Cousin Passed Away Through Alcoholism

zcorpian88

Last weekend my 2nd cousin passed away, he lives in another county far from us. He had been an alcoholic for most of his life. My family didn't keep in much contact with the relatives we have living where he lives and they re-established contact with us after a bereavement about 12 years ago or so.

Since then we got very close in particular to this one cousin who had a drink problem, vodka in particular was his poison. For years as a teenager and into adulthood myself and my folks and a sibling and even the odd other relative went on these brilliant holidays and stayed in his house and we would have the best craic ever, between going fishing, day trips, the beach, long walks in the country side then have a big family dinner, then chill out and tell jokes and have the banter all night over a few drinks, maybe watch movies, play board games, we'd have the best time ever, went on the odd foreign holiday too where the same highjinx went on, he was the best craic ever, full of life, always the life of the party, telling stories and jokes and yarns or pulling pranks that would have you splitting your sides laughing.

Turned out he was a very secret drinker, drank large volumes of vodka but could hold it so well you couldn't even tell he was drunk, was always really normal. Like he'd have the odd pint of Guinness in the room with us, never knocked them back, but he had vodka stashed away in the house and nobody would ever see him pouring one.

My aunt would have a marriage break-up and himself offered her a place to stay and gave her a job and she decided to take it, where she stayed for 5 years, later on she would return to us because his drinking was getting to a stage where he got ill, he would later end up in rehab where is condition got grave and his liver began to become badly affected by it to the point where he would be jaundiced in a rehab bed. He would stay off the drink for 18 months before falling off the wagon, was returned to rehab, lasted about 6 months and was thrown back into rehab for another spell and again lasted about a year and again fell off the wagon. His family and a number of people from here really tried to help him stay off it but it just could not be done.

By this point we hadn't gone to his part of the world to visit in about 5 and a half years because we didn't want to see him so sick. He came down to visit us though every now and then.

My Grandfather died earlier this year of pancreatic cancer, he was diagnosed far too late and died within a fortnight of his diagnosis, he was a good age and I'm glad that it got him quick in a way as his pain wasn't prolonged if you get me, sucks that I didn't get too many last visits with him in hospital, I just got the one visit in before he went.

Later at the funeral the cousin showed up, he looked terrible, not yellow looking but he looked like a ghost, very thin and gaunt and I knew he was drinking bigtime again, everyone knew. My mother thought he wouldn't last the year, my younger sister who is pregnant with her first child, she got on with himself, they had this childlike camaraderie and she really looked up to him too, as did I really, wasn't really like a cousin to us, was more like a cool fun banterific uncle. Anyway the sister gave him a picture of her 20 week scan before he hit the road to head home after the funeral afters, he didn't stay long. I gave him a hug before he left and that was the last time I saw him alive.

Fast forward to last Friday, I get a call for a job interview, I'm delighted and begin preparing for it and spend all night Friday and into Saturday preparing where I had to meet a friend who is working in the place I have an interview for, I spend most of Saturday afternoon in a cafe talking to a friend about every detail of the job and the best way I can conduct the interview. So that finishes at 6 or so and I head home, I get home and I start studying up for the job again and revise things I need to know well for it, my Facebook is open on my computer and up comes a message in a PM from another relative saying "......is dead"....what a way to find out right? (He apologized later for telling me like that, he was caught up with the shock of it)

I looking at the message thinking and writing back "What??" and a reply back saying "yeah he was found in his house, my mam is on the phone to your mam now" I go downstairs and my Dad is just shook to the core and mam is shaking too, everybody was extremely fond of him like. And we just stood there for a few minutes taking it all in. Then I said "How are you going to tell (the sister..who's pregnant)? Mam went in and told her, it was terrible, she let out this horrible cry that would have made your heart sink. Then I had to ring my sister and tell her of a family death for the second time in 4 months.

Spent most of the night in a daze then after that, had 2 cans of ale sitting neatly beside the fridge in a pack, was thinking "It was wrong to want one being that drink played a part in this mess" I ended up reaching for them at 2am but didn't even enjoy them and later went to bed.

Spent everyday this week in a daze over it, realized on the Monday that I wouldn't even be able to make the funeral because of my job interview which would happen on the same day, which kind of sucks, well funerals suck who wants to go to a funeral of a young person? He was in his 40's. But I felt bad that I couldn't see him off out of respect for him, he was always so great to us, letting us stay over for a couple of days twice a year for like 5 years and we'd have the funnest time. Couldn't postpone the interview because it was for a bank and with these HR types, time is money and all that jazz, so I attended the interview and it went very well (I think) Came home relieved that it was over and did a little work in the garden since the weather is fantastic.

The fact that I was enjoying the fine day made me feel somewhat guilty (it's weird) feeling like you know I get another day and my cousin doesn't and he's laying in a coffin right now (it was his own doing I know) and he was the best guy in the world to us and to everybody in his life and he ended up dying alone and I would hear last night that it was a messy bloody end, he may have vomited up blood beforehand and it was everywhere where he was found. For the last few days I've been wanting to cry even over it, maybe because I missed the funeral so it's not really final in my head. I just think it's an absolute tragedy and knowing I'll never hear or experience any of his stories/jokes/yarns/pranks or even that goofy laugh of his ever again and it feels like the saddest thing in the world.