Serious troubles with room rental

Bemese

Bemese wrote: »

You are right, they are not the owners. They're renting the house from an agency. I had a conversation with them yesterday telling them that €260 for food and €6 for a wash load are unreasonably high and the lady retorted "I am not going to lose money on you".

Just don't pay her for food and buy your own. Bring your washing to a laundrette if you can't do it when she isn't around. I don't know why you are even entertaining her requests I tell her to feck off fairly fast if she had anything to say back to me too.

Then again I'd never had gotten into this situation in the first place as I wouldn't entertain any of her requests from day one.

Speedwell

Lilyana Inexpensive Worm wrote: »

Just don't pay her for food and buy your own. Bring your washing to a laundrette if you can't do it when she isn't around. I don't know why you are even entertaining her requests I tell her to feck off fairly fast if she had anything to say back to me too.

Then again I'd never had gotten into this situation in the first place as I wouldn't entertain any of her requests from day one.

Ill people who think they don't have options aren't good at "assertive" and there's no point flagellating them with "you should haves".

12Phase

Butters1979 wrote: »

I don't see where this hyperbole is coming from. What abuse is everyone talking about ? Sure it's a bit weird and the pay off front thing is stupid, but I don't see exactly what abuse it was.

Attempting to control your lodger's personal life / interfere with their ability to go to a doctor is pretty weird, controlling and borderline abusive.

I would be getting out of there ASAP if I were the OP. It sounds absolutely nuts.

Butters1979

12Phase wrote: »

Attempting to control your lodger's personal life / interfere with their ability to go to a doctor is pretty weird, controlling and borderline abusive.

I would be getting out of there ASAP if I were the OP. It sounds absolutely nuts.

I'm not sure that's exactly how it happened but it sounded more like the first time she was too weak to go to the doctor herself and the next time they didn't want her to go alone more for concern for her safety rather than control. I just feel we're getting one very vague side of the story here.

12Phase

Butters1979 wrote: »

I'm not sure that's exactly how it happened but it sounded more like the first time she was too weak to go to the doctor herself and the next time they didn't want her to go alone more for concern for her safety rather than control. I just feel we're getting one very vague side of the story here.

Regardless of what side we are getting, it's pretty weird and I would strongly advise getting out of there ASAP and getting 3rd party advice and assistance either from family, friends, Threshold / Citizens Advice etc or a university support service.

The personal issues are way beyond this forum's scope but the residential situation sounds far from normal. I'm not going to get into judging the veracity of the person's story. All we can do is take it as an anonymous, hypothetical situation and give advice at face value based on what's been said.

Bemese

Butters1979 wrote: »

I'm not sure that's exactly how it happened but it sounded more like the first time she was too weak to go to the doctor herself and the next time they didn't want her to go alone more for concern for her safety rather than control. I just feel we're getting one very vague side of the story here.

They are really trying to control me. I didn't want them to come at the second time as there was no issue, I could walk, I just wanted to pop in for my B12 injection. Besides, they behaved at the doctor in a way that even she told me it was too much. Besides, they are trying to control me in any way they can. The woman doesn't let anyone use the washing machine because she is afraid someone will break it.

12Phase

Bemese wrote: »

They are really trying to control me. I didn't want them to come at the second time as there was no issue, I could walk, I just wanted to pop in for my B12 injection. Besides, they behaved at the doctor in a way that even she told me it was too much. Besides, they are trying to control me in any way they can. The woman doesn't let anyone use the washing machine because she is afraid someone will break it.

The whole situation is very strange. You need to move.

Please get in touch with the Student Welfare Officer in your university and get help if you can't get in touch with family, friends locally.
There are also usually support services for postgraduates

There are also usually support services for international students.

For example, UCC : http://www.collegeroad.ie/welfare/internal-contacts

mickdw

Very very odd situation.
So they hand picked the tenant by contacting them directly via facebook. They then put in place a 6 month lock in. These people know what they are doing. They will be confident that in 6 months they will convert this person - the rent lock in is therefore the key for them.
If the OP does not leave immediately, they will get caught up with this cult and it will destroy their life.
Leave today, get a couch or a hostel or whatever. Get a large friend to negotiate getting your cash back after.

Thoie

Before you do anything else, gather your passport, important documents/paperwork (like visas, bank statements, anything valuable) and get them out of the house and stored in a safe place.

If you're over-reacting, so be it. If there is anything weird going on, you'll be glad of it later.

Bemese

12Phase wrote: »

The whole situation is very strange. You need to move.

Please get in touch with the Student Welfare Officer in your university and get help if you can't get in touch with family, friends locally.
There are also usually support services for postgraduates

There are also usually support services for international students.

For example, UCC :

I am not a student until September. My family is Hungarian, but I contacted my friends, my boyfriend and also Citizenship Info who told me that I should claim my money back on the small claims court. Also, I am planning to contact the Gardai as some friends suggested it.

Speedwell

Thoie wrote: »

Before you do anything else, gather your passport, important documents/paperwork (like visas, bank statements, anything valuable) and get them out of the house and stored in a safe place.

If you're over-reacting, so be it. If there is anything weird going on, you'll be glad of it later.

This is extremely, extremely, good advice.

Bemese

mickdw wrote: »

Very very odd situation.
So they hand picked the tenant by contacting them directly via facebook. They then put in place a 6 month lock in. These people know what they are doing. They will be confident that in 6 months they will convert this person - the rent lock in is therefore the key for them.
If the OP does not leave immediately, they will get caught up with this cult and it will destroy their life.
Leave today, get a couch or a hostel or whatever. Get a large friend to negotiate getting your cash back after.

I have to get my stuff out safely as well. I have too many things, they fill up my bedroom, and I have a home office where I work. I can't just put everything into friends' houses...

Lemming

Bemese wrote: »

I have to get my stuff out safely as well. I have too many things, they fill up my bedroom, and I have a home office where I work. I can't just put everything into friends' houses...

Have you considered self-storage options? The longer you leave this the worse it will likely become; the whole scenario is already barking mad.

Edit: you'll also be amazed at what you pack into boxes and then find that you don't go near it for ages at a time; proof that much of what you own and think is important isn't really, even to you.

Speedwell

Lemming wrote: »

Have you considered self-storage options? The longer you leave this the worse it will likely become; the whole scenario is already barking mad.

Edit: you'll also be amazed at what you pack into boxes and then find that you don't go near it for ages at a time; proof that much of what you own and think is important isn't really, even to you.

Good suggestion, but I am sure as God made little green apples (sorry, that's an Americanism) that the landlords from hell will try to stop her from taking her property out, and that can be seen as abandoning the "tenancy". Best the OP consult the gardai first and then enlist their help to stand by as she removes her things.

mickdw

Bemese wrote: »

I have to get my stuff out safely as well. I have too many things, they fill up my bedroom, and I have a home office where I work. I can't just put everything into friends' houses...

If you arrived with a van today, do you foresee an issue with these people. Will they attempt to stop you? block your stuff? Follow you to new accommodation?
Id say all 3 are likely.
If I found myself in such a situation, I would leave immediately as they are mind f ucks, then call back with friends who would help with stuff and any issues that arise.

Thoie

Bemese wrote: »

I have to get my stuff out safely as well. I have too many things, they fill up my bedroom, and I have a home office where I work. I can't just put everything into friends' houses...

Forget the rest of your stuff for now. Hopefully it won't be necessary. An envelope with your passport and documents will slip into a backpack or handbag, and won't take up any space in a friend's house.

Get your passport into your pocket immediately and then out of that house today.

If you feel silly doing it, you can laugh at yourself later when it turns out to be unnecessary.

Yes, they are strange but you get strange folks in all walks of life. My parents are JWs and i was brought along to from the ages of 6 - 17/18, when i decided it wasn't for me of my own free will.

While the vast majority of them are nice and helpful people(i regularly still see many of them and have chats if they are over in my folks house for tea and whatever) some may be a bit more pushy or controlling, it's a good story for them to tell the rest of the congregation if they took someone in, helped them when they were stuck and witnessed/started bringing them the meetings.

You need to be more firm with them and let them know the boundaries i.e not to be involved in your personal business or that you are not interested in discussing their religion or interested in being involved. They seem to be treating you as one of their children.

I think you have a wider issue of not being able to afford a normal room rental in a shared non owner occupier rental. Your best option would be to move to such a normal rental option.

The idea that they would do anything criminal like not let the OP leave or withhold her property is over the top imo.

mickdw

Taking her money up front on promise of a reduced rate all the while benefiting their cult agenda sounds criminal to me.

Thoie

cisk wrote: »

Yes, they are strange but you get strange folks in all walks of life. My parents are JWs and i was brought along to from the ages of 6 - 17/18, when i decided it wasn't for me of my own free will.

While the vast majority of them are nice and helpful people(i regularly still see many of them and have chats if they are over in my folks house for tea and whatever) some may be a bit more pushy or controlling, it's a good story for them to tell the rest of the congregation if they took someone in, helped them when they were stuck and witnessed/started bringing them the meetings.

You need to be more firm with them and let them know the boundaries i.e not to be involved in your personal business or that you are not interested in discussing their religion or interested in being involved. They seem to be treating you as one of their children.

I think you have a wider issue of not being able to afford a normal room rental in a shared non owner occupier rental. Your best option would be to move to such a normal rental option.

The idea that they would do anything criminal like not let the OP leave or withhold her property is over the top imo.

My advice is nothing to do with anyone's religion or lack thereof - it's based on warning signals from the way their behaviour is being reported here. Hopefully it's nothing but a personality/culture clash. But better safe than sorry.

All going well, this will be a funny story in a while - "remember the time I thought my landlady was crazy, haha."

TheChizler

Bemese wrote: »

I am 36, my English is good enough, so I don't need to avail of the services of a translator. They took me in first, because I was very sick and couldn't have gone alone, but the woman started talking to my doctor in a way that she had to ask back "and who are you"? No such agreement was made with parents or college that they'll transfer me to the doctor.

As I have to regularly visit a doctor due to a B12 deficiency, they wanted to take me by car to the second appointment and wanted to pick me up after the appointment. I had to force my way out of it. But they started harassing me on the phone, I have a proof of that.

This line stood out to me OP. Could they feel in some way responsible for you because of a conversation they had with your parents or college? It might explain a lot. Unacceptable behaviour but it might explain part of their thought process.

Speedwell

TheChizler wrote: »

This line stood out to me OP. Could they feel in some way responsible for you because of a conversation they had with your parents or college? It might explain a lot. Unacceptable behaviour but it might explain part of their thought process.

I might conceive myself to feel responsible for my elderly next-door neighbor, but that doesn't mean I can charge her money she didn't agree to pay me, and it doesn't mean I can accompany her into the examination room, talk to the doctor as though she isn't there, and insist on monitoring her comings and goings. That's stalker behavior.

Bemese

Yes, I was thinking about moving back to Hungary but that would mean giving up everything. School, my career possibilities, my boyfriend...

Speedwell

Bemese wrote: »

Yes, I was thinking about moving back to Hungary but that would mean giving up everything. School, my career possibilities, my boyfriend...

Then it clearly isn't an option for you at the moment. I think that's all they meant by "consider". Besides, you should not have to give up those things just because someone here decided to take advantage of you.

TheChizler

Speedwell wrote: »

I might conceive myself to feel responsible for my elderly next-door neighbor, but that doesn't mean I can charge her money she didn't agree to pay me, and it doesn't mean I can accompany her into the examination room, talk to the doctor as though she isn't there, and insist on monitoring her comings and goings. That's stalker behavior.

I agree it's over the top and unacceptable but I'm wondering why the landlord would be talking to the OP's parents and college in the first place. Maybe there was a conversation where the extra fees were agreed on behalf of the OP (totally wrong but it might just be a case of crossed wires).

Bemese

TheChizler wrote: »

This line stood out to me OP. Could they feel in some way responsible for you because of a conversation they had with your parents or college? It might explain a lot. Unacceptable behaviour but it might explain part of their thought process.

My mother speaks only Hungarian and I am not at college yet. Took a leap year between my bachelor's and master's. I am only starting school in September.

white apples

I know you've said that you work from home so it's not as easy as picking up everything and leaving. However you could take your laptop to a public library or Starbucks in the interim and work from there until you have a safer place to go.

Don't let that trap you into the situation as there are still options when working remotely.

Bemese

white apples wrote: »

I know you've said that you work from home so it's not as easy as picking up everything and leaving. However you could take your laptop to a public library or Starbucks in the interim and work from there until you have a safer place to go.

Don't let that trap you into the situation as there are still options when working remotely.

It's not a laptop, but a huge computer I got from the company. I can only access our system from this computer. I will try to liaise with the manager to be able to go back to the office.

Let them take you to the doctor. While you are out your boyfriend can clear your room.

secondrowgal

Hi Bemese

This sounds awful for you and I hope that you can get it sorted out very soon.

Have you tried contacting your fellow countrymen at the embassy?

http://www.mfa.gov.hu/kulkepviselet/IE/en/mainpage.htm

Although it is very obvious that your English is excellent, at least you will be able to tell your story in your own language. Also, your colleagues there should be able to help you with anything to do with the Guards, etc.

The very best of luck with it all!!

12Phase

To be perfectly honest you've had *very* bad luck. Most landlords are usually normal and stay out of your hair.

Anytime I've rented here I've actually never met the landlord other than to handover the keys.

If you're looking for a new place, go through normal channels : www.daft.ie is a good place to start. You can advertise for house shares, flat shares and so on.

My suggestion would be keep evidence of any money paid, quietly move your valuables out of the house bit by bit and then arrive with friends or family (several people) to do the final move out.

Definitely do not leave your passport, documentation or money in the house.