Online dating

poa

poa wrote: »

I have to turn my confidence down from 11 to 10 for a date. Women find me being cheeky, dominant, cocky, a real turn on. So I have to play it cool initially.
I have always found making a woman laugh is the key. I have had them p.issing themselves laughing on a first date. And one can literally make a girl laugh her pants off and into bed.
Women want a man to be a man, not wear skinny jeans with a hipster beard.
I often think women find character traits their father had to be attractive; say he was funny or confident, they yearn for that in a partner.

I promise you not every woman is attracted to dominant and cocky. In fact many would find that a complete turn off.

"..make a girl laugh her pants off and in to bed"

Seriously?

Aongus Von Heisenberg

I found Tinder great for finding the type of person you want to meet, much better than trawling through pubs and clubs trying to shout in some locked girl's ear. You just need to know what you want.

Online dating is about 80% looks and 20% what you say. A lot of your matches will not be serious so you have to be ruthless about dropping the one's that are not genuinely interested or seem like tossers when you chat.

I found that if you open with a joke or mild slagging about something in your matches' profile or photos you get a good response rate.

I had plenty of bad experiences but the the girls I met told me about a fair amount of awful stuff guys do on it, dick pics et al, so it's a two way street.

No need to worry about "seeming confident" BTW, just act like a normal person and enjoy the date and you'll click with the person if they're right for you. I always went to restaurants for first dates because I would enjoy the food and drink and find it easier to have a good time. Meeting a stranger for coffee sounds like a recipe for awkwardness TBH.

the evasion_kid

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Sounds like you have some issues yourself to be honest! :eek:

For being realistic? I do find it funny on boards when someone doesn't agree with you they come out with the above, as if it doesn't happen or exixt in the real world....how odd..

Wibbs

the evasion_kid wrote: »

This normally is the death knell in a relationship in my experience,and id advise against it,it's a double standard,but it what it is....

I wouldn't call it a death knell by any stretch, but I would agree that it can be one of those things that would be seen as a negative, subconsciously or not. It depends on the degree of it of course. Some vulnerability in small doses = good, vulnerability as a character trait in a man = not so good. Or the dynamic changes anyway. Vulnerability in a woman is seen and felt to be much more acceptable, with some men it's even an attractive feature(they can play knight in shining armour stuff). Where this comes from is a mixture of things and certainly societal opinions on gender play a big role in it, but it also seems to be deeper than that as pretty much every culture across the world and history fall into the same broad brushstrokes.

the evasion_kid

Wibbs wrote: »

I wouldn't call it a death knell by any stretch, but I would agree that it can be one of those things that would be seen as a negative, subconsciously or not. It depends on the degree of it of course. Some vulnerability in small doses = good, vulnerability as a character trait in a man = not so good. Or the dynamic changes anyway. Vulnerability in a woman is seen and felt to be much more acceptable, with some men it's even an attractive feature(they can play knight in shining armour stuff). Where this comes from is a mixture of things and certainly societal opinions on gender play a big role in it, but it also seems to be deeper than that as pretty much every culture across the world and history fall into the same broad brushstrokes.

+1

Precisely what I was getting at..

armaghlad

poa wrote: »

I have to turn my confidence down from 11 to 10 for a date. Women find me being cheeky, dominant, cocky, a real turn on. So I have to play it cool initially.
I have always found making a woman laugh is the key. I have had them p.issing themselves laughing on a first date. And one can literally make a girl laugh her pants off and into bed.
Women want a man to be a man, not wear skinny jeans with a hipster beard.
I often think women find character traits their father had to be attractive; say he was funny or confident, they yearn for that in a partner.

I don't have a hipster beard but don't knock the skinny jeans. You might still dress like your da but women like a man who dresses well and is trendy.

As for making a girl laugh her pants off into bed - this is bs unless the guy is half decent looking, or the girl is just desperate for a shag. Ugly guys aren't going to laugh pretty girls into bed. The only time I see ugly guys with pretty girls are the ones who have pursued them for years on end before finally getting them and holding onto them for dear life. If you're good looking and are good craic with the women then pulling them is a piece of cake.

JeffKenna

poa wrote: »

I have to turn my confidence down from 11 to 10 for a date. Women find me being cheeky, dominant, cocky, a real turn on. So I have to play it cool initially.
I have always found making a woman laugh is the key. I have had them p.issing themselves laughing on a first date. And one can literally make a girl laugh her pants off and into bed.
Women want a man to be a man, not wear skinny jeans with a hipster beard.
I often think women find character traits their father had to be attractive; say he was funny or confident, they yearn for that in a partner.

Jez, Leave some for the rest of us!!

Women aren't commodities to be "laughed in to Bed", "pulled", referred to in huge generalised statements, or whatever else some you of here seem to believe.

JeffKenna

armaghlad wrote: »

Well what part of the county are you in til I book a weekend to check out these easily impressed beautiful women? I've seen guys make girls wet themselves with laughter but when push came to shove they were going home with a kebab and not a beure. Never have I seen an ugly guy pull a hot girl unless he's in a relationship with her after years of groundwork

You see it all the time, ugly thugs in hoodies with beautiful girls...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Surely nobody is truely ugly

armaghlad

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Surely nobody is truely ugly

You haven't seen me

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

It's all relative. I love love love younger men with grey hair, have a soft spot for gingers. I'm sure they're "unattractive" to others. I'm brunette and short and very pale. I'm sure that'd be very unattractive to a lot of people.

Chain Smoker

Aongus Von Heisenberg wrote: »

I found Tinder great for finding the type of person you want to meet, much better than trawling through pubs and clubs trying to shout in some locked girl's ear. You just need to know what you want.

Online dating is about 80% looks and 20% what you say. A lot of your matches will not be serious so you have to be ruthless about dropping the one's that are not genuinely interested or seem like tossers when you chat.

I found that if you open with a joke or mild slagging about something in your matches' profile or photos you get a good response rate.

I had plenty of bad experiences but the the girls I met told me about a fair amount of awful stuff guys do on it, dick pics et al, so it's a two way street.

No need to worry about "seeming confident" BTW, just act like a normal person and enjoy the date and you'll click with the person if they're right for you. I always went to restaurants for first dates because I would enjoy the food and drink and find it easier to have a good time. Meeting a stranger for coffee sounds like a recipe for awkwardness TBH.

Coffee can work, you just need to include a walk or some **** along with it. The combo is a safe bet for a riskier date (drinks can take ****ing ages compared to a coffee, if the actual coffee part goes bad, there's the opportunity for a retry with the walk).

Best approach is to just use them as excuses to do check out somewhere new, that way you at least get an experience out of it.

cantdecide

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Surely nobody is truely ugly

You may be surprised to here that I have some thoughts on this

In my case, I'm not ugly but I'm not very good looking. I get the odd desiring look but I'm definitely a bit niche. There is definitely a conflict between my body and my character. I think with a different character, this body would get the girl much more often. With a different body, this character would get the girl more often. In my case, the phrase 'I'm not my space suit' comes to mind.

It's like when you hear about 'my mate John's ugly but he gets all the girls'. That's great for John but if you don't look like a lady's love interest, you can still get her as long as you pretend to be something you're not.

I only aspire to be the best version of me that I can be and as long as I'm not too much of an ass, I don't think changing or faking to achieve certain results is a good thing.

cantdecide

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'm brunette and short and very pale. I'm sure that'd be very unattractive to a lot of people.

PM sent.

Please don't reply "Fcuk off, creep" like last time

Wibbs

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Surely nobody is truely ugly

Some people are pretty minging mind you and while yes individual preference certainly comes into it, some people simply have more options while others have less. I have found people have a personal "catchment area" of sorts. Person A will have out of ten opposite(or same) sex observers six will have them on their maybe list, Person B might have only one out of the ten. It goes the other way too, so outside of what the objects of their attention feel, one person may be attracted in general to eight out of the ten, while another would only be into two. Some people are fussier than others.

People generally pair up with about their level of overall attractiveness and this has been borne out by a number of studies. In the crass number out of ten "scale", threes tend to end up with threes, nines with nines and so forth. Where that gets skewed it's a given that one partner has a hidden attraction that moves them up the scale. EG a rich plain guy moves up, an older pretty woman moves down.

There's a bit of a diff between relationships and flings too. The "Bad Boy" may be sought out for the fling, but the more staid guy sought out for a longtermer.

And yes people are by their very nature variable individuals, but general patterns can be teased out and observably so. Yes we can all list outliers, but they are outliers.

The Young Wan

Deleted User wrote: »

I promise you not every woman is attracted to dominant and cocky. In fact many would find that a complete turn off.

"..make a girl laugh her pants off and in to bed"

Seriously?

Completely agreed. I actually despise cockiness. At the first sign of it I often shut a conversation down.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

The Young Wan wrote: »

Completely agreed. I actually despise cockiness. At the first sign of it I often shut a conversation down.

I'd love it in someone id fool around with but if I was looking for a relationship
I could not handle it.

cantdecide

The Young Wan wrote: »

Completely agreed. I actually despise cockiness. At the first sign of it I often shut a conversation down.

Have you ever had a friend that responded to cockiness or arrogance? If not, then I think that this is the exception and not the rule. I know several. The cocky/ arrogant blokes that I know never struggled with ladies. IME, it's a cliche that rings true with enough frequency to justify the cliche. It's an individual perspective and I commend anyone that sees past it but it's a sad fact that men who are total cocks have more fun.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

cantdecide wrote: »

it's a sad fact that men who are total cocks have more fun.

What is with this phrase? It's been trotted out time and time again by men for absolutely no good or valid reason.

cantdecide

LexieOnRale wrote: »

What is with this phrase? It's been trotted out time and time again by men for absolutely no good or valid reason.

You've just proved my point and answered your own question, LOR.

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I'd love it in someone id fool around with

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

And a relationship with a nice boy?

The Young Wan

cantdecide wrote: »

Have you ever had a friend that responded to cockiness or arrogance? If not, then I think that this is the exception and not the rule. I know several. The cocky/ arrogant blokes that I know never struggled with ladies. IME, it's a cliche that rings true with enough frequency to justify the cliche. It's an individual perspective and I commend anyone that sees past it but it's a sad fact that men who are total cocks have more fun.

I have, yeah. Told him se wasn't a fan of his attitude and to tone it down. Cockiness is not for everyone, you know.

KomradeBishop

I don't think people properly know what confidence or insecurity is really - and I think that people are actually hyper-judgemental, really quick to make kneejerk assumptions/judgements, based on just one or a handful of times meeting someone - when they could get on with that person perfectly fine, if they gave a bit more time to get to know people beyond an extremely shallow level.

Someone can have a fairly normal level of self-worth/esteem, and hold others treatment of them to a high standard - and be confident about that - while at the same time being prone to discomfort/anxiety in specific situations, that they can do nothing about, which isn't a matter of insecurity/confidence, but is something which completely can't be helped, and may negatively affect skills in that area.

One of the worst possible traits you can have - for a guy anyway, girls are judged less for this - is noticeable anxiety of any kind, as it'll elicit kneejerk judgement no matter how confident you are otherwise. It's one of the remaining things that it's largely socially acceptable to judge people on, even though it can't be helped.

Mister Vain

Aongus Von Heisenberg wrote: »

I always went to restaurants for first dates because I would enjoy the food and drink and find it easier to have a good time. Meeting a stranger for coffee sounds like a recipe for awkwardness TBH.

How would meeting for a coffee be awkward? I would have thought going to a restaurant would be much more awkward as its not as easy to leave early if things don't work out. A coffee is very simple. Going out for a meal seems a bit formal for a first date.

J Mysterio

KomradeBishop wrote: »

I don't think people properly know what confidence or insecurity is really - and I think that people are actually hyper-judgemental, really quick to make kneejerk assumptions/judgements, based on just one or a handful of times meeting someone - when they could get on with that person perfectly fine, if they gave a bit more time to get to know people beyond an extremely shallow level.

Someone can have a fairly normal level of self-worth/esteem, and hold others treatment of them to a high standard - and be confident about that - while at the same time being prone to discomfort/anxiety in specific situations, that they can do nothing about, which isn't a matter of insecurity/confidence, but is something which completely can't be helped, and may negatively affect skills in that area.

One of the worst possible traits you can have - for a guy anyway, girls are judged less for this - is noticeable anxiety of any kind, as it'll elicit kneejerk judgement no matter how confident you are otherwise. It's one of the remaining things that it's largely socially acceptable to judge people on, even though it can't be helped.

Get confident, stupid.

French_Girl

Mister Vain wrote:

How would meeting for a coffee be awkward? I would have thought going to a restaurant would be much more awkward as its not as easy to leave early if things don't work out. A coffee is very simple. Going out for a meal seems a bit formal for a first date.

Hint: First Dates. ðŸ˜႒

Mister Vain

French_Girl wrote: »

Hint: First Dates. ðŸ˜႒

I don't know what that is. Is that a French symbol or something?

French_Girl

Mister Vain wrote:

I don't know what that is. Is that a French symbol or something?

Smiley face.
I'm on my Android and foolishly believed my happy emoji would actually show and brighten up your screen!

The hint was actually in the answer though. So it was.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

First dates are the worst. Has anyone ever showed up to a first date sober