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Qs

Elliott S wrote: »

A girl I worked in my last job solely had a Catholic ceremony for hers and the groom's parents. She and the groom are atheists.

There is something a bit sad about being old enough to be married but not old enough to do it the way you want to without fear of your mammy and daddy giving out to you.

Qs

Qs wrote: »

There is something a bit sad about being old enough to be married but not old enough to do it the way you want to without fear of your mammy and daddy giving out to you.

A wedding day is not just about the couple its about their families too.

eviltwin

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

A wedding day is not just about the couple its about their families too.

No its not. They had their day. I think its nice if you can make arrangements that are guest friendly but that shouldn't be the priority, its about what you want and what you would like. I'd never expect anyone in my family to plan their wedding around what I would like, how narcissistic!

Electric Sheep

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

A wedding day is not just about the couple its about their families too.

Yours might be, mine was not. It was a Justice of the Peace and two witnesses.

I certainly was not going to have a church wedding when I am not a practicing catholic. I detest that sort of thing - a church is not a venue to be chosen for appearances. If you don't practice, don't pretend.

lazygal

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

A wedding day is not just about the couple its about their families too.

No, for us it was tidying up all the legal bits we'd have difficulties with if we stayed unmarried as a couple. Then we had a party because we wanted a shindig. We got married for us, it had absolutely nothing to do with our families or either of us becoming part of each other's family.
People who say they're marrying 'into' a family invariably face trouble at some point, and it usually starts with caving into demands for a religious wedding.

John_Rambo

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

A wedding day is not just about the couple its about their families too.

I agree. Most of our families were appreciative that we didn't make them endure a long boring meaningless lecture. Fortunately, the few religious ones were respectful of our wishes. For some of my wives family it was their first civil ceremony and they really enjoyed it.

Elliott S

Qs wrote: »

There is something a bit sad about being old enough to be married but not old enough to do it the way you want to without fear of your mammy and daddy giving out to you.

I know, I was really surprised when she said that because she is a really strong-minded person usually!

Elliott S

John_Rambo wrote: »

I agree. Most of our families were appreciative that we didn't make them endure a long boring meaningless lecture. Fortunately, the few religious ones were respectful of our wishes. For some of my wives family it was their first civil ceremony and they really enjoyed it.

Civil ceremonies are so lovely. My sister sang during her own civil wedding ceremony with a guitar accompaniment and she and her huz had music that was personal to them. The best thing about about civil ceremonies - they're short and sweet. You get the exchanging of vows which is the best part of any wedding ceremony but without having to sit through a mindnumbingly dull, drawn out mass or be at the mercy of a kooky priest (which happened to my cousin last year).

Elliott S

Elliott S wrote: »

Civil ceremonies are so lovely. My sister sang during her own civil wedding ceremony with a guitar accompaniment and she and her huz had music that was personal to them. The best thing about about civil ceremonies - they're short and sweet. You get the exchanging of vows which is the best part of any wedding ceremony but without having to sit through a mindnumbingly dull, drawn out mass or be at the mercy of a kooky priest (which happened to my cousin last year).

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding. Couldn't imagine having one myself (not that I'd even consider it). Without the church the whole thing was a bit of a non-event to me. Yeah there was big drink after it and what not but just felt like a normal party not a wedding.

Electric Sheep

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding. Couldn't imagine having one myself (not that I'd even consider it). Without the church the whole thing was a bit of a non-event to me. Yeah there was big drink after it and what not but just felt like a normal party not a wedding.

I'm surprised you went at all, were you not afraid God would hit you with a bolt of lightening?

Hotblack Desiato

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding. Couldn't imagine having one myself (not that I'd even consider it). Without the church the whole thing was a bit of a non-event to me. Yeah there was big drink after it and what not but just felt like a normal party not a wedding.

That's entirely your problem.

Elliott S

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding.

The thing that makes a wedding ceremony feel like a wedding ceremony is the exchanging of vows. Check!

smacl

lazygal wrote: »

No, for us it was tidying up all the legal bits we'd have difficulties with if we stayed unmarried as a couple. Then we had a party because we wanted a shindig. We got married for us, it had absolutely nothing to do with our families or either of us becoming part of each other's family.
People who say they're marrying 'into' a family invariably face trouble at some point, and it usually starts with caving into demands for a religious wedding.

Similar enough here, seventeen years together before getting married and did it in a registry office without inviting any family apart from the kids. Only really got married from an inheritance point of view to look after the best interests of the kids. Once you're together as a couple for long enough, I reckon you'll either get on well with the OH's family or not, regardless of marriage. We all get on really well, and the mother in-law has no problems with me being a filthy heathen and dragging her darling daughter away from Christendom. I reckon most loving parents are like this, and over time will be delighted with whoever their kids end up with once it makes them happy, regardless of colour, creed or gender.

Cabaal

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding. Couldn't imagine having one myself (not that I'd even consider it). Without the church the whole thing was a bit of a non-event to me. Yeah there was big drink after it and what not but just felt like a normal party not a wedding.

So it didn't feel like a proper wedding because it was missing the religious part?
Because thats basically all thats missing,

Samaris

I dunno, I can kinda see the point. When you're brought up with the idea of a wedding being a church thing, and the aisle and all that - and that's what we tend to see in films! - and all the rest of it, I can quite see that a civil ceremony might be a bit odd after that. And, well, like the religion or not, but churches do tend to be beautiful buildings, and registry offices not so much!

I know this is all frippary and frills and not the important part, but the concept gets ingrained over time. Probably after a few weddings ceremonies (not been to many myself), in different surrounds, it'd all be much of a muchness.

Qs

Samaris wrote: »

And, well, like the religion or not, but churches do tend to be beautiful buildings, and registry offices not so much!

You can get married in all manor of nice places now. I got married in an old country house hotel. The room was to me much nicer than the local church. It didn't have images of Jesus being tortured, marched with the cross on his back and finally crucified up and down both side walls either. To me that never really felt very romantic.

Samaris

Qs wrote: »

You can get married in all manor of nice places now. I got married in an old country house hotel. The room was to me much nicer than the local church. It didn't have images of Jesus being tortured, marched with the cross on his back and finally crucified up and down both side walls either. To me that never really felt very romantic.

Yeah, fair enough, that Nah, whatever my feelings on religion and the Catholic Church, I -am- fond of church buildings and the beauty of their construction.

beach_walker

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

I found the civil ceremony I went to just strange just didn't feel like a proper wedding.

The one I've been to was like that. Humanist but aping religious aspects of the ceremony to a laughable degree, particularly for the couple in question who'd made a big deal in previous years of pointing out how stupid religion/marriage is.

In some of these situations I ask myself, what exactly is changing for these couples. I was supposed to be at another this Summer but for various reasons found myself not going, by all accounts the music at the afters was great. I heard no details beyond that Glad I didn't break myself to go!

Electric Sheep

beach_walker wrote: »

The one I've been to was like that. Humanist but aping religious aspects of the ceremony to a laughable degree, particularly for the couple in question who'd made a big deal in previous years of pointing out how stupid religion/marriage is.

In some of these situations I ask myself, what exactly is changing for these couples. I was supposed to be at another this Summer but for various reasons found myself not going, by all accounts the music at the afters was great. I heard no details beyond that Glad I didn't break myself to go!

"The music at the afters was great" is higher praise than most weddings get, in my experience. Most weddings don't have anything that stands out for praise at all.

smacl

beach_walker wrote: »

The one I've been to was like that. Humanist but aping religious aspects of the ceremony to a laughable degree, particularly for the couple in question who'd made a big deal in previous years of pointing out how stupid religion/marriage is.

Pretty much my take on the humanist weddings I've been to. All the annoying faff and ceremony of a religious wedding with no real upside, and about as exciting as a vegetarian chilli con carné. Best wedding I was at was on Fanore beach in Clare which rolled into a two day party with plenty of live music at the local pub. Loads of theatrics including an unexpected visit by the straw boys but no humanists or priests and absolutely what the couple were in to. The stereotypical fairy tale style church wedding does seem pretty deeply ingrained in our culture, which possibly has as much to do with Disney as religion, and takes a bit of imagination to break away from. All well and good if that's what you're into, but in many cases it seems more founded on obligation than desire.

Qs

Samaris wrote: »

Yeah, fair enough, that Nah, whatever my feelings on religion and the Catholic Church, I -am- fond of church buildings and the beauty of their construction.

I like them on the outside, the inside is usually a bit of a mix between gaudy and horror show.

Walter H Price

Evelynn Vast Stadium wrote: »

Out of about 14 weddings in the last 2 years from my friends and my gfs friends only 1 wasn't a full catholic church wedding and a large hotel reception after. Also you can't use the "people you associate with" excuse really as for one thing religion had or has no influence on the people I hang around with (they are still mostly school friends) and while I and my friends are from a rural area my gf is from a city in a different part of the country so her friends are very much separated from me and where I'm from so you definitely can't use the "type of people you hang around with" excuse here. The one non-church wedding was one of her friends too, all my friends (both male and female) got married in a church, I have only one friend who doesn't plan on it.

The reason i thought the work group was a good example was that they are not friends at all , they are just people who work in the same company as me there's 700 staff in our Dublin office 130 in my dept from all over the country alone and 6 of us getting married next year , i just thought it was interesting how many were choosing to go the non religious route. I don't go out of my way to avoid hanging out with religious people , but then again you don't really have to , literally none of my mates from school , work , college , rugby are practicing. the church is kinda just becoming less and less relevant to people all the time from what i can see anyway

Would love to know how this is working out for you Kiwi , were talking about kids allot at the minute planning on strating trying shortly after were married but the old will we wont we get them christened thing comes up every time, im dead against it but my OH isnt so sure about it purely based on it maybe being harder to get a kid into a school perticualrly given the waiting lists and stuff in Dublin and then weather theyd feel left out in 2nd and 6th class