Problem with foster parents

trixychic

Hi guys. I am here looking for someone who might have an idea on what to do... if I can do anything.

A distant family member and her husband are foster parents. They have been for a few years although I wasn't aware of it really till the last yr or so.

Anyways from what i have witnessed these parents (or the mother at least) are in it purely for the money.

Now they have money (he has a good job) but she's very greedy and they never have enough. They had a girl a while back and when she hit her teens they got rid of her because she got to difficult to handle. Now they "don't even want to hear that name". They just up and left her.

They just took on 3 more siblings and the mother seems to be completely bitchy with them. The kids are very religious and over lent they didn't want to break their vows. But at a party she was practically forcing sweets down their mouths and gave out to them for not eating as "it was a special occasion so the lent vows don't matter". She rolls her eyes at them the whole time and uis constantly barking at them.

At the same party I heard him say to the kids "but sure who would want you in their lives???" And then laugh... he obviously was trying to make a joke... but that's not what you say to a foster child.

The mother commented at the same party (to someone else but in front of the kids) that some days they annoy her so much she could throw them out the window.

These kids range between 5-11 yrs and they are so quiet polite and respectful. They have obviously been brought up very religiously and to always respect your elders. They are amazing!!!! But I feel like she only has them for the money.

I am just wondering. If there is no actual physical abuse, can anyting be done about it???

One eyed Jack

trixychic wrote: »

I am just wondering. If there is no actual physical abuse, can anyting be done about it???

You could report your concerns OP to the local social worker for their area:

http://www.tusla.ie/services/child-protection-welfare/contact-a-social-worker

Neyite

It's emotional abuse by the definitions of Domestic Abuse organisations. Ridicule, putting someone down, forcing them to either follow or abandon a religion or religious practices. They would view those kind of things as abusive. Emotional abuse is often worse than physical abuse. Think about it this way -this is only stuff you have personally witnessed when they are on their best behaviour in front of others. I would wonder what they say to those kids in private.

So based on that, I'd report them if I were you. And if you do, you should feel very proud that you did. Often times the biggest harm to a child is caused in plain view of other adults who didn't feel that it is their place to intervene. Children in the foster care system are vulnerable enough and abusive foster parents are the last thing they need. And with the current scandals in the foster care system in the news, I can imagine that Tusla will take any reports VERY seriously indeed.

pwurple

That's hard to read... OP, definitely follow up on this.

nikkibikki

Please do report them OP. Poor kids.

ElleEm

Do you know who they foster with? Is it private or Tusla? Report them to their agency for their behaviour, definitely, then make a report to their local Tusla duty social worker regarding the welfare of the children.
Well done for recognising this is wrong and wanting to do something about it.

trixychic

So I just rang Tusla and reported them. I kinda feel like a nosey Parker... interrupting in someone else's lives. But the kids must always come first.

ElleEm

trixychic wrote: »

So I just rang Tusla and reported them. I kinda feel like a nosey Parker... interrupting in someone else's lives. But the kids must always come first.

Well done. There should be more like you.

Penny Tration

OP, you are absolutely NOT a nosy parker!

Those poor children are being abused and you've done what you can to protect them.

that's not nosy, it's truly commendable. It's easy to turn away, and much more difficult to stand up against abuse.

well done you

trixychic

The bloody problem is I see it all the time. A neighbour here has a son (7ish yr old) and he is sent out in the morning... he id being bullied by older kids.

He was once was pushed to the ground while lads about 12 Sat on top of him punhimg the crap outta him. Me and my other half ran over to stop it. I brought him home to the mum where she just said "ah yea but sure he's well able to handle it and often winds the big kids up. He's grand". The kids also call him chubby chup. I've told them to stop but I swear I have been to his mother countless times. She just shrugs it off and says he's fine. Now he's doing alot of bullying the others back.

She also sends him out with about €20 a day during the summer and the child gets stuff from the 3 different ice cream vans... basically his breakfast lunch and dinner.

I'm sick of unfit parents. It's so wrong!!!! They should be steralisrd and have their kids removed and put somewhere that they'll be safe. It upsets me sooo much!!!