Does this happen much?

Penny Tration

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Rape is much worse than having your private photos being distributed. I'm seriously offended you would even compare the two. They're completely different. Yes I'd be devastated if someone posted an intimate video of me, but so what? People have sex all the time. Most people have seen porn, or at the very least, a naked human body before. It would be mortifying but it does not in any way shape or form compare to having someone much bigger on top of you, your phone in your bag, too far away to reach, begging him to stop but he's not even listening, hurting you but not caring at all. Tears streaming down your face seemingly turning him on even more. And you're wondering if he's ever going to stop, or what will he do when he's finished to stop you from telling someone what he did? Are you even going to get out of his room? Is his face the last face you're ever going to see? How disappointed are your parents going to be with you when they find out?

You cannot compare that to a video being shared. They're both horrific but it's not a competition. They're just not even comparable. They're not on the same scale at all.

And to suggest someone clearly has no hang ups about sex? How sure are you about that?? Are you the one in a relationship with her?

I'm not gonna lie, saying I have no hang ups despite my past is something I found insulting. I probably have LESS hang ups than most people who've been through assault/rape, because I worked damn hard to get past it.

But my username being a silly innuendo doesn't mean sh!t. My posts don't mean sh!t.

I don't have many sexual hang ups anymore, partly because I have a wonderful boyfriend who is fantastic, but posts and usernames? They could also easily be a defence mechanism.


Edit to add: my reactions or experiences may not be usual in somebody's eyes. However, those somebodies haven't seen my life for the past ten years. They haven't seen the 8-9 years of therapy. The medications I've been on. the panic attacks. the suicidal ideations. The lack of trust. the cutting off of most of my friends. The pain I caused my family. the harmful behaviour. the dependency on medication and alcohol. I'm well now. I'm happy mostly. I have massive self esteem issues, but I'm good. I'm actually pretty typical. I just came through it with help.

Shergar6

Nobody cares about anybody's privacy any more. Look at all the videos posted online of accidents - people who could be rushign to help but instead they are obsessed with recording it for a few likes ir retweets, or people falling around drunk for everyone to laugh at? You could be sat on a train with your fly undone and next thing some loser posts it on FB to make a mockery instead of having the decency to tell you. Ed Sheeran did this skit for an aussie radio show - look how fast phones are whipped out instead of actualy LOOKING at the famous singer 2 steps from you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaUlBYqGuiE



I know porn revenge is something much more sinister. I imagine it's horrifying and it seems to be mainly guys doing it - even showing their long term gfs naked? There's clearly a lack of respect towards women and deep misogyny - and i am sure the comments made about their bodies etc are along the same lines - nasty and abusive.

Thandie Newton said that when she was a young actress she did a naked sex scene in a movie and found out after that the producer or someone involved in the movie used to screen all the footage for his friends at parties.

But yeah, i would definitely advise young girls, or women in general to not allow photos to be taken, no matter how much you trust these guys. The secret recording are what you really have no control over

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

any chance you could delete the quoted post please? I actually deleted it


I had massive sexual hang ups for years. But therapy works wonders!

Picture sharing would be a LOT worse to me than an arse grab. That's mainly because if someone grabs my arse, I can push them away, or give them a dig if they try it a second time. I have the ability to end the situation. With photos, I don't have that ability, because once they're online, they're there forever.


Don't get me wrong, I think video and photo leaking is on the higher end of sexual crimes. it has terrible consequences for many people. I just don't think it quite hits the same level as rape, in terms of the consequences for the victim.

Good for you. You should be massively proud of yourself. You are a credit to women. I mean that. I will delete post now.

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

I'm not gonna lie, saying I have no hang ups despite my past is something I found insulting. I probably have LESS hang ups than most people who've been through assault/rape, because I worked damn hard to get past it.

But my username being a silly innuendo doesn't mean sh!t. My posts don't mean sh!t.

I don't have many sexual hang ups anymore, partly because I have a wonderful boyfriend who is fantastic, but posts and usernames? They could also easily be a defence mechanism.


Edit to add: my reactions or experiences may not be usual in somebody's eyes. However, those somebodies haven't seen my life for the past ten years. They haven't seen the 8-9 years of therapy. The medications I've been on. the panic attacks. the suicidal ideations. The lack of trust. the cutting off of most of my friends. The pain I caused my family. the harmful behaviour. the dependency on medication and alcohol. I'm well now. I'm happy mostly. I have massive self esteem issues, but I'm good. I'm actually pretty typical. I just came through it with help.

I actually meant it as a compliment.. I wish I was more like that. Sorry if it came across differently.

melissak

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Rape is much worse than having your private photos being distributed. I'm seriously offended you would even compare the two. They're completely different. Yes I'd be devastated if someone posted an intimate video of me, but so what? People have sex all the time. Most people have seen porn, or at the very least, a naked human body before. It would be mortifying but it does not in any way shape or form compare to having someone much bigger on top of you, your phone in your bag, too far away to reach, begging him to stop but he's not even listening, hurting you but not caring at all. Tears streaming down your face seemingly turning him on even more. And you're wondering if he's ever going to stop, or what will he do when he's finished to stop you from telling someone what he did? Are you even going to get out of his room? Is his face the last face you're ever going to see? How disappointed are your parents going to be with you when they find out?

You cannot compare that to a video being shared. They're both horrific but it's not a competition. They're just not even comparable. They're not on the same scale at all.

And to suggest someone clearly has no hang ups about sex? How sure are you about that?? Are you the one in a relationship with her?

Yes but everyone in their right mind knows rape is wrong. Not so with this **** and people have committed suicide over it

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

melissak wrote: »

Yes but everyone in their right mind knows rape is wrong. Not so with this **** and people have committed suicide over it

Yes and people have committed suicide over being raped so why are you even comparing the two? Your posts generally smack of contempt for rape survivors, not just in this thread. You have actually stated that it's WORSE than rape. They're not even comparable. It's like comparing oranges and a bottle of shampoo. There is absolutely nothing in common.

You know what, I'm not even getting into this with you. I'm absolutely furious and I'm just gonna end up getting myself banned. I'm done with discussing this with you, but you need to take a good hard look at yourself if you think they are in anyway comparable.

One eyed Jack

Shergar6 wrote: »

Nobody cares about anybody's privacy any more.

Well that's clearly untrue. I don't think it's fair at all to be tarring everyone with the same brush on the basis of what is in reality only a minuscule number of people. It's that sort of exaggeration that fuels scaremongering and distrust and actually encourages blowing things out of proportion among people.

But yeah, i would definitely advise young girls, or women in general to not allow photos to be taken, no matter how much you trust these guys. The secret recording are what you really have no control over

Doesn't matter how much you advise some people, they're going to do what they want anyway regardless, because they think these things will never happen to them, and for the most part, they're absolutely right. For those people that it does happen to though (and it's not just young girls, but also young boys and people in general), the best thing to do is teach them how to cope with the situation, and how to handle the aftermath. They absolutely shouldn't feel like their life is over or any of the rest of it, and eventually people do move on.

Heckler

I think what Melissak means is that while everybody understands the horrific nature and consequences of rape some might incorrectly see the likes of sharing private photos and videos as harmless or inoccuous.

I'm so glad I grew up in the era before mobile phones and this insane obsession with trying to be popular.

ThrillCosby

Is revenge porn not illegal? Should be

Penny Tration

Let's be real.

People saying nobody respects privacy and that all lads do it, they're wrong. That's kinda misogynistic too, like we can't trust any 16-30 year old man? Nah.

Some men and women are dicks and share these images.

The majority are normal, trustworthy people. My boyfriend gets images and has taken videos with my consent. I trust him 100% not to show anyone. I also have some from him that nobody sees. He's big on privacy, so much so that anything I send him, he deletes after a few days in case he ever loses his phone, to protect me. Similarly I have one ex I sent images too. He deleted them all when we broke up, and we're still mates.

You can trust most people. However, you shouldn't share images with a partner unless you can deal with any potential fallout. I can, so I don't mind. If my boyfriend were to pull a 180 and share pics, so what? Wow, someone else will see my boobs. don't care.

Eugene Norman

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno about sexual assault, certainly not at "the worst end of the scale". Let's not lose the run of ourselves and go overboard here. Comparing it to rape is beyond the Pale of silliness.

But yes those who publicly share such intimate images and vids without permission should be done for breach of privacy and like the UK and their laws concerning "revenge porn" legislation is needed. There is also the aspect of the subject of such pics/vids agreeing to same. In this day and age that's daft and not a little naive.

More education is needed on online etiquette and dangers and it should start early in school.

Maybe not rape but it's pretty serious. It's pretty dumb to post your own video online yourself if you are the poster, it's effectively starring in an online porn movie, that only helps certain careers. It could destroy the lives of others. No teacher, or most people in charge of children will keep their job, nor most client facing jobs.

KomradeBishop

Just to note: Nothing you delete on your phone is 'deleted', it's still easily recoverable - unless you use something to delete it properly, by overwriting it.

Every. Single. Thing. you have ever deleted on your phone, can most likely be recovered trivially - unless e.g. you've used up enough free space for it to eventually get overwritten.

Eugene Norman

Penny Tration wrote: »

Let's be real.

People saying nobody respects privacy and that all lads do it, they're wrong. That's kinda misogynistic too, like we can't trust any 16-30 year old man? Nah.

Some men and women are dicks and share these images.

The majority are normal, trustworthy people. My boyfriend gets images and has taken videos with my consent. I trust him 100% not to show anyone. I also have some from him that nobody sees. He's big on privacy, so much so that anything I send him, he deletes after a few days in case he ever loses his phone, to protect me. Similarly I have one ex I sent images too. He deleted them all when we broke up, and we're still mates.

You can trust most people. However, you shouldn't share images with a partner unless you can deal with any potential fallout. I can, so I don't mind. If my boyfriend were to pull a 180 and share pics, so what? Wow, someone else will see my boobs. don't care.

It could come up in every single Google search for you.

I don't think the videoing was uncommon years ago. Monica and chandler videoed their sex in an episode, indicating that it was common enough.

Back then the only way for others to see it was to lose the tape.

Eugene Norman

KomradeBishop wrote: »

Just to note: Nothing you delete on your phone is 'deleted', it's still easily recoverable - unless you use something to delete it properly, by overwriting it.

Every. Single. Thing. you have ever deleted on your phone, can most likely be recovered trivially - unless e.g. you've used up enough free space for it to eventually get overwritten.

Not sure about that. Doesn't the filesystem use any free space (including space marked as deleted but not yet overwritten, ).

On hard disks you deliberately wouldn't use virgin disk space on the edges if freer space was available at the center. Not certain about SDD

Penny Tration

Eugene Norman wrote: »

It could come up in every single Google search for you.

I don't think the videoing was uncommon years ago. Monica and chandler videoed their sex in an episode, indicating that it was common enough.

Back then the only way for others to see it was to lose the tape.

I know it could. That's why I said don't share them unless you're able to deal with any fallout.

KomradeBishop

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Not sure about that. Doesn't the filesystem use any free space (including space marked as deleted but not yet overwritten, ).

On hard disks you deliberately wouldn't use virgin disk space on the edges if freer space was available at the center. Not certain about SDD

It depends - if you've a lot of free space, it may not get overwritten for a long time.

SD cards have a write-limit - i.e. the more writes you make to a particular memory block, the faster it wears out - so if anything (have not looked at the technical details though), they would tend to avoid writing to already-written areas, which means your 'deleted' photo's can stay around for a very long time.

armaghlad

ThrillCosby wrote: »

Is revenge porn not illegal? Should be

I think it is in the UK and rightfully so.

Penny Tration

melissak wrote: »

edit: quote removed.

Jesus. H. Christ.

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

Jesus. H. Christ.

Why so. The girl I mentioned had been raped in the past. This bothered her more because of the shame. It is easier to know that rape is the fault of the rapist. The shame of this was worse for her. Different people process different experiences differently. LexieOnRale attacked me when bi never said this was as bad as rape. Never. I said it was sexual abuse and closer to the top end than the bottom. Assuming all "victims" feel the same is stereotyping.

George Michael

really shouldnt be taking explicit videos or pics

melissak

I appreciate that came across badly and I apologise LexieOnRale. I will delete the post if you wish. Penny would you do likewise as I don't want to cast aspersions. Lex may not have been speaking from personal experience and it is not my business either way

retro:electro

I've been doing work experience in social work for the past few months and you would be astonished at how prevalent this is; esp with younger children from 13-18

melissak

I put victims in commas as I think it is a negative word BTW not to trivialise. Survivors is more positive maybe

melissak

Penny Tration wrote: »

Jesus. H. Christ.

Do you mind deleting this as I don't mean to be rude to LexieOnRale. I find her to be an excellent contributer to boards and I have every respect for her, despite the fact that we disagree on most everything. I enjoy the debate but was too hot-headed there due to personal experiences. I deleted yours a short while ago..

Tasden

melissak wrote: »

I put victims in commas as I think it is a negative word BTW not to trivialise. Survivors is more positive maybe

Maybe in future just say those who have been raped.

George Michael

have to be very careful folks. hackers hacking into your webcam and all. i have mine covered.

there was a guy recently who committed suicide over the fact that some of these scammers took pictures of him through his webcam.

KERSPLAT!

Mod

Locking this till a mod can review, cheers.

Ken.

Mod-After a lengthy review we the mods have decided to keep this thread locked.