Online dating

maudgonner

Silverman. wrote: »

Haha I could I suppose. I know ye may not think it but my lack of confidence doesn't show cos I am a bit of a header when around women. Like constantly cracking jokes and tbh my confidence isn't low around women, its more when I think whether they would like me etc.

This is just my opinion, so other women on here might disagree with me, but I think maybe you need to focus a little less on what the women think of you. Focus instead on how you make them feel.

To me, there is nothing sexier than a guy who makes me feel sexy, special, funny, interesting, wanted etc... A guy who is 100% focused on me when he's talking to me, and seems genuinely glad to be by my side. Who treats me really well - and I'm not talking about buying me drinks or spending money on me.

Maybe that says something about my own self-esteem, or my ego? I don't know, but I have a hunch most people would be won over that. A good looking guy, who is just looking for everyone to admire him but doesn't give a damn about anyone else, soon starts to look ugly to me. A genuine guy, who wants to make you feel good quickly starts to look much more handsome. And if he can make me laugh too, well...

Silverman.

maudgonner wrote:

This is just my opinion, so other women on here might disagree with me, but I think maybe you need to focus a little less on what the women think of you. Focus instead on how you make them feel.

maudgonner wrote:

To me, there is nothing sexier than a guy who makes me feel sexy, special, funny, interesting, wanted etc... A guy who is 100% focused on me when he's talking to me, and seems genuinely glad to be by my side. Who treats me really well - and I'm not talking about buying me drinks or spending money on me.

maudgonner wrote:

Maybe that says something about my own self-esteem, or my ego? I don't know, but I have a hunch most people would be won over that. A good looking guy, who is just looking for everyone to admire him but doesn't give a damn about anyone else, soon starts to look ugly to me. A genuine guy, who wants to make you feel good quickly starts to look much more handsome. And if he can make me laugh too, well...

Who said I wouldn't do that. She would be treated like a queen. Also I'm not just some self obsessed guy who wants women to think I'm hot. I know how to treat a woman.

maudgonner

Silverman. wrote: »

Who said I wouldn't do that. She would be treated like a queen. Also I'm not just some self obsessed guy who wants women to think I'm hot. I know how to treat a woman.

I didn't meant to suggest that you were obsessed with yourself at all. Just giving a female perspective, and one based on my own experience.

When I was younger I had feck all self-confidence. I spent so much time & energy worrying about what other people thought of me. Now I don't worry so much about that, I'm more interested in other people - finding out what they're like, hearing their stories. I'm happier, and I'm pretty sure I'm a nicer person to be around. And when I see that quality in a fella it's more likely to win me over than any amount of toned muscles.

maudgonner

maudgonner wrote: »

I didn't meant to suggest that you were obsessed with yourself at all. Just giving a female perspective, and one based on my own experience.

When I was younger I had feck all self-confidence. I spent so much time & energy worrying about what other people thought of me. Now I don't worry so much about that, I'm more interested in other people - finding out what they're like, hearing their stories. I'm happier, and I'm pretty sure I'm a nicer person to be around. And when I see that quality in a fella it's more likely to win me over than any amount of toned muscles.

I agree with you to a point Maud but I think people have to work on their own self confidence first before they can stop worrying so much about what people think. When you struggle with confidence you are often consumed with your own perceived shortcomings. There is very little space to give to another person.

maudgonner

Deleted User wrote: »

I agree with you to a point Maud but I think people have to work on their own self confidence first before they can stop worrying so much about what people think. When you struggle with confidence you are often consumed with your own perceived shortcomings. There is very little space to give to another person.

Yes, that's true. But I think it can go hand-in-hand - a shift in perspective, really. That's just from my own experience.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

maudgonner wrote: »

Yes, that's true. But I think it can go hand-in-hand - a shift in perspective, really. That's just from my own experience.

If you're not happy with yourself, or you feel like others owe it to you to make you happy, you're not ready for a relationship.

GiftofGab

My ex-girlfriend and I met on Tinder. I know plenty of people who are in a stable relationship that met through Tinder.

I also met some bad ones. I met one foreign girl who was pretty much texting asking for money after just 1 date! She told me how is was such a bad month money-wise and that she had to pay more rent this month. She said she couldn t afford but didn t have a job and didn t want to lower herself to become an au pair or a cleaner etc.


Had another girl who on the first date told me she likes to use drugs such as ecstasy, cocaine, etc. By the second date she told me she was a drug smuggler. She smuggled drugs from neighbouring countries into Brazil. She said she was offered 30k to smuggle drugs into Ireland. She said she was tempted but didn t (I believe she did). She also told me she knows plenty of people who smuggle drugs from Brazil into Europe. Yikes!!

maudgonner

LexieOnRale wrote: »

If you're not happy with yourself, or you feel like others owe it to you to make you happy, you're not ready for a relationship.

Yeah, that's not what I'm saying at all.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

GiftofGab wrote: »

My ex-girlfriend and I met on Tinder. I know plenty of people who are in a stable relationship that met through Tinder.

I also met some bad ones. I met one foreign girl who was pretty much texting asking for money after just 1 date! She told me how is was such a bad month money-wise and that she had to pay more rent this month. She said she couldn t afford but didn t have a job and didn t want to lower herself to become an au pair or a cleaner etc.


Had another girl who on the first date told me she likes to use drugs such as ecstasy, cocaine, etc. By the second date she told me she was a drug smuggler. She smuggled drugs from neighbouring countries into Brazil. She said she was offered 30k to smuggle drugs into Ireland. She said she was tempted but didn t (I believe she did). She also told me she knows plenty of people who smuggle drugs from Brazil into Europe. Yikes!!

Haha talk about oversharing

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

maudgonner wrote: »

Yeah, that's not what I'm saying at all.

I'm agreeing with you, (I think) in shifting your perspective. Showing an interest in other people, being happy and comfortable within yourself is appealing to other people. Bitterness, constantly being hard done by - that's not at all. Not even if you're the most asthetically pleasing person within a 10km radius.

PandaX9

GiftofGab wrote: »

I also met some bad ones.

You pulled off Neo a la The Matrix levels of dodging bullets there :pac:!

whiskeyman

Mister Vain wrote: »

At least when you're single you don't have to hold in your farts all the time.

You've never had a real relationship so!

:pac:

whiskeyman

whiskeyman wrote: »

You've never had a real relationship so!

:pac:

Ah yes. The old feeling comfortable around each other. An ex of mine took a photo of me on the loo once. I was wearing a wooly hat at the time and he thought it would be hilarious.

There was much shouting from me.

Witchie

Am beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with me. Even the old friend has now ghosted. Honestly I didn't do anything wrong. Wtf!!!

Am posting the last few lines of our conversation to show all seemed well and maybe someone can tell me where I went wrong.

mickmackmcgoo

Witchie wrote:

Am posting the last few lines of our conversation to show all seemed well and maybe someone can tell me where I went wrong.

Doesn't look like you done anything wrong at all there. He may be busy and will get back to you soon .

Witchie

mickmackmcgoo wrote: »

Doesn't look like you done anything wrong at all there. He may be busy and will get back to you soon .

My asking if he was alive was Sunday afternoon. I am busy but not so busy that if I like someone and they message me I would message back even if it was just a "am really busy now but chat soon."

He hasn't been on whatsapp since he saw it Sunday.

We have mutual friends on fb so now wondering has he snooped and doesn't like what he sees. Although my fb is locked down to only friends seeing stuff.

Andre 3000

I've found from experience that it's best not to ask an inquisitive question basically implying "hey f*ckface why aren't you messaging me"...it screams of neediness tbh. I'd rather reopen with a statement about something that happened or just some random thought or question...that would align with me being quite random and known to be quite easy going and funny but I'm sure ya get the point.

mickmackmcgoo

I assumed he was someone you knew well when you said old friend . In that case it sounds like ghosting but you never know. Plenty more fish etc witchie:)

Witchie

Andre 3000 wrote: »

I've found from experience that it's best not to ask an inquisitive question basically implying "hey f*ckface why aren't you messaging me"...it screams of neediness tbh. I'd rather reopen with a statement about something that happened or just some random thought or question...that would align with me being quite random and known to be quite easy going and funny but I'm sure ya get the point.

The asking if he was still alive was in reference to earlier in the convo when we had been talking about how late it was and we would be dying of tiredness the next day. Usually my openers would just be a hey, how are you type thing the next day.

As for old friend we did hang out years ago. I used to go out with 2 different guys he worked with (at different times obviously) and was friends with most of his colleagues so we all hung out together.

We lost touch as it was prior to Facebook days etc.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Impossible to tell from a tiny snip Witchie, but you seem to be putting more effort into the conversation, is that always the way it was he just tired? Can you be a little bit needy?

I don't mean that as a fault, more of a question and even at that, not one I'd expect you to answer on this thread. Just an observation from a couple of lines of texts

Andre 3000

Witchie wrote: »

The asking if he was still alive was in reference to earlier in the convo when we had been talking about how late it was and we would be dying of tiredness the next day. Usually my openers would just be a hey, how are you type thing the next day.

As for old friend we did hang out years ago. I used to go out with 2 different guys he worked with (at different times obviously) and was friends with most of his colleagues so we all hung out together.

We lost touch as it was prior to Facebook days etc.

Oh okay. It's hard to tell. Women are impossible to read and gauge at times but so are men. Right now I know I've several unopened messages from a few girls on Tinder that I mightn't even look at until this weekend at the earliest just because I cannot be arsed getting into convos late at night...perhaps this guy is just busy (and weird :pac: too)...the start of the week can be hectic as well.

Nothing wrong with the standard hi how are you today but the way I see it, especially when messaging someone is that this person is probably onto other people as well, so I need to stand out... I need to make her want to reply to me first over any other guy. That's especially the case for me on Tinder. I know the girl is getting endless messages every day from lads saying the usual "hey girl you're so gorgeous how are you?" so if I say anything against the norm it'll stand out...maybe it'll stick out like a sore thumb and I'm f*cking myself over but sure if it does she can get f*cked because she wouldn't enjoy me in person either then

makingmecrazy

Witchie wrote: »

Am beginning to think there is something seriously wrong with me. Even the old friend has now ghosted. Honestly I didn't do anything wrong. Wtf!!!

Am posting the last few lines of our conversation to show all seemed well and maybe someone can tell me where I went wrong.

Just a little observation

Could it be possible that because you had been talking late at night he may have thought he was on for a *ahem* late night visit of the romantic variety?
Not saying you gave that impression in the slightest but some people's minds work that way.

Witchie

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Impossible to tell from a tiny snip Witchie, but you seem to be putting more effort into the conversation, is that always the way it was he just tired? Can you be a little bit needy?

I don't mean that as a fault, more of a question and even at that, not one I'd expect you to answer on this thread. Just an observation from a couple of lines of texts

I looked back over it all and honestly this wasn't the case. Towards end he waa a bit slower but the whole conversation was back and forth slagging, flirting and banter.

Tbh he used to kinda weird me out in the past as he was really intense and everyone was sure he had a crush on me. I had seen him on the dating site but didn't message him but when he messaged me I thought I should be polite and chat and I really enjoyed it.

He suggested I cone to a festival near us this weekend and he would buy me a drink. I said I was possibly going to a different gig in Dublin so don't know if am about but it wasn't a brush off coz I suggested we should catch up properly over coffee some day.

Aw I give up trying to work men out. When am eager to chat they disappear. When am casual and laid back they disappear.

I am in no way clingy. I learned when got my heart trampled to bits last summer so I just relax and have fun now.

Silverman.

Online dating only works for a select few. Its not the big step up in dating that they like to portray.

cantdecide

Andre 3000 wrote: »

I've found from experience that it's best not to ask an inquisitive question basically implying "hey f*ckface why aren't you messaging me"...it screams of neediness tbh.

Only to a point and depends on frequency. If your interactions with someone are precarious to this extent, it probably wasn't going anywhere anyway, at least in my experience.

@Witchie, hope for the best etc.

I'm going to be honest about myself here. I'm am badly used to being single and I fail at this kind of thing all the time. I hate when my every move is being analysed and scrutinised and I feel very self conscious at times. Often, I just kind of choke or try and get interactions just right and put off replying and simply just fail. I just can't help myself. It's almost impossible to get this stage just right. Messaging is crap. I.... HATE.... this stage. It's easier to just talk on the phone or meet. It's much better when you have body language.

Personally, I'd just go for the jugular, if I were you. Tell him you want to meet or make a point of calling primarily. Messaging fcuks everything, IME.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Well, if you heard from him sun morning, he might not have got around to having a chance to reply. I hope it works out for you, if not, his loss.

Witchie

makingmecrazy wrote: »

Just a little observation

Could it be possible that because you had been talking late at night he may have thought he was on for a *ahem* late night visit of the romantic variety?
Not saying you gave that impression in the slightest but some people's minds work that way.

I highly doubt that as we live a bit away from each other but yes there was some flirting where he said he was getting in his car to come see me but that wasn't gonna happen at that hour. If that was on his mind the best thing he could've done was chat again Sunday and who knows what would happen.

Andre....believe me I am very like you in that my opening lines are usually a bit of fun but next day a hey usually does the trick. I hear ya though about start of week but really would think he could give a quick reply.

Oh well.

Witchie

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Well, if you heard from him sun morning, he might not have got around to having a chance to reply. I hope it works out for you, if not, his loss.

No our only interaction was Saturday night into Sunday morning so I left it til late afternoon to message rather than appear needy. No reply

Not overly bothered but I suppose I held out more hope for this since we knew each other and as I say I think he had liked me before.

Will live.

Silverman.

Screw online dating, has anyone tried a dating agency?

wakka12

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

more about the cash you earn or how much of a dickhead you can be to them

cause nice guys always finish last

I thought we were past this tired old myth. If you actually spend time with any real life women you'll see that they all go for men who come off as friendly and nice to talk to.