Co-Worker calling me "pet" !!!

wokingvoter

me_irl wrote: »

I honestly don't think this is the route to take.

I'd reply with something like "thanks hon / love / etc". And keep doing that until she gets the gist.

Id be more inclined to just very politely interrupt very quickly as soon as the word "pet" is out of her mouth and say (I don't know your name) "Caroline. My name is Caroline. Thanks" quite loudly and firmly but smiling. Turn back to your work with no further engagement. Do it as many times as you have to until it stops.

Alanstrainor

OP says that this has been going on for 2 years or so. IMO this does make it more difficult to deal with at this stage. Someone suggested a quiet word with this person, and I'd think that's the best way. All of these passive aggressive suggestions would just come across as out of line, and strange given the time frame here. I wouldn't be against asking HR for help, but I do think that's a tad heavy handed.

These things are always best nipped in the bud early on, letting them drag on makes it harder to stop.

Akrasia

If it was me, I would just say 'Sorry, My name isn't Pet, it's [insert name here]'
and then continue on as normal with whatever she called you over for.

If she continues to call you 'pet' then you can consider that this is a form of bullying and I might even consider a complaint to HR

In a professional environment, you should be addressed by your name unless you're on very good terms with a particular colleague

I would consider this very differently if it was a something that she called everyone just as a term of endearment or a force of habit, but in this case, it's a word she reserves for the OP and he has every right to request that he is called by his proper name.

Dyr

Alanstrainor wrote: »

OP says that this has been going on for 2 years or so. IMO this does make it more difficult to deal with at this stage. Someone suggested a quiet word with this person, and I'd think that's the best way.

It's usually the required way...the other party needs to be informed and given the chance to rectify the problem or disagree with the complaint so you both can refer it to whatever process is required to resolve the issue.

SAMTALK

sunny2004 wrote: »

are you kidding me ? lol why not go the whole way and get the GARDA involved.

Its this type of advice that has our society the way it is..

The OP is an adult, get over it, or confront the person in question, or ignore her.. whatever works.. Its not the end of the world.. You have little to worry about if this is what you post as a WORK PROBLEM..

Personally I would be creative and come up with a pet name for her

Unfair on OP.
They never said it was the end of the world for them. Just something that they dont like in work and are entitled to post question on it.

Tasden

SAMTALK wrote: »

Unfair on OP.
They never said it was the end of the world for them. Just something that they dont like in work and are entitled to post question on it.

Yep, I'd hate to see posters on here witness me experiencing minor inconveniences! Just because people discuss their issues or voice their annoyance at certain things, or seek suggestions on how to deal with them, it does not mean they have lost all perspective, or they dont appreaciate that their problems may not be as "significant" as others. And nobody's concerns should be trivialised regardless.
Sure when my child was sick and my whole world was falling apart I still complained about the food in the hospital canteen! :pac:

SAMTALK

And to be fair if something is annoying you (big or small) and its happening everyday well it has to get to you at some stage.

Some people use the name "pet" for everyone they're talking to but its strange that its only OP its being used on in work.

Ron_Swanson

Maybe a passive aggressive way to respond but I would just say...Do you fancy me? As Pet, to you, comes across as a very intimate term and makes you feel uncomfortable...surely they would stop then?

philstar

does he/she come from the north of england??

its a common term of endearment there

Cork Lass

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Every day, people post here with real issues. Unfair dismissal, change of conditions, being made redundant, wages not paid, can't make a decent living in the chosen career - the list goes on. Real hard, difficult problems.

This is a 30-something saying "someone calls me pet". Not a clueless kid fresh out of school, who might need advice about how to handle something like this in the workplace, but a 30-something.

I cannot begin to say how much it disgusts me that someone is wasting keystrokes over such trivia. Saying "First world problems" is a polite response compared to what I would like to say.

Didn't know you knew how to spell polite never mind to actually be polite.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for the constructive comments. I have taken them all on board.

Thanks again.:)

manonboard

Kayy wrote: »

She is not a sweetheart.She doesn't call it to anyone else.
She definitely thinks I am below her.
She is higher than me although started after me in the work place but does boss me around.Would never dream of doing that to the others.
I don't mind that too much either but it's the pet use and her condescending manner.


I haven't asked her but I have ignored her and walked off when she has said it to me.She knows it irritates me.

This boils down to you've allowed her to irritate you and you demonstrate you will continue to take it without any repercussion.

You work in an industry now. Its completely acceptable and self respecting to say "I don't like being called pet, I prefer Paul/Pauline".

If she's an ass, you'll still hear her implication in whatever your name is, but it will at least go about removing any of the bullying dynamic somewhat.
In environments like this, it nearly always only continues if there are no repercussions. It's just a fact of life, people will respect you if you show them you don't tolerate anything less.

sunny2004

SAMTALK wrote: »

Unfair on OP.
They never said it was the end of the world for them. Just something that they dont like in work and are entitled to post question on it.

you cant beat taking a single line out of a statement lol
Don't you love the internet for taking things out of context..

My post wasn't even for the OP, as I had clearly quoted someone else ENTIRE message..

and of course they are entitled to post the question, as I am entitled to comment

To put it back in its context, as I appreciate it can be confusing for some to follow a basic thread,,

Someone posted

GO to HR.... my reply after quoting them is as above...

If you need further assistance in keeping up with any of the posts let me know

SAMTALK

sunny2004 wrote: »

you cant beat taking a single line out of a statement lol
Don't you love the internet for taking things out of context..

My post wasn't even for the OP, as I had clearly quoted someone else ENTIRE message..

and of course they are entitled to post the question, as I am entitled to comment

To put it back in its context, as I appreciate it can be confusing for some to follow a basic thread,,

Someone posted

GO to HR.... my reply after quoting them is as above...

If you need further assistance in keeping up with any of the posts let me know

And then resort to this

livedadream

we might leave the bickering aside lads...

i know im just as guilty sometimes but i think its scared the OP off...

any update OP?

sunny2004

SAMTALK wrote: »

[/B]

And then resort to this

At least it wasn't out of context

You cant claim the OP has the right to post a question and then by implication complain about 2 of my posts, both of which where not in reply to the OP..

Enjoy the sun...

kidneyfan

There is alot of bad advice here.
Don't say 'My name is Caroline' and don't ask if she fancies you.

Ask her not to call you pet, do it politely and non confrontationally. Do not explain why you do not like being called pet (do not even admit that you do not like it). If asked why you prefer not to be called pet answer that it is because you are at work and endearments are not really appropriate.

Water John

Yes, as some one pointed out, give it one chance to be corrected by stopping the conversation, once the term has been used and saying 'my name is Anne and I would prefer to be called that'.
If that doesn't work, its a HR issue.

BTW Tasden, you are not Simon Harris in disguise?
Some in the media have commented on him being taken seriously in a major Ministry as Health.

cbreeze

As a mature woman in a workplace I got increasingly irritated by males (senior and junior to me and also randomers calling by) saying to me and my colleagues of a similar age, 'thanks/hello/goodbye GIRLS'. One day I could not stand it anymore, so here's how it went:

He (young male, delivering a parcel): 'Thanks girls'
Me (standing up): Excuse me, what did you just say?
He: Errm, erm
Me: You will not come in here and call women staff in this office, 'Girls'. Do I make myself clear?
He (reddening): Erm, sorry
[Exit]
The End.
Yay!!

super_furry

Start calling her puddin'.

Tasden

cbreeze wrote: »

As a mature woman in a workplace I got increasingly irritated by males (senior and junior to me and also randomers calling by) saying to me and my colleagues of a similar age, 'thanks/hello/goodbye GIRLS'. One day I could not stand it anymore, so here's how it went:

He (young male, delivering a parcel): 'Thanks girls'
Me (standing up): Excuse me, what did you just say?
He: Errm, erm
Me: You will not come in here and call women staff in this office, 'Girls'. Do I make myself clear?
He (reddening): Erm, sorry
[Exit]
The End.
Yay!!

I call my female colleagues girls

livedadream

i say lads but theres only one guy and four girls in the office section i'm in,

its more of a ''right lads time to get the heads down''.

i think its the kerry in me...

SAMTALK

A general calling of "girls" or "lads" is fine but OP is the only one to be called "pet".

I wouldnt have a problem with anyone coming in and saying hello girls/lads.
What should they call a group of workers without having to say individual hellos?

CloudCumulus

WhenI worked in retail everyone was "love", hated it.

Op I think you have two choices:
Tell her CLEARLY. You may think you know that it irritates you, but all she sees is you pulling a face or walking away. So she might have no knowledge that it's because she calls you pet, and think that you're agitated by something else and possibly pities you.

Or start calling her dear everytime she says pet.

Letree

cbreeze wrote: »

As a mature woman in a workplace I got increasingly irritated by males (senior and junior to me and also randomers calling by) saying to me and my colleagues of a similar age, 'thanks/hello/goodbye GIRLS'. One day I could not stand it anymore, so here's how it went:

He (young male, delivering a parcel): 'Thanks girls'
Me (standing up): Excuse me, what did you just say?
He: Errm, erm
Me: You will not come in here and call women staff in this office, 'Girls'. Do I make myself clear?
He (reddening): Erm, sorry
[Exit]
The End.
Yay!!

Thats an over reaction if i ever seen one. Do you think he was being deliberately condescending. I'd guess not. If it had been a room of young and older men he'd just as likely say thanks boys.

razorblunt

Crikey, there are a lot of ridiculous suggestions here.

Whilst it's not ideal to bring this up 2 years after it first happened, it's easy to understand that it's causing an issue.
The only worry with a 1;1 chat on the topic is she might say you came across aggressive, it depends on the person's character I guess.
It definitely needs to be raised directly, politely, firmly and professionally with the person though, that really is the only way to deal with it initially.

If she continues then you've got a case for bringing it to HR, though personally I'd email her and cc in the Line Manager requesting her to stop it first. But that's up for debate.

Carlos Orange

Tasden wrote: »

I call my female colleagues girls

I wouldn't worry about it. People only get offended when men do it.
Or males as you might call them.

Senna

philstar wrote: »

does he/she come from the north of england??

its a common term of endearment there

I was going to say the exact same thing. I worked with a woman from around Newcastle, about 15 years my senior, I (male) was her manager. She called everyone pet, including me, but never when taking about work, more just when we would talk about non-work related topics, I never had a problem with it, but I did make a joke about it, that could have been taken differently to the spirit I meant it in.
She called me pet and I said, "If I'm your pet, you haven't taken me for a walk or fed me once!!"

Different situation to the OP, but if it bothers you, say something now, don't let it continue.

TheDoc

Letree wrote: »

Thats an over reaction if i ever seen one. Do you think he was being deliberately condescending. I'd guess not. If it had been a room of young and older men he'd just as likely say thanks boys.

Some people just like to take offence wherever they imagine it up. What a ridiculous reaction to a mundane comment.

Elemonator

I used to get called Duck. I went for the non confrontational questioning. Not sure about your case but in mine it was friendly.