Online dating

Hombre Lobo

Dial Hard wrote: »

I had something similar on POF in the space of less than two hours on a Saturday morning when I was, shock horror, asleep.

8.02am: Hiya gorgeous
8.49am: Not going to reply to me???
9.20am: Meh, you're not even that good looking anyway
9.52am: I hope you get raped, you ugly Jackeen c*nt

I think that was the first person I ever reported on POF.

Wow. That escalated quickly!
You went from being gorgeous to ugly and a c*nt in under two hours.
On another one, are question marks the new exclamation marks on profile pages now?
"I'm a great laugh????" ....so, you're not sure if you are or not....

PandaX9

manonboard wrote: »

I certainly don't consider myself someone who would fall into any creepy bracket. Perhaps i'm too lazy to be stalkery (actually i just try raise myself with good moral standards and healthy emotional development). However I can see why guys want to rush it alot on things like tinder. Its already a massive time sink v results (making a connection). I've found it can appear that women get bored if on tinder talking too much.. the spark of new newness quickly fades. Whats app is a vastly superior chat application than tinder, which is one of the worst chat apps i've used. It's error prone, not picture sending friendly, no status reports, and is very much used to keep people isolated into a safe box until they are 'fit' enough to be given an actual phone number.
It's a real wreck the head for guys to have to move through all the stages. Takes ages, massive fail rate for various reasons. I think most guys just try to protect their time investment and get emotionally frustrated due to difficulties. Tinder is also a bit of a 'satisfy the urge now' type of app

I never mentioned anyone being creepy. Just that some people want to accelerate the natural progression of events; which often makes me disinclined to want to continue if I feel like there's a timer. Case in hand; "hi - I'm in Dublin from Monday until Thursday so give me your number there and we'll agree a date for Tuesday night."

I agree that the chat function on tinder leaves a lot to be desired; but I like the anonymity of not having given up my number and people not being able to see if I've read their message or been online. It can cause headaches, what if I accidentally opened the message or want to postpone replying until I know I can? Another awful (but thankfully rare as of late) is people demanding you send them photos of yourself on whatsapp after making the move or, God forbid, sending you unwarranted dick pics (trust me, it's happened).

I suppose I am thankful for all the reasons why you see chatting on tinder a pain. I would generally only give out my number on tinder if I've decided I want to know more about the guy and/or we are in the process of arranging a date.

armaghlad

Hombre Lobo wrote: »

Wow. That escalated quickly!
You went from being gorgeous to ugly and a c*nt in under two hours.
On another one, are question marks the new exclamation marks on profile pages now?
"I'm a great laugh????" ....so, you're not sure if you are or not....

Emojis show as question marks. Blame pof and their ****ty app

Hombre Lobo

Ah right. That explains it so. I thought it was something new all the cool kids were using.

manonboard

Witchie wrote: »

I think you may have misread me.

I did indeed misread you. Thanks for clarifying it for me.

Sorry he ghosted you! Respect and honest communication should just be a basic human right.

makingmecrazy

Dial Hard wrote: »

I had something similar on POF in the space of less than two hours on a Saturday morning when I was, shock horror, asleep.

8.02am: Hiya gorgeous
8.49am: Not going to reply to me???
9.20am: Meh, you're not even that good looking anyway
9.52am: I hope you get raped, you ugly Jackeen c*nt

I think that was the first person I ever reported on POF.

He's a keeper

manonboard

PandaX9 wrote: »

...

That's interesting that the very reasons I think alot of guys would find it a pain to keep using tinder, is in fact reasons why you prefer it.

Then the very act of them trying to move passed what they consider limitations/blocking would then be trying to counter your needs in a way. Its a good perspective to see mutually exclusive needs at play and how working to meet one can be threatening to another.

Thanks for the response.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Funny thing about some guys like that is they wonder what's wrong with women!

Collie D

Is that common?

I am definitely in the meeting up soon camp. I've experienced chatting for two/three weeks online and the expectations and nerves I experienced were huge. No matter how much you insist that your online self is the same as your real world self so much will be lost. The subtleties of conversation need to brought in to the real world.

Now I'm fairly quick off the mark when it comes to deciding if I want to see the person. So after a few days I hope there is an arrangement to meet or phone numbers swapped. Other people need more time, if the guy I was chatting with needed a bit of time that's ok too.

Silverman.

Deleted User wrote:

I am definitely in the meeting up soon camp. I've experienced chatting for two/three weeks online and the expectations and nerves I experienced were huge. No matter how much you insist that your online self is the same as your real world self so much will be lost. The subtleties of conversation need to brought in to the real world.

Deleted User wrote:

Now I'm fairly quick off the mark when it comes to deciding if I want to see the person. So after a few days I hope there is an arrangement to meet or phone numbers swapped. Other people need more time, if the guy I was chatting with needed a bit of time that's ok too.

I'd be the same. Meet up earlier rather than later but a lot of women may not feel safe etc which is fair too. Wouldn't p pressurise them if they weren't ready.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Collie D wrote: »

Is that common?

I dunno if it is online but certainly would be on a night out, more so in clubs with younger lads. Online I found it more "you're very shallow" if you didn't engage with people who no photos. "It's not all about looks".

CelticRambler

But isn't that the same as many real-life situations? Say you're working somewhere that has fairly strict protocols that limits the interaction between staff members, you might fancy someone from a distance for days or weeks (or months) but never have a chance to go out with them. Then you do, and you find their "work" personality is completely different to the "at ease" version.

makingmecrazy

LexieOnRale wrote: »

I dunno if it is online but certainly would be on a night out, more so in clubs with younger lads. Online I found it more "you're very shallow" if you didn't engage with people who no photos. "It's not all about looks".

I have a couple of friends who due to the nature of their job they have no profile pic. They have had some abuse! One guy was messaged by one of my friends and he replied about her having no pic. To which she explained it was due to her job but had no problem messaging him privately her pic. He said fine. She did. They chatted away for a bit until he got very very sexual and she backed off.
When he saw there was no dice, he said "no wonder you didn't put it up your pic, you're a pig" which she most certainly isnt.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

That's just the horrible typical nasty attitude of bitter men who are perpetually single. Most men are nothing like that, fortunately. Don't they call that gas lighting though? Put it all back on the other person? Would hate to be in a relationship with someone like that. Needing to put someone down to feel better about themselves

Mister Vain

I'd never keep messaging a girl if I didn't get a reply the first time. It seems to be fairly common for guys to do that.

I'm just thinking that I'm a bit tired of the initial back and forth messages. I miss the ease of interaction I have with a guy I'm already dating. Things like "good morning gorgeous" or a random text in the middle of the day, smiling when I see the notification on my phone.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Haha. The good ole good morning text, before we were living together. If he didn't send that in the morning, we didn't talk that day. None of this "how are you?" Business at 2pm.

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

No matter how much you insist that your online self is the same as your real world self so much will be lost. The subtleties of conversation need to brought in to the real world.

Now I'm fairly quick off the mark when it comes to deciding if I want to see the person. So after a few days I hope there is an arrangement to meet or phone numbers swapped.

Luckily for my dates, I am a fiend for the ol' voice messaging so I'm sure most facets of my personality shine through no bother

Ah I'm not talking like oh I absolutely must wait a bare minimum of 3 weeks of intense texting before even considering a date :pac:. There have been times where we match, talk all day, swap numbers and go out the next night. I mean on average, my preference is to take things relatively slow - chat, like each other enough to swap numbers, swap numbers, text on whatsapp, arrange date fast and then boom. On average "courtship" for me ideally is a 3-5 days to a week, longest was two weeks I think.

My least favourite interactions are:

Him: hi
Me: hi
Him: how are you? What's up?
Me: blah blah blah
Blah blah for two to three sentences about nothing
Him: giz your number there

Andre 3000

I used do this running gag every morning where I'd send her a snap of me still in bed with the caption "wish you were her" and a drawn female stick figure next to me in the bed. Form an orderly queue ladies.

makingmecrazy

LexieOnRale wrote: »

That's just the horrible typical nasty attitude of bitter men who are perpetually single. Most men are nothing like that, fortunately. Don't they call that gas lighting though? Put it all back on the other person? Would hate to be in a relationship with someone like that. Needing to put someone down to feel better about themselves

Its an odd thing to say/do no doubt about that but thankfully most people are normal

Mr. CooL ICE

Any online dates I had never went more than 3 days of the initial message without asking to meet up. I treated the initial messaging as a way to gauge if the person was dateable (i.e. not a nutjob or a gang of 15 year olds looking to rob my phone) and then used the date to check if we actually got on in person.

I really couldn't see myself going beyond a week of messaging without asking the person out. IMO, it really is going into penpal territory at that stage and I didn't join to make penpals.

LexieOnRale

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Haha. The good ole good morning text, before we were living together. If he didn't send that in the morning, we didn't talk that day. None of this "how are you?" Business at 2pm.

Ya there is something about the good morning text that I just love and the goodnight


Weep.

PandaX9

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm just thinking that I'm a bit tired of the initial back and forth messages. I miss the ease of interaction I have with a guy I'm already dating. Things like "good morning gorgeous" or a random text in the middle of the day, smiling when I see the notification on my phone.

I miss this. I'll keep looking.

It's out there for us! And if not romantically then hopefully in the form of great friends (before the more pedantic of folk decide to remind me that not everyone is destined to find love :rolleyes:)

PandaX9

PandaX9 wrote: »

I miss this. I'll keep looking.

It's out there for us! And if not romantically then hopefully in the form of great friends (before the more pedantic of folk decide to remind me that not everyone is destined to find love :rolleyes:)

Is it time for a cuddle puddle?

Uh oh. I'm getting maudlin!

Collie D

Andre 3000 wrote: »

I used do this running gag every morning where I'd send her a snap of me still in bed with the caption "wish you were her" and a drawn female stick figure next to me in the bed. Form an orderly queue ladies.

I'm deleting my Tinder and POF profiles. Can't compete at that level

Collie D

Collie D wrote: »

I'm deleting my Tinder and POF profiles. Can't compete at that level

Not even with a vial of Ian Brown's saliva? Or a strand of hair from Beyonce's perfectly coiffed head??

KikiDee

Deleted User wrote: »

Uh oh. I'm getting maudlin!

Whip out the vino and cornflakes...I'm on the way!

Collie D

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Not even with a vial of Ian Brown's saliva? Or a strand of hair from Beyonce's perfectly coiffed head??

Ha. Now anyone who hasn't read the beers thread thinks at least one of us is a weirdo