Embarrassing problem at work after a drunk night out

Niamhy_Li

Hi been following boards for a number of years and thought now is a good a time as any to ask for some advice.

One of the girls finished up in work on friday so we finished up early and headed for a few drinks in town but as always a "few drinks" turned into a whole afternoon and night of drinking. We were all quite merry come 9 o'clock, some girls called it night while me and 4 others carried on to a couple more pubs. As the night wore on I really was beginning to feel the effects of the drinks but the rest of the group were the same so I wasn't too concerned. As the night was coming to an end the ridiculous amount of drink really hit me i.e Hiccups, swaying and stumbling back and forth between the smoking area and bathroom every 5 mins.

The taxi home is still all a bit of a blur I knew I was very pissed which the killer hangover told me the next morning. But as I looked at my phone the next morning I was tagged in a video on facebook, one of the girls had taken a video of me getting out the taxi and stumbling the whole way up my street which also shows me trying to put my key in the front door in my drunken state, I'll also add I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction (My belt was undone which caused my trousers to slide down below my hips) when I got out of the taxi which is clearly visible in the video.

My question is how to I tell her i'm really not happy with her putting it on facebook, im so embarrassed over the whole situation as it's most definitely the drunkest iv'e ever been! I've already asked her to remove it and she just txt back numerous laughing faces saying "but it's so funny" we are both in our early 30's so I can't understand why she can't see how mortified I am. Any advice from fellow women would be very much welcomed.

sadie1502

Oh god this is why I hate Facebook and phones. I would tell her take it down now. That's just embarrassing what kindof person posts those videos what age is she 10 ? Just ring her and tell her take it down now. It's majorly embarrassing and you do not want it on Facebook. Would she like it if the tables were turned.

uck51js9zml2yt

You can use the report button on Facebook.

Humour Me

Definitely call her, some people just need to be told to cop on.

antodeco

I think you just need to approach it head on.

"Hey X, is it possible to take down that video? I am really embarrassed by it, and I'd rather it not going any further than it already has. I appreciate there is an element of humour to it, but Im honestly embarrassed and disgusted at how I behaved. I hope you understand, thanks"

Even send it as a message/text if you don't have the courage to say it face to face.

TG1

I'd take her aside and just say you're really embarrassed by it and worried about who else might see it in the future and would she mind deleting it... Don't be confrontational about it, that will only add to the juvenile enjoyment she is getting from it...

blackcard

Very poor form from your colleague. I would be livid with her and demand she take it down. It will blow over however

PlainP

Untick yourself in the video. Can you still do that on FB? Dont use it myself but was on it a few years ago and you could untag (that's the word) yourself.

msshono

You've already asked her and she has laughed back at you.

I would read the t&cs on Facebook and community charter then report the post and make sure you outline how it breeches same (to strengthen your case for having it removed). Then text her to tell her you've done this to demonstrate how annoyed you are about the whole situation and tell her she needs to remove it immediately.

Then change your security settings immediately on FB so nobody can tag you etc without your permission.

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

Oh god this is why I hate Facebook and phones. I would tell her take it down now. That's just embarrassing what kindof person posts those videos what age is she 10 ? Just ring her and tell her take it down now. It's majorly embarrassing and you do not want it on Facebook. Would she like it if the tables were turned.

I have txt her numerous times since it's happened she is currently on annual leave until Thursday which makes things worse, I've even privately messaged her sister to get in touch with her still to no avail.

I absolutely accept full responsibility for getting that drunk but the video is 3 minutes long and i'm constantly stumbling in it, have the hiccups and my trousers are down closer to my knees than my hips in it which i'm deeply ashamed of I really don't think she could of got a worse video of me if she tried.

I am absolutely livid about the whole situation and can't see myself being anything but confrontational towards her when I see her.

I'm normally a person who see's the funny side of things but i'm actually in shock as to why anyone would find this funny

mojesius

Jaysus OP she sounds very immature. I have a friend who would upload the most hideous drunk 5am pictures of people and when I'd ask her to take them down, I'd be told the same thing 'lighten up, they're hilarious'. No they're really not, especially when work colleagues see them!

You have to be very blunt about it and tell her to take it down, also ask her not to post videos/pics of you at the end of a night again. Ask her if she'd be happy if her friends, colleagues and family saw a video of her hammered doing the same? (Although maybe she's one of those people who like posting drunk videos and pics of herself).

On another note, things like this are why i leave work nights out when I feel myself getting tipsy. Don't want Frank the Tank to come out

You can also control who can tag you or pre-approve tags on fb in privacy settings (I have this set up due to said friend). Still that doesn't stop morons posting videos but it's a bit more control!

mickmackmcgoo

You might have to up the Ante to get her attention. Have you anything incriminating on her that you can suggest to her that you are going to put up on her page.

sadie1502

I would actually track the bitch down sorry but I'd go mental. It's not on you need to pick up the phone and ring her and tell her take it the f@@k down now. What an idiot

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

I would actually track the bitch down sorry but I'd go mental. It's not on you need to pick up the phone and ring her and tell her take it the f@@k down now. What an idiot

What's annoying me just as much is the fact she didn't even attempt to help me towards my my house like I said I take full responsibility for getting that drunk I'm a grown woman, but the fact that I was clearly legless, I was basically stumbling around in circles trying to stand let alone walk. And not once did it dawn on her that actually this is really not that funny and maybe I should help her in case she might fall. The fact that you can see my bum in the video should have been enough of a reason not to put the video up!!

I'm not looking for sympathy I just wan't to find a solution to this problem as soon as possible and find out why she's behaving like a teenager, this is a married woman were talking about!!

TG1

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

What's annoying me just as much is the fact she didn't even attempt to help me towards my my house like I said I take full responsibility for getting that drunk I'm a grown woman, but the fact that I was clearly legless, I was basically stumbling around in circles trying to stand let alone walk. And not once did it dawn on her that actually this is really not that funny and maybe I should help her in case she might fall. The fact that you can see my bum in the video should have been enough of a reason not to put the video up!!

I'm not looking for sympathy I just wan't to find a solution to this problem as soon as possible and find out why she's behaving like a teenager, this is a married woman were talking about!!

The fact that you can see your bum should be enough to get it taken off Facebook if you want to go down that route... Report it for explicit content...

Story Bud?

She sounds like an absolutely horrible person. Horrible horrible horrible person. Jesus Christ.

You could threaten her with going to HR about it if she doesn't remove it. I know that you probably don't want HR to see it and to be fair they might not have any interest in it, but it might do the trick.

I cannot believe people would do this to a friend/colleague/anyone. It's out and out nasty. I feel sick for you tbh.

Niamhy_Li

TG1 wrote: »

The fact that you can see your bum should be enough to get it taken off Facebook if you want to go down that route... Report it for explicit content...

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

.red.

Text her and tell her if its not taken down within an hour your going to HR to report her. Tell her youve looked up the companies bullying and harrasment policy and because it happened on a work night out they can get involved.
It might scare the shyte out of her if shes on a/l and wont have access to the policy.


Edit, beaten to hr while I was typing

uck51js9zml2yt

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

It's reviewed and action take which is usually fast.
You will get an email from them

sadie1502

Ring her. Dont text her. I'd be very very firm if she starts laughing well then I would make it very clear you want it take down now you are getting off the phone and will give her five mins to get her sh$t together and get it off Facebook.

TG1

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

Thank you for the advice will facebook take long to look into the issue? I really wan't it gone asap

I've never done it but a friend wanted pics of her baby taken down and I know it took a few days... Not what you want to hear I know but it's a process, like everything else in life!

I'm sure you have already but I would take this as a lesson learned and be very careful about what you say or do in front of this person in future, she does not sound like a great colleague...

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

Ring her. Dont text her. I'd be very very firm if she starts laughing well then I would make it very clear you want it take down now you are getting off the phone and will give her five mins to get her sh$t together and get it off Facebook.

What's killing me is the fact I can't go to HR about the situation i'm pretty such they would take appropriate action if I did, and now i'm thinking if ring her and say something in the heat of the moment what's stopping her from making a complaint against me and the video being shown anyway. I really can't see myself staying calm when she finally answers to me

Niamhy_Li

TG1 wrote: »

I've never done it but a friend wanted pics of her baby taken down and I know it took a few days... Not what you want to hear I know but it's a process, like everything else in life!

I'm sure you have already but I would take this as a lesson learned and be very careful about what you say or do in front of this person in future, she does not sound like a great colleague...

I've reported it but still no sign of it gone yet, while in the mean time I have to look at comment's such as "she is the definition of pissed haha" and "talk about low cut trousers" from these other women she's friends with!!

sadie1502

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

What's killing me is the fact I can't go to HR about the situation i'm pretty such they would take appropriate action if I did, and now i'm thinking if ring her and say something in the heat of the moment what's stopping her from making a complaint against me and the video being shown anyway. I really can't see myself staying calm when she finally answers to me

I would keep calm but I would be firm with her you want it taken down now. It's inappropriate and does she enjoy making a fool out of you with all her pals making fun this could end up on 9gag or youtube and she will be sorry then.

Niamhy_Li

sadie1502 wrote: »

I would keep calm but I would be firm with her you want it taken down now. It's inappropriate and does she enjoy making a fool out of you with all her pals making fun this could end up on 9gag or youtube and she will be sorry then.

That's another part that's worrying me the power of social media and how quickly things can go viral these days, especially because i'm so drunk in it and the whole constant stumbling and my trousers being down in the video people would find hilarious!!

I'm just sick that's me on the end of it.

sadie1502

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

That's another part that's worrying me the power of social media and how quickly things can go viral these days, especially because i'm so drunk in it and the whole constant stumbling and my trousers being down in the video people would find hilarious!!

I'm just sick that's me on the end of it.

Ring her up and tell her that this could easily go viral and it could one of her friends could post it you just don't know. Seriously can't get over her stupidity.

Faith

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

I've reported it but still no sign of it gone yet, while in the mean time I have to look at comment's such as "she is the definition of pissed haha" and "talk about low cut trousers" from these other women she's friends with!!

That's absolutely bullying, clear and simple.

Why do you feel that you can't go to HR?

To put it bluntly: A colleague took a video of you in an intoxicated, vulnerable and undressed state. Depending on your actual state of undress, it could be considered explicit also. She has shared that video publicly, without your consent, and is refusing to remove it. By allowing comments on it, she could be seen as encouraging bullying from others.

At best, she's a stupid f*cking bitch. At worst, she's a bully who is publicly harassing you. The more I think about it, the more it's making my blood boil on your behalf.

Niamhy_Li

Faith wrote: »

Why do you feel that you can't go to HR?

Depending on your actual state of undress, it could be considered explicit also.

f.

To be honest the last thing I want is more people seeing the video so by going to HR I feel like I'm running the risk of more embarrassment.

To be quite blunt and ashamed about the state of my undress - In my drunken state I never buckled my belt and fastened the top button on my trousers leaving the bathroom in the pub at the end of the night and got straight into the taxi after it, which resulted in them falling down to the point were my whole bum was exposed while stumbling along the path to my house which can be clearly seen in the video!!!!

I know people reading this will say it's my own fault and I deserve it for getting into that state and they are right to think that but I've honestly never being so drunk in my entire life and suffered a complete lack of judgement when it came to the end of the night.

I could handle comments and sly remarks about the state I was in trying to get to my house but not for 1 second will I accept a video being posted off me like that I'm sure everyone has been worse for wear at some point and being allowed forget about it this to me is just totally out of order and so unnecessary.

Just to give you a bit more of an insight on this woman, she has never once come across as a malicious person she is however very ditzy when it comes doing things but it is beyond me how a 32 year old woman cannot see anything wrong with this situation.

I am beyond fuming at this stage and there is no way any sort of relationship will exist once the issue is resolved.

sullivlo

OP I would echo what everyone else here says:
- report the post to Facebook (& obviously untag yourself in it
- I know it's hard but take a screenshot of the video on her page, in case you need it as evidence later on that she posted it.
- text/email your colleague requesting that you want the video removed as a matter of urgency and you feel you're being bullied by her in this situation. Screenshot the messages you have sent her with no reply.
- if there is no response again, just mention that you fully intend on taking this further in terms of your companies "dignity in work" policy. Screenshot this again.
- if there is no response, HR is the way forward.

skallywag

OP, from what I can gather you have not actually called her yet, but have just communicated via text?

I definitely think that you need to call her, and keep calling her until she picks up. People tend to take things far more seriously when you speak to them directly.

sadie1502

Yes a phone call or call to her house. She will know by your tone you mean business.