Problems in bed

qwert123

I' dont know how appropriate this is on this forum, so apologies if this is in the wrong place!
Im a healthy mid-20s guy and I'm finding I'm having trouble in bed. I haven't had that much experience in bed before and I'm now going with a woman. We've been exclusive and she's never mentioned that she's annoyed or anything but I feel myself that Im not performing. I find that after I climax once (whether that be oral or inside her) it's very rare that I can get hard a second time. I've tried not to masturbate during the week until I see her again but it doesn't seem to work! When I ejaculate the once I want to get hard and go again but it doesn't seem to happen! How worried should I be? Usually when this happens I just try to pleasure her so that she doesnt go away totally disappointed!
Silly (but self-conscious) question, how long should I should be hard for/how long should sex last, on average?

brinty

Don't be self conscious mate if you're enjoying it and she is too doesn't matter

You're not a porn star of on Viagra and able to last for hours

The more you have the longer you last..

It's about seeing what works for you both

XsApollo

Everybody is different.
For me it depends sometimes I can and sometimes I can't.
If I know I'm gonna be having a long session and wanna go hammer and thongs all night I might take some viagra,
Can orgasm stay hard and keep going for hours and hours.

If it's bothering you maybe give that a try.
Lloydsonlinedoctor or your GP would asses you.

Only issue with that tho is when you set the bar so high you gotta stay up there ;-))

qwert123

XsApollo wrote: »

Everybody is different.
For me it depends sometimes I can and sometimes I can't.
If I know I'm gonna be having a long session and wanna go hammer and thongs all night I might take some viagra,
Can orgasm stay hard and keep going for hours and hours.

If it's bothering you maybe give that a try.
Lloydsonlinedoctor or your GP would asses you.

Only issue with that tho is when you set the bar so high you gotta stay up there ;-))

Thanks! Between foreplay, hands and oral we can be in bed for hours and she seems to enjoy it all its just frustrating when I can't get hard again. Never know what to say then at the time!

Should I ask her how she feels about it? Or considering she hasn't mentioned it ever just say nothing? I am self-conscious about it, is my problem in any way normal?!

brinty

qwert123 wrote: »

Thanks! Between foreplay, hands and oral we can be in bed for hours and she seems to enjoy it all its just frustrating when I can't get hard again. Never know what to say then at the time!

Should I ask her how she feels about it? Or considering she hasn't mentioned it ever just say nothing? I am self-conscious about it, is my problem in any way normal?!

Its very normal and don't let anyone tell you differently.
Your self consciousness is also effecting you and the fact that as soon as you go soft its on your mind means your not going to get hard again. You need the blood flow going to those bits but its going to your brain as its on your mind. Relax and take your time (seems like you've got that down) and enjoy everything, you'd never know what you'd discover that works to get you up again..
and don't be afraid to talk to herself about it ...

OldRio

Relax. All men are different. Enjoy each other and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

stoplooklisten

qwert123 wrote: »

Thanks! Between foreplay, hands and oral we can be in bed for hours and she seems to enjoy it all its just frustrating when I can't get hard again. Never know what to say then at the time!

Should I ask her how she feels about it? Or considering she hasn't mentioned it ever just say nothing? I am self-conscious about it, is my problem in any way normal?!

Your "problem" is totally normal, don't stress. You are probably thinking about this more than she is, if she is at all. Chat to her if you are really worried, her answer may surprise you.


Blow her away with the first time, you won't need a second time :pac:

smash

XsApollo wrote: »

Everybody is different.
For me it depends sometimes I can and sometimes I can't.
If I know I'm gonna be having a long session and wanna go hammer and thongs all night I might take some viagra,
Can orgasm stay hard and keep going for hours and hours.

Viagra isn't really the answer to his problem, which actually isn't really a problem at all but more so a confidence thing. Apart from being very expensive, you shouldn't just be downing medication so you can essentially show off. A lot of women don't even want marathon sessions anyway. OP I'd say you just need to relax. You don't need to be going all night and if she's happy with the once, then you should be too. Most men would need a break after the first time so don't let a misconception cloud your mind.

XsApollo

smash wrote: »

Viagra isn't really the answer to his problem, which actually isn't really a problem at all but more so a confidence thing. Apart from being very expensive, you shouldn't just be downing medication so you can essentially show off. A lot of women don't even want marathon sessions anyway. OP I'd say you just need to relax. You don't need to be going all night and if she's happy with the once, then you should be too. Most men would need a break after the first time so don't let a misconception cloud your mind.

I know he doesn't have a problem,
As I said everybody is different.
If he wants to get hard again straight after orgasm then Viagra is good for achieving that.
Also it helps with ejaculating too early so you can last longer.
It probably be good for building confidence sexually as in the op probably wouldn't be worried about coming and then not being able to get hard which would probably help with the OP's issue anyway once the worry goes away.

Also it's very cheap now around 3 euro for 4 tabs when you get the generic versions.

XsApollo

qwert123 wrote: »

Thanks! Between foreplay, hands and oral we can be in bed for hours and she seems to enjoy it all its just frustrating when I can't get hard again. Never know what to say then at the time!

Should I ask her how she feels about it? Or considering she hasn't mentioned it ever just say nothing? I am self-conscious about it, is my problem in any way normal?!

It's perfectly normal.
I dunno if you should say something but
If you don't want to ask her how she feels about it,
Maybe after you have orgasmed, try some oral or play with her again and if she's still horny then you will know if she wants more.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

H3llR4iser

I'm incredibly surprised that nobody brought this up - what you are experiencing, OP, is a physiological reaction that is commonly called "refractory period". In a nutshell, right after climaxing your...tool goes limp and won't respond to further stimulation for a certain period of time. It is not uncommon (quite the opposite) for this reaction to also be accompanied by lowered or absent sexual desire, feeling of relaxation and...sometimes, hunger! Ever happened that, right after "finishing off", your mind immediately goes "I'd really like a burger now!" or "I really want to watch that movie!"? That's what I'm talking about.

Every single man has a refractory period - the length of which vary, from minutes to days, from one guy to the to the other, depending on factors which are scientifically not well understood. The same man will experience wildly variable refractory periods duration with no apparent explanation - I've myself experienced situations where there was, how to say, "induced coma":D...and then, one or two days later, I might be able to go twice in the span of minutes.

Last but not least, some women might experience a refractory period as well, although is considered less common - personally, I've encountered at least one lady who needed a few minutes to "resume activity".

So, in a nutshell, you have no issue. Bit of reading:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_%28sex%29

El_Duderino 09

The time between ejaculating and getting an erection again is called the refractory time. It varies from person to person.

The main thing that stops me getting an erection is needing to wee. But ironically, you can't wee when you have an erection. So it can take time for it to go down fully before you can wee and then get a proper erection again.

The second thing us to relax between erections. Best thing is a little 10 minute snoozy-snooze. So the order of play is: make sure she has cum before you blow the beans, that way you're sure you're not leaving her high and dry. Then you ejaculate and settle in for a cuddle and snooze for 10 mins. Then pop to the loo for a wee and maybe sink wash the lads to freshen them up. Back to the Mrs for round 2. Champion.

Speedwell

One thing this middle-aged broad has over most of you gentlemen is I've had experience with more men than you

Refractory period is a thing, but it usually lasts about 20 to 40 minutes (though my husband, to my surprise, does not seem to have much of one, and of course, the bell curve on this one is very wide).

My experience of young men (when I was younger, of course) is that it's not just a refractory period, but also a stress thing. My first husband, a virgin, couldn't get hard with me until we had got really comfortable with each other (since I had had some experience I knew what was going on and didn't take it personally). The man I am married to now hadn't been with a woman in a while, we'd been fooling around online a lot before we met in person, and though he was hard enough to enjoy oral and to finish several times, when he tried to do it vaginally with me, he just couldn't keep an erection going. I blame sheer overload and possible anxiety. It wasn't a problem after that.

I'm a woman who needs some time between orgasm and further stimulation. It isn't a refractory period. It just doesn't feel good until the nerves have had a chance to relax a bit.

tmh106

thesultan wrote: »

SNIP

And there was me being pleasantly surprised that this thread was receiving intelligent replies and hadn't yet been hijacked by an idiot. Ah well, couldn't last I suppose.

Wibbs

Indeed. Thesultan if you have nothing constructive to post, then don't post at all. Simples. Post deleted