fairtytale hopes.
I can't speak for anyone else but I think it's a problem I have.

Maybe it is for you but definitely not for me. "Somebit attracted to"? Nope. "Not an arsehole/bitch", that should be a given...

I'm getting way too far into this but anyway. In a relationship I want someone that I make happy and makes me happy. Someone, kind, generous and has a great sense of humor and to be honest, someone I can't keep my hands off. Somebit attracted to simply wouldn't cut it.

21-05-2016 9:43pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Is it not better than being on your own?

Hell no it is worse. Because then you feel just as alone as before - but there is someone before you who you feel you are _personally_ letting down as well.

FortySeven · 21-05-2016 9:45pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Is it not better than being on your own?

No. It is soul destroying.

21-05-2016 9:49pm

I was out walking the dog today and had my first bit of relationship jealousy!!

I'm happy enough on my own, would be nice to have someone but I'm doing OK.
But today I saw a young couple, very young, early teenage years, who were clearly mad about each other. It's unusual to see now because from my observations they just hook up now!
But these two were definitely at the can't get enough of each other stage. Sitting on top of each other, couldn't get enough kisses, in the rain! Chatting, laughing & kissing. Like when kissing was enough!
They were oblivious to everyone else, including my dog up sniffing around them.

It was just a lovely sight, and yea I got a bit of jealousy, but not in a bad way, in the I remember being young & in love way, before the world gets complicated kinda way.
Just lovely.

tomwaterford · 21-05-2016 9:56pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Way to break a girls heart!

Hahahaha....<3

Tell me how · 21-05-2016 10:01pm

I'm not suggesting you "tolerate" someone but more you let yourself love what you like about them and not get too hung up on what you like less.

I don't know any lasting relationship where they both love each and every thing about each other, and I mean "every" thing in this context, but they are quite happy. They're not waiting for the fairy tale from their childhood.

tomwaterford · 21-05-2016 10:10pm

Tell me how wrote: »

Is it not better than being on your own?

What's wrong with being on your own??

Better than being pure miserable and getting your head wreaked off some wan

As lads I used be friends with said one day...everyone in a couple is unhappy....and they and their partners used be doing the dirt on each other the whole time....couldn't be dealing with that p

21-05-2016 10:13pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

What's wrong with being on your own??

Better than being pure miserable and getting your head wreaked off some wan

As lads I used be friends with said one day...everyone in a couple is unhappy....and they and their partners used be doing the dirt on each other the whole time....couldn't be dealing with that p

Not every couple Tom

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 21-05-2016 10:47pm

Tell me how wrote: »

But that's the thing. If you end up with someone who you get on with, are somebit attracted to and they're not an a**hole/b*tch to you, should that not be enough?

I sometimes think those that end up long-term single do so partly (maybe largely) due to their own fairtytale hopes.
I can't speak for anyone else but I think it's a problem I have.

No. There's more to life than being with someone that's nice to you. I had a big long message typed out about how I knew when I fell in love but honestly, as much as the temptation sweeps over me waking up to the luckiest man and wanting to smother him with a pillow sometimes, the feeling of actually loving him outweighs it. Sometimes I've hated him so much because I loved him. It's not always a nice feeling, ESP if your head is telling you to walk away but your heart is keeping you there. But when THAT love is good, there's no better feeling.

Well except maybe jam donut for breakfast. But donut, and then that kinda love.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 21-05-2016 10:47pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

What's wrong with being on your own??

Better than being pure miserable and getting your head wreaked off some wan

As lads I used be friends with said one day...everyone in a couple is unhappy....and they and their partners used be doing the dirt on each other the whole time....couldn't be dealing with that p

Aw tom

not true.

failinis · 21-05-2016 10:49pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

What's wrong with being on your own??

Better than being pure miserable and getting your head wreaked off some wan

As lads I used be friends with said one day...everyone in a couple is unhappy....and they and their partners used be doing the dirt on each other the whole time....couldn't be dealing with that p

I feel the same way.

Either the next relationship you enter is doomed to fail (and you move on to the next) or you stick with that person for the rest of life, growing to hate one another but never coming out with it, tolerating each other just so you don't be ****ed into a nursing home or die alone.

21-05-2016 10:52pm

failinis wrote: »

I feel the same way.

Either the next relationship you enter is doomed to fail (and you move on to the next) or you stick with that person for the rest of life, growing to hate one another but never coming out with it, tolerating each other just so you don't be ****ed into a nursing home or die alone.

Jaysus.

You mustn't think like that. Right now all I want to do is curl up beside someone and talk about books and films while he twirls my hair around his finger. That's in my future.

It's also in yours.

KERSPLAT! · 21-05-2016 10:55pm

Jaysus lads, you're destined for doom and gloom with that attitude.

Tell me how · 21-05-2016 10:56pm

Deleted User wrote:

It's also in yours.

If some guy starts twirling my hair around his finger, there'll probably be blows.

fin12 · 21-05-2016 11:02pm

I found out they do Tinder dating night every Tuesday in the Grand pub in Killarney, even though I'm not on tinder but I presume it's just like a speed dating night.

Felix Jones is God · 21-05-2016 11:10pm

Wow..in a good way, brilliant raw and honest

Tell me how · 21-05-2016 11:15pm

Felix Jones is God wrote:

Wow..in a good way, brilliant raw and honest

For me, the stop start behaviour in a relationship would always have me nervous that the next stop is around the corner.
That's not a slight on LoR or her relationship but it would fill me with a doubt I don't believe I'd be strong enough to overcome.
I do admire the strength of the belief in the connection that is there.

21-05-2016 11:17pm

Tell me how wrote: »

For me, the stop start behaviour in a relationship would always have me nervous that the next stop is around the corner.
That's not a slight on LoR or her relationship but it would fill me with a doubt I don't believe I'd be strong enough to overcome.
I do admire the strength of the belief in the connection that is there.

When you say "next stop" do you mean the times you might be fit to walk away?

21-05-2016 11:18pm

Tell me how wrote: »

If some guy starts twirling my hair around his finger, there'll probably be blows.

Well hey maybe a man is in your future :pac:

mickmackmcgoo · 21-05-2016 11:19pm

Very open post there Lexi and fascinating to read it . Sparks and friendship in a relationship can be rare,

FortySeven · 21-05-2016 11:27pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Jaysus.

You mustn't think like that. Right now all I want to do is curl up beside someone and talk about books and films while he twirls my hair around his finger. That's in my future.

It's also in yours.

I'm free Saturday? :P

21-05-2016 11:29pm

FortySeven wrote: »

I'm free Saturday? :P

Done!!

But I must warn you. Your hands will get lost in my mess of a head

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 21-05-2016 11:33pm

Tell me how wrote: »

For me, the stop start behaviour in a relationship would always have me nervous that the next stop is around the corner.
That's not a slight on LoR or her relationship but it would fill me with a doubt I don't believe I'd be strong enough to overcome.
I do admire the strength of the belief in the connection that is there.

I remember a particularly low point in my life, right after my dad died, I was living in a house full of boys drugs and alcohol having the time of my life, my head being an absolute mess. My best friend BEGGING me to stop partying, to stay away from luckiest man, to book a flight and just leave to get away from him. Get away from the party house. Sort myself out.
And I was sitting on the ground, wailing that I knew I'd end up married to "that c u next Tuesday" in 40 years time. Genuinely distressed at the thoughts of it. He never gives up on me. I could be beating the self destruct button on myself with a hammer and he'll always be there. And when I want to run amuck, party all night, go to work still in party mode shall we say, and he's there ruining my fun, it felt like I genuinely will never ever get away from him.

And I'm glad I can't. I have no doubt we'll break up and fight and hate each other lots of times before either of us die, but I genuinely could never see myself with anyone else because love is not always positive, or pretty, but it's always consistent. He never has turned his back on me and I trust that no matter how ugly things might get, he never will. He's been there through the death of both parents and a rape, a very wild period of my life and when I took offence to anyone trying to help me. And he didn't care if I hated him for it, he did what he had to do to keep me safe. So, it's not that fluffy love, but I feel it's real.

21-05-2016 11:34pm

fin12 wrote: »

I found out they do Tinder dating night every Tuesday in the Grand pub in Killarney, even though I'm not on tinder but I presume it's just like a speed dating night.

I haven't a clue about Tinder. It could be a kind of night where single people just get together and hang out? Like those Meet Up things.
Either way I think you should go

FortySeven · 21-05-2016 11:35pm

See, all you naysayers. That's how it's done!

I never once in life got anything good by second guessing, procrastinating or over thinking. Be impulsive, throw yourself out there and take the lumps if they come.

You'll get lumps in life anyway. may as well have some fun too.

21-05-2016 11:40pm

LexieOnRale wrote: »

He never has turned his back on me and I trust that no matter how ugly things might get, he never will. He's been there through the death of both parents and a rape, a very wild period of my life and when I took offence to anyone trying to help me. And he didn't care if I hated him for it, he did what he had to do to keep me safe. So, it's not that fluffy love, but I feel it's real.

This is spot on for me Lexie. Love is making a choice everyday to stand beside that person. My ex ended our relationship because he couldn't handle it when things got real. I was going through a difficult time and he bailed. All the fancy words and plans and and even the I love yous amounted to nothing when it came down to it.

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