Her mother is a living nightmare

Ken Masters

i have been with the missus 3 Years now and from Day 1 i have disliked her mother, the first time i went to the house was hell on earth, her mother sat there looking me up and down with barely a word out of her, so from the offset i have barely visited the house, the missus made it quite clear " Ma doesn't like anyone in the house"

i am an easy going Guy i have no enemies in life, i have a great family myself who look out for each other's well being , but this Yolk is set out to make everyone's life a misery, some examples of her miserableness

the GF lost weight and not once did she praise her

the GF got pregnant at 19 , didn't speak to her for 6 months , and to this
Day she still says " Well you shouldn't have opened your legs (7 years on)"

She goes mad if the GF leaves a crumb on the table or uses her pots when cooking her own dinner

She doesn't cook dinner for the GF and her daughter but she does for the other 2 brothers and her father


My question is, Life is extremely hard as it is and her mother, the one who is supposed to love and care for most, is the one who is making her life a living nightmare , Can anyone explain why a "Mother" can be so bitter and nasty to her only daughter, i cant fathom it myself, i am not a violent man at all but sometimes i feel a good hard loaf to the head wont do her any harm.

Rant over

BarryD

Who knows? Mothers and daughters can have strange relationships, particularly 'only daughters' I think. But this sounds a bit harsh alright. At end of the day though, I suspect it's up to your partner. If she can hack it and they muddle through, I think it unwise to interfere too much - choose your words carefully. Blood is thicker than water etc.

Estrellita

Pettiness about using pots aside, it sounds like her Mother is very old school attitude. Irish Mammy syndrome at it's finest. Takes care of the boys and the girls get treated like crap. Your girlfriend could tell her Mother that her comments about opening her legs are offensive and hurtful, but I would wager she would get another bout of it. That leopard is not gonna change her spots..

Ken Masters

Barry i am not one for putting people down etc it's not in my nature i treat everyone the same, respect and dignity to start off with then if the person is a D******d i tend to lose that respect and this is how i feel everyone should treat others, her "Mother" does the opposite it seems after 3 Years of this kinda disgusting behaviour (best way to describe it) it starts getting under ones skin, as many people have said, " why does she not move out" she is on the list for a house but that be another 3 or 4 years, it's as easy as people think.

I feel for anyone who has a parent like this, it's a mental strain , like a prison sentence , but as i keep telling the GF, she will break Free one Day

pwurple

I'm trying to make this out.... Who is 'the missus' and who is 'the gf'? Are they the same person?

Does your girlfriend and her daughter live with the grandmother?

I imagine this is the general source of being pissed off. I'd tolerate it for a while, but if one of my children was fully grown up, had a family of their own, and a husband/boyfriend and the whole extra family were still in on top of me 7 years later eating my food, I'd be getting stroppy too.

Time for everyone here to grow up.

Never mind the 'list' for a house. You can get stuck on that list for eternity, so you need another plan. Where are you living? Is she working? If not, why not?

Ken Masters

She lives with her Mother , she has a 7 year old daughter, this has got nothing to do with eating her food etc., in fact she buys her own food fyi, this is about her mother being a bitter and twisted woman, i am trying to figure out why the mother is like this, How can someone be so nasty to their own daughter, She is working , Moving out will solve a lot of this hassle, but it still wont solve her mother being the way she is, i have never met a woman like her, i wonder is there an underlying reason why one can be so nasty/full of hate for life in general (the first time i was in the house she was fuming that the neighbour got a claim "That's my tax that C*** is getting"


This is not normal behaviour at all is it

tinkerbell

Your gf needs to move out - if she got pregnant at 19 and has a 7 year old then she's late 20s now. She'll never change her mother but she can change how she interacts with her mother. If her mother treats her like crap, then she can go low or no contact. But she really needs to move out.

lazygal

Why don't you live together?

Kenpo

It's a very tough (and common) situation.

I wrote an article on breaking out dysfunctional families here:

http://toxicescape.com/the-great-escape-breaking-free-of-dysfunctional-families

Hope it helps

Take care
Karl

Doop

Just move out???

sbsquarepants

Put simply your girlfriends mother is a cúnt. There are plenty of them out there and they tend not to change. Distance is the only cure I'm afraid.

Jayop

Aye tell her to get the hell out of there. If you're going out 3 years, maybe it's time to decide if you want this to be a permanent deal and take on the responsibility of helping raise the child. If not then maybe it's fairer on her to move on and give her and her child a chance with someone else.

Either way she needs to move away.

stoplooklisten

Time for her to move out and stand on her own two feet.

Ken Masters

lazygal wrote: »

Why don't you live together?

i have no intentions of moving out of my home just yet, i have the easiest life possible and a lovely family, she's the one with the issue at home, not me.

i probably sound selfish but if i was that selfish i could easily dump her, but that would not be fair on her,

But i can assure you now, many men my age wouldnt have that in their life, a GF with a **** of a ma and a 7 Year old daughter who is not his.

stoplooklisten

Ken Masters wrote: »

...
But i can assure you now, many men my age wouldnt have that in their life, a GF with a **** of a ma and a 7 Year old daughter who is not his.

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.



The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

Ken Masters

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.



The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

She understands it's nor ideal for

A) i cant go to the house, only at christmas , and at that, i hate it

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months



My life could be so much easier than it is when it comes to the social aspect, cant even go for a walk with her at night as she has to be at home with her daughter or her "Mother" slates her


" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

Ken Masters

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Get off the cross, you made the choice, don't make it sound like you're doing your girlfriend some sort of favor by going out with her. A man in his mid twenties living at home with his mother is nothing to boast about btw.



The mother is probably frustrated at the daughters choices so far and doesn't see much changing in the future

This is another problem, her ma does not care about her choices, she shows no interest in her life in that way. If anything, the happier she is, the more nagging she gets from this waste of space.

Stheno

Why doesn't your gf move out and get her own place?

m'lady

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

LegacyUser

Ken Masters wrote: »

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

This sounds like some self-aggrandisement talk. I wonder how you can bear to lower yourself to her levels?

Dial Hard

m'lady wrote:

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

While the OP hasn't exactly covered himself in glory with his last couple of posts, the child isn't his.

Stheno

m'lady wrote: »

Your with your girlfriend that length of time and have a 7 year old child and your making no effort in moving out of your family home and think your great that you haven't walked away? I can only imagine what the mother must think of you, and honestly I can't blame her.

In fairness he's with the woman three years, don't think it's his child?

draiochtanois

This post has been deleted.

El Tarangu

Ken Masters wrote: »

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months

Ken Masters wrote: »

" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

- would this be when you are expecting her to look after the child so that you and your partner can go out drinking?

stoplooklisten

Ken Masters wrote: »

You could not be more wrong, she has said to be on many occasions " i dont know why you haven't walked away"

She understands it's nor ideal for

A) i cant go to the house, only at christmas , and at that, i hate it

Her Mother wont mind her daughter so we have to take her everwhere and cant go out at weekends, well we get out probably once every 2 months



My life could be so much easier than it is when it comes to the social aspect, cant even go for a walk with her at night as she has to be at home with her daughter or her "Mother" slates her


" Ah yeah off out with lover boy and dumping your daughter at home" would be the kind of trash she would get thrown at her.

So her mam won't mind her child at the weekends and evenings. Why should she? She's not a babysitter and has her own life. That's the responsibility of having a child, you're girlfriend is the childs mother and yes she should be there in the evening, most parents are. Do you expect the granny to just be there at the beck and call as a babysitter.

Pawwed Rig

OP you are not coming out great in this. Are you sure the gfs mother does not have a point?
Maybe she questions her daughters judgement (which to be fair seems very poor).
Also I am not understanding why a 26 year old is living somewhere that they do not want to be. I would guess the bigger issue is between you and the mother rather than mother and daughter and that the daughter tolerates the situation well enough.
There are alot of relevant facts missing from this story.

wuzziwig

I can't understand why your girlfriend hasn't walked away from you. You may not realise it but you are coming across like you feel your girlfriend is lucky you were so charitable to go out with her. It also appears that you have no interest or bond with her daughter after 3 years so if I were you I'd do the decent thing and leave her to find a decent fella for herself who will take her situation and her daughter as being a fundamental part of being with her. You actually sound like a teenager TBH.

m'lady

Dial Hard wrote: »

While the OP hasn't exactly covered himself in glory with his last couple of posts, the child isn't his.

Sorry my bad, I didn't see that.

Ken Masters

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over- on Facebook , the whole world could see, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

stoplooklisten

Ken Masters wrote: »

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

How often does your family offer to mind her daughter for her?I know she not yours, but she is a big part of your life and potentially your step-child.

Stheno

Ken Masters wrote: »

First off her daughter is a spoilt little brat who i cant bond with because she's a spoilt little brat, Secondly i am not saying "She's lucky to have me" not at all, couldn't be further from the truth, the point of this post was to get to the bottom line of why her mother is like this, i get on with every single person i meet, even her mother as i make the effort as at the end of the Day , she is her mother . Her Da is a different kettle of fish, very laid back and we get on like a house on fire, and with all of her other family members, it's just the mother that is ruining everything, My Family cant believe how bad she is (they seen her in action, slating her for "Dumping" her daughter in a friends for a sleep over on Facebook , the whole world could see, it's not as if she was even minding her ) she works hard, 5 Days a week , and we get out probably once every two months, not much to ask for is it?

Do you really see a future for yourself with a woman whose child you refer to as a "spoiled brat"? Who minds the child while your gf is at work?