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Do most women have a strong desire to have a baby??

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    #62
    Triceratops Ballet
    Registered Users Posts: 4,894 ✭✭✭Triceratops Ballet


    Westhaven wrote: »
    There is no social pressure. No one cares except your friends and family, those who care about you.

    I suspect they want to make sure you don't make a lifelong irreversible decision without thinking it through and appreciating that people change.

    Of course there is social pressure, you just have to look at the reactions when you say in a group conversation that you don't want kids. People have no hesitation in telling you that you'll regret it when you're older and that you need to thing it through. Like FFS do you think I just made this life altering decision 'cos I like how I look in my skinny jeans and I don't want to gain baby weight!

    The people who care about me should know me well enough to know that I've thought it through.

    Having kids is seen as the norm, and generally speaking nobody questions the decision that someone makes when they decide to try for a baby. That is an equally irreversible decision and yet people aren't questioned on it to the the extent that those of us who decide not to are.

    When a friend of mine comes to me and says she's trying, or is pregnant, my first instinct is to be happy for her because it's what she wants, not to question it because in my mind it's the last thing I would do. I support my loved ones in their life decisions, and they should equally support me in mine


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    #63
    Speedwell
    Registered Users Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    I think it might be right to say at this point that "do you want a baby" and "are you deciding to have a baby" are actually two different questions. Many want babies who think they ought not to have one right now or ever. Many don't want them who have them anyway for various reasons.


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    #64
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    Westhaven wrote: »
    Don't know what point you are making here? So don't bother having children then?

    The point I am making is that basing the decision to have children so that they will be around in your 50s or 70s is a bit silly because there are many reasons why children will not be around in someones 50s or 70s.


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    #65
    HandsomeDan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 843 ✭✭✭HandsomeDan


    intheclouds wrote: »
    The point I am making is that basing the decision to have children so that they will be around in your 50s or 70s is a bit silly because there are many reasons why children will not be around in someones 50s or 70s.

    That's why you need to have a few of them.

    Your kids are on your side. They'll see you're looked after.


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    #66
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    HandsomeDan wrote: »
    Your kids are on your side. They'll see you're looked after.

    Thats a very naive view. Theyre not always. How many threads do you see here about people estranged from their parents, or living in a different country and feeling guilty that they cannot come home to help out?


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    #67
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    @intheclouds: Why do you keep feeding the troll? Just ignore him.

    @HandsomeDan: Do not post in this thread again. All your posts so far have been borderline and/or full blown trolling. That type of input is not desired nor will it be tolerated. There will be no further warnings.


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    #68
    HandsomeDan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 843 ✭✭✭HandsomeDan


    intheclouds wrote: »
    Thats a very naive view. Theyre not always. How many threads do you see here about people estranged from their parents, or living in a different country and feeling guilty that they cannot come home to help out?

    Sure, they are not always, but they mostly are. Having kids is still worthwhile and should be encouraged.

    To the mod or whoever you are, I am not trolling, just merely giving my opinion.


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    #69
    jessicami
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭jessicami


    I think that most do, even those who initially said it doesn't matter to them. Giving birth changes both body and soul.


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    #70
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    jessicami wrote: »
    I think that most do, even those who initially said it doesn't matter to them. Giving birth changes both body and soul.

    Rubbish. I have many female friends who have no children and are happy and content with that. I've also given birth twice and can't honestly say its "changed me"...would I be any different if I had not had my children myself and adopted them?


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    #71
    intheclouds
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,175 ✭✭✭intheclouds


    jessicami wrote: »
    I think that most do, even those who initially said it doesn't matter to them. Giving birth changes both body and soul.

    Soul? I'm atheist so I ain't got one.


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    #72
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    dottie_lottie wrote: »
    If I wake up in 5/6 years to find I want a baby and can't have one that will have to be a bridge I cross then, but it seems illogical to me to have a child now on the off chance that I might change my mind. If it comes to it adoption is the route I'll go down.
    You seem very secure in your decision, and I doubt you will come to this point at all, but just in case you are not aware of it...

    Adoption is probably not going to be available if you did want a fall back plan. Very few children are adopted in Ireland. Foreign adoptions are pretty much halted due to issues around the hague convention, and the handful of domestic adoptions every year are usually step parents adopting their spouse's children.

    Fostering might be an option, but the criteria are tough, and include things like one of the parents not working outside the home. Plus, you need to be able to mentally cope with taking a (traumatised) child in, caring for them, and then handing them back to what was possibly a previously abusive home.


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    #73
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,518 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    For what it's worth, I'm 37 in a long term relationship and I have never felt the slightest inclination to have a child. I have a very lovely GP who questions me every so often about my choice, not for any nosy reasons, but because she wants me to think ahead on this and my obviously declining fertility.

    I felt this way in my 20s, but I've always kept an open mind, as I thought my body might decide to feel differently to my mind. However, rather than changing my view, it's actually solidified over recent years.

    To be honest, any one who has asked me about hasn't pushed it. People seem to accept and move on.


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