Online dating

PandaX9

Silverman. wrote: »

Screw online dating, has anyone tried a dating agency?

You seem to be quite defeatist about online dating. I don't think it's as useless as you're portraying it to be.

Perspoly (I think it was her anyhow) posted a link to a thread about dating agencies a few pages back; general consensus is that all they are is a legal scam that fleeces €650 off of you. Would avoid like the plague.

PandaX9

PandaX9 wrote: »

You seem to be quite defeatist about online dating. I don't think it's as useless as you're portraying it to be.

Perspoly (I think it was her anyhow) posted a link to a thread about dating agencies a few pages back; general consensus is that all they are is a legal scam that fleeces €650 off of you. Would avoid like the plague.

No. It wasn't.

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

No. It wasn't.

Sorry for the mistake! Brain has gone loopy but I've found the thread I mentioned:

http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057127965/1

Silverman.

wakka12 wrote:

I thought we were past this tired old myth. If you actually spend time with any real life women you'll see that they all go for men who come off as friendly and nice to talk to.

Nice guys definitely don't finish last. A lot of my friends are good guys and have babes as girlfriends but a lot of women do go for dicks still. I hear a lot saying they like bad boys.

Silverman.

'Nice' guys should be changed to 'Quiet' guys. A lot will now say its their fault for being quiet and not showing what they can offer etc. But most just want to be given a chance for a woman to get to know them.

makingmecrazy

Silverman. wrote: »

Nice guys definitely don't finish last. A lot of my friends are good guys and have babes as girlfriends but a lot of women do go for dicks still. I hear a lot saying they like bad boys.

Not meaning to be funny but the above says "Some women like one type of guy and some women likes a different type of guy".
That's hardly news and the same goes for men too so I'm not seeing a point to alot of your recent posts.
Except to say but a lot of your posts are coming across as you being mad at women, because you aren't as successful with them as you would like be.
And that's not their fault. You are pigeonholing women and stereotyping the hell out of them and that's not going to make you popular.

Silverman.

makingmecrazy wrote:

Not meaning to be funny but the above says "Some women like one type of guy and some women likes a different type of guy". That's hardly news and the same goes for men too so I'm not seeing a point to alot of your recent posts. Except to say but a lot of your posts are coming across as you being mad at women, because you aren't as successful with them as you would like be. And that's not their fault. You are pigeonholing women and stereotyping the hell out of them and that's not going to make you popular.

I've been getting a lot of this and frankly its pissing me off. I have not once said I am mad at women, I don't be angry at them for not being interested in me.
One poster lied about some of the things I said, if you go back and check my posts her comments are simply false.
My last post was in reply to one poster saying real women go for nice guys which I said isnt completely true.
I would appreciate people reading my posts before commenting.

makingmecrazy

Silverman. wrote: »

I've been getting a lot of this and frankly its pissing me off. I have not once said I am mad at women, I don't be angry at them for not being interested in me.
One poster lied about some of the things I said, if you go back and check my posts her comments are simply false.
My last post was in reply to one poster saying real women go for nice guys which I said isnt completely true.
I would appreciate people reading my posts before commenting.

You see...this is exactly what I'm talking about!
See how aggressive the above comes across? Jeez dude, if you are this tightly wound about a simple comment on an internet forum AND the fact that I'm not the only person who has brought up similar points(by your own admission) re your posts and how you present yourself in your posts, should be telling you a whole helluva lot.

You ARE coming across as pee'd off at women not being interested in you they way they would be in a "bad boy" etc etc.
You have been coming across in that fashion for almost all of your posts in
this thread(I know a few other posters pulled you up on this already).
You will NOT be as successful in life and love as you could be if you take the response you have taken on here, in your posts, into real life situations.
It will not wash with people I'm afraid.
Just a friendly word to the wise to be taken or left as you please

Silverman.

I am annoyed because this has escalated from me doing NOTHING. I have constantly been challenged I this thread for nothing. I am not mad at women for any reason, I simply stated that they go for bad boys quite a lot when one poster said they mostly go for nice guys.
I have got a number of private messages from people saying that they didn't know why i was being challenged the way I was.

I honestly feel your post is waaaaay of the mark and very passive aggressive and I feel unfairly treated here.

makingmecrazy

Silverman. wrote: »

I am annoyed because this has escalated from me doing NOTHING. I have constantly been challenged I this thread for nothing. I am not mad at women for any reason, I simply stated that they go for bad boys quite a lot when one poster said they mostly go for nice guys.
I have got a number of private messages from people saying that they didn't know why i was being challenged the way I was.

I honestly feel your post is waaaaay of the mark and very passive aggressive and I feel unfairly treated here.

And equally to say that playing the victim when challenged isn't an attractive feature either. You have posted, people have commented. That's how the whole shebang works, I'm afraid.
You have given your opinion and likewise I have given mine.
Not much more to say really except best of luck in the future(genuinely meant btw )

Silverman.

When did I once say I was angry at women? I can't comment and say quite a lot of women like bad boys in calm manner without being passive aggressively attacked.
That was YOU who thought that, along with one or two other posters. That is ur opinions and what do you do? You say it as though its set in stone making me look like a bitter old man towards women for the rest of the thread to read. Well ye are wrong, I have no problem with women in that regard whatsoever but ye didn't say do you have a problem with women, you said I did and flip did you reaffirm it as best ye could.
I have so much love in my heart, probably a lot more than most guys in their 20's and some of these posts have genuinely upset me to be portrayed the way I have been while ye don't know one thing about me.

makingmecrazy

Silverman. wrote: »

So now I'm unattractive for playing the victim.
When did I once say I was angry at women?
That was You who thought that, along with one or two other posters. That is ur opinions and what do you do? You say it as though its set in stone making me look like a bitter old man towards women for the rest of the thread to read.
I have so much love in my heart, probably a lot more than most guys in their 20's and some of these posts have genuinely upset me so thank you so much.

My last post on the issue.
You have not directly stated you are angry at women.
You don't need to, its coming through in your posts. That's what myself and other posters are trying to tell you. Your posts are coming across as somewhat bitter "girls only go for bad boys who treat them like sh1te and I'm a nice guy but we always come last and these women dont want nice guys" etc
If people are messaging you back when you are on a dating site and you are responding in the same way you respond here. therein lies your problem and people on here are highlighting this with you.

And again, when pulled up, you resort to passive aggressiveness and that you are being treated unfairly and are being victimised(as per the above bolded section).
You aren't.
You just don't like what is being said.
Maybe, if you step back and consider WHY people are telling you these things, you might see it differently.
Or maybe not, but you are young and hopefully young enough to change and listen to others advice.

Silverman.

One poster lied about what I said and then others weighed in. I didn't say anything to even resemble being angry at women.
I once said that girls go for bad guys. ONCE. You are simply putting words in my mouth. Please quote me a posy where I come across at being angry at women. Not once have I been passive aggressive and don't say it to prove ur point.

fin12

Silverman. wrote: »

When did I once say I was angry at women? I can't comment and say quite a lot of women like bad boys in calm manner without being passive aggressively attacked.
That was YOU who thought that, along with one or two other posters. That is ur opinions and what do you do? You say it as though its set in stone making me look like a bitter old man towards women for the rest of the thread to read. Well ye are wrong, I have no problem with women in that regard whatsoever but ye didn't say do you have a problem with women, you said I did and flip did you reaffirm it as best ye could.
I have so much love in my heart, probably a lot more than most guys in their 20's and some of these posts have genuinely upset me to be portrayed the way I have been while ye don't know one thing about me.

Silverman sorry to hear ur upset. I think you sound like a nice guy. I find dating hard myself I've taken a break from it.

Silverman.

Am I the only one that feels like this is crazy? A few posters said that I could do with working on my self-esteem which they probably have a point but to say that I am angry at women for not liking me is ridiculous. Can someone quote all the relevant posts?

Silverman.

Thank you.

Esel

Silverman. wrote: »

'Nice' guys should be changed to 'Quiet' guys. A lot will now say its their fault for being quiet and not showing what they can offer etc. But most just want to be given a chance for a woman to get to know them.

That's the thing about chance. You have to take it. It very seldom lands in your lap. If you just sit/stand there being nice/quiet, how will anyone know you are either?

In the past males sat on one side of the church, females on the other.

Same at dances, except the women sat and the men stood. At the dance when the next set was called, the men had to make a move. Some did. The nice guys asked one girl to dance and retreated if refused; the 'bad boys' just moved to the next girl, and the next if refused again. The nice quiet guys stood back and watched.

The best advice I ever heard was to find something you are passionate about, and talk about that. It could be turf (like The Backwards Man), or modern American literature, or entomology - nothing weird like... witchcraft (unless you are a white wizard and know your spells). You have to have genuine passion about your subject, but you have to know when to stop talking about it. Don't spoof though, because you will be found out.

Speaking is not the same as talking, and listening is not the same as hearing. Ask an open question, and then listen with interest to the answer. Smile. Laugh. Genuinely. Be open.

tl/dr Faint heart never won fair lady.

B.A._Baracus

Some say that the problem with online dating now is that it's too mainstream. Sounds strange but I think there may be truth in it
Around 10 years ago there was a social stigma with online dating. Don't ask me why but there was. If you said you were on a dating site it was met with thoughts that you couldn't get anyone in the real world. Silly as that sounds it was the case for most people's way of thinking. Perhaps because it was a new-ish thing? I dunno. Who knows.
But back then online dating was the alternative way of meeting people. Sure you always had odd people using the websites. But it was a way for people who didnt have the best of a social life to meet up as well as people sick of the pub scene. So many success stories over the years of people meeting up It was an alternative.

Fast foward to now and its no longer the alternative it's the norm. The same people who would go to pubs to meet people now use internet dating. The same people who just want that one nighter now use online dating.... insert your own example here, etc.

I remember all the chatter when internet dating was starting to get traction 10 years ago. A lot of people sai it was a great alternative to the pub. But if everyone uses it then it's no longer the alternative to anything.... It's the norm.

Mister Vain

whiskeyman wrote: »

You've never had a real relationship so!

:pac:

Well that depends. How long do you have to be with someone before its considered a relationship? Anyway, if the farting thread is anything to go by, there are people that either excruciatingly hold them in or else they keep running to the bathroom.

Silverman.

Esel wrote:

The best advice I ever heard was to find something you are passionate about, and talk about that. It could be turf (like The Backwards Man), or modern American literature, or entomology - nothing weird like... witchcraft (unless you are a white wizard and know your spells). You have to have genuine passion about your subject, but you have to know when to stop talking about it. Don't spoof though, because you will be found out.

Esel wrote:

Speaking is not the same as talking, and listening is not the same as hearing. Ask an open question, and then listen with interest to the answer. Smile. Laugh. Genuinely. Be open.

Esel wrote:

tl/dr Faint heart never won fair lady.

Quite true, I just said that as its how some quieter guys think.

Silverman.

Silverman. wrote: »

Am I the only one that feels like this is crazy? A few posters said that I could do with working on my self-esteem which they probably have a point but to say that I am angry at women for not liking me is ridiculous. Can someone quote all the relevant posts?

I think you are lovely guy Silverman. If you are to take any advice from the posts here I would look at your self-esteem. Wanting to see what a bunch of random women would rate you out of ten? Wanting to get ripped because you think it will give you more success? These are not desires of a person who had healthy self-esteem. Regarding the anger I can see where the other posters are coming from. When you post things like "Every woman want's a bad boy".

However I don't believe you are angry with women. I believe you are frustrated with your lack of progress, no messages, no dates. The anger is something you feel towards yourself. When you are so caught up with how better you can be or if you only did such a thing then you would have a girlfriend.

It's all very difficult when you know in your heart that you are a good person who wants to give love. Unfortunately this doesn't mean it will happen for you next month or next year. So you must stop chasing and stop with the negative self talk. Move away from thinking about how you can have more luck with women and start looking after yourself.

Silverman.

No I get most of your post and its fair enough but I NEVER said Every woman wants a bad boy. Where did this come from?

Silverman.

Silverman. wrote: »

No I get most of your post and its fair enough but I NEVER said Every woman wants a bad boy. Where did this come from?

My apologies Silverman. I thought you held the belief that women are more attracted to men who treat them badly.

Silverman.

No ur grand but this is what I was on so annoyed about. I never once said that but one or two posters started saying this and then used this false information to write some very derogatory posts.
I said some women were which is of course a fact but that was in response to a post that said women only go for nice guys. I never said it was all women nor the majority either.

Silverman.

Silverman. wrote: »

No ur grand but this is what I was on so annoyed about. I never once said that but one or two posters started saying this and then used this false information to write some very derogatory posts.

So you don't hold that belief? That's good because it's one which will only hold you back

Esel

Silverman. wrote: »

No I get most of your post but I NEVER said Every woman wants a bad boy. Where did this come from?

Maybe not, but you did say "a lot of women" and "quite a lot of women" in that context.

Silverman.

Deleted User wrote:

So you don't hold that belief? That's good because it's one which will only hold you back

Of course not. As I said, a lot of my friends are good guys and they have awesome girlfriends.

Silverman.

And when did that turn into all women. I know a lot of women that like bad boys. I know them personally. That is a fact. I never said all women or the majority.

Brady

I met my Wife online, we dated for around 3ish years and we are now happily married 4 years with two beautiful daughters . So its not all Bad!

PandaX9

Silverman. wrote: »

No ur grand but this is what I was on so annoyed about. I never once said that but one or two posters started saying this and then used this false information to write some very derogatory posts.
I said some women were which is of course a fact but that was in response to a post that said women only go for nice guys. I never said it was all women nor the majority either.

I think you need to take a deep breath and chill for a moment. I think you are forgetting that we are communicating on a medium that is text-based; ie there is no intonation. There is no subtle change of pitch or anything to denote subtext in people's words easily. I think, for this reason, you are seeing people's intent as outright malicious when they are not trying to be. In other words, you seem to take it to heart. I think these people are just trying to offer you a different perspective, not slander you. You have quite a defensive tone (for reference, asking people to quote the offending posts multiple times and the use of capitals etc when there had been none of this in your posting "style" before).

Perhaps it is for this reason that some people have advised you to work on your own self esteem. You seem ready to jump down anyone's throat that tries to offer you constructive criticism. I seriously doubt that any of these claims come from a place of wanting to make you feel bad! Unfortunately, the attitude you have when it comes to certain topics that people are trying to highlight can reflect on you poorly and can be detrimental to your online dating experience. Think of it this way; (I'm not saying it is 100% the case) but maybe if people can pick up on it here than maybe it comes across elsewhere in your interactions?

Fundamentally, of the posters here, we are mostly in the same boat, with the exception of Penny and Lexie who are happily attached. We all have differing perspectives on things. Boards is also a discussion site so it is only natural that some of these viewpoints disagree - but I honestly think that just because you don't see eye to eye, nobody wants to make anyone else feel bad about themselves.