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    #2522
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Silverman. wrote: »
    Haha I don't get involved anyway.
    Also its not drunken crying either.
    For example, I fell and still am head over heels for this girl I know who has a boyfriend. We were out together in a group and she took her bf too. After the pub, she wanted to go with us to the nightclub, the BF wanted to go home and was kinda trying to convince her to go too. Eventually she decided to go to the nightclub but he also joined us. About five minutes in, they had an argument and he stormed off, five minutes later she said she was leaving and left with him. Neither were drunk. See stuff like that, is hard to see cos I'd be like 'listen babe, go enjoy urself, I'm away home, call me if ya want a lift later'. There are more incidents too as well.

    But that's obviously the dynamic in their relationship or in fact anything could have been going on. It doesn't mean that they aren't suited to each other or that she would be better off with you. They might really love each other. They might end up getting married.

    An ex of mine and myself tore strips off each other. Well it was me not him. Yet we really loved each other. Hell I remember flinging a wine bottle at him! We still keep in touch. We meet up now and then for a drink and a chat. That's a testament to the closeness we shared. Yet to the outside we looked like a couple who needed to be very far away from each other.


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    #2523
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    I'm so sick of all these pints. I'm a nice drinker and I can't even find one neverending beer.


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    #2524
    PandaX9
    Registered Users Posts: 1,584 ✭✭✭PandaX9


    Silverman. wrote: »
    Haha I don't get involved anyway.
    Also its not drunken crying either.
    For example, I fell and still am head over heels for this girl I know who has a boyfriend. We were out together in a group and she took her bf too. After the pub, she wanted to go with us to the nightclub, the BF wanted to go home and was kinda trying to convince her to go too. Eventually she decided to go to the nightclub but he also joined us. About five minutes in, they had an argument and he stormed off, five minutes later she said she was leaving and left with him. Neither were drunk. See stuff like that, is hard to see cos I'd be like 'listen babe, go enjoy urself, I'm away home, call me if ya want a lift later'. There are more incidents too as well.

    At the same time.. That's their perogative. If that were me and a boyfriend, and he wanted to go whilst I didn't.. Then we would be adults about it - - he would go home, and I would stay.

    So the above case, to me, reads like a case of

    1) her uncomfortable having fun if he's not there (which is probably due to the fact that..)
    2) he is insecure in either himself or their relationship and doesn't want her in a nightclub when he is not that there.

    Again, see how that example initially seems like a surface issue as simple as them having different plans for the night but under the surface it's probably more about trust and insecurity? Why would she try to make him stay if he wanted to go and why would she feel obligated to leave after he'd left, otherwise? Obviously it's all my conjecture but that's how I would see that situation so again, things may not be what they seem.


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    #2525
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    Deleted User wrote:
    But that's obviously the dynamic in their relationship or in fact anything could have been going on. It doesn't mean that they aren't suited to each other or that she would be better off with you. They might really love each other. They might end up getting married.
    But that wasn't an individual incident.
    They could be suited to each other but they may also not be. Who says he's not a jerk either?


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    #2526
    KomradeBishop
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,981 ✭✭✭KomradeBishop


    It's not really a case of 'nice guys finish last', more a case of charismatic guys with well developed personalities, will be forgiven a lot of shítty behaviour - whereas 'nice' guys, but with fairly underdeveloped personalities, are going to be judged fairly harshly for that, regardless.

    It's nothing to do with being nice vs bad. It's solely to do, with the fact that people can get away with a lot of shít behaviour, if other traits are alluring enough, to make people look past or assent-to/justify the shítty behaviour. You see it all through society, in many different forms - not just relationships.
    Plus, separately, if you don't do enough to work on yourself emotionally/socially, you're going to be at an inherent disadvantage anyway - no matter how 'nice' you are.


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    #2527
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Silverman. wrote: »
    But that wasn't an individual incident.
    They could be suited to each other but they may also not be. Who says he's not a jerk either?


    Who says she's not at home busting his balls left right and centre?
    Who says she's not an absolute headfuuck?
    Who says he doesn't make her feel like the most special girl in the world?
    You do not know what goes on behind closed doors.


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    #2528
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    What's wrong with being high maintenance anyway?
    What's so wrong with not trying to be the perfect person?
    Why do you have to be the nicest, calmest, best looking, most interesting, non farting, wise, not too much hard work to deserve someone to love you?

    If I'm going to love someone the least he can do is love me back for the raging emotionally unpredictable bitch I am.

    It's not even like that stupid Marilyn Monroe quote blah blah best worst.

    Nobody is perfect. Stop trying to pretend you are and that the faults are with the other person. Oh Lexie, your high maintenance. Yeah and? What about it?
    Stop trying to make others feel bad about themselves and concentrate on feeling happy with your own self. Life is too short to be pointing out other people's shortcomings

    I'd like this post a million times if I could.

    I've dated men in the past who looked on disapprovingly if I knock back a drink or who feel uncomfortable because I can intuit their behaviour and so pretending to "do work so you must leave" doesn't quite cut it. Or that some nights I need the light on or I eat too much now and then (alot).


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    #2529
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    PandaX9 wrote:
    1) her uncomfortable having fun if he's not there (which is probably due to the fact that..) 2) he is insecure in either himself or their relationship and doesn't want her in a nightclub when he is not that there.
    PandaX9 wrote:
    Again, see how that example initially seems like a surface issue as simple as them having different plans for the night but under the surface it's probably more about trust and insecurity? Why would she try to make him stay if he wanted to go and why would she feel obligated to leave after he'd left, otherwise? Obviously it's all my conjecture but that's how I would see that situation so again, things may not be what they seem.
    The other women we were out with weren't happy with him. It

    They said he was controlling and made her feel guilty meaning she had to leave with him.


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    #2530
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Silverman. wrote: »
    The other women we were out with weren't happy with him. It

    They said he was controlling and made her feel guilty meaning she had to leave with him.

    That may be the case. Whatever. Between them it is.

    They are not your concern.


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    #2531
    fin12
    Registered Users Posts: 10,934 ✭✭✭✭fin12


    Eircom_Sucks wrote: »
    more about the cash you earn or how much of a dickhead you can be to them

    cause nice guys always finish last

    It seems to me that a lot of nice guys end up with women who really are not that nice and treat them like crap. Why do nice guys go for women like that?


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    #2532
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    LexieOnRale wrote:
    Who says she's not at home busting his balls left right and centre? Who says she's not an absolute headfuuck? Who says he doesn't make her feel like the most special girl in the world? You do not know what goes on behind closed doors.


    Well I know her very well and she's not like that.
    It feels like your playing devils advocate and backing him for the same of an argument.


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    #2533
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    Deleted User wrote:
    That may be the case. Whatever. Between them it is.
    Deleted User wrote:
    They are not your concern.

    That's the whole point. I'm not saying that it is my concern but it doesn't make it easy to see.


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    #2534
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    fin12 wrote: »
    It seems to me that a lot of nice guys end up with women who really are not that nice and treat them like crap. Why do nice guys go for women like that?

    There are no "nice guys" and "bad women".

    There are people who meet other people and fall in love or don't but stay with each other for whatever reason.


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    #2535
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    But sure, what business is it of yours anyway? You look after your own relationships, let them look after theirs.


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    #2536
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    KERSPLAT! wrote:
    But sure, what business is it of yours anyway? You look after your own relationships, let them look after theirs.
    Far too simplistic IMO. Its not easy to forget someone you massively care about.


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    #2537
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    I'm so sick of women going for the bad fries. I'm such a nice fry. I'm made of Kerr Pink damnit!


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    #2538
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Lyaiera wrote: »
    I'm so sick of women going for the bad fries. I'm such a nice fry. I'm made of Kerr Pink damnit!

    Are you drunk or high?


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    #2539
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I remember a few summers ago I met a guy who was a bit of a divil. I didn't care though because it was my "off the rails" summer. The chemistry was something else. The sex was something else. I'm quite certain people who knew him very well thought "that's going to end badly". It was casual enough for both of us however.

    So I overlooked the lies about his past and the constant drinking and how that affected him. It was what it was. Maybe people were saying "how is Persepoly with that guy"? It suited me at the time. So you never know. It's not black and white.


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    #2540
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    Are you drunk or high?

    No. I'm a potato.

    But seriously. I'm sober. And bored. And hangry.

    I wonder why I can't find a man?


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    #2541
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Silverman. wrote: »
    Well I know her very well and she's not like that.
    It feels like your playing devils advocate and backing him for the same of an argument.

    Naw. I'm with my fella on/off 7 yrs. we're best friends 10 years. He doesn't treat me like I'm a fragile doll that's going to break. When I'm out of control, he's tough as fuuck, he's mean, and I've hated him for it. When I've gone through sh1t things, banging other people, not dating him, he's physically removed me from situations. He'd physically wrestle a bottle of vodka, or a strip of Valium off me. He'd get up in the middle of the night and drive 40 mins to me to make me leave a houseparty. I've booked flights out of the country to get away from him "controlling my life". I've sat with my friends crying so hard about what an awful bastard he was. To the point where they begged me not to be friends with him, not to be getting back with him, stay away, delete his number, don't talk to him.

    But they didn't know me like he knew me. They were telling me what I needed to hear, seeing him making me more sad. They didn't see the texts I sent him, they didn't know he was worried that if he didn't hear back from me within a few hours he thought I was lying dead somewhere. They didn't know he stayed up with me, watching cartoons, or playing with my hair to calm me down when I was afraid to go to sleep because I had sleep paralysis. They didn't see how much he cared for me or loved me because what they seen was someone harsh and controlling but clearly letting me do what I liked and pandering to me wasn't what I needed and didn't work.

    You as an outsider see one side of their relationship or personality. That's it.


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    #2542
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    Lyaiera wrote: »
    No. I'm a potato.

    But seriously. I'm sober. And bored. And hangry.

    I wonder why I can't find a man?

    I'm a man and I wouldn't date a potato, might be something in that.


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    #2543
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    LexieOnRale wrote:
    Naw. I'm with my fella on/off 7 yrs. we're best friends 10 years. He doesn't treat me like I'm a fragile doll that's going to break. When I'm out of control, he's tough as fuuck, he's mean, and I've hated him for it. When I've gone through sh1t things, banging other people, not dating him, he's physically removed me from situations. He'd physically wrestle a bottle of vodka, or a strip of Valium off me. He'd get up in the middle of the night and drive 40 mins to me to make me leave a houseparty. I've booked flights out of the country to get away from him "controlling my life". I've sat with my friends crying so hard about what an awful bastard he was. To the point where they begged me not to be friends with him, not to be getting back with him, stay away, delete his number, don't talk to him.
    LexieOnRale wrote:
    But they didn't know me like he knew me. They were telling me what I needed to hear, seeing him making me more sad. They didn't see the texts I sent him, they didn't know he was worried that if he didn't hear back from me within a few hours he thought I was lying dead somewhere. They didn't know he stayed up with me, watching cartoons, or playing with my hair to calm me down when I was afraid to go to sleep because I had sleep paralysis. They didn't see how much he cared for me or loved me because what they seen was someone harsh and controlling but clearly letting me do what I liked and pandering to me wasn't what I needed and didn't work.
    LexieOnRale wrote:
    You as an outsider see one side of their relationship or personality. That's it.
    That's you. You're making comments about a woman you don't even know and that I know as being very down to earth and calm. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is.


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    #2544
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭Lyaiera


    KERSPLAT! wrote: »
    I'm a man and I wouldn't date a potato, might be something in that.

    Stupid men! Always going for the hot women and never the nice potatoes.


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    #2545
    tomwaterford
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 ✭✭✭✭tomwaterford


    Silverman. wrote: »
    That's you. You're making comments about a woman you don't even know and that I know as being very down to earth and calm. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is.

    It's nothing to do with you.


    Don't let it get to you....life's too short for that kid


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    #2546
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Silverman. wrote: »
    That's you. You're making comments about a woman you don't even know and that I know as being very down to earth and calm. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is.

    It must be hard to see someone you care about being treated in such a way. Unfortunately this is life. Often you will come across situations that you cannot change. People will make their own choices. All you can do is be there as a friend if she needs one.

    There is nothing else to be done here.


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    #2547
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Silverman. wrote: »
    That's you. You're making comments about a woman you don't even know and that I know as being very down to earth and calm. She doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is.
    You're making comments about a relationship you know nothing about.
    You're seeing one side of it.
    Dating someone and being their friend are completely different.
    You don't know she's not happy.


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    #2548
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    tomwaterford wrote:
    It's nothing to do with you.
    tomwaterford wrote:
    Don't let it get to you....life's too short for that kid

    No I know that but I was just showing that some guys do actually treat women badly even though a lot seem to be challenging that.


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    #2549
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    LexieOnRale wrote:
    You're making comments about a relationship you know nothing about. You're seeing one side of it. Dating someone and being their friend are completely different. You don't know she's not happy.

    So a friend can't see a relationship??? What nonsense. Can see a lot more than you can.


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    #2550
    Silverman.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭Silverman.


    Deleted User wrote:
    It must be hard to see someone you care about being treated in such a way. Unfortunately this is life. Often you will come across situations that you cannot change. People will make their own choices. All you can do is be there as a friend if she needs one.

    Deleted User wrote:
    There is nothing else to be done here.
    Ah I know, its getting easier though. First love she is.


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    #2551
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 21,679 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Silverman. wrote: »
    Ah I know, its getting easier though. First love she is.

    And there in lies the crux.


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