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Church Wedding or Humanist Wedding?
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16-05-2016 8:24pm#1
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Thanks so much, does an interfaith minister do a humanist ceremony or is it another type of ceremony altogether? I've never been to a non church wedding!
It can be as religious and include God as much as you like or not at all! They create the ceremony with you so you can choose all of your readings and poems etc.
Humanist is strictly non-religious where as an interfaith minister welcomes all religions or none if you prefer.
My celebrant is Geraldine Brown based in Galway. She seems lovely so far, our wedding is June next year
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Pretty sure attending mass is required for Catholics!
Required? No. One is still a Catholic even though they may never attend mass.
OP as you identify as Catholic, there's a kicker you may (or may not ?) be aware of - your marriage is recognised by the RCC only if you get married in a Church. My marriage to my non-religious wife isn't recognised by the RCC because we got married in a civil ceremony in the local registry office. It was an intimate event and everyone enjoyed it.
I did particularly because not only was I marrying the girl I love, but I didn't have to be babysitting my family who can't behave themselves no matter what the occasion, they'll still try to make it all about themselves.
Obviously your family are important to you, and quite frankly I'd have been delighted to have my family's support, but supporting you should mean that your family will support your decision, rather than you having to base your decisions on what suits them. Marriage is of course about family, and the bigger the better, and you should remind your family of this when it comes to you making decisions for yourself.
I don't mean to be crude but your family won't be sharing the marital bed either, and by that I mean that there are some decisions are so fundamental in your relationship that the only people can make them are you and your future husband. Start as you mean to go on and if your family really and truly want to be understanding and supportive as Catholics themselves, then they will roll in behind you both and recognise that this is yours and your future husband's day, not theirs.
Apologies for the sermon, hadn't meant to be so long winded! That was another thing btw about a registry office wedding - short and sweet, €20 to the registrar for keeping it that way
My brother and his wife spent €42k on their White Wedding day occasion, and my mother fell asleep mid-ceremony, snores like a bear... the in-laws were not amused :pac: 0 -
I think the problem with parents paying for the wedding is they start to think they have a say in everything, including the service. Hope you find a solution that fits you OP, my OH would not have had a church wedding, my family don't know yet, it won't go down well
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ChampagnePop wrote: »I think the problem with parents paying for the wedding is they start to think they have a say in everything, including the service. Hope you find a solution that fits you OP, my OH would not have had a church wedding, my family don't know yet, it won't go down well
Mine aren't even paying ha! It's a toughie champagnepop...good luck too!0 -
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Thanks for all the replies and advice. I think I'll sit down with my OH and look into an interfaith ceremony and what's involved, and then speak to my mother who is a reasonable lady and only wants us to be happy at the end of the day! I think I'm realising over the course of this thread that it's myself who is conflicted, it's not necessarily our views versus my parents. It's me versus me!!
Pankton I'm an Interfatih Minister, feel free to PM me if I can help with any questions :-)
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Mrs OBumble wrote: »Don't want to sound mean,, but if you really think that marriage is a sacrament, then you need to be asking yourself if marrying someone who does not believe the same thing is a good idea. Can you have a sacramental marriage with someone who doesn't believe in God?
I know you didn't mean it to sound mean Mrs OB, and technically you're correct about how the Church views marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, but there's really no way to put that which doesn't sound terrible (even though of course it was unintentional) -
Full Question
Are non-Catholic marriages valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church? What if a Catholic marries a non-Catholic?
Answer
In general, marriages between non-Catholics, of whatever religion, are considered valid, but the situation is not as simple as it sounds because there are two kinds of marriage: natural (ordinary) marriage and supernatural (sacramental) marriage. Supernatural marriages exist only between baptized people, so marriages between two Jews or two Muslims are only natural marriages. Assuming no impediments, marriages between Jews or Muslims would be valid natural marriages. Marriages between two Protestants or two Eastern Orthodox also would be valid, presuming no impediments, but these would be supernatural (sacramental) marriages and thus indissoluble.
When one spouse is a Catholic and the other is a non-Catholic--this is commonly termed a "mixed marriage"--the situation changes. Just as the state has the power to regulate marriages of its citizens by requiring them to get a blood test or to marry in front of a competent authority, so the Church has the right to regulate the marriages of its "citizens."
If one participant is a Catholic who has not left the Church by a formal act, such as by officially joining another church, he must obtain a dispensation for the marriage, which would otherwise be blocked by the mixed-marriage impediment or by the disparity of cult impediment. A Catholic who has not left the Church by a formal act also must obtain a dispensation to be married in front of a non-Catholic minister. If either of these dispensations is not obtained, the marriage will be invalid.
Source: catholic.comWell he does believe in God he just doesn't identify as Catholic or have anything to do with organised religion. I suppose I feel that marriage is like communion, confirmation etc as in it's one of the rituals within the church that I was raised as a part of. I don't feel it will affect our life together. And yes I 100% should be marrying him:)
OP I don't think Mrs OB meant it in a bad way, but it's just another thing that should be considered is all given that you identify as Catholic and you view marriage as a sacrament. I wouldn't view my marriage as a sacramental marriage, but I'm ok with that, but it absolutely does affect many different areas of our life together.
It may not for you, and I do hope it doesn't, but it's absolutely something you both should be discussing or have discussed between yourselves already. These are the kinds of fundamental decisions within your relationship that I was referring to earlier. I mean, already you're having a dilemma about the wedding venue and the type of wedding ceremony you would like (have you contacted a Unitarian Church? They're usually alright about these things - you get the Church venue and none of the religion, I think that's sort of how it works anyway, don't quote me on that
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But one of the things that constantly comes up across numerous forums here on Boards is when children enter the picture - you won't have to deal with that of course if you and your partner have decided you're not having children, but if you're both planning on having children, now is the time to be discussing whether they would be baptised and decisions made with regard to their education and so on.
Already your partner doesn't want a church wedding and you do seem to be leaning more towards the idea of having a humanist ceremony, but that's just the wedding day, it's the marriage afterwards is where you both need to be thinking well ahead and discussing your plans, because all too often I read on Boards and I meet couples in my daily life who only got round to talking about these things after they were married.
I don't know if you've both decided you want children or not, but in our own case at least, my wife and I had discussed all these things long before we were married (I think the shortest discussion we ever had on the issue of children was when I told her I wanted six children, and she told me go fcuk myself... that clearly wasn't a runner :pac:).
Seriously though, the fact we didn't have a religious ceremony was no impediment to having our child baptised and sending him to a religious ethos school. We didn't choose to have our child baptised just to meet the enrollment criteria of the particular school we sent our child to, and the religious criteria for enrollment is now actually done away with in all national schools, so you won't need to baptise your children if you and your husband decide not to.
I hope that doesn't confuse and frustrate you OP any more than I'm sure you already are, but these really are important things you and your future husband need to talk about and work out what the plan is, because it's what happens after the wedding ceremony is your marriage and everything else that's a part of that, no matter what type of ceremony you actually eventually decide upon together.0 -
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You're reading a lot into the OPs relationship Jack!
I don't think posting here and asking for outside opinions is a bad thing, sometimes it helps to get the perspective of a third party. Not sharing the same belief systems doesn't mean your not compatible, if they have reached the point of planning a wedding I'd imagine they are compatible. I would be total different to my husband in a lot of ways too but we have enough in common to keep us connected. We don't share a faith but it's never caused a problem, it leads to some interesting debates though! But I think it's healthy particularly when you have kids not to be carbon copies of each other.
There are always things to be worked out and compromises to be made, that's the nature of a long term relationship. I'm sure they will work it out.
This is exactly what I wanted to say but you said it much more eloquently. That and I'm too lazy for long posts
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Wow! I didn't expect this to turn into a debate about whether I should marry my fiancé or not haha!
We have discussed this at length and also discussed future children, baptism and the role religion would play in their lives. I posted the original question because, as someone who has never been to a wedding outside a church and actually not been to many weddings at all, I don't have anyone to chat to about it who may be or have been in the same position and able to give advice. I am new to all of this so do appreciate the helpful posts and opinions that have been shared here.
Having been with my fiancé for over a decade i know we are ready for marriage beyond the wedding day and he has been nothing but supportive about the ceremony issue....maybe this forum should be in place of the pre-marriage course eh! 0 -
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