Father trying to avoid access

Leogirl

My partner+ I broke up about 2 months ago+ so far he has hardly spent any time with our 7 mth old daughter (3 nights).

I had cancer while pregnant+ went on to have chemo+ then mastectomy 4 weeks ago. I'm unable to lift her too much so my mother has helped care for her. We had informally agreed that he'd take her Fri-Sun every 2 weeks+ every other Saturday night. He's now saying he can't do it+ that he won't help care for her. He pays €75 per week maintenance+ thinks this is all he should do.

He was granted a visa as her father (he's south American)+ this states he should provide for her+ be in her life. I dont want her to grow up without her father, I want to resolve this+ reach some agreements on her care/access. My question is are fathers obliged legally to spend time with their children? If we went to mediation+ some agreement was made, must he stick to it?

Or do I take him to court for more money+ leave him to walk out on her? Is €75 a reasonable amount to cover shared cost of her childcare, food,clothes, home etc if she is with me 7 days per week?

I really don't want to take things to court- I don't want more money, I want him to share in her care+ upbringing. Is a man legally obliged to do this?

Thanks in advance.

CaraMay

Well done on getting through all you've been through op. I'm not able to comment on what he should do but I wouldn't be happy pushing a small baby on a father (using the term loosely for him) who doesn't want her. What level of care would he give her if he thinks she's in his way. You don't need to make any dramatic decisions right now about his visa. Concentrate on moving on and if he doesn't try to see her in next few months then he probably never will so get that visa revoked.

IMHO it does more damage to a child when they are forced into an unwilling parent than when they don't see the parent at all.

Leogirl

CaraMay wrote:

IMHO it does more damage to a child when they are forced into an unwilling parent than when they don't see the parent at all.

I totally agree, I don't want her with someone who doesn't want her around. I had a good think yesterday. I'm going to get legal advice+ go from there.

Payton

Jesus your going through the mill there and you certainly don't need this on your plate.
If it's only a formal agreement you have he doesn't have to commit to anything. You may need to go to court in order to secure he takes up access.

Speedwell

I would be at least documenting your efforts to get him to visit/assist, so he doesn't come back later and claim he shouldn't have to pay because you are "keeping him from seeing his daughter". With luck the documentation shouldn't be needed, but without you being able to show he is avoidant you likely cannot support your side of the case if he tries to duck out of his obligations.

Leogirl

Speedwell wrote:

I would be at least documenting your efforts to get him to visit/assist, so he doesn't come back later and claim he shouldn't have to pay because you are "keeping him from seeing his daughter". With luck the documentation shouldn't be needed, but without you being able to show he is avoidant you likely cannot support your side of the case if he tries to duck out of his obligations.

Yes I've kept all texts+ have backed up the conversation. I'm not going to force him to see her. I will look for more maintenance from him as I'll need to cover childcare costs. My mum returns to work this week+ I begin reconstruction so more hospital visits.