Can't adapt to working

Littletoe

Benevolent Misanthrope wrote: »

Seriously, you should look into the Asperger's thing. My brother would be stunned (and offended) if I told him what I thought. He thinks everyone else is weird.

I worked with and have studied and am qualified in the area.

Benevolent Misanthrope

Littletoe wrote: »

I worked with and have studied and am qualified in the area.

You need to get other people's opinions. That's the nature of Asperger's, isn't it?

Littletoe

Benevolent Misanthrope wrote: »

You need to get other people's opinions. That's the nature of Asperger's, isn't it?

I could go and see a woman tomorrow who would definitely certify me as aspergers.

Benevolent Misanthrope

Littletoe wrote: »

I could go and see a woman tomorrow who would definitely certify me as aspergers.

It's not about labelling or whatever, it's about finding out what the issue is. Look into it - either you will have found the cause of the issue and can work with it, or you can draw a line through it and look elsewhere for the solution.

Littletoe

Benevolent Misanthrope wrote: »

It's not about labelling or whatever, it's about finding out what the issue is. Look into it - either you will have found the cause of the issue and can work with it, or you can draw a line through it and look elsewhere for the solution.

I'm not the one with the issue though so it wouldn't really be necessary.

ArnieSilvia

Stheno wrote: »

Polite way of saying " you're not a team player" imo

Probably. I'm not a great fit for a typical team but my "qualities" are useful for example in project environment where I bring a different opinion to the problems at the table.

I don't want to hijack the thread so I won't elaborate on this.

Benevolent Misanthrope

Littletoe wrote: »

I'm not the one with the issue though so it wouldn't really be necessary.

My Asperger's brother has said the exact same thing to us a dozen times.

Anyway, I've made my suggestion and I'll leave you to consider or ignore it. Good luck going forward.

Littletoe

Benevolent Misanthrope wrote: »

My Asperger's brother has said the exact same thing to us a dozen times.

Anyway, I've made my suggestion and I'll leave you to consider or ignore it. Good luck going forward.

Thanks but I just came here to support a poster I felt needed leg up, cheers for the advice though. (I get I probably think differently to most people you know but I'm good with that)

storker

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I have no interest at all in football, I think it's for knuckle draggers, but I have to make the effort to study the teams so as to not just blank them all day as much as it kills me.

I don't think even studying up on football is necessary. Whenever it's come up in conversation with me I just tell people I'm not into football although I do like watching the odd international game (what I don't do is try to make out like I'm some kind of superior being just because I find my interests more interesting than theirs). I didn't have a clue how well Leicester were doing in the premiership until I heard it on the news the day before they won the title. I'm neither proud nor ashamed of that fact, it just is what it is.

The thing is, I can still enjoy listening to other people talking about football, especially when they're a bit knowledgeable about it. I find the three guys on the RTE panel great entertainment, even without knowing who is right in any given argument. Football humour and wit can be extremely sharp, cutting and amusing, and you don't need much knowledge of the subject matter to appreciate that.

I find that people don't mind you not being the life and soul of the party; you can get by just fine by being attentive and a good listener and throwing in the odd intelligent question. My dad was a quiet man. He never dominated a conversation or looked for an audience, but he did enjoy being part of one, and would laugh along with the funny bits or just throw in the odd comment here or there. He was always popular with his workmates nevertheless, because he was a nice guy, non-judgmental and got along with people. He just had a good attitude, and people pick up on that, I think.

doc11

ArnieSilvia wrote: »

Probably. I'm not a great fit for a typical team but my "qualities" are useful for example in project environment where I bring a different opinion to the problems at the table.

I don't want to hijack the thread so I won't elaborate on this.

Why not hire a team player over you? What makes you think that your opinions are so special? Bar your own perceived level of self importance. The "I don't need to be a team player because of my "special" opinion" is delusional

Perhaps the "I'm full of s**t because I think that I know everything best" colleague has a point.

ArnieSilvia wrote: »

One day some new guy at work of similar "qualities" (who isn't popular may I add) told me basically that I'm full of s**t because I think that I know everything best, that I think of everyone that they are below me because of what I wear every day (mandatory suit trousers and shirt, colour/pattern matched of course with some brave moves sometimes for pure fun, again, this is wrecking their heads ). So I explained to him that while I live a successful life I don't know everything the best but I'm trying to be happy with what I have and use acquired skills and knowledge as a leverage for the future as part of a greater plan. In terms of clothes I explained that I wear them because once I learned how to sew I also learned how much work and craftmanship goes into making high quality clothes and I learned how to distinguish good material from bad, well fitting from poor fitting etc so now I just can't wear ill fitting clothes if I know how to dress to look the best I can. Which in turn raises issue of high standard I try to pursue in my life in everything I do. There's not many people out there who aim for the best quality. Most are happy with average and lots are happy with absolute cr*p with some chancers in the mix.

And no one cares what you wear in an office a suit is a f**king suit. No one is jealous of a magical suit. To most men they're all the same. No one hires a suit either they hire the personality. It's laughable, a suit won't mask over some serious character flaws.

Littletoe

doc11 wrote: »

Why not hire a team player over you? What makes you think that your opinions are so special? Bar your own perceived level of self importance. The "I don't need to be a team player because of my "special" opinion" is delusional

Perhaps the "I'm full of s**t because I think that I know everything best" colleague has a point.



And no one cares what you wear in an office a suit is a f**king suit. No one is jealous of your magically suit. To most men they're all the same. No one hires a suit either they hire the personality.

you must be so sad on the inside

storker

I remember years ago reading "The Naked Ape" by Desmond Morris. His theory about small talk in humans was that when we lost our natural all-over furry covering (most of us anyway, ha ha), we lost the need to groom each other. But grooming wasn't just about parasite control, it was also an important part of group bonding and social cohesion. Luckily, the theory went, as we lost the fur we gained language, and chatting became the new grooming.

The moral seems to be that is that chatting isn't just about the subject matter, and chat for the sake of chat is not just OK, it's actually important. Knowing that might make it more bearable, and if not, remember that it still beats the hell out of searching your co-workers' bodies for ticks and fleas.

Going Forward

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I have no interest at all in football, I think it's for knuckle draggers, but I have to make the effort to study the teams so as to not just blank them all day as much as it kills me.

Stheno wrote: »

And so I had, I kept up with sport I'd no interest in to chat about at tea break etc.

No thanks.

That would be hell on earth, just smile benevolently at them jabbering on instead of feigning some interest in ball games.

They'll know you won't know one corner of a ball from another anyway.

ella23

Hi OP,

I'm not sure what age you are, but have you considered training in something or maybe going back to college? You could then choose a career that isn't so people orientated, like working in a lab, delivery driver or a trade where you can work alone.

Unfortunately for you most jobs require you to have people skills. From my experience in managing people people's attitude is a big part of work and social skills come hand in hand with that. But there are jobs out there that it isn't so important. Peoples place of employment is their home away from home and a good portion of these people aren't living the dream working where they are, so they try to make the best of their situation by socialising and being friendly to their co-workers.

I can understand that it's the last thing you want to do, and believe me, I have had jobs where I despised my coworkers. But to hang on to a job if you choose to work in a people orientated place like a supermarket, then you will have to play the game. Just being polite won't cut it behind a counter. Customers like the a friendly face, I'm sure they can see if someone is going through the motions.

So my advice would be to look for a job that requires the solitude you need and still earn a few bob. I'm sure there's plenty out there. Sorry if I'm not any more help.

Creol1

Some points:

1. Try to get a position in the public sector, because you are extremely unlikely to be dismissed for the type of thing you cite (although you might not have your contract extended if it's a temporary position). There are fewer jobs in the public sector than the private sector, but now that the moratorium is over there are certainly vacancies. You can be dismissed for something serious in the public sector, but they don't operate a hire-and-fire culture.

2. Remember that the security of your position is to a certain extent dependent on the ease with which you can be replaced, so if you mange to get a sought-after professional qualification your employer may be more willing to overlook your flaws when it comes to certain social niceties.

3. If you have been let go after more than a year in the position, you can take a case against the employer under the Unfair Dismissals Act.

4. Large employers are probably less likely to let you go for something minor than smaller ones, because you're just a small cog in the machine and your impact on the organisation isn't as keenly felt as it is in a small business.

5. Try to research your employer before taking a position with them and see what the turnover is like and whether they operate a hire-and-fire culture or not.

6. Try to work in a unionised rather than a non-unionised workplace. As far as I know, Tesco and Pennys are unionised, if you're looking for retail work. Unionised workers can still be dismissed, of course, but a strong trade union increases the power of the employees.

liam650

Creol1 wrote: »

Some points:

1. Try to get a position in the public sector, because you are extremely unlikely to be dismissed for the type of thing you cite (although you might not have your contract extended if it's a temporary position). There are fewer jobs in the public sector than the private sector, but now that the moratorium is over there are certainly vacancies. You can be dismissed for something serious in the public sector, but they don't operate a hire-and-fire culture.

2. Remember that the security of your position is to a certain extent dependent on the ease with which you can be replaced, so if you mange to get a sought-after professional qualification your employer may be more willing to overlook your flaws when it comes to certain social niceties.

3. If you have been let go after more than a year in the position, you can take a case against the employer under the Unfair Dismissals Act.

4. Large employers are probably less likely to let you go for something minor than smaller ones, because you're just a small cog in the machine and your impact on the organisation isn't as keenly felt as it is in a small business.

5. Try to research your employer before taking a position with them and see what the turnover is like and whether they operate a hire-and-fire culture or not.

6. Try to work in a unionised rather than a non-unionised workplace. As far as I know, Tesco and Pennys are unionised, if you're looking for retail work. Unionised workers can still be dismissed, of course, but a strong trade union increases the power of the employees.

How would i get into the public sector though?

Ursus Horribilis

http://publicjobs.ie/publicjobs/
I used to work in the public sector but have since left. Despite what people think, it's not that easy to get a job there and there's now plenty of competition for places. Admittedly I'm not up to date with what you have to do to get a job there now but I am aware that for some jobs, you have to do a competency based or behavioural interview. If you've never encountered one of those, it involves filling out a form and describing times when you displayed x skill or y skill. Now the thing is, for a lot of jobs in there, they want to see evidence that you've been able to work with people. Either as part of a team if it's a lower grade job or as a manager higher up. You don't have either from what I can see. So the idea that you can get into the public service and sit in a corner ignoring everyone is a non-runner.

Here's the thing though. You have a qualification. Why are you working in supermarkets?

mcennis

liam650 wrote: »

Littletoe that story is amazing, you showed the signs of a proper employee and what did you get from it, fired because some boss decided to bring in one of there more than likely useless cronies, just thinking about it angers me, its just typical of most jobs these days, hence why service and speed is terribly bad, people not fit for the jobs

Move to Germany.

Wanderer78

Bongalongherb wrote:

In actual fact I'm considered a decent person with a lot of respect for my fellow men/women, I just cannot for the life of me listen to people all day every day in work talking about eastenders and football that's all. Other than that I have a very good relationship with my male and female friends and society in general.

I understand where your coming from but I believe, each to their own. Who are we to judge people over their interests. So what if people wanna talk about tv shows and football. I to would rather a conversation about the subject matters you've mentioned but not everybody has those interests

Ursus Horribilis

I've got a good working knowledge of a lot of topics. I'm a naturally curious person anyway so it's no biggie. I'm not up to date with what's happening in soaps or reality TV (would rather walk barefoot over hot coals than watch those) but I'm quite happy to have the other person talk about what's happening on those. Eventually some sort of angle comes up in those where we can move onto more common ground. Most people love talking about themselves or subjects that interest them so if you let them chat away and show some sort of interest in what they have to say, it's a great ice breaker. I would never judge people on what they're interested in. The world would be a dull place if everyone liked the same things.

KlausFlouride

Bear in mind, a majority of people in a job are acting to some extent, the person you meet in a workplace is more than likely quite different to that person socially. The cliché of "Fake it till you make it" is true for being a cliché, people have to fit in (& project confidence, bonhomie, competence) and meet certain expectations, irrespective of the job. Important thing to remember is a job is just a job, go in, do you best, but it's not who you are and it shouldn't define you. It's just a method of paying for the things in life you need & want.

livedadream

liam650 wrote: »

The autism spectrum? definetley not, that's the problem here, most people who have commented here are just like the general working population, no one seems to want to listen to the fact that I DO MY JOB BETTER, except i cant talk crap like the rest, and the thing about talking about peoples weight, well the environment is a gym and I am in shape, because i take it serious, but for some overweight person who hasn't a clue about fitness to be taken on instead of me, even though i fit the job description better, but I suppose sure anyone can do anything once they can gossip and talk crap

im going to be blunt, but i dont think you're on the autism spectrum, i think your just a bit of an ass.

normal social constructs give us certain expectations, you do not wish or are unwilling to partake, for whatever reason, that is your choice, however if you are unwilling or unable to toe the line as it is, then do not expect the world to lay down for you.

you could be the best worker in the whole world, but if youre not a nice person it means nothing, the fact you cant see past this is more telling than you think.

Maybe you do the job better, that remains to be proven than the 'overweight' person, however maybe they are more empathitci to clients coming in. or more polite or more willing to engage in the day to day niceties of the social world we live in.

you asked for advise so here it is:

make the effort. obey the social constructs of employment.

ask for help in your next role, say, ive struggled to make friends with people at work, i can be a bit closed off or shy.

try to lose the mentality of what I am reading as a perception of 'im better than you'

you dont need to gossip to keep a job but you do need to engage with the other humans around you in the workplace.

hope this helps, if not the only other thing i can think of is find a job where you would not interact with other people. Security at night? Programming? Cleaning? working on a machinery line.

witchgirl26

OP - honestly sometimes you just have to put up with some things & make an effort for general chit chat with employees. I haven't always gotten on great with those I've worked with (hell there are some I've really disliked) but I'll be polite & ask how their weekend was, chat about work etc. I am quiet & introverted unless with my close friends so I get the thing of just wanting to come in, do your work & go home but part of work is interacting with people & developing the relationships so that if you do need them, they know who you are & are more willing to help out.
And you will need people in work - very rarely does someone do it all on their own. Even Steve Jobs needed Steve Wozniak.
As for your comments about other employees physical appearance. Ok I get you're annoyed about the job but that does not excuse it. And here's some food for thought. I am quite slim & look healthy but I know I'm not very fit. My sister on the other hand is a much heavier build, would look bigger than me. Easily could be called fat by someone. However she is one of the fittest people I know & would definitely know much more about exercise etc that I would. You are not the hiring manager in that situation & you don't know the reason they were hired over you.

I'm not saying that you need to change your personality to "fit in" in the workplace but a little give & take is needed. Otherwise you're expecting everyone else to fit in with you & that's not fair on them either, is it.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

I can't believe that people are still trying to convince this guy that he's wrong. Haven't you noticed that he's NEVER wrong? Pfft.

thegreatgonzo

storker wrote: »

I remember years ago reading "The Naked Ape" by Desmond Morris. His theory about small talk in humans was that when we lost our natural all-over furry covering (most of us anyway, ha ha), we lost the need to groom each other. But grooming wasn't just about parasite control, it was also an important part of group bonding and social cohesion.

It makes sense. If you're able to conduct a few minutes of friendly chat with someone it's so much easier to have a serious work related conversation later on or carry out a task together more efficiently.
I don't particularly like small talk myself but I engage in plenty of it with clients. I don't look at it as if I'm doing them a favour by coming down to their level by doing so because for all I know they probably hate small talk too and are making an effort for me. Most people just want to get on with their day and being pleasant to the people around you makes life a bit easier.

WittyName1

http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057489385/1/#post96907836

That thread you started 9 months ago states you have never had a job before.....

TeaBagMania

People Skills man, getting along with fellow co-works is one of the best traits you can have

psheaser

Benevolent Misanthrope wrote:

What comes to mind for me is Asperger's Syndrome. I've a brother who I'm 99% sure is on the spectrum, but he has no idea. Ah, having looked briefly at the thread I see that's been raised.

This is very insulting, please stick to potential advice for OP instead of passing degrading slurs.

Regards

Ursus Horribilis

WittyName1 wrote: »

http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057489385/1/#post96907836

That thread you started 9 months ago states you have never had a job before.....

Maybe he only started getting jobs since then and hasn't lasted long in any of them. He mentioned at the start that he is let go fairly quickly
What I found more prophetic was this from our OP "Also I have heard that working is all about the employer and the business and not about the employee. I am more of a self centered person, I only care about me and people around me but in a work force area I will be the same. People keep telling me it wont work and I'll be on the welfare for life"

Liam, if you're still following this thread, it's time to change your ways. Just like you worked at college to get your degree, it's time to work at improving your people skills. It'll be a good investment.

urban sprawl

Unfortunately OPs posting history would indicate that advice, although frequently sought, is completely disregarded.