Can't adapt to working

liam650

So I am finding it difficult to find work but when I do I always get let go very quickly, due to the fact i'm quiet and introverted and don't talk crap like everyone else does, I go to my job, do the description of work on the contract and go home, that should be enough but clearly not.

Anyone any advice on how to fix this without me becoming like one of the rest? it's discrimination, for example I could work in a supermarket, be fast at the checkouts, stack shelves really fast, be polite to customers, I could do all this much better than the staff member that is overweight, constantly gossips and has a long Que of customers at the checkout, but yet the boss will let me go, a disgrace.

Anyone with tips or help? even some employers out there, would be greatful

Blacktie.

Ask for feedback when you're let go. You're not being let go for not gossiping.

davo10

It's not discrimination, you have to make more of an effort to get on with your colleagues, the fact that you are disparaging about their physical appearance in your post may lead others to believe that you have an attitude problem.

Atlantic Dawn

liam650 wrote: »

for example I could work in a supermarket, be fast at the checkouts, stack shelves really fast, be polite to customers, I could do all this much better than the staff member that is overweight, constantly gossips and has a long Que of customers at the checkout, but yet the boss will let me go, a disgrace.

Anyone with tips or help? even some employers out there, would be greatful

Get a job in LIDL or Aldi, this is exactly the people they look for, super efficient and not a talking shop.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

Atlantic Dawn wrote:

Get a job in LIDL or Aldi, this is exactly the people they look for, super efficient and not a talking shop.

Ha, tell that to the customers in Lidl Togher by me. Not that I'd for a second begrudge them a conversation. I actually like when there's banter about the place.

Wonzy

Sounds like a problem with your attitude and need a serious wake up call. Are you ignoring co workers? You don't have to like your co workers but do need to be friendly and courteous.

liam650

A simple Hi how are you? is what I say to co workers, thats it, i cant relate to this banter stuff, they laugh about things i do not find funny, All i want is to do my job, be polite and go home, but no that doesnt seem to be good enough

Stheno

liam650 wrote: »

A simple Hi how are you? is what I say to co workers, thats it, i cant relate to this banter stuff, they laugh about things i do not find funny, All i want is to do my job, be polite and go home, but no that doesnt seem to be good enough

Havev you actually been told you were let go because you are unsocial/too quiet?

Ursus Horribilis

At a guess, there is something "off" about your manner. You said you're quiet and introverted. Fine - not everyone in this world is going to be a social butterfly. Is there a chance that what you consider to be quiet and introverted is coming across to others as cold, hostile, rude, disinterested and terse? Whether you like it or not, there's more to most jobs than just the actual tasks you're asked to carry out. What sort of colleague are you? Nobody's asking you to become best buddies with everyone and bring them in coffee and muffins on a Friday. But if you're coming across as cold and aloof and as having something of an attitude, people aren't going to enjoy working with you. Maybe I am reading too much into your wording but you did use the phrase "talking crap". Most people would use the term "small talk". There's also that comment about the overweight colleague that the others have alluded to.

The other week I went into Tesco and was served by a checkout operator who I hope was just having a bad day. Sure, she said hello at the start and thank you at the end but it's the bit in between that stuck in my head. She looked really grumpy and the way she scanned my groceries and practically flung them to the the other end of the checkout made her stick in my head.

Do you have any friends you could talk to and give you honest feedback? Perhaps there are things they've spotted too?

If it's not your manner that's causing you problems, could it be something to do with your general appearance or grooming? Do you show up for work freshly washed, with clean clothes and cleanly shaven. Do you have any annoying habits that'd get to people? Like belching, picking your nose, breaking wind etc?

dollyk

Hi op, My son is exactly the same, He has no time for idle chit chat, wants to go to work, complete his tasks and come home, would not get involved with anyone outside working hours, didnt see the point in even pretending to have something in common with any of is co workers, and was the only one that would not partake in cris kindle xmas stuff. Its just the way he is. I think if he never had to speak to anyone he would be happy, But thats ok when hes at home, But in work it can seem he lacks in empathy for others, lowers morale, and comes across as the person who thinks he is better than anyone else.He has lost a few jobs because of this, and now makes a bigger effort to be sociable at work, But it is an effort all the same. So I do feel for you, and maybe try get a job that does not involve working with lots of people.

Ursus Horribilis

liam650 wrote: »

A simple Hi how are you? is what I say to co workers, that's it, i cant relate to this banter stuff, they laugh about things I do not find funny, All I want is to do my job, be polite and go home, but no that doesn't seem to be good enough

Have you had this problem in every job you've had?

2RockMountain

dollyk wrote: »

So I do feel for you, and maybe try get a job that does not involve working with lots of people.

Good suggestion - maybe something like night security?

jca

I think a job on an injection moulding machine or cnc milling machine would suit you better. It would melt your brain after a few years but at least you don't have to communicate with the machine, only the setter when you manage to break something. 12 hour shifts on these mind melters would make even the most determined lidl/aldi type person cry...

Tipsy McSwagger

liam650 wrote: »

So I am finding it difficult to find work but when I do I always get let go very quickly, due to the fact i'm quiet and introverted and don't talk crap like everyone else does, I go to my job, do the description of work on the contract and go home, that should be enough but clearly not.

Anyone any advice on how to fix this without me becoming like one of the rest? it's discrimination, for example I could work in a supermarket, be fast at the checkouts, stack shelves really fast, be polite to customers, I could do all this much better than the staff member that is overweight, constantly gossips and has a long Que of customers at the checkout, but yet the boss will let me go, a disgrace.

Anyone with tips or help? even some employers out there, would be greatful

Ye grow up and improve your attitude.

jca

jca wrote: »

I think a job on an injection moulding machine or cnc milling machine would suit you better. It would melt your brain after a few years but at least you don't have to communicate with the machine, only the setter when you manage to break something. 12 hour shifts on these mind melters would make even the most determined lidl/aldi type person cry...

I did some work in several places like that, great banter among most of the folk on the shopfloor. The few "odd" people were left alone but didn't seem overly happy.

Hard to avoid co workers really in most roles.

dd972

How about HGV or delivery driving OP?, no workplace as such, out and about, do your stuff and get back to your friends and family, you sound like the sort of person who finds being stuck in an office with 150 strangers a living hell.

Train or Luas Driving would be even better if it wasn't as easy as getting into the Orange Order. :pac:

liam650

dollyk wrote: »

Hi op, My son is exactly the same, He has no time for idle chit chat, wants to go to work, complete his tasks and come home, would not get involved with anyone outside working hours, didnt see the point in even pretending to have something in common with any of is co workers, and was the only one that would not partake in cris kindle xmas stuff. Its just the way he is. I think if he never had to speak to anyone he would be happy, But thats ok when hes at home, But in work it can seem he lacks in empathy for others, lowers morale, and comes across as the person who thinks he is better than anyone else.He has lost a few jobs because of this, and now makes a bigger effort to be sociable at work, But it is an effort all the same. So I do feel for you, and maybe try get a job that does not involve working with lots of people.

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

Ursus Horribilis

liam650 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

See, there you go again. Sickens. More strong emotive language. Why have you got such a chip on your shoulder? Have you found yourself disliking your colleagues in every single job you've had?

Stheno

liam650 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

OP, you need a serious attitude change.

I'm an introvert and I have no more interest in the people I work with than the color of the walls in a hotel room I am staying in.

You might be surprised to hear I work as a consultant so I meet loads of different people all of the time.

I got personality tested for a job once which pointed out in very cold language that I was an introvert, and had learned to adapt by "taking an interest in sport and news, so as to have a topic to speak to others about"

And so I had, I kept up with sport I'd no interest in to chat about at tea break etc.

You need to change here and accomodate wider society

Wonzy

liam650 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

Do you like anyone?

Irish_Elect_Eng

Just as the folks here have pointed out, your real problem may be how you come across. As a manager I hire folks as much for how they fit in and enhance the team that I have as their skills, hiring a lone-wolf is rarely a productive move in a team environment even if they are highly skilled due to the hundreds of interpersonal interactions required every day to get a job done well. I do have a couple of very introverted team members, common enough in engineering, but they understand that to do a great job they need the support of others and they have developed the skills to deal with others.

I respect your desire to stay true to your nature, but suggest that by adapting a little to the culture that you live in may be a happier path in the long run.

To widen your perspective I suggest reading teh following positive books on Introversion:

• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
• The Introvert Advantage: Making the Most of Your Inner Strengths (Marti Olsen Laney)
• The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World (Sophia Dembling)

Billy86

liam650 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

I'm not trying to be an ass, but that attitude is a huge part of your problem. Yes I get you might not be the most social person, I love my alone time and am a flat out bad person before about 10am (when I say worst morning person in the world, I literally have 12 alarms set on my phone, and three alarm clocks hidden in my room to force me to get up). But the thing is... You still have to be pleasant.

Look at it this way, you're not perfect technically. The guys that are clear six plus figures for the most part. And that's fine, because I am guessing you are reasonably young. Even if you're not young, you have potential. People pretty much always have room for improvement, but they need to be trainable and to show the interest in developing themselves, and in improving other their performance and more importantly, the businesses (or departments, in large businesses).

Going by your posts in the thread, you don't come over as someone who would train others up and who would be more in lined to act negatively about them and look down your nose at them. Public facing roles would be an obvious issue and frankly they're not for everyone. But in thst sense, every role is a public facing role as you have to interact with your workmates. I'm not talking about banter etc, I'm talking about communication. A lack of communication within a business is absolutely cancerous, and not only does it spread but it worsens into a bad atmosphere, paranoia between departments, pushing on blame because of said paranoia, and every aspect of the business focusing on what "the other guys" are doing wrong. Because of this, if there is ever any work related issue you have with someone else, you should always try to look at it from their perspective.

You don't have to be chummy chummy or anything, but if you make yourself the 'bridge' between departments and do it well, you become incredibly hard to sack, and incredibly transferable if your department happens to be downsizing.

If a data entry specialist takes the mindset of "I come in, input the figures, go home. I don't need to talk to anyone" then what do they do if the WiFi starts acting up, or the CRM, or if they have been given the incorrect data from another department? Their interaction with IT, systems support or the other department is likely to be confrontational and stand offish, nobody knows who the others are or what they do, if a third department has a role to play in the mix up, the d/e specialist becomes paranoid that they are being fobbed off or ignored, and the situation escalates into essentially a customer complaint between colleagues (which might sound impossible by definition, and that's exactly why it should never, ever happen). That d/e specialist is however, far more likely to be fobbed off or ignored come the next time they need assistance. Also managers get involved, hr gets involved, etc which costs the company time and money. Chinese whispers lead to the d/e guys getting convinced said other department has it in for them, IT get the same idea in return, all future exchanges become far more difficult ultimate than they should, and this situation runs like a cycle that keeps getting worse. Because of a bad atmosphere that came about through lack of mutual understanding that came about from a lack of communication.

Another example was when I was in Australia working a call centre sales jobs. Half the staff cold called all day, the other half were there to close deals, which is the side I was on. To say some of the outbound guys gave bad leads at times was an understatement, which caused huge issues as close rates impact commissions, KPIs and that whole not-getting-fired thing. So I sat with some of them for a day after requesting with my managed as I was over target early... and proceeded to get the most eye opening, abusive day I ever had in there. Cold calling is brutal stuff. After that, I'd accept the sh*tty leads because they had to get a certain amount over to us to hit their targets. One of the outbound lads from Manchester and I basically took it upon ourselves to constantly remind our departments of the difficulties the others faced, and things improved dramatically while the company more than tripled in size over the next 9 months (35 to about 120). We also made a killing between each other because of constant communication - there was no script and he needed to be sneaky at times to get some over to me, but cancellations were a killer so I made sure I was 100% above board while still being congruent with what he had told them. I left for home and he moved into recruitment, last I heard the company was going under and got bought on the cheap because the two sides reverted back to going to war with each other, and communication broke down.

I'm in Canada now working for a recruitment company (though not as a recruiter) and I can tell you that everyone from start ups all the way to multinationals place a MASSIVE influence in 'personality fit' and for good reason. Sure if it wasn't so important there wouldn't be much need for an interview iew process.


Look at your employability like sports - Ravel Morrison has a lot more natural talent than Frank Lampard did, Frank Lampard really wasn't all that talented. But Lampard worked his ass off in every way possible, did everything he could to communicate with his team mates and understand not only his requirements, but theirs too. He was a huge locker room influence as well, apparently from his fellow stars down to youth team players. He rounded his game out so he could defend as well as attack, and despite being teased as 'fat frank' through his career he routinely covered some of the most ground every year, knowing how and when to cover for his team mates. This allowed him to not only become a world class player and maybe the most important player of one of the best sides in the world for a long time, but to being the one of the most successful and productive midfielders of the last 20 years period.

Basically, Frank Lampard was a great example of a model employee.



Terribly sorry about gong on a massive ramble, but I've been writing this reply in dribs and drabs throughout the day.

TG1

I don't think you're being let go because you are an introvert, half the world are introverts, most of us manage fine.

Your posts hint at a deeper seated issue, your attitude. Others have said it but to reitterate, you need to adjust your attitude towards your colleagues if you want to keep a job.

Try looking past physical traits, don't be so disparriging of people that don't fit into your idea of perfect. There's also a difference between gossip and chat, make sure your not taking normal chat as gossip. I think maybe your not reading your colleagues intent behind their conversations correctly. Sicken is a very strong word, your work colleagues shouldn't be inspiring those sort of feelings, try to step back and remember these are people you deal with on a professional level only and leave behind you at clock out time every day.

Every job will require an element of interaction with people at some point, it's part of life. People skills and teamwork are huge things looked for when recruiting so I would take the time to examine how you and your attitude are contributing to the issue. You might find it's not your colleagues that are the problem.

Wanderer78

best of luck op. apologies, i have no real advice.

Mrs OBumble

davo10 wrote: »

It's not discrimination, you have to make more of an effort to get on with your colleagues, the fact that you are disparaging about their physical appearance in your post may lead others to believe that you have an attitude problem.

On one level Davo10 is right: getting on with colleagues is essential, and there's no job in the world where just doing what's in the job-description is enough.

But maybe the OP is on the autistic spectrum. (Hell, it's a spectrum - we're all on it somewhere) - it could be that there really is discrimination going on.

Just a thought.



OP, have you every heard of the National Learning Network? They're an employment support organisation with provides very specialised help to people who find the workplace difficult for all sorts of reasons. I have no idea if they're right for you or not - but they might be able to help you find a job which is a better fit for your talents, or to teach you how to cope with the "crap" while still staying true to yourself.

Good luck.

Steppenwolfe

liam650 wrote: »

Hi, thanks for the reply, can you tell me how he copes though? does it bother him that he has to make this effort, because it sickens me to think i have to be someone else that i am not just to technically fit in in the workplace

It's easier to cope if you make a game of it. It's a reality show and the work place is your jungle. You have to learn how to survive. Watch and listen. Make mental notes of what tv shows and sports they like and research them. This will enable you contribute to their inane banter. Your goal is to make them believe you're just like them. It will be an effort at first, but the more you practise the easier it will get. Always remember it's just a survival game you play 9 to 5. Challenge yourself to get as good as you can. It's a game. Enjoy it.

People don't like it when you're different. If you're introverted and don't interact with them it feeds their insecuities. They can feel threatened. In a work situation it's easier to put the blame on the quiet one who keeps to himself and is out of the loop. I've seen it many times. Don't be surprised or hurt when this happens. Expect it. It's a jungle. If you want to survive you have to learn to play the game. Make them believe you are just like them and part of the pack. Even if you're not, it's essential you learn to fake it. Otherwise the mob will destroy you.

Wanderer78

Steppenwolfe wrote: »

It's easier to cope if you make a game of it. It's a reality show and the work place is your jungle. You have to learn how to survive. Watch and listen. Make mental notes of what tv shows and sports they like and research them. This will enable you contribute to their inane banter. Your goal is to make them believe you're just like them. It will be an effort at first, but the more you practise the easier it will get. Always remember it's just a survival game you play 9 to 5. Challenge yourself to get as good as you can. It's a game. Enjoy it.

People don't like it when you're different. If you're introverted and don't interact with them it feeds their insecuities. They can feel threatened. In a work situation it's easier to put the blame on the quiet one who keeps to himself and is out of the loop. I've seen it many times. Don't be surprised or hurt when this happens. Expect it. It's a jungle. If you want to survive you have to learn to play the game. Make them believe you are just like them and part of the pack. Even if you're not, it's essential you learn to fake it. Otherwise the mob will destroy you.

please dont take this personal, but thats dreadful advice. op, post 25 is the best advice here. best of luck with it

Hrududu

Have you actually been told the reason why you've been let go or are you assuming it's because you're quiet?

teddyhead

liam650 wrote: »

So I am finding it difficult to find work but when I do I always get let go very quickly, due to the fact i'm quiet and introverted and don't talk crap like everyone else does, I go to my job, do the description of work on the contract and go home, that should be enough but clearly not.

Anyone any advice on how to fix this without me becoming like one of the rest? it's discrimination, for example I could work in a supermarket, be fast at the checkouts, stack shelves really fast, be polite to customers, I could do all this much better than the staff member that is overweight, constantly gossips and has a long Que of customers at the checkout, but yet the boss will let me go, a disgrace.

Anyone with tips or help? even some employers out there, would be greatful

I dont think you need to change your attitude too much. You need to have the courage of your convictions . Find and do something you actually want to do. Perhaps turn a hobby into something more?

shalom

Odus fell down wrote: »

See, there you go again. Sickens. More strong emotive language. Why have you got such a chip on your shoulder? Have you found yourself disliking your colleagues in every single job you've had?

Just because he uses the word sickens , that doesn't meant he uses it in the context You use it. Why oh why are you trying and yes you are trying so hard to make him the same as you, to make yourself feel better.

OP , please don't follow the sheep here, unless you want to. There are a few skills that can be learned if it will make YOU More comfortable. There is NOTHING wrong with the way you work . There is , in my humble opinion something wrong in your colleagues and management opinion. Your employed to do a job , not have to be the same as X amount of the population.
My advice go find a professional who deals with this and if you don't know where to start , I will help you, but I don't believe people here telling you you have a chip on your shoulder is going to help you . All I hear them saying here is follow the sheep follow the sheep . You shouldn't be asked to do any more that what you are employed for , in you contract what exactly did that include? Entertainment skills?

J Mysterio

Stheno wrote: »

OP, you need a serious attitude change.

I'm an introvert and I have no more interest in the people I work with than the color of the walls in a hotel room I am staying in.

You might be surprised to hear I work as a consultant so I meet loads of different people all of the time.

I got personality tested for a job once which pointed out in very cold language that I was an introvert, and had learned to adapt by "taking an interest in sport and news, so as to have a topic to speak to others about"

And so I had, I kept up with sport I'd no interest in to chat about at tea break etc.

You need to change here and accomodate wider society

That's really creepy. I prefer the weird loner who is honest than the calculated disingenous guy.