At my wits end with fussy/picky eater. Please help.

eamor

Hi All,

My daughter will be 6 in the summer. She is very limited in terms of what she'll eat. Her problem is not with appetite. The only thing she will eat (hot) is boiled potatoes( with gravy), cous cous, plain pasta (Sometimes a teeny tiny bit of homemade sauce)- Waffles, and then for snacks its bread and butter and She eats plenty of fruit and (raw) veg cut up into a salad...
Of course there is no problem with chocolate/crap, but I do try to keep a limit to that. We occasionally get to sneak a bit of turnip into her potatoes, but she is so suspicious of food. Going anywhere is a nightmare, family meals, play dates, parties- She just won't eat anything on offer- Won't even entertain it.
Its been going on so long now, that I think Its become a block/phobia in her head...We have veered from 'she'll grow out of it' to considering bringing her to GP. She has never been good with meat, so I don't push it, but I would love to get some advice on helping her to get over her issue. In all other areas she is a great happy little kid. She is healthy and smart as a whip, I just feel so sorry for her that this has come to this point. Many thanks, E

uck51js9zml2yt

My son is 5 and fussy with what he eats but the house rule is that everyone eats the same thing.

He can eat it in his own time but if he doesn't there is nothing else on offer and no desert until I'm happy that he has at least tried to eat most of his dinner.
We try cut down on what he gets before dinner, do he's hungry.

If he has eaten some dinner he can fill up on carbohydrates with a bit of bread or fruit before he goes to bed.
We can't keep enough fruit in the house to keep him going!

eamor

Thanks Tatranska, we are trying so hard at the moment to get some consistency with her.
I have tried reward charts, bribery, everything- It just doesn't seem to work- I did say to her yesterday that if she wanted to go into the other room and eat it (without all of us bearing down on her) she could- She didn't, but I sensed if I pushed that a bit more she may not be as self conscious about it.
When she eats she eats well, and she helps with prep,washes veg, whisks the eggs for omelettes, butters the crackers for cheese, etc. etc
I just dunno what to do................?

intheclouds

Both my husband and his brother were picky eaters and it stemmed from them feeling tense at the dinner table (apparently the parents often argued at dinner).

Even in adulthood the brother cant eat in restaurants because he feels people are watching what he eats.

I would say definitely speak to the GP because it is the kind of thing that turns into a complex in people.

CaraMay

Does she dislike the smell or texture of the food? We are trying to desensitise my sons negative attitude yo food by using food to play with eg use a cut onion / potato as a stamp for paint, paint with soy sauce, mustard etc, hide toys in a tub of rice.

It's all about talking away the importance of the fact that it's food.

pwurple

It sounds to me like she is doing ok nutrition-wise (not that I'm an expert!). She eats carbs, plus protein (eggs in waffles, a bit of meat), some fats, and fruit and raw veg. So, is hitting all the areas of a balanced diet there? Is it just the social difficulties?


I don't think a child will starve themselves. So if you can maybe shrug your way past the awkward social stuff, and just let her figure it out herself?

I have a younger brother who only ate toast for about two years, and a vitamin pill a day. My mother tells me she was tearing her hair out with worry about it. Eventually something serious came up to distract her from staring at him and willing him to eat something, and the endless conversations, threats and bribery. He started expanding the range away himself, without the spotlight on him. Fine healthy adult he is, over 6 feet tall, eats everything, very adventurous.

My own two year old is just coming out of a fussy stage (i hope). Had refused everything except crackers and spuds for a while, after a headcold I think. Food tastes weird when you are sick, so I think that got her off it. She ate some brocolli and a bit of a pork chop earlier with her potato. Zero comment whatsoever from us when we saw it, so hopefully she will keep going on that line now for a bit.

I know as a parent you want to fix it. But unless she is actually malnourished, I would leave it be. Make zero fuss or comment and let her work it out.

And, I kinda don't blame her being suspicous if you are trying things like sneaking turnip into spuds! yeuch!

peckdunn

Seems to have OK diet (not what you want, not perfect but what is). Most advise is not to make a "meal" of it ;-) Be calm, don't make an issue about it. When out, just order fruit and salad?

evolving_doors

Sounds like a pretty good eater too me compared to our situation... just potatoes only to start out with!. Maybe the problem is she won't eat what and precisely when you want her to eat, so it sounds like a battle of wits.
We've been through that and had to totally rejig our approach.
Keep trying new foods with the rest of the family but totally don't give special attention to the child, just put it down in front of everyone and carry on talking about anything but the food! Best to do this early (like on a Saturday) so at least they can catch up later in the day with regular diet... but do not cave in with a substitute if they don't at least try it, they will probably enter into an argument and it'll escalate to WW3 and nobodies better off.. so just cut it short and walk away "sorry love there's nothing else till later, you can have x then".

Positive reenforcement over little steps is probably like walking a tightrope, just say 'well done' or a high five and move on as quick as possible, don't over ice the cake.

Hunger is a great sauce, especially salty air at the beach... keep them busy playing for a long time and they'll eat anything when the time comes.

Getting them involved with cooking is probably a better skill to have than necessarily eating everything they are making. Like if you think about, when they eventually leave the nest they will have that confidence ot know that they can cook x,y,z if they want to (esp. for other people). Whereas staying in their own little box of what they like and how everyone else is different is not good, teenagers can feed off this "I'm so unique I'm such a pickey eater" and end up taking it to extremes to get a reaction from their social group.

Aromat makes things taste better too (ya ya I know it's basically MSG), we did a few sprinkles on foods that we knew he 'might' try, when the positive association was made we stopped using it.
You can also sneak grated/hand blended carrots into anything (smoothies, burgers, sausage rolls, lasagne, bolognaise) if you're worried about veg.

mamas coffee break

My 6 year is very picky too. He would only eat cereal with milk, peanut sandwiches and strawberries. I also had to pack some food for him when we went out since he would never even try any food in a restaurant apart of ice cream etc.
I bought a Fred Dinner Winner Kid's Dinner Tray on amazon and it really has worked. He has started eating vegetables, pasta, and different meats. Okay he didn't like everything I gave him but he tried them. I only use the tray now when I want him to try a new food. All the other foods that I know now he likes and eats from the help of the tray, I serve him on a regular dinner plate.

Also, have you tried a star or tick chart? Ticking/star every time they eat a new food and at the end of week go to the shop to pick out an ice cream or something very small, depending on how many ticks they get; "If you get 5 ticks by the end of the week, you can go pick out an ice cream"

Hope that helps! Hang in there!

livedadream

my sister went though a phase of only eating potato waffles, chicken nuggets, bread and butter with sugar on top and crispy pancakes when she was about the same age.

was always a picky eater (she could find and pick out a microscopic bit of onion in a sauce a mile away) but my parents wernt the patient kind so she learnt if you didnt eat what was in front of you that everyone else was eating then you went hungry.

harsh and i get that times have changed but still...

i do remember my mom threatening that barney wouldnt come and play if she didnt eat her dinner or playing something along the lines of mommy worked very hard to make something nice for you to eat...

Emmadilema123

Gebgbegb wrote: »

Sounds like a pretty good eater too me compared to our situation... just potatoes only to start out with!. Maybe the problem is she won't eat what and precisely when you want her to eat, so it sounds like a battle of wits.
We've been through that and had to totally rejig our approach.
Keep trying new foods with the rest of the family but totally don't give special attention to the child, just put it down in front of everyone and carry on talking about anything but the food! Best to do this early (like on a Saturday) so at least they can catch up later in the day with regular diet... but do not cave in with a substitute if they don't at least try it, they will probably enter into an argument and it'll escalate to WW3 and nobodies better off.. so just cut it short and walk away "sorry love there's nothing else till later, you can have x then".

Positive reenforcement over little steps is probably like walking a tightrope, just say 'well done' or a high five and move on as quick as possible, don't over ice the cake.

Hunger is a great sauce, especially salty air at the beach... keep them busy playing for a long time and they'll eat anything when the time comes.

Getting them involved with cooking is probably a better skill to have than necessarily eating everything they are making. Like if you think about, when they eventually leave the nest they will have that confidence ot know that they can cook x,y,z if they want to (esp. for other people). Whereas staying in their own little box of what they like and how everyone else is different is not good, teenagers can feed off this "I'm so unique I'm such a pickey eater" and end up taking it to extremes to get a reaction from their social group.

Aromat makes things taste better too (ya ya I know it's basically MSG), we did a few sprinkles on foods that we knew he 'might' try, when the positive association was made we stopped using it.
You can also sneak grated/hand blended carrots into anything (smoothies, burgers, sausage rolls, lasagne, bolognaise) if you're worried about veg.

I used to do this with carrots. I used to blend it and put it into the sauce in beans lol I put absolutely everything into my bolognese sauce. No matter how much green stuff that I throw in there, it stays red :-P

evolving_doors

You can thaw out frozen peas, blitz them up and put them in the sausage meat for sausage rolls too.

evolving_doors

Any progress OP?

Lady is a tramp

eamor wrote: »

Thanks Tatranska, we are trying so hard at the moment to get some consistency with her.
I have tried reward charts, bribery, everything- It just doesn't seem to work- I did say to her yesterday that if she wanted to go into the other room and eat it (without all of us bearing down on her) she could- She didn't, but I sensed if I pushed that a bit more she may not be as self conscious about it.
When she eats she eats well, and she helps with prep,washes veg, whisks the eggs for omelettes, butters the crackers for cheese, etc. etc
I just dunno what to do................?

See I don't agree with the idea of "rewarding" a child for eating food, or "punishing" them if they don't ... in a very sensitive/vulnerable child, it could very well put the associations in place for eating disorders in a few years.

Like someone said above, kids won't let themselves starve! Stop having conflict/fuss/attention at mealtimes, just offer her a broad varied diet, and let her eat what she wants. If you're REALLY worried, you could give her some of those gummy vitamin sweets, but honestly I doubt it's necessary. I'd say give her no special treatment or special meals, and I definitely wouldn't agree with sending her into a different room. But don't make any fuss whatsoever if she doesn't eat what's offered.

Plenty of kids go through similar phases and it's really very rarely anything to be worried about, but my own instinct would be the more you focus on it, the longer the issue will be prolonged! Just relax and trust that she's getting enough into her. The more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she will be too, when there isn't that pressure on her to "perform" by doing as you wish at mealtimes. To be healthy, she does need to figure out her own food preferences and portion control requirements throughout her childhood, and I reckon it's never too early to encourage them with that!

xLisaBx

Whatever you do, don't make it a "thing". Because once it becomes a big deal, it can be the very early starts of an eating disorder. Believe me when I say, you do not want to go down that road.

It might seem like,"Oh that will never happen to us", but it really can, and it's not nice, and best avoided.

I'd advise giving her what she wants, maybe some vitamin supplements too, because she will very quickly get sick of eating the same thing all day every day, and eventually move on to new foods

evolving_doors

xLisaBx wrote: »

Whatever you do, don't make it a "thing". Because once it becomes a big deal, it can be the very early starts of an eating disorder. Believe me when I say, you do not want to go down that road.

It might seem like,"Oh that will never happen to us", but it really can, and it's not nice, and best avoided.

I'd advise giving her what she wants, maybe some vitamin supplements too, because she will very quickly get sick of eating the same thing all day every day, and eventually move on to new foods

While I'd agree with not making it a 'thing' , I definitely wouldn't give them what they want, if they start to get into a routine of specific foods then it'll be impossible to get them to change. Now is the time. In my philosophy a child doesn't know what the heck they want, you have to open them up to new experiences and show that they can be changed by opening themselves up to your advice and having an open mind. I'd also be very reclutant to having a kid thinking that taking a vitamin pill every other day is normal, and just gives them an excuse for having a poor diet.

I've seen a good few adults who were left do what they want as a kid and their diet is always appalling.

Hunger is a great sauce.

Thankfully this is not something I have had to deal with myself - but that means I have very little advice to give. My (almost) 6 year old daughter is great with food. My 2.25 year old son not _as_ good but I am letting it slide for now until he is at a better age to be reasoned with - and to understand the concept of when you do and do not get dessert and the like.

But I can throw out what little experience and ideas I do have or have come accross. The first would be - yes I know not everyone likes her but no harm in at least taking it in and deciding for oneself - the Jo Frost type approach. Here is an example of an episode where she dealt with a child that was _so_ picky in his eating he ended up with anaemia!

On the occasions where I _do_ have trouble with my daughter eating - thankfully rare - I tend to just make a game of it. Such as having a box of marbles to hand and dropping one in a container for every bite she has. And then after the meal going off to play with her - but only with the marbles she earns. This works even better with this kind of magnetic sticks and balls game because the number of balls you "earn" can actually dictate how much you can do when playing with them. You can do more with 25 balls than 5 by far.

But I have also had pictures cut up from a story in a kind of jigsaw pattern and every bite brings a new piece of the picture and the story. And children love story time. So they are only too keen to eat and hear the next bit. And of course - as always - be upbeat and full of praise and pride with them when they do take the first bites - and other milestones such as finishing off all of the meat or a vegetable or whatever. Involved upbeat and praising.

My sister also had a picky eater for awhile. She simply pushed through it without making it a "thing" or making much of a fuss. The meals were put there. The child had to sit there until meal time was over. And if the child did not eat - then they did not eat. Most children will not starve themselves. They will give in eventually. This worked very quickly for my sister - within a couple of weeks. But there was a point there where the child did not eat for about 8 meals straight. And she caved _just_ as my sister was about to cave. The hardest part is to endure the thought your child might be hungry - and to resist giving in between meal times and giving them snacks or treats or _anything_ just to get them eat.

It is also often advised to give real expectations to the child when trying to get them to eat. Either by giving small portions at first of new foods - or with larger portions making it clear what amount of it you expect them to eat before they can leave the table and/or get dessert. X amount of bites of this and Y amounts of bites of that and so on.

So yea - there is a few perspectives for you. Maybe none will help. Maybe one will. Or maybe combining them all into one big technique will do the trick. Take what you will and leave the rest (pun intended).