February 2017 Babies Club

dreamstar

Oh god yeah the poor babies. Our toddler has gotten his hands on the baby and scraped her poor head.

We're going through an awful phase with our toddler. He usually sleeps 12 hours at night but for the last two weeks he's waking hysterical. Think it's his teeth and he's had bad nappies. But we're all exhausted. And hes in foul form during the day too. Hope this phase ends soon.

catrionanic

I also cannot get over the size of my toddler. He seems HUGE ever since baby arrived. Weighs a ton, seems so sturdy and stocky, his head looks ginormous and his feet and hands look massive.

I don't think he is particularly big or small for his age, but that cute tiny one year old that I had just two weeks ago now seems like a proper child.

catrionanic

We are back to major nap battles over here. Just in time for his daddy going back to work on Tuesday. The last 4 or 5 days he has kicked up an almighty stink. Wants one of us to lie in the room with him for ages until he sleeps.

Part of me wants to indulge him and go with what he wants and needs, but the other part of me knows this just isn't feasible with a newborn.

Yesterday I sat on the floor outside his bedroom with the door open and sang to him for 20 mins until he calmed down and went to sleep. But I don't even have the time for that- he's up there screaming in his cot and the new baby is waking for a feed.

Help?

catrionanic

We are back to major nap battles over here. Just in time for his daddy going back to work on Tuesday. The last 4 or 5 days he has kicked up an almighty stink. Wants one of us to lie in the room with him for ages until he sleeps.

Part of me wants to indulge him and go with what he wants and needs, but the other part of me knows this just isn't feasible with a newborn.

Yesterday I sat on the floor outside his bedroom with the door open and sang to him for 20 mins until he calmed down and went to sleep. But I don't even have the time for that- he's up there screaming in his cot and the new baby is waking for a feed.

Help?

dreamstar

Oh catriona it's so hard. I've had times I've just given in and got him up from nap. The onltvthing I can say is that these things are usually a phase. I find getting him out in morning helps. Preferably somewhere he can run around.
It's so much harder with two.

Anne_cordelia

catrionanic wrote: »

We are back to major nap battles over here. Just in time for his daddy going back to work on Tuesday. The last 4 or 5 days he has kicked up an almighty stink. Wants one of us to lie in the room with him for ages until he sleeps.

Part of me wants to indulge him and go with what he wants and needs, but the other part of me knows this just isn't feasible with a newborn.

Yesterday I sat on the floor outside his bedroom with the door open and sang to him for 20 mins until he calmed down and went to sleep. But I don't even have the time for that- he's up there screaming in his cot and the new baby is waking for a feed.

Help?

Resort to naps in buggy or car for a couple of weeks when you are alone with 2? It’s a phase but make life as easy as possible for now.

Anne_cordelia

catrionanic wrote: »

We are back to major nap battles over here. Just in time for his daddy going back to work on Tuesday. The last 4 or 5 days he has kicked up an almighty stink. Wants one of us to lie in the room with him for ages until he sleeps.

Part of me wants to indulge him and go with what he wants and needs, but the other part of me knows this just isn't feasible with a newborn.

Yesterday I sat on the floor outside his bedroom with the door open and sang to him for 20 mins until he calmed down and went to sleep. But I don't even have the time for that- he's up there screaming in his cot and the new baby is waking for a feed.

Help?

Resort to naps in buggy or car for a couple of weeks when you are alone with 2? It’s a phase but make life as easy as possible for now.

catrionanic

Anne_cordelia wrote: »

Resort to naps in buggy or car for a couple of weeks when you are alone with 2? It’s a phase but make life as easy as possible for now.

Might have to do that... although he doesn't nap well at all in car or buggy and often only sleeps for 30 mins or so. Plus it takes so long to get out of the house with a one year old and a baby (and we are moving house next week), that I'm not sure I'll have the energy haha.

Thankfully my parents are helping out for another week or two before I'm completely on my own. Hopefully the phase will pass before then.

I feel so bad because he obviously is feeling a bit insecure and wants us with him, and I am failing to give him that. He's always been such a happy and secure little boy. And now he's being left to cry in his cot and I feel just awful.

shesty

Caitriona, don't beat yourself up.There's a zillion things to heap guilt on your head as a mum of two smallies.I would go with the flow for the moment -could you feed the baby in a chair on the landing....and bear in mind moving house will be a big thing for him too.Stick with his naps all the same because age two is a prime time for their sleep to go very funky, so if you can keep his habits going, do.They kind of have to learn to go to sleep all over again or something, it's weird.He still needs his nap (and you need him to have it), so do what you can.If your parents are around, can they take him out for a good run in the morning, and at least then you'll know he's definitely ready for his sleep.
Just be the best you can for each one and that's all you can do, and be kind to yourself.You are important too.You're doing great, it's very tough with two under two, and BF aswell, it's just about surviving each day one at a time!

tangobelle2010

I feel so bad because he obviously is feeling a bit insecure and wants us with him, and I am failing to give him that. He's always been such a happy and secure little boy. And now he's being left to cry in his cot and I feel just awful.[/quote]

Don't feel bad caitriona. It is so hard with two and the guilt you feel for the older child is immense. I saw the hurt in my middle child's eyes too (She was 22 months when last baby born) every time I had to ditch playing/spending time with her to run to the newborns cry, etc. But, and I know it feels like so far off for you with a new born, now I can see my two girlies bonding, laughing with each other, trying to play together, little one copying her big sister, it's just fab to see. And do you know what, we've given them the greatest gift of a sibling they'll have forever.

Plus one on getting out of the house though...It would take me all morning to get the two ready but it did wonders for my sanity to get a short while out of the house.

dreamstar

Catriona these days are just so hard. These comments are making me feel so much better. I'm finding things so so tough. Toddler hasn't been sleeping great the last while and I know it's a phase but I find it so hard to get up in the mornings. I'm just so tired. There are some days I feel really anxious about being on my own with the two of them. :-( Its just so hard.
I just can't wait to be able to get away for an hour in the evenings on my own. I really miss having time to myself.

shesty

It IS hard dreamstar.Specially those first couple of months where things are all over the place It's seared into my brain, 21 month age gap between 1&2.Somedays you win, somedays they win.But at 2 and 4 mine are now best pals and the arrival of no.3 caused a ripple and that was about it!!They had each other to play with still.

And remember to laugh sometimes.Cause it's all just mad, but it really doesn't last forever.Carve out a bit of time for yourself if you can, and for me, that meant naptimes continuing!It was a struggle to coordinate them for the first few months though, definitely.

catrionanic

dreamstar wrote: »

Catriona these days are just so hard. These comments are making me feel so much better. I'm finding things so so tough. Toddler hasn't been sleeping great the last while and I know it's a phase but I find it so hard to get up in the mornings. I'm just so tired. There are some days I feel really anxious about being on my own with the two of them. :-( Its just so hard.
I just can't wait to be able to get away for an hour in the evenings on my own. I really miss having time to myself.

I hear ya on the anxiety. I'm feeling on edge a lot of the time and a bit panicky. Hoping it will settle after the house move. So many major life changes all at once. My husband and I are arguing a lot too.

How old is your baby now, dreamstar? Do you have any friends with smallies who you can link up with?

Thanks every one for the replies. It's good to know that others have gone through it and lived to tell the tale!

dreamstar

Catriona me and my hubby have had our moments too. Just putting it down to lack of sleep and stress. But there are moments I genuinely want to leave him. But I'm just super on edge lately. We've started just enjoying the little quiet moments- rare as they are.
Sometimes we go for a drive and when the kids sleep in the car we'll get a drive through coffee and park up somewhere and chat. It's mad I know.

I'm lucky I do have friends will smallies so I do have a lot of support.

My toddler is 20 months and baby is 3 months. Baby doesn't nap much and I'm finding that hard as I get no break during the day. But she sleeps well at night so I can't have it all I guess.
I need to start getting a bit of time to myself - even just for a shower!

tangobelle2010

catrionanic wrote:

Thanks every one for the replies. It's good to know that others have gone through it and lived to tell the tale!

I didn't feel too alive this morning let me tell you. My lady is going through a naked stage at the moment where she doesn't want to wear anything at all. I was helping her sister get dressed in her room and little miss was running around free and easy and landed into the bedroom with wet feet...she'd peed in living room and walked through it and all through the hall. I finished dressing big miss and got my mop and bucket to clean up the mess. By the time i finished, the pair were fighting over a teddy bear, crying and pulling each other. I then discovered little miss had toothpaste rubbed into her hair which meant an impromptu hair wash in the sink to roars and cries. I finally managed to get her into clothes again by 11..I can't wait for work tomorrow!

I remember the husband irritation too...I'd be watching the clock at his coming home from work time and would get increasingly ratty if he was late. One day, he went to shop after work and he got an earful for firstly not coming straight home, secondly for not asking if we needed anything and lastly for not bringing me a treat! He also started training for a half marathon after last baby was born, which meant he was home for 30-40 minutes in evening, 3-4 days a week, before heading out training. I was very resentful of that too I must admit.

greenttc

tangobelle2010 wrote: »

I remember the husband irritation too...I'd be watching the clock at his coming home from work time and would get increasingly ratty if he was late. One day, he went to shop after work and he got an earful for firstly not coming straight home, secondly for not asking if we needed anything and lastly for not bringing me a treat! He also started training for a half marathon after last baby was born, which meant he was home for 30-40 minutes in evening, 3-4 days a week, before heading out training. I was very resentful of that too I must admit.

This describes me and my husband these few weeks to a tee! I actually could have written it! And the running thing would have been fairly accurate on baby number one, he has cut down on the runs this time around though and in a way I feel a bit bad that he isn't getting out running, but feck it it's not like I am getting out either!

They should totally be coming straight home after work, no detours unless they are very very justified!

catrionanic

My husband was telling me that one of his colleagues has young kids and deliberately makes sure he works late enough on a regular basis to avoid bedtime. Sometimes he will go for a pint with colleagues just for this reason. What a prick.

Scarily, my husband thought this was funny and fair enough!

There's another girl he works with who has a full-time nanny and is only interested in seeing her children on the weekends. She goes on big boozy nights out guilt-free because for her, her kids are pencilled into set times in her life. Her husband has the same attitude.

shesty

Caitriona, I have heard of a few of those husbands alright...thankfully they don't seem to be prevalent around me, but I do know of another industry where more than one of them do that.
I am not with a kid this age but to add to the tales of woe, I currently have a 4.5 year old, 2.5 year old and a six month old.We have had builders in for about three months now, and we have no kitchen right now.I mean everything is in the living room, I am washing dishes upstairs, and cooking on a two ring hob.My mother is washing our clothes.I have an absolute ball of stress in my chest this evening, I'm really struggling to cope with it all.My eldest has started having wetting accidents again in recent weeks, and I think it's because she is having trouble with using the toilet with loads of strange men in the house.My two year old needs to be potty trained before I go back to work and my six month old's sleeping habits during the day are bad, meaning by 4pm, he flatly refuses to be put down.So I am stuck in the living room trying to get a dinner every evening with a heavy baby hanging out of me and the other two under my feet going spare, fighting constantly, because we are all falling over each other.I am ready for a hysterical cry this evening just to release the pent-up bubble of panic inside me.I am not coping well right now.I know there are only a couple weeks of this left but today is not good.

Just know you aren't alone Caitriona, it's hard with two small kids.You do come out the other side after a few months (then ya know, you lose the plot and decide to go all over again!!!)It's ok to feel sorry for yourself sometimes, but it doesn't all last forever.

And eat chocolate.Always have chocolate handy!!

catrionanic

Ah shesty, that sounds absolutely awful, you poor poor thing. You've had them in for three months?! Jaysus I'm amazed you're only reaching breaking point now - I'd have been in the Liffey weeks ago! Is there any way you could just go and stay with your mam or a friend for a few days with the kids, just to get away from it all? Sounds really hectic and stressful. Hats off to you for lasting this long. I really hope it's all done very soon.

Also, why are you washing dishes when you could be using paper plates?! Make life easier for yourself. Takeaways also totally acceptable at this stage.... You've only two weeks left, nobody is gonna get diabetes!

dreamstar

Oh shesty that sounds so tough BUT you'll have a new kitchen by the end of it. I'm sure it'll be worth it.

But staying inside with my two has me almost panicking. They get so fed up and the place ends up in bits and it all really gets to me. I'm dreading these long dark evening's ahead.

And yeah I get the resentfulness of the hubbys. They can get their mental breaks. I tried to shower this eve and got out to carnage. Both kids screaming and a hubby unable to stop it. It's so hard losing the me time.

dreamstar

Like when do you guys shower? Genuine question. I just can't fit it in at all.

Anne_cordelia

dreamstar wrote: »

Like when do you guys shower? Genuine question. I just can't fit it in at all.

Morning time before husband goes to work. My husband is on child duty from 6am until he gets ready for work at 8.30. I sleep and shower!

catrionanic

dreamstar wrote: »

Like when do you guys shower? Genuine question. I just can't fit it in at all.

Could you put baby down for a nap and bring toddler into bathroom with you? I stick nursery rhymes from YouTube on my phone and he's happy out while I shower. Granted I am yet to be alone with the two of them together, but it's what I've been doing so far. Although half the time, baby wakes up and cries so this plan may backfire.

Alternatively, when toddler is napping or after toddler has gone to bed. With baby in the bathroom too.

tangobelle2010

dreamstar wrote:

Like when do you guys shower? Genuine question. I just can't fit it in at all.

I used to shower first thing in morning when baby started stirring, I'd put on cot mobile and hop into shower in ensuite and I'd be out before the music finished on mobile. I'd take a long indulgent shower when Hubbie would be on duty at weekends.

fits

I shower in morning before husband goes to work. I’ve had a shower every day since the twins were born. It’s non negotiable.

Had a tough day here today too. Indeed I called in sick as I had zero sleep last night and didn’t feel safe driving the long commute. Husband working late this evening and the lads were roaring for two hours before finally falling asleep. Hate the long evenings. In summer we’d always get out for a walk after work.

Managing two is hard no question. Hugs to you all.

dreamstar

I think this is my issue. Baby doesn't sleep during the day. She'll only sleep in car, buggy or on boob. If I move her then I might get 10 mins max before the crying starts. Toddler sleeps for 2 hours in afternoon but if I shower then me or baby would wake him. I need to.sort out baby's naps. And she's a great night sleeper. Slept 9 till 5:30 last night.

Hubby leaves for work at 6.30 / 7 so morning is out. I have to sort myself before toddler wakes at 6.30 and then I've to manage them both. To be honest I do think hubby could be doing more. He could get toddler ready in morning and go in a little later. He can be a bit lazy sometimes and it does get to me.

Think.i might try arrange for my mother in law to take toddler once a week so I can get a proper shower.

catrionanic

Can you shower in the evenings when husband is home?

ally_pally

Looks like we all had a terrible day yesterday. My girl has a dose of diarrhoea - at the weekend I thought it was teething that was causing it but it's definitely a bug. The pharmacist said there's a diarrhoea bug rampant in the area so she must have it. She also has AWFUL nappy rash as a result now. She's always been a little prone to it with sensitive skin but this is the worst I've ever seen it. I took yesterday off work and stayed with her. Kept her without a nappy for as long as I could yesterday which has hopefully made a difference but it's horrible seeing her in pain with it.

shesty

Back again, sorry I was a bit depressed yesterday evening!
Dreamstar, all of mine have been desperate daytime sleepers.So I give it to about 10/12 weeks and institute naps in beds.With no.2 I struggled to figure it out, but I did know we did not have the space for sleeping downstairs in prams, bouncers etc so she had to be up in her bed.So basically with her and now him at 11 weeks, I let them be up for two hours in the morning, then brought them up and parked them in their cot and sat there with them til they dropped off.I held their hand, stroked their forehead whatever, but they needed sleep at that point so I committed to it taking as long as it needed.No.1 was (I admit) parked in front of the TV for a bit.She made a few trips out and I had to go down, but it had to be done.Every day.And quite quickly baby gets into that routine.Every one of them slept for 40mins only but it was 40 mins of sanity.And then when no.1 went for her afternoon nap, no.2 went up too, giving the time to sit with them again.That way the baby gets at least two naps in.The later ones I resigned to being in the sling while I cooked dinner.No way around that one!!!It takes a few weeks but the baby will get in the habit, and no.1will get used to it.I pick the morning one because they should be least tired then, and so easiest to settle-in theory.I havem't quite worked out the rest od the day wih no.3 yet but it will come!
Showering I do at night, when everybody is asleep.Or when the older pair were in bed, hubby got the baby and I showered.If he screamed, its up to OH To deal.I have to shower.Non-negotiable.You have to take care of you too.

dreamstar

Thanks for all the tips shesty. Little one is 3 months now so I do need to start sorting naps out. I'm also becoming too dependent on the boob to settle her to sleep. I guess I'll just have to leave the toddler in the playpen for a bit and settle her upstairs.
And your right. OH will just have to deal with them in the evenings so I can shower. I need it even for the headspace. I literally don't get a minute to myself. Although I have managed to settle her now while toddler is napping. It's been 15 mins and she's still asleep. This never happens. Although it is in the car seat. Not ideal