Harmony Test Waiting Times

Neyite

Ruad wrote: »

This is just a general observation, but I notice that some people who are long-term TTC or maybe even IVF pregnancies are getting this done. Is there a reason to get it done besides deciding whether to continue with the pregnancy? I'm very long-term TTC myself and I know if I did find myself lucky enough to be pregnant, I'd keep it no matter what as it may never happen for me again, and screening a baby you're keeping regardless of health issues doesn't make sense to me. Obviously anomaly scans are different because you're keeping the baby anyway at that point. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all and maybe there's a reason I'm missing, feel free not to answer.

I'm long term ttc as well. I think if I was offered this test, I'd take it, but personally a distressing result from the test would not change my mind about the pregnancy. So I don't know if I'd opt to pay for one. For me, if I knew the baby has a health issue, then it gives me time to prepare to do what the baby needs. To read up on the particular disorder, the health complications that may or may not be involved. Research potential specialists or join forums or groups that might help give you insights. Basically just inform yourselves about what your particular baby might need.

It might be that couples want to get their initial shock over with, then by the time their baby is due to arrive, they've put it into perspective and can focus on welcoming their baby without dealing with shock associated with discovering your baby has a disability or having to handle misinformed relatives with Tales of Doom immediately post partum.

For those who opt to terminate, well, who knows what their reasons are. They may already have a disabled child,and would not be able to cope with another special needs child. Or might be a carer for someone. Or it simply might be someone who feels unable to be a carer for a disabled child. Maybe you worry that there would be nobody to look after your baby if anything happened to you both.

I cant judge anyone and someone who is finally expecting after years of losses and treatments and heartbreak I can imagine it must be very devastating and very far from easy to make the decision not to go ahead with a pregnancy.

Ruad, its not just the disability. Getting your head around the fact that you will have a disabled child is the easy part. I say that as someone who's had a myriad of special needs ranging from mild to severe in my family and extended family.

Its about countless specialist appointments. Taking time off for appointments only to have them delayed or cancelled. Being on waiting lists for treatment. Being on waiting lists for referrals, for various assessments. Queueing in the SW office and dealing with the paperwork associated with being assessed as a carer. Queuing in a HSE office. Being on hold on the phone to various offices constantly. Having to track down your payslips and mortgage and savings information to apply for the child's medical card every.single.year.

Being able to afford to adapt your house for disabled equipment or having to change your car to fit the car seat that's required. Trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage if one of you takes a career break or has to quit work to care for the baby. I've seen people take their child's disability in their stride and have a wonderfully positive outlook yet are broken to the point of tears by the bureaucracy involved in dealing with the authorities to get the supports for that disability. And that's at the newborn stages. I wont even go into the logistics of trying to find a suitable school/creche, or additional learning supports.

There really is so much more to it that some people don't realise. Like I say, I'd continue a pregnancy even if the baby was disabled, and because of those disabilities around me, I'm under no illusions how drastically my life in every single area would have to change if I had a disabled child. And not everybody might have the family network or flexibility of working that I might.

Ruad

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply. I think TTC has affected how I view things, maybe has made me bitter, in a "why are they looking a gift horse in the mouth" way which isn't necessarily the case. I knew a woman who was going through IVF for years, but still wanted to do gender selection and I couldn't believe she wouldn't just be happy with any baby. I know it's not a fair way of looking at it. Mayne I just need to take a break

Lucyfur

I never even thought of the practical side of finding out. My son has been attending speech and language, occupational therapy, psychology, physiotherapy etc regularly since he was 9 months so it's normal life! I'm kinda regretting not getting it done now purely from a preparation point of view

Beanybabog

Ruad wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply. I think TTC has affected how I view things, maybe has made me bitter, in a "why are they looking a gift horse in the mouth" way which isn't necessarily the case. I knew a woman who was going through IVF for years, but still wanted to do gender selection and I couldn't believe she wouldn't just be happy with any baby. I know it's not a fair way of looking at it. Mayne I just need to take a break

If people who have IVF / TTC for a long time are in fact more likely to have the harmony test I assume it's more because 1) they possibly have spent €1000s on treatment, another €500 isn't much anyway for peace of mind and 2) they are possibly more aware that things don't always go smoothly and are hyper aware of all risks. Doesn't mean anyone who is TTC for a long time, or has IVF, is more or less likely to make different decisions that someone who gets pregnant straight away.

I for one would not proceed with a pregnancy where there was a serious chromosome abnormality and I make no apologies for that. It's nothing to do with not wanting a baby. If you are pregnant and the fetus has an abnormality and you want to proceed that's 100% your choice. If the fetus had a fatal abnormality and you choose to carry it to term, great. But you can't choose for other people or judge their choice in light of what you would do - or indeed what you THINK you would do, because it's impossible to know until you face that situation yourself.

Beanybabog

Ruad wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply. I think TTC has affected how I view things, maybe has made me bitter, in a "why are they looking a gift horse in the mouth" way which isn't necessarily the case. I knew a woman who was going through IVF for years, but still wanted to do gender selection and I couldn't believe she wouldn't just be happy with any baby. I know it's not a fair way of looking at it. Mayne I just need to take a break

Also, don't get bitter, there's no point. I have pcos and while I was only TTC for 1 year and a month it still worried me a lot as I was being sent for more tests, everyone asked where's the baby etc. I felt bitter that some people were getting pregnant straight away, by accident, when they didn't want to, were living unhealthy lifestyles etc. etc.

And I learned that being bitter only makes you bitter - it achieves nothing for you beyond that. In fact it probably adds to the stress that for some people can be detrimental to conceiving. I started a new job, and told hubs we should put TTC on the long finger for maybe 6 months. I got pregnant straight away. I don't know if stopping trying / worrying actually helped, but I still regret that I have become a cliche!!!:D

Lucyfur

I never even thought of the practical side of finding out. My son has been attending speech and language, occupational therapy, psychology, physiotherapy etc regularly since he was 9 months so it's normal life! I'm kinda regretting not getting it done now purely from a preparation point of view

pc7

Ruad wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply. I think TTC has affected how I view things, maybe has made me bitter, in a "why are they looking a gift horse in the mouth" way which isn't necessarily the case. I knew a woman who was going through IVF for years, but still wanted to do gender selection and I couldn't believe she wouldn't just be happy with any baby. I know it's not a fair way of looking at it. Mayne I just need to take a break

Struggling to ttc is one of the hardest roads to walk, it really is a struggle. Took us 5 years to have our first child, thankfully we are now expecting our second. I know we are one of the lucky ones to walk out of a fertility clinic. Try plan nice things if you can, let yourself be angry, grieve whatever you need but try put as many positive things and things for your and your partner that you can. xx

Neyite

Ruad wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time out to reply. I think TTC has affected how I view things, maybe has made me bitter, in a "why are they looking a gift horse in the mouth" way which isn't necessarily the case. I knew a woman who was going through IVF for years, but still wanted to do gender selection and I couldn't believe she wouldn't just be happy with any baby. I know it's not a fair way of looking at it. Mayne I just need to take a break

Sometimes a break can be helpful. TTC is a lonely emotional road, and the longer it goes on the harder it can get. I've heard about and seen gender disappointment. I cant really understand the mindset of the woman you've described above, but maybe if you consider it from a different point of view? That thank fcuk she did get the gender she wanted because if she didn't, then that child might have had a miserable existence being the 'wrong' gender in their mother's eyes. I don't know if that helps.

Would you like to pop over here and join in the chat with us? Lots of us long termers there.

Beanybabog

Neyite wrote: »

That thank fcuk she did get the gender she wanted because if she didn't, then that child might have had a miserable existence being the 'wrong' gender in their mother's eyes. I don't know if that helps.

There may have been a whole different issue you don't know about as well. I have one friend with a genetic condition - they were terrified if they got pregnant with a boy as she's a carrier for a very serious disorder and the male children die. There's also a very high probability of a boy having it. She couldn't afford gender selection and went ahead anyway and happily had a healthy baby girl. But if she got pregnant with a boy she was potentially in for a world of pain. You never ever know what's going on in the background.

Neyite

Beanybabog wrote: »

There may have been a whole different issue you don't know about as well. I have one friend with a genetic condition - they were terrified if they got pregnant with a boy as she's a carrier for a very serious disorder and the male children die. There's also a very high probability of a boy having it. She couldn't afford gender selection and went ahead anyway and happily had a healthy baby girl. But if she got pregnant with a boy she was potentially in for a world of pain. You never ever know what's going on in the background.

I know a similar situation. They did have a boy, who subsequently had a very tough short life, and now they have a girl. I presume it might have been gender selection as I know they had been looking into it, but I'd never ask. It's not my business and I saw what they went through the first time around so would understand fully if that was their choice they didn't want to risk losing another child that way.

cornflake1

Hi all. For those of you that got the harmony test have you claimed your tax back? Just not sure where to put it. Do blood tests go under other qualifying expenses? Thanks!

Gatica

cornflake1 wrote: »

Hi all. For those of you that got the harmony test have you claimed your tax back? Just not sure where to put it. Do blood tests go under other qualifying expenses? Thanks!

I didn't Know this was a claimable expense. Where did you see this?

Merkin

cornflake1 wrote: »

Hi all. For those of you that got the harmony test have you claimed your tax back? Just not sure where to put it. Do blood tests go under other qualifying expenses? Thanks!

Afaik you can't claim any of it.

cornflake1

Thanks for the responses. It was on another thread somewhere that it was possible to claim. I will ring revenue to find out for sure.