House mates not cooperating

Priscilla Marie

Hi Everyone, I have not been on boards for a long time so its nice to be back!

I have a problem with my housemates. They are not the worst bunch however they don't cooperate at all. In that I mean no one helps in chores like cleaning or tidying main areas of the house or helps to take out bins.

I live in the house with my boyfriend and we have a en suite and a tv in our room so we spend a lot of time in the room so we are not making it awkward for others who want to use the main sitting room.

We have been there the longest and a lot of the jobs are left for me and my boyfriend. I feel this is really unfair. I have said it to them all and they reply with yea yea I will which means they might once take out the bin or or wipe a few surfaces and then never to be done again.

I don't know when the last time anyone washed the floor in the kitchen or hoovered the carpets as I was the one always doing it and then I just thought why am I doing this. We are all busy I work full time mon-friday and I'm studying part time at weekends so I have barely any time but I'm always tidy and clean up.

One of the other girls has her boyfriend up every other weekend which is fine hes a nice guy, but he's been here during the week the last few days and I don't know is he working in Dublin now and if he is staying with us as my housemate has not said anything

I don't even mind if he is staying that's Grand, I just think its common courtesy to mention to your housemate that your friend/boyfriend will be staying for a few days.

I know its not ideal a couple sharing the house and we are trying to look for our own place but rents are incredibly high. I got in Virgin media and internet myself and I could well afford it myself but I share it with the housemates as they would have no access to internet. and I have to chase after them every month for it as they never remember.


Iv tried speaking to them face to face, when I leave a note someone removes it straight away which is really undermining I think.

I'm just fed up with it all together.

Speedwell

You're not going to change them. They're not going to change. You got roped into doing the work, and they're fine with that situation, and you can't bear to leave things dirty because you just can't live like that. I really sympathize with you; I've been in horrible housemate situations before. The only way you could enforce change is to be in a position where their continued residence depends on following your rules, or where you can convince your mutual landlord that the offending people are a danger to the rest of you.

In college, I knew a girl who was tidy and hated her housemates for being messy. They were miserable, too. She enlisted their help in finding a new place for her; they were happy to help because they were tired of notes and being berated for being slobs. The tidy girl wasn't wrong, but everyone understood it wasn't a good fit. She wound up in a really cool new place, too, in a trendy area of town.

MarkAnthony

There's only two options. Move or stop doing it and live in a heap for a while. In my experience it can take 3 months before someone cops on so it's not a short term thing either.

Just wipe down the surface you use and pop you stuff in a bag and chuck it out after you've prepared food.

Wait until it's particularly minging then call the LL and tell them you can hear rats :pac: You may not be fibbing at that point.

galljga1

Get a cleaner and split the cost. 10-12 euro per hour.
I hate slobs.

pc7

galljga1 wrote: »

Get a cleaner and split the cost. 10-12 euro per hour.
I hate slobs.

Exactly this, email all of the housemates outline that you are not going to be doing it anymore and a cleaner will cost x per week and it has to be divided by you all. My friend had the same problem as you and this worked a treat. If that doesn't work, just move, lifes too short to be miserable.

MarkAnthony

galljga1 wrote: »

Get a cleaner and split the cost. 10-12 euro per hour.
I hate slobs.

They're not paying the internet - I think this'll just be another headache for the OP. Maybe turn the internet off/change the passwords if they don't pay

Speedwell

Changing the passwords is perfectly fair. No pay, no use, ffs. Or pay for it yourself and make the daily password contingent on a clean house.

murphaph

Speedwell wrote: »

Changing the passwords is perfectly fair. No pay, no use, ffs. Or pay for it yourself and make the daily password contingent on a clean house.

Superb idea.

Milly33

Why don't you try and arrange one a meeting or night in with all of them to chat.

If they do all attend say look this is the sca and perhaps like that if they aren't willing to do their share getting someone in to clean is the key or do their share.

If they don't meet then wham bam, do it the hard way... Change the password on the internet as this isn't very fair on you, don't worry about them you aren't their mother.. Then clean up after yourself have your own bin bag, all this kinda stuff, even your own dishes put them back in your room or cupboard after using and let them live in their own slob..

Michael D Not Higgins

You can't force them to clean. People don't change and if they're used to a certain level of dirt and untidiness, then they won't get any better than that. They don't appreciate the difference between their baseline cleanliness and yours, so your efforts are just for yourself.

You could try some leverage to get them to clean, but it's going to be effort to keep them on top of it. And paying for a cleaner will just have you chasing them for money like with the internet which will begrudge them about your standards that they don't share. It would work better to get different housemates or move entirely. If you and your boyfriend can afford it, I would suggest getting somewhere on your own so you don't have to deal with someone with different standards.

SusanC10

When my now Husband (then Boyfriend) and I were saving for out first home we lived with 2 other people in a house share. Both guys. 1 was a friend of my Husband's and I knew him too before we all moved in. The other was a friend of a friend but we didn't know him himself.

Husband and I shared the biggest room with en-suite on the 2nd Floor. The other 2 bedrooms and main Bathroom were on the 1st Floor with Kitchen, Dining / Sitting Room and small Toilet on Ground Floor.

It quickly became apparent that I was the only one doing any Cleaning or tidying in the house. I would do Ground Floor and Stairs and our own area on the 2nd Floor. Husband (after being asked) would help. I know I had higher standards than the lads but was getting increasing annoyed that no-one else was washing floors, hoovering etc no matter how bad things got. So we had a House Meeting and I suggested a Rota and also cleaning up after oneself. It worked for a couple of weeks but then things went back to the way they had been and I was cleaning all of the Ground Floor myself as I just couldn't live with it in the state it was. Cue another meeting. I wasn't as polite the second time round and told them all Husband included that I wasn't their mother and it wasn't fair. I know they didn't like it (they all had faces like scolded kids !) but it worked and the Rota worked from then on. I still probably did more than the lads in terms of cleaning esp in the kitchen as I love to cook and used it more than anyone else but they pulled their weight esp with Bins, the Garden etc which I didn't particularly like doing.

Now we all were friends as well as Housemates as time went on so maybe it was different. We did all laugh about it later and the lads said they didn't want to piss me off or to have an atmosphere in house and so they did it.

OP - I would suggest a House meeting and see how that goes.

stargazer 68

Priscilla Marie wrote: »

I got in Virgin media and internet myself and I could well afford it myself but I share it with the housemates as they would have no access to internet. and I have to chase after them every month for it as they never remember.

Their internet access is not your problem OP. If it wasn't there they would soon solve the problem. House meeting as others have suggested and then change the password!

SusanC10

Just to add - Husband & I didn't have any issues with Girlfriends staying over. 1 of the guys was in a Relationship but she was in Cork during the week so she spent a lot of weekends in the house. The other guy had different girlfriends during our time in the house - some stayed overnight, some we only rarely saw.

Is your Internet the same amount each month ? How is the Rent paid ?

With monies - Rent, Bills etc - I ran these from an old Current Account I had and everyone paid in when I asked. Each of the others set up a Standing Order for Rent and Bills which had a fixed monthly amount from each of the others accounts and then gave me cash for the Bills which were variable as they arrived. Bills were posted on the Notice Board in the kitchen with the amount due highlighted and the figured each person owed (1/4 share) written below.

thisistough

We had this problem in my house, we tried a cleaning rota and when that didn't work we got a cleaner for 2 hours twice a month. Maybe try a rota for 2 weeks and if they don't stick to it move onto a cleaner

justback83

galljga1 wrote: »

Get a cleaner and split the cost. 10-12 euro per hour.
I hate slobs.

This is exactly what we did. We get a cleaner once a week for 3 hours, she leaves the place spick and span. She charges €10 per hour, PM me if you want her contact details!

Walter H Price

We had the exact same problem for a while but after our two housemates got together and moved out we agreed with the landlord we would be the lease holders and sublet the rooms. Now were very clear with anyone moving in that their expected to clean up after them selves keep their room and bathroom an the common areas tidy and we all put a €5 a week into buying stuff like kitchen roll and washing up liquid.

we've had one problem since with one girl who was just filthy like and constantly let food go off in the fridge , the rule is if its more than two days out of date it gets binned there was few rows about that and eventually we just asked her to leave which we can do as we are subletting the rooms so our housemates are effectively renting from us not the landlord . to be honest it's ideal.

El_Duderino 09

I've been there, OP. I moved to go back to college and could only afford a student house. Moved on with 3 undergrads who had lived there for 2 years and had never cleaned the place. I moved in and couldn't deal with the dirt, so I cleaned. I did everything I could to get them to play ball but nothing worked. Interestingly, I'm still good friends with one of them and he's a normal person who is clean and tidy now.

My assessment is that people are used to having a family structure and are predisposed to seeing you as their parent figure. You clean up, you take care of the internet for them (I bet you take care of buying cleaning products, doing DIY and paying bills). There's no way you can convince them to clean if they can have 'mammy' do it for them.

They won't change until they need to and you would go crazy from the dirt before they even figured out that you had stopped cleaning.

Some people are gross and some people are yet to grow up. Either way, they're not your project and you don't have to change them but you probably need to put up with it until you/they move out.

P.s. I would hate taking care of their internet for them.

Priscilla Marie

Thanks Everyone. Its just a real pain. Ill try some of your ideas. I get that feeling that whenever I ask anyone to do any thing to help around the house they all seem to begrudge it.
One guy living at our house kept leaving dirty dishes and greasy knives and forks with bits of food left on the draining board. It seemed to be a big deal that I ask him to clean them properly and he denied it was him.

Iv told them several times that the internet is due the same time every month, and I have to chase them and remind them of this every month. I think if they don't pay on time this month I'm changing the password. I did this before and one of the girls was asking nearly begging me to give her the new password, I really felt like I was her mother or something.

I'm not standing for this silly behaviour. I just think they all are used to there parents or someone else cleaning up after them as not one of them seem to have any sense of responsibility. I feel like myself and my BF are the Mummy and Daddy at times.

Anyway thanks so much for the support and ideas too

Speedwell

Priscilla Marie wrote: »

Iv told them several times that the internet is due the same time every month, and I have to chase them and remind them of this every month. I think if they don't pay on time this month I'm changing the password. I did this before and one of the girls was asking nearly begging me to give her the new password, I really felt like I was her mother or something.

I'm not standing for this silly behaviour.

Of course not. Think of it like this. If you were their manager at work, you would probably proceed in this way:

- Tell everyone that the new Internet policy is "all work areas need to be cleaned up" before anyone can use the company Internet.
- Clearly define what "clean" standards are.
- Get everyone's written assent.
- Later, discover areas that don't meet standards.
- Remove Internet access "until the mess is cleaned up". Ascribe no individual blame. Don't take sides. Just say, "This is not clean, and we agreed that the place needs to be clean to have Internet".
- Feel no guilt. None. Nada.
- Re-enable access when the agreed-upon standards are met.

loyatemu

if they're not paying for the internet, give them a week to sort out their own access (dongles or whatever) and then change the password. I wouldn't even use it as a threat, you'll only have the same problem next month, just leave everyone to sort out their own internet.

intheclouds

loyatemu wrote: »

if they're not paying for the internet, give them a week to sort out their own access (dongles or whatever) and then change the password. I wouldn't even use it as a threat, you'll only have the same problem next month, just leave everyone to sort out their own internet.

^^This.

Just sort out your own internet and let other people sort out theirs.

In fairness in a houseshare internet is always in one persons name and shared by the house. I'd find it strange where people were having to supply individual internet especially if the op had the proper wired connection thus the others would have to make do with dongles.

That said I can see it's annoying people aren't paying in time, I'm in charge of all bills in my houseshare, most are in LLs name and the others aren't the most realiable so I pay them and get the money off the others. Now they always pay but sometimes it's the start of the month sometimes the end, not the biggest deal as I'm not stuck for the money but still annoying all the same.

I found putting a list on the fridge door with names of people, name of utility (Internet, gas etc) and amount every month helped things as it reminds people all the time. Just cross off who is paid then.

learn_more

Instead of changing the password you can block a particular device in the router. So on your device your can open up a web page for your router and somewhere in the settings you will see a list of devices that are connected to it. So you might see something like this 192.168.1.1 Johnnys_iPhone. Then you can block it. I did this to the boyfriend of one of the tenants as he was causing us a bit of trouble. With another one of the tenants I forced him to pay the Internet charge by direct-debit into my account every month. It actually resolved the situation. Having said all of that if you are in a position to move I would. It's gone a bit too far and it's going to give you continued headache to sort it out. Not every house-share is like that.

intheclouds

Taliyah Hundreds Handrail wrote: »

I'd find it strange where people were having to supply individual internet especially if the op had the proper wired connection thus the others would have to make do with dongles.

If people are not mature and responsible enough to pay on time for a shared connection then this is what happens.

El_Duderino 09

Priscilla Marie wrote:

I'm not standing for this silly behaviour. I just think they all are used to there parents or someone else cleaning up after them as not one of them seem to have any sense of responsibility. I feel like myself and my BF are the Mummy and Daddy at times.

You are behaving like the mummy and daddy, so they're treating you the same. You are probably more house proud than the others. You and your partner are probably thinking more long term. A house means something different to you than to the others.

Some people have no sense of pride in their house at all, which was a surprise to me. They would think their house is class because they have a massive telly. In reality, they would wallow in their own filth whilst watching telly.

You can't change people. You might not be able to live with them in the medium long term though.

ED E

loyatemu wrote: »

if they're not paying for the internet, give them a week to sort out their own access (dongles or whatever) and then change the password. I wouldn't even use it as a threat, you'll only have the same problem next month, just leave everyone to sort out their own internet.

intheclouds wrote: »

^^This.

Just sort out your own internet and let other people sort out theirs.

Not really fair to have everyone have your own, OpenEir wont entertain that and AFAIK Virgin will only allow separate names on contracts if they're not for overlapping services.

PSK changes for repeat offenders sounds much better.

El_Duderino 09

ED E wrote:

Not really fair to have everyone have your own, OpenEir wont entertain that and AFAIK Virgin will only allow separate names on contracts if they're not for overlapping services.

Hardly the OP's problem. She set up the internet AND is doing them a favour AND having to chase them for the money. Maybe they would have set it up by themselves if OP wasn't doing it but that doesn't make it the OP's job.

If I were in that position again I'd tell them to set up a standing order or set up their own internet. Keep it simple.

Priscilla Marie

Makenna Weak Gift wrote: »

In fairness in a houseshare internet is always in one persons name and shared by the house. I'd find it strange where people were having to supply individual internet especially if the op had the proper wired connection thus the others would have to make do with dongles.

That said I can see it's annoying people aren't paying in time, I'm in charge of all bills in my houseshare, most are in LLs name and the others aren't the most realiable so I pay them and get the money off the others. Now they always pay but sometimes it's the start of the month sometimes the end, not the biggest deal as I'm not stuck for the money but still annoying all the same.

I found putting a list on the fridge door with names of people, name of utility (Internet, gas etc) and amount every month helped things as it reminds people all the time. Just cross off who is paid then.

Makenna Weak Gift, i appreciate your point thank you. I wanted to add that when moved to the house i think everyone must of used there own. I got in the UPC and internet myself i literally carried the box home as i had it delivered to work. So it was nothing to do with the landlord. I shared with one housemate to be nice and then as more new people moved in they were asking about the internet and just decided to share it with them. Now its a pain in the but. I have also left reminders before. I left a reminder staing the date every month as its been the same for the past 2 years . And they just become ignored I think if they don't remember this time im changing my password and cutting off the channels and they can sort out there own.

Speedwell

First housemate who comes in whining, "When I first moved in the Internet was for everyone and now the selfish housemate won't share anymore" will get the shortest possible shrift from me.

pc7

Have you tried calling a new house meeting and laying it all out and suggesting a cleaner etc like some have suggested?

housetypeb

If they're slow to pay for the internet they're also going to be slow to pay for a cleaner every week.
Cut off the internet to them for a few days until they get the message-then charge them their share monthly in advance if they want access.