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Another miscarriage

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  • 20-05-2016 8:17pm
    #1
    Isolt
    Registered Users Posts: 521 ✭✭✭


    I lost our first baby in 2013 and was absolutely devastated. We thought everything was okay but when we had a scan there was no heartbeat.

    We have been so lucky to have had a gorgeous daughter since then. She's 1.5 years now and is brilliant.

    I found out last month that we were expecting a little brother or sister for her but unfortunately on Wednesday we had a scan where there was no heartbeat again.

    I am still so ill with morning sickness and dizziness etc but I have to wait til next week for some kind of treatment as they want to see if it will happen naturally. Although I don't think it will.

    I find people are really grating on me with the stupid rubbish they say. Like I only found out the day before yesterday, I am still carrying the baby (or 'products of conception' as the hospital states) and already I've been told my daughter is still only a baby and we shouldn't be having another one so soon anyway. I've been asked by someone else if I'm going to try again or maybe give it a break. A friend text me ''Oh thats too bad. Anyway, aside from the baby how was your day?''. :eek::eek::eek:

    Finding people pretty cold this time, unlike the first time. Part of me thinks it's because they know I went through it already and it's no big deal now. I know it's natural and common etc but people should just shut up. It's not the time 24 hours later to ask about any plans to try again, or ask if there's any sign of a natural miscarriage happening or ask if I'd like to ''grab a drink in town for a catch up''.

    WTF is wrong with people? :eek:


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    #2
    banie01
    Registered Users Posts: 16,707 ✭✭✭✭banie01


    I'm sorry for your loss Isolt.
    I'm shocked that so many of those close to you are being so cold to you in their response.
    It may be that they are assuming you are ok because you've been here before, but that doesn't make the loss any easier to bear, I'd hope that your friends could realise that you likely need their support even more now than before.
    A loss is a loss, you will need to grieve and come to terms with the loss of not just your baby but also the loss of the hopes and dreams that come with expecting a baby and a change to the family.

    Look after yourself and stay positive.

    Edit::
    I may have been a bit harsh above on your friends upon reflection.
    It may be the case that your friends are avoiding your loss in the hope that it will save you upset.
    They may be worried about upsetting you and may think that by distracting you and diverting you to "small talk" that it might be a help to you and not realise that you want to talk about your loss and have it acknowledged.


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