15 and no friends

irishpisces123

So im 15, and I have no friends. I did nothing for my birthday this year, I stayed in room, watched anime and slept. All I did on my birthday was pity myself. At school I have acquaintances, im in third year and all I have are acquaintances. I used to have a close friend, but she talked bad about me being 'awkward' aand a lot more but i'll get removed if I tell you that stuff. Now all I do is sit with them at break, but it's obvious i'm not wanted. I don't choose to be awkward. All my weekends are free.
Thinking back to primary school, I was always different. From 4th class onward I didn't really have anyone. I remember I used to follow around two girls. They were skipping together, and I kept walking beside them. I didn't even realize I was being excluded. I remember when one girl told people she didn't like me right in front of my face, I just turned a blind eye. I've always been a frantic conflict avoid-er.
I'm pathetic.

gramar

irishpisces123 wrote: »

So im 15, and I have no friends. I did nothing for my birthday this year, I stayed in room, watched anime and slept. All I did on my birthday was pity myself. At school I have acquaintances, im in third year and all I have are acquaintances. I used to have a close friend, but she talked bad about me being 'awkward' aand a lot more but i'll get removed if I tell you that stuff. Now all I do is sit with them at break, but it's obvious i'm not wanted. I don't choose to be awkward. All my weekends are free.
Thinking back to primary school, I was always different. From 4th class onward I didn't really have anyone. I remember I used to follow around two girls. They were skipping together, and I kept walking beside them. I didn't even realize I was being excluded. I remember when one girl told people she didn't like me right in front of my face, I just turned a blind eye. I've always been a frantic conflict avoid-er.
I'm pathetic.

First off, you're not pathetic so stop thinking that for a start.
Just because you're in school with people doesn't mean you have to be friends with them. It's not an inevitable outcome of being in the same school. If people don't want to be friends with you then that's up to them, but if they're arseholes about it they're probably not people you need to be friends with in the first place.

If you want to make friends and it's not happening in school, you need to find people with similar interests so get involved in clubs and groups that do what you enjoy. You have something in common right from the off, then take it from there. One thing is for sure, you won't make friends by staying in your room.

Buckfast W

Its different strokes for different folks, when I was younger I was very shy and didn't fit in with anyone. When I was 16 I got a job in a pub which forced me to interact with people and completely changed me, I found that I had the ability to actually speak to people and see it as being a very positive part of my life.

I remember how miserable I felt in school and how much I hated it but it does get better as you get older. There's nothing wrong with you, you just need to find people with similar interests.

Star Lord

Moving this to PI, as it's not the kind of discussion for this forum.

Please note, the Personal Issues charter now applies. If you're unfamiliar with it, please give it a read before posting.

Mr. Incognito

Hi there

We are all awkward at 15. Join classes or clubs that you have an interest in, or learn to play and instrument and go for lessons.

It does get better.

TG1

I recently met someone I went to primary school with again in a professional setting. We got chatting and as it turned out she had kept in touch with one person from our class and I had not stayed in touch with anyone.

Likewise, I'm 12 years out of secondary school and I talk to one person regularly and 1 sporadically.

I know it's not easy now but these people are not your only hope at friendships. As you get older you find people with similar interests and outlooks on life and those are the friendships you make that count! My first real job and my college degree done as a mature student are where my current friend base comes from.

Hang in there, take the school people as they are, remember it's not just you feeling this, and wait. You will find some fab people but it might not be today or tomorrow.

celligraphy

Ah anime would you not go venture into some comic shops in your city I'm sure you can meet people there or even groups on Facebook I'm sure some comiccon type stuff always pops up around Ireland the odd time , push yourself to join some clubs , wishing you the best op you are not pathetic

Frogscotch

There are other people out there, nice friendly people who will not make you feel like this. Think about what you are interested in, or explore a new hobby. You are worth more than this.

Also please know, being 15 is hard and can really suck. Life gets so much better. Don't write yourself off before you've even begun.

Frogscotch

Things to consider trying (both for yourself and to meet people)

Jogging
Skateboarding
Book club
Geocaching
Gym
Writing
Drawing anime - finding a comic store is a great idea someone mentioned
Check your library for free activities going on for teenagers
Martial arts
Painting or drawing outdoors
A study club
Concerts
A job - maybe babysitting? Save money for the summer.

The world is your oyster, go explore and leave these boring people behind.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

If I was 15 and boards was around, I'd have written almost word for word what you've typed here. The only difference is that my only friend continued to be one for several years afterwards. I never connected with my classmates and at best I had acquaintances. A few girls in my class picked on me but once I said a few insulting things to them and walloped one of them with my schoolbag, they backed off. I winced a little when you mentioned the girls skipping. Something a bit like that happened to me in 4th or 5th class as well. I was handed a note which told me that they didn't like how I followed them around and that it made them uncomfortable. The exact wording of that note is seared into my brain 30 years later.

It's a long time now since I left secondary school and I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of classmates I've spoken to in the last 10 years. I'm not friends with any of them in real life or on Facebook and I don't expect any friend requests to come my way from any of them. It doesn't bother me one bit because I don't need them in my life. After school, I went to university and then started working away from my home town. All along the way, I got better at making friends. I'm never going to be somebody who has tons of friends but I have a small number who are genuine. That's all you need. One of my closest friends now is someone I shared a house with when I was 28. I've also formed a lasting friendship with a man who's 15 years older than I am. If I had told my 15 year old self these things, I'd have laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. When I was 15 I would have said a lot of the same things you're saying now. When I look back at my 15 year old self, I see a gawky, awkward kid who hadn't quite found her way in the world yet. NOT a failure.

If I could go back in time to when I was your age, I would give me a great big hug and say everything was going to be alright. I'm glad I'm not a teenager any more because that was the toughest few years of my life. I'm 42 now (yes, I'm ancient!) and I view my schooldays as something in my dim, distant past. I think my life began properly once I left school and I moved away. I now see my classmates as a random bunch of people who happened to be born in the same year as me. I had nothing in common with them then and perhaps I've got nothing in common with them now. The nice thing about being an adult is that I don't have to be dealing with them.

I like the advice the others have given about looking for friends outside of your class. I can understand why this might seem crazy to someone who's used to school but it makes more sense than you think. You might not have much in common with your classmates but that's not to say that you can't meet people outside of school. The one regret I have from my teenage years is that I didn't look beyond my class for friends. I think it would have given me some much needed practice when it came to meeting strangers and getting to know them. If you feel up to it, take a look at that list of suggestions from Frogscotch and see if there's anything in your area that takes your fancy. What you'll learn as you get older is that a lot of people get involved in these sorts of extra-curricular activies as a way of getting out of the house and to make friends. It might be the case that you've been landed with a load of classmates you've nothing in common it. Another fun thing about being a grown-up is that you stop caring if your acquaintances aren't interested in what you are.

I'm starting to ramble now so if you're still awake here are my main points
1. You're not pathetic
2. Don't assume that because you've not made friends with your classmates, that you'll not make friends elsewhere
3. Being 15 sucks
4. Look out for groups/clubs outside of school that cater for teenagers.
5. You are not pathetic.
6. Just because you've not made any friends at 15 does not mean you'll never make friends.
7. Don't let them get you down. Did I mention that being 15 sucks?
8. You've got a lot of life to live yet. Learn from your mistakes and become an awesome person.

irishpisces123

Bonos Sunglasses and everyone else who helped thanks so much. It's really nice to know that i'm not the only person who's like this. And yeah being 15 can only fade into the darkest corners of my mind once I get older, and hopefully happier:) That's a really good idea to meet people far away. I'm thinking about going on a student exchange course in fifth year, which I hope turns out well. Again, I thank everyone who replied

Vixen24

Hey there, I am glad the replies made you feel better,because you are NOT pathetic. I suppose I am repeating, but think of the things that interest you things that you are passionate about and find people with the same interests, whether its online or even better somewhere you go to meet up with a group. You have to reach out, its hard at first but worth it. Your after school activities will help you gain confidence. Don't bother sitting with people who make you feel bad, you deserve better than those fools. Use your lunch time to see if there are any sports/social activities you can get involved in,or volunteer with, or even just to do your home work so you have more time for the new people you ARE going to meet after school.(so what?!) School seems like everything when you are a teenager but it is a mere fraction of your life. So you are different, good for you! To hell with all the bores who cant cope with you because of that, how sad that they have no imagination. PS I hated 14 even more than 15 but 15 is also really crap!

Aimeee

Hello. I just want to echo what others have said really. It won't always be like this. As another poster said if boards was around when I was 15 I'd have written similar post (& plenty more after it). Thinking back if only someone had told me things will change i think I would've felt so relieved. Don't know if I would've believed them then though. Trust me; things will change.
I can also nearly guarantee you that you are not the only person in your year feeling like this. Since leaving school many many years ago I've seen a few people from school, people who to me seemed to be loving it, having a great life, yet it turns out internally we were having similar feelings & experiences. Sometimes i think it's just an adolescent thing that we have to go through. Most teenagers can bury themselves in activity or hobbies; ie sports music painting etc. This helps.
The student exchange plan is a great idea btw. For me travel was the key that unlocked the happiness box. Best thing i ever did (and i was finished school by then).
Also one more thing i think teenagers can be very nasty/cruel to each other. I had a few tricks played on me from time to time by certain group of girls. So childish now but so hurtful at the time. Leaving it with Karma is the best thing really. I just see it now as a reflection on their lives not mine. Hugs to you.

I was the most awkward 15 year old you could have possibly met.

I'm now the most awkward 30 year old you could possibly meet

School sucks.
Being 15 sucks.

Now that we covered these two things, lets move on to the nitty gritty.

Make friends outside of school. What is the area you're from like? Are there many people you're age?

Do you have any interests or sports that you can partake in? Consider taking some up, if you haven't already.

Consider getting involved in some groups that might exist for your age-group.

irishpisces123

Well I'm absolutely not trying to sound boring and/or extremely pitiful person right now but I can honestly say I have no hobbies. Well, I draw sometimes, watch anime and other stuff on Netflix, just the usual stuff when you live in the middle of nowhere. I mean when they ask you about your hobbies in irish/french/whatever i'm like "I like to read, I like to watch television" aha

Ursus Horribilis

You're being too hard on yourself here. Is drawing not a hobby? Or reading? Anime is a bit of a niche interest surely? Or at least it was when I was teenager. Not all people have exciting hobbies so don't beat yourself up. What's far more important is that you don't close yourself off from other interests that may come your way in the future. You won't know if you'll enjoy certain things until you try them.

From your own personal growth point of view, if you could get yourself involved in something outside of school it would be great. In a few years time you're going to find yourself having to meet brand new people and having to talk to them. When I went to university, I barely knew anyone so I had no choice but to start yapping to anyone and everyone. The nice thing about meeting people outside of school is that you're operating off something of a blank slate. Unless you're unlucky, you're not going to come across people who'll treat you like your classmates. It's definitely something worth looking into.

Buckfast W

irishpisces123 wrote: »

Well I'm absolutely not trying to sound boring and/or extremely pitiful person right now but I can honestly say I have no hobbies. Well, I draw sometimes, watch anime and other stuff on Netflix, just the usual stuff when you live in the middle of nowhere. I mean when they ask you about your hobbies in irish/french/whatever i'm like "I like to read, I like to watch television" aha

I'm 32 and I love watching netflix and reading, the only real hobby I have is going the gym after work. I love movies and tv series maybe you should branch out and try find a forum or a group of people who have the same interests.

Everyone thinks that other peoples lives are better but you don't know what struggles they face.

You're only young, trust me life gets better.

CaraMay

Op a friend of mine recently admitted that she only found 'her people' when she went to college. Not everyone is totally happy in their teens so try not to overthink it. When you choose a college course you like, you will meet lots of similar minded people and it will all fall into place then