Is this related to asd? Warning a bit of tmi

trixychic

Hi guys. We are in the process of having our eldest assessed. We are going private and have had the initial meeting with his case doctor and she has organised a school observation and cognitive assessment in a few wks.

Anyways that's the back ground. My question is this. He has an awful habit of picking his nose and wiping the snots on where ever he is. A wall, a chair, his clothes etc. Is this normal behaviour (maybe a sensory thing) or is this just a bad habit??

CaraMay

I've heard of it with pooh but not snots... It doesn't mean it isn't, I just haven't heard of it. Can you ask during the next observation

Shrap

I would say it's absolutely normal behaviour (what child doesn't do that?) but the fact that he does it anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone, is the part that I would see as related to ASD. Does he fail to see it as at all important that you/others find it unacceptable?

While my lad (14) didn't pick up that one as a habit, he has others that are pretty unshakable. He would wear the same pants/t-shirt/socks for ever, if I didn't demand that he changes them (which takes bribery and sometimes subterfuge!). He would not wash, he would not lift a moldy cup out of his room. He had a habit of clearly his throat loudly and repeatedly for years, which other kids in school sometimes copied and teased him about (he grew out of that one eventually).

He actually says things to me like "It doesn't MATTER Mum" when I point out that he can't go out in the t-shirt that has huge food stains down the front. I then point out that it matters to me, and others, and he says "Well, it shouldn't because it doesn't matter to ME". He used to wear his tracksuit bottoms backwards and totally refuse to change them round because "But I don't CARE Mum". The ASD part is that he a) fails to understand looking like a total mess causes social difficulties for him and b) doesn't account for my feelings/advice on the matter at all.

So yeah, I'd bring it up, if it's a thing you've tried and failed to prevent him doing for a very long time, and explain that he's never picked up on how gross other people think it is.....

trixychic

Thanks guys for the replys. I'll be sure to mention it at the next meeting.

He only knows it's wrong cause we have told him it is. He basically takes everything we say as literal fact!!!

He can't understand when I "lie". For example if he says he has a new story for me (he's always making up new stories with facts he has learnt or cartoons he has seen) and I'm busy so I tell him I'll listen later. Going to bed he'll get angry saying I lied cause told him id listen to it later and I never did.

Or if I tell him we can go to the park but it starts to rain, he gets upset because I said we'd go and then we can't.

God it's wareing.

Shrap

trixychic wrote: »

Going to bed he'll get angry saying I lied cause told him id listen to it later and I never did.

Or if I tell him we can go to the park but it starts to rain, he gets upset because I said we'd go and then we can't.

God it's wareing.

Yeah, there's no shades of grey and yes, exhausting. Battle on through!

Speedwell

We (Asperger's) mostly grow out of those behaviors, thank God. Mostly. When I was a little girl, I used to do what your son did, but a little more discreetly. My dad's answer was to put a box of tissues and a small rubbish bin in every room and silently hand me one whenever he saw me "digging for gold", which did eventually train me to reach for one myself. No, I really don't know why I did it in the first place. The best answer I can honestly give is "my head was too busy processing other stuff". I still have other self-soothing behaviors, like singing or whistling to myself (thank goodness I'm a musician or I'd have been lynched long ago) and always carrying a "worry stone" in my left pocket (I even put a pocket in my nightgowns for it and I have a massive collection of "crystals", lol). I guess I gravitated to more "sociable" behaviours eventually. My HFA husband (slightly further down the spectrum than me) still has some behaviours that baffle most of his neurotypical family members, but not too many. It is exhausting being on the spectrum, too. It's like a car tuned too high, really; lots of mental energy going f***ing nowhere. Sorry, folks.

trixychic

Now... I do feel bad cause I feel quite hypocritical... as I also did this as a child. My mum would give out to me and sisters made fun if me... I was young now but I remember.

How do I make sure he doesn't grow up feeling like I do???

I always have pack a of tissues around the place (including his pockets) and I remind him as much as possible but I have been known to give out to him for it.

Honestly, going through all of this with him is a bit frightening as alot of his traits I have or had as a child. My head is constantly full, sometimes to the point of pain and I will spend hours in the shower just thinking and singing.

We will always battle through but I just don't know if I'm doing it right. My parents made me a highly self conscious person. (Long story) and I suffered depression and anxiety disorder for yrs now. I want him to be better understood. And more confident and accepting in who he is.

Speedwell

trixychic wrote: »

Now... I do feel bad cause I feel quite hypocritical... as I also did this as a child. My mum would give out to me and sisters made fun if me... I was young now but I remember.

How do I make sure he doesn't grow up feeling like I do???

I always have pack a of tissues around the place (including his pockets) and I remind him as much as possible but I have been known to give out to him for it.

Honestly, going through all of this with him is a bit frightening as alot of his traits I have or had as a child. My head is constantly full, sometimes to the point of pain and I will spend hours in the shower just thinking and singing.

We will always battle through but I just don't know if I'm doing it right. My parents made me a highly self conscious person. (Long story) and I suffered depression and anxiety disorder for yrs now. I want him to be better understood. And more confident and accepting in who he is.

You have enough to do coping with your own issues (yes, I've been there with the depression, and anxiety just comes with the territory but you can learn ways of coping with it that you probably didn't learn as a child). But you can still use, as a rule of thumb, to always be on the side of your child. That doesn't mean giving in and it doesn't mean giving up. It means that your child learns they can trust and rely on you even when they have done something "wrong". It means always asking why the child is feeling that thing in this moment. It means understanding that the child is not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. You have a special ability to understand their challenges because you have been and are dealing with many of the same challenges yourself.

I'm a Yank and I know what kind of reputation we have for going to "therapists", but my life has been so much better since I took ten or twelve appointments with a compassionate older woman who taught me the coping skills I had not learned before. Please consider this if you can afford it, and don't think of it as that you're damaged - you are NOT - or mentally ill - you ARE NOT - just think of it as "learning strategies for how to think and manage your feelings better". I'll send you "hugs", since they are virtual ones and we can deal with those, lol.

trixychic

Speedwell wrote: »

.

I'm a Yank and I know what kind of reputation we have for going to "therapists", but my life has been so much better since I took ten or twelve appointments with a compassionate older woman who taught me the coping skills I had not learned before. Please consider this if you can afford it, and don't think of it as that you're damaged - you are NOT - or mentally ill - you ARE NOT - just think of it as "learning strategies for how to think and manage your feelings better". I'll send you "hugs", since they are virtual ones and we can deal with those, lol.

I have been to many counsellors over the last few yrs and I have been told by my doc I no longer have depression but anxiety is still there.

Anyways back to my son. I'm glad to hear that this could be related to his issues if he has them. Next week we will know alot more. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I just want to know how better to help and support him. Hopefully it won't be much longer.

Thanks for everyone's help.