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Friendless and lonely at 17

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  • 27-04-2016 9:33pm
    #1
    seanmu
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭


    So I've spent most of my teenage years indoors, wasting away doing absolutely nothing.I grew up in inner city Dublin and never really fit in anywhere, or with any of the type of people in my area. I find I use gaming and TV for mostly escapism, and I feel like everybody I've met has had far more interesting childhood and teenage years than me. I'm in college in first year in DIT yet the only "friends" I've made in college don't ever wanna do stuff with one another outside of school.

    I recently went through a hard breakup, the girl was everything to me and it's made me extremely depressed. I was socially inept as is but now I don't even have the person who was closest to me for the past year of my life.

    I want to ask if there's even anything I can do to over the upcoming summer to make friends. Does anybody know of any resources I could use? I'm quite socially anxious but I'd force myself into these things if it meant I wouldn't regret wasting my youth doing absolutely nothing. Any pointers to things you can just go sign up to, and it wouldn't be so awkward to go on your own and meet people in and around my own age. I have no idea where to start when it comes to that type of stuff. I just can't bear sitting indoors anymore, every day that goes by feels completely wasted and like I could be making memories to look back on when I'm older.
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    #2
    nkav86
    Registered Users Posts: 714 ✭✭✭nkav86


    There's a website Meetup.com that has different groups and activities you may be interested in. I found myself feeling like you and thinking I was a bit lost but fair play to you for recognising this as something that needs to change and being willing to take those steps. Best of luck op.


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    #3
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 18,313 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    could you try get a job for the summer? it would give your summer a bit of structure.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #4
    Dughorm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 895 ✭✭✭Dughorm


    silverharp wrote: »
    could you try get a job for the summer? it would give your summer a bit of structure.

    Great idea - maybe an internship in your area - you would meet people and it would look good on your CV?


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    #5
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Well done on recognising areas of your life you'd like to fix and kudos for being willing to force yourself into new things outside of your usual comfort zone.

    An internship or summer job is a great idea. Often companies have sports and social clubs too that help with that side of things. Plus any work always loos good on your CV. Even volunteer work.

    Any sport that interests you? Running? Tag Rugby? join a local group 5-a-side?

    Any kind of hobbies that you like where you could meet a local group and enjoy on a social level?


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    #6
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,729 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    Listen, I did the same as you when I was your age... and I'm still a TV addict.

    Seeing as comnig to the end of term, it's probably a bit late to join clubs in college but have that top on your list of things to do when you start second year.

    It's a pity your new friends aren't up for doing stuff outside of college because there are lots of people who will.

    Are you into sport at all?

    BTW - I have never really met anyone with a particularly interesting teenage life..... or childhood (although I once met some kids at a surf break in Sligo who had been dropped off at the wave on a dinghy which came from a massive Catamaran moored near by which made me think that my childhood was deprived)


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    #7
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 18,313 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    What I found in college was that the best friends I made there were the one's I met through the clubs I was interested in, so we used to go away at weekends on the club trips and tended to meet more outside of class. its worth trying to find something next year that has a good social element to it.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #8
    FizzleSticks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,172 ✭✭✭FizzleSticks


    This post has been deleted.


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    #9
    Roselm
    Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Roselm


    If you're into gaming/coding/computers there may be youth clubs that are looking for volunteers to help out with kids doing summer computer camps etc. You need to get into something where you'll meet like minded people so if you were to do something with computers there should hopefully be other people there your age that you might be on the same page as and could make friends that way...


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    #10
    seanmu
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭seanmu


    silverharp wrote: »
    could you try get a job for the summer? it would give your summer a bit of structure.

    I have tried looking for a job in the past, usually around Christmas since that's when most places take on new staff but I never got a call back or anything, so maybe my CV isn't in order or something they never gave me a reason.
    Neyite wrote: »
    Well done on recognising areas of your life you'd like to fix and kudos for being willing to force yourself into new things outside of your usual comfort zone.

    An internship or summer job is a great idea. Often companies have sports and social clubs too that help with that side of things. Plus any work always loos good on your CV. Even volunteer work.

    Any sport that interests you? Running? Tag Rugby? join a local group 5-a-side?

    Any kind of hobbies that you like where you could meet a local group and enjoy on a social level?

    I've never been a big sports person and I'm starting to think at age 17, it's a tad too late to get involved since most people will have been training since they're just kids. About the hobbies thing, that's the biggest problem facing me since I have none and I know that's probably one of the best ways of meeting new people.

    FizzleSticks wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Yeah college at my age is fairly weird, like I have yet to meet another 17 year old. My plan for second year now is to on societies day sign up for at least 3-4 that look appealing to me and really stick to them, try force myself into socialising since I know it'll be awkward at first; I've never been very good at introducing myself to people or keeping conversations going but I guess it's something you just need to try and wing and learn as you go along.


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    #11
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 18,313 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    seanmu wrote: »
    I have tried looking for a job in the past, usually around Christmas since that's when most places take on new staff but I never got a call back or anything, so maybe my CV isn't in order or something they never gave me a reason.



    I've never been a big sports person and I'm starting to think at age 17, it's a tad too late to get involved since most people will have been training since they're just kids. About the hobbies thing, that's the biggest problem facing me since I have none and I know that's probably one of the best ways of meeting new people.




    Yeah college at my age is fairly weird, like I have yet to meet another 17 year old. My plan for second year now is to on societies day sign up for at least 3-4 that look appealing to me and really stick to them, try force myself into socialising since I know it'll be awkward at first; I've never been very good at introducing myself to people or keeping conversations going but I guess it's something you just need to try and wing and learn as you go along.

    I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, there are a lot of activities that people only take up in their late teens. things like canoeing , hiking , badminton , wind surfing , mountain biking..... the advantage in a college setting is that they tend to be subsidised so worth kicking a few tires. There are probably a few societies that are just glorified drinking clubs so probably best avoided. try find something that do their thing at the weekend, people tend to be a bit more relaxed and have more time

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #12
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,729 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    I didn't get into the sport/hobby I'm into til I hit 34!


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    #13
    Vicxas
    Registered Users Posts: 15,365 ✭✭✭✭Vicxas


    OP are you into comics, board games?

    If so the likes of gamers world hold games days on weekends which is great if you want to meet like minded people


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I didn't meet most of my long-term friends until I was in my mid-20s. You're still young (in a non-patrionising way) - you can always make friends. Look into meetup.com. And when you're 18, pop along to a boards beers sometime!


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    #15
    ArtyC
    Registered Users Posts: 1,504 ✭✭✭ArtyC


    I was 17 my first year in college. Hadn't had many friends at secondary so I can relate.

    I joined two sports clubs and got a job dealing with the general public and it made me who I am now at 30. It's late now in the year for clubs but September you should join a club that suits you: gamers, chess, movies if sports isn't your thing.

    Try to sort out your cv and get a job. I met my best friends this way.

    Best of luck and don't be too hard on yourself !!


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    #16
    seanmu
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭seanmu


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I didn't meet most of my long-term friends until I was in my mid-20s. You're still young (in a non-patrionising way) - you can always make friends. Look into meetup.com. And when you're 18, pop along to a boards beers sometime!
    Yea a lot of people suggesting meetup.com, I'll probably use it if i'm in the same situation by the time im 18 as I doubt it's for 17 year olds.

    ArtyC wrote: »
    I was 17 my first year in college. Hadn't had many friends at secondary so I can relate.

    I joined two sports clubs and got a job dealing with the general public and it made me who I am now at 30. It's late now in the year for clubs but September you should join a club that suits you: gamers, chess, movies if sports isn't your thing.

    Try to sort out your cv and get a job. I met my best friends this way.

    Best of luck and don't be too hard on yourself !!
    That's my plan for the summer now, try integrate myself in some way that forces me to meet people whether it be through a job or volunteering. Sure it'll be hard at first but I'll learn as I go along


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