If you were in charge, what rules would you make?

sryanbruen

uch wrote: »

Mine would be Smoking Everywhere

Yeah good luck to you surviving then as long as me (I do not / will not smoke ever)

corner of hells

Free sniper rifle for everyone and a mandatory day of shooting at things every month.

RTE to be closed down immediately and all employees sent to , you've guessed it , the gulag.

Free hats for everyone.

Anyone who used thier phone to text while driving shall have a phone tattoed on thier face.

HiJacques

Collie D wrote: »

Escalator training to be mandatory. If you want to stand and let the escalator/travelator do all of the work..no problem but stand aside.

I believe this is an Irish thing. You'd probably be stabbed if you did it on the Tube network in London.

People standing still and riding the escalator to the end is actually more efficient than having one side of the escalator free for eijets who can't plan their journey with enough time to reach their destination without having to inconvenience others.

theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/jan/16/the-tube-at-a-standstill-why-tfl-stopped-people-walking-up-the-escalators

K.Flyer

Devices fitted into all Taxis preventing them from ever breaking the rules of the road and carrying out stupid inconsiderate manoeuvres.

Devices fitted at road intersections that vapourises any vehicle breaking a Red Light or illegally stopping in a Yellow Box unless its an emergency vehicle.

Road Tax built into petrol price.

Build three large hi-tech hi-capacity prisons around the country, which will create jobs, and overhaul the namby pamby hand wringing judicial system.

jamesbere

corner of hells wrote: »

Free sniper rifle for everyone and a mandatory day of shooting at things every month.

RTE to be closed down immediately and all employees sent to , you've guessed it , the gulag.

Free hats for everyone.

Anyone who used thier phone to text while driving shall have a phone tattoed on thier face.

Hats you say, I'm intrigued by this. Tell me more

Collie D

HiJacques wrote: »

People standing still and riding the escalator to the end is actually more efficient than having one side of the escalator free for eijets who can't plan their journey with enough time to reach their destination without having to inconvenience others.

theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/jan/16/the-tube-at-a-standstill-why-tfl-stopped-people-walking-up-the-escalators

While your theory is at odds with my own it is an interesting viewpoint.

I shall arrange extra rations for you on every second Sunday you serve in the gulag.

corner of hells

jamesbere wrote: »

Hats you say, I'm intrigued by this. Tell me more

First of all when you meet someone likeminded , you have the option of "tipping your hat to them ".

Large hats can be used to store stuff in , like a sammich or a smaller hat.

Sir I advise you to Google "ushanka" , you will be suitably impressed and it be one of life's goals to obtain one.

Finally , sir , I tip my hat to you.

Lyaiera

I'd ban swing dancing. Stupid twirly gob****es.

ElChe32

Louth will be liquidated.


That's all I'd do.

thegreatgonzo

Lyaiera wrote: »

I'd ban swing dancing. Stupid twirly gob****es.

They're twirling towards freedom you monster:eek:

jamesbere

corner of hells wrote: »

First of all when you meet someone likeminded , you have the option of "tipping your hat to them ".

Large hats can be used to store stuff in , like a sammich or a smaller hat.

Sir I advise you to Google "ushanka" , you will be suitably impressed and it be one of life's goals to obtain one.

Finally , sir , I tip my hat to you.

I like your hat related plans, you can be my minister for hats after the upcoming purge

Andre 3000

The one wanker that miraculously summons a guitar at house parties and what not should be tarred and feathered at the nearest sunrise. The individuals clique who order people to sssh while he blasts out Wonderwall and Wagonwheel like a strangled cat have to conduct the tarring and feathering as punishment for disturbing the [lack of] peace.

mikeym

I would take back the 6 counties and I would also ban the import of British Tea e.g. Tetleys, Pg tips. The good people of the north have been drinking crap tea for decades

Lyons and Barrys tea is way nicer even the Aldi tea is nicer than the British muck they call tea.

Free Tea for those who are depressed. A good old cup of tea and a chat cheers most people up.

I would also have more Bank Holidays and would extend the opening hours of off-licences and nightclubs at the weekends.

Collie D

Andre 3000 wrote: »

The one wanker that miraculously summons a guitar at house parties and what not should be tarred and feathered at the nearest sunrise. The individuals clique who order people to sssh while he blasts out Wonderwall and Wagonwheel like a strangled cat have to conduct the tarring and feathering as punishment for disturbing the [lack of] peace.

I suggest you look up the original Roman origin of the word "decimate"

Edit: And also run for Supreme Ruler

buried

Internet wifi banned from pubs and clubs after 6pm. I don't want to be shown the latest "hilarious" f**king lame joe.ie video with the head of Wayne Rooney digitally pasted onto the head of the dragon woman from 'game of thrones' while I'm trying to have a pint and the next mong what tries it will have their own severed head pasted onto my throne

Collie D

buried wrote: »

Internet wifi banned from pubs and clubs after 6pm. I don't want to be shown the latest "hilarious" f**king lame joe.ie video with the head of Wayne Rooney digitally pasted onto the head of the dragon woman from 'game of thrones' while I'm trying to have a pint and the next mong what tries it will have their own severed head pasted onto my throne

Get where you're coming from I reckon WiFi in pubs can potentially save lives. Nowadays you can go on Google to prove that kangaroos do in fact have three vaginas (vaginae?) or that Tom Cruise is in fact a prick.

Back in the day there could be knifings over such important drunken discussions.

Shint0

Cowboy builders/tradespeople *insert any variant of a sociopath* will be first against the wall.

TheWarChicken

Public execution of striking luas drivers and people who believe in pastafarianism

MadDog76

sryanbruen wrote: »

Yeah good luck to you surviving then as long as me (I do not / will not smoke ever)

Wouldn't it be ironic if you were run-over by a driver lighting up a cigarette ..........

sryanbruen

MadDog76 wrote: »

Wouldn't it be ironic if you were run-over by a driver lighting up a cigarette ..........

Oh god

buried

Collie D wrote: »

Get where you're coming from I reckon WiFi in pubs can potentially save lives. Nowadays you can go on Google to prove that kangaroos do in fact have three vaginas (vaginae?) or that Tom Cruise is in fact a prick.

Back in the day there could be knifings over such important drunken discussions.

I hear ya but you could be at the end of a pub quiz and then discover the winners of the thing had got all the three kangaroo vagina tom cruise questions from their phone tablet and murder could ensue from the cheated militant pub quiz people there too!

the14thwarrior

bring the phoenix back to when all the roads were opened, and you didn't have to drive halfway around it to get somewhere in it.
and as a bonus driver over those stupid runners who use the road to run on, despite there being a perfectly good path each side of the road.

mansize

Close the Gulag.

Collie D

buried wrote: »

I hear ya but you could be at the end of a pub quiz and then discover the winners of the thing had got all the three kangaroo vagina tom cruise questions from their phone tablet and murder could ensue from the cheated militant pub quiz people there too!

My own solution to mobile phones at pub quizzes is that anyone caught using one should have it confiscated and used as a prize in the raffle

Wonzy

Stop giving single mothers free houses and give them caravans to live in.

Forced contraception until you are in a stable job and can afford a child.

Cut out giving people money on welfare. Food Stamps and money card that can only be used to pay bills.

Cut Welfare in half for all people who are not willing to move for work.

Cut taxes for all people working.

Cut the Christmas Bonus.

Any person with the latest Iphone and can afford two holidays a year should have their welfare halved.

Collie D

There goes another lighthearted thread

monkeysnapper

1. Anyone caught double parking to pop into shop because they're to lazy to park gets a 7 day driving ban

2. Using mobile phone while driving gets an instant 7 day driving ban

3. Cyclist that cycle in large groups taking up whole road get an instant lead weight of 1kg put onto there frame and 2 cogs taking off back cassette .

4. Dog owners who don't pick up there dog shyte get An instant fine of 2000 euros or jail for 3 months

5. People on dole after 3 months have to clean the streets and do other jobs in community. Instead of just being lazy ars bastards .

6. People on dole caught working on side made pay all money back they got on dole plus a lifetime ban on claiming dole in future.

Zaph

- Galway is a very pleasant city to visit. In order to make visits there even more pleasant, all crusties, buskers and students will be relocated from Galway to Longford.
- Luas driver contracts will be put out to public tender where individuals can offer their services. The lowest bids will get the jobs, assuming they pass background checks/Garda vetting.
- Budweiser will be banned from the country. Illegal consumption of the liquid will result in a long stay in a re-education camp.
- A breeding program involving willing Irish women and Lionel Messi will be instigated in an effort to breed a future generation of footballers who might actually be able to kick a ball without falling over.
- There will be a bounty placed on the heads of Daithí Ó Sé, Gay Byrne, Ryan Tubridy, Ray D'Arcy and Hector. I don't mind if nobody catches/kills them, but at least it'll keep them off the airwaves when they go into hiding.
- Unlike other suggestions, the invasion plans will be a little more modest. We'll be starting with Liechtenstein and see how that goes. If it works out OK and we don't get our asses kicked we'll consider moving on to invading somewhere a little bigger. Luxembourg maybe.
- Pubs will no longer close on Good Friday, however everyone deserves Christmas Day off, where possible.
- Soap operas will be banned on TV. Anyone caught watching them, reading about them or talking about them will be given a nice holiday in a re-education camp.

Manach

That AH Mods get free counselling and/or beer for life.

Dial Hard

thegreatgonzo wrote:

Your coup might be benevolent but your regime sure as hell won't be.

My regime will be positively fluffy compared to some of the subsequent suggestions.

Holy jaysis, some people really have a surfeit of rage.

Dial Hard

Dial Hard wrote: »

My regime will be positively fluffy compared to some of the subsequent suggestions.

Holy jaysis, some people really have a surfeit of rage.

I thought the same myself.

TORTURE AND EXECUTE EVERY LAST MAN WOMAN AND CHILD CLAIMING SOCIAL WELFARE!!!!!!

LET THE FÜCKERS EAT CAKE!!!!!!

It went a bit like that.

Hans Bricks

A life sentence prison colony for career and reoffending criminals. Id build such a defensive death zone for a perimeter that would put rural Cambodia to shame.

RayM

If I was in charge, I'd force everyone who complains about social welfare to live on it for a year.

Lyaiera

I'd ban the 180ml bottles of coke and other soft drinks in pubs. 330ml cans, for the same price.
Tayto would be given back the rights to the name Monster Munch.

Robsweezie

Duggy747 wrote: »

If you're caught talking or using your phone during a film in the cinema then you'll be brought down to the front and executed in front of everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8UOEmxzXRY&feature=player_detailpage

Donald Trump

RayM wrote: »

If I was in charge, I'd force everyone who complains about social welfare to live on it for a year.

Does that include people who complain about it because they are on it and think it's not enough?

Donald Trump

Deleted User wrote: »

I would bring in a rule that all rules must be adhered to. Why bring in rules and then ignore them?

Well, just to piss you off, I would follow every other single rule, except for that one.

I'd execute anyone who abuses an animal. The more tortured the animal was, the more torturous the perpetrators death will be.
Am I only the ruler of Ireland or everywhere? Because I'd like this enforced worldwide.

Winterlong

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd execute anyone who abuses an animal. The more tortured the animal was, the more torturous the perpetrators death will be.
Am I only the ruler of Ireland or everywhere? Because I'd like this enforced worldwide.

Just so we are clear- would eating an animal be considered abuse?!

pojfexcsc

Wonzy wrote: »

Stop giving single mothers free houses and give them caravans to live in.

Forced contraception until you are in a stable job and can afford a child.

Cut out giving people money on welfare. Food Stamps and money card that can only be used to pay bills.

Cut Welfare in half for all people who are not willing to move for work.

Cut taxes for all people working.

Cut the Christmas Bonus.

Any person with the latest Iphone and can afford two holidays a year should have their welfare halved.

Alright Thatcher back in the ground you go.

Winterlong

Winterlong wrote: »

Just so we are clear- would eating an animal be considered abuse?!

I'm not going to make everyone vegan!
Although I think vegetarian Tuesdays might be in my manifesto.

Winterlong

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm not going to make everyone vegan!
Although I think vegetarian Tuesdays might be in my manifesto.

Good, you have my vote!

maudgonner

I'd make the 5-a-day fruit and veg rule include chips.

All scientists would be put to work on a way to make chips healthy. Oh, crisps too.

RobertKK

We lack a good concentration camp in this country, so I would fix that.
If I was in charge, we wouldn't need the Dail, so I would make Kilkenny the capital of Ireland again, lets face it, the medieval city is just a beautiful place to be.
The presidency would be abolished and all retired politicians under 66 would get no pension and it would be limited to the average wage of the country. If they protest they can take a long holiday in my concentration camp.
My drone program would take out known drug dealers and their bosses as these people will be declared enemies of the state and enemies of the people of Ireland. Persistent drug users will be given a long holiday in my concentration camp.
Cannabis will be legalised for medicinal use.
Rugby would be banned as I don't like it.
The Angelus would continue on state TV and radio, but on TV it will be video of me with people adoring me waving flags with my image on it.
Speaking of the state media, most of the people would be fired for those who show a bias towards me. Any dissent and they can take a long holiday in my concentration camp.

osarusan

From the last time this thread came about:

osarusan wrote: »

Anybody caught not picking up their dog's crap will be forced to take off their shoe, put the crap inside, then put their foot back into their shoe and walk home.

I also posted something about it being the law that Limerick FC had to win every game, but that's happening now anyway.

Conall Cernach

I would allow swords to be carried openly. Duelling would be legalised among people who carry swords but the state would provide referees. If you're in a pub and some bloke spills your pint or gives your woman the eye if he's wearing a sword then you could challenge him to a duel but if not then normal rules apply. If he accepts then you'd go down to the local duelling field and fill out a duelling application form.

Staff in social welfare offices would be able to press a button releasing a trapdoor down which those taking the piss would disappear. They'd get one free button press a month that would not be questioned. This could be extended to all of those working in a public facing role.

Golf would not be banned but golf courses would be forced to keep a pack of wolves on their grounds who are allowed roam freely and devour whomever they desire.

Garda uniform would include a 3 day growth of stubble and an obligatory matchstick between the teeth. They would address everyone as either "Punk" or "Citizen". All Gardaí of superintendent or inspector rank would be angry black men.

An employee upon being let go or fired gets one free "**** on the bosses desk". Alternatively they get 1 minute unsupervised in the stationery cupboard.

All porn websites would automatically erase themselves from your hard drive upon closing the browser.

Dial Hard

A few more:

11. Wearing of sports jerseys on non-match days will be outlawed.

12. People who set unmonitored house alarms when leaving the house are going in the gulag.

13. All restaurants will be required to have a separate, soundproof area for families with young children.

14. Using the word "cheeky" in conjunction with the consumption of any food or drink item will result in immediate expulsion from the country.

15. Kitten heels shall be banned.

corner of hells

Dial Hard wrote: »

A few more:

11. Wearing of sports jerseys on non-match days will be outlawed.

12. People who set unmonitored house alarms when leaving the house are going in the gulag.

13. All restaurants will be required to have a separate, soundproof area for families with young children.

14. Using the word "cheeky" in conjunction with the consumption of any food or drink item will result in immediate expulsion from the country.

15. Kitten heels shall be banned.

Sir , as an addition to part 14. I'd like to add a good kicking prior to the expulsion

Aglomerado

I would banish to my gulag:

Boy racers with loud exhausts
People with sunglasses on top of heads and no intention of putting them on their face
People wearing flipflops anywhere other than the beach
Noisy eaters
People who can't say please or thank you
Smelly people (Not just BO but Lynx etc too)
The guy who designed the Citroen C4 Cactus (yuck)
People who park next to me when mine is the only other car in the carpark

mansize

mikeym wrote: »

I would take back the 6 counties and I would also ban the import of British Tea e.g. Tetleys, Pg tips. The good people of the north have been drinking crap tea for decades

Lyons and Barrys tea is way nicer even the Aldi tea is nicer than the British muck they call tea.

Free Tea for those who are depressed. A good old cup of tea and a chat cheers most people up.

I would also have more Bank Holidays and would extend the opening hours of off-licences and nightclubs at the weekends.

Lyons/PG Tips are both processed in Manchester UK