Embarrassing problem at work after a drunk night out

sullivlo

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

I don't understand this whole attitude towards social media these days I've seen pictures of girls posing sitting on the toilet on nights out in pubs and nightclubs why on earth would somebody want to see that, why do people feel like they have to share things like that just for a few likes honestly what is the point!!

I'm in a position now where I have to be very wary of people when I go out for a few drinks because of what happened and maybe that's not a bad thing but on the other hand I should be able to just relax and enjoy the night without worrying about someone taking a picture or video of me when I'm drunk.

I also worked with a few foreign nationals and the y sometimes joked about our drinking habits and how much we drink, uploading stuff like that really isn't doing us any favours!!

People have always taken photos on the toilet. This is just the first generation that have instant access to Facebook. Back in my day ( ) we had to take the photo, bring it to the chemist, get it developed, look at the photo, scan them in, and THEN upload them to Bebo. By the time that came around we had sobered up and thought "Jaysus, nobody wants to see a picture of me peeing".

Now, its a rare night that my phone doesn't buzz with notifications of being tagged in statuses/photos whilst still in the pub. So if there's something embarrassing up for people to see, you might not realise until the next morning, when it will have been viewed by lots of people.

Like I said - chalk it down to experience. Mind yourself on nights out with work colleagues in the future - by all means go for a social drink or two, but then leave. In my experience you can either be colleagues OR friends. It's hard to be both without blurring boundaries.

intheclouds

sullivlo wrote: »

People have always taken photos on the toilet. This is just the first generation that have instant access to Facebook. Back in my day ( ) we had to take the photo, bring it to the chemist, get it developed, look at the photo, scan them in, and THEN upload them to Bebo. By the time that came around we had sobered up and thought "Jaysus, nobody wants to see a picture of me peeing".

Back in MY day, the chemist used censor your photos!! If there was any obscenity theyd actually destroy the image and give it back to you with a big black mark across the offending bit. Course depending on the chemist you could get away with various things but one thing was sure - the whole chemist staff had seen your pics before you!

Milly33

Ahh the good old days intheclouds

Niamhy_Li

sullivlo wrote: »

"Jaysus, nobody wants to see a picture of me peeing"..

That sentence gave me a long overdue giggle

In the last 6 or 7 years I've kind of done away with the whole binge drinking on weekends mainly due to the fact the hangovers were getting worse and worse the older I got. I'd normally have 5 drinks max on a night out and leave it at that then head home make sure I have plenty of water before bed and remember the whole night.

Last week was completely different though between beer, cocktails, sambuca shots, jäger bombs and vodka & soda water I actually couldn't tell you how much drink I consumed. It actually scared me how drunk I was! at one stage in the last pub the whole room was spinning and I've never experienced that level of stumbling after a few drinks so the incident with the video itself is still a complete blur.

When I see other women on nights in the same state I'm not gonna lie the first thing I think is what a mess how is it even possible to get in that state but yet it's kind off seen as "normal" behaviour every weekend. If someone was off their head on cocaine or some other drug it's a completely different story, we seem to embrace being drunk in this country. I've went on nights out before and not drank and I kept being asked the same questions every time "Are you sick" or "You must be pregnant"

wally1990

1- this is why I hate social media
2- that colleague is a fool
3- we all get drunk and can laugh about it with the individual themselves . However That is publically shaming and bullying someone . Therefore the colleague is a fool again

intheclouds

So long as you're not doing it every weekend you're grand.

Maireadio

I cannot belief the wagon described in the OP! :eek:

I remember once putting a photo of my friend on Facebook in the time before tag-approval was a thing. It was only a few drinks into the night and I thought she looked lovely. But she thought she looked drunk and asked me to remove the photo. I did immediately. If someone asks you to remove a photo or video of them on social media, you do it, no questions asked. They have the right to control what of them is in the public sphere, as much as is possible anyway. Even if the OP untags herself from the video she might still be recognisable to others in it.

Maireadio

skallywag wrote: »

OP, it's a very nasty thing which this person has done to you, but that said I would most definitely advise against bringing this to the attention of anyone in HR.

I've interacted closely with HR and can confidently say that any HR staff that I know myself would run a mile from an incident like this, as it's most definitely an incident which occurred during private time, and is in no way connected to the workplace. Also, the fact that it's a private incident between employees at the end of a heavy night out will only cement their determination to keep well away.

I hope that you end up resolving this, but involving your workplace is not the way to go in my opinion.

meeeeh wrote: »

Op is your role in the company very customer oriented? It might be necessary to judge how much damage can company being aware of the video do to your promotion prospects and similar. Think things through, definitely get fb to take it down, go to HR if you think it's beneficial but I would not class it as a work night out.

meeeeh wrote: »

I don't know maybe I am too cynical but is informing the employer in the world where companies look up potential employee facebook pages really such a great idea? Especially if the job is customer oriented. I would rather talk to solicitor first.

I agree with these posts. I would not go to HR about this. It's outside their jurisdiction and may hurt the OP's prospects at her company.

Dog Man Star

Maireadio wrote: »

I agree with these posts. I would not go to HR about this. It's outside their jurisdiction and may hurt the OP's prospects at her company.

Correct, it's nothing to do with HR. It happened outside of work hours and workplace.

Just forget about it now and give the other one a wide berth. Karma will catch up on her at some point.

jennyhayes123

Op what happened when she came back to work

Niamhy_Li

jennyhayes123 wrote: »

Op what happened when she came back to work

When I confronted her she seemed genuinely apologetic about the whole situation and admitted that it was such a stupid thing to do and that she thought only the people tagged in the video could see the actual video (the people tagged were the ones on the night out only)

She also said the reason for not deleting it sooner was because she was on holidays and had no access to wifi which seems plausible given the fact she was offline on viber, what's app, and Facebook during this time

What I didn't know at the time is that she waited for 15 minutes in my garden looking in the window making sure I was making my way to bed ok at this point I was seen stumbling around my kitchen completely naked and nearly falling asleep at the sink, she tried ringing the doorbell but I wouldn't answer she then rang my phone and I somehow answered and then made my way upstairs to bed. This story was confirmed by another one of the girls who was in the taxi that night.

Since confronting her I have received a hamper and a 100 gift voucher for brown Thomas. Even now I am still absolutely mortified about the whole situation and as a result I have basically no relationship with this person anymore

Milly33

Oh OP well tis good news then again in the end... Might have a bit of OMG did I really do that but feck it, we all make mistakes and learn for them. Don't beat yourself up and I for one will say sorry this lady for also jumping the gun and thank her for explaining to you.. Still a silly thing to do but then she did try to look after you in the end.. So both silly things to do but alls well

Big Bag of Chips

Milly33 wrote: »

I for one will say sorry this lady for also jumping the gun and thank her for explaining to you.. Still a silly thing to do but then she did try to look after you in the end.. So both silly things to do but alls well

Fk tha!!

Not a chance would I be apologising or thanking her for anything. I don't believe for a minute that she only thought the people tagged in it could see it. What? Did she only join Facebook that day? If not she would have gotten 'likes' and comments on photos before from people not tagged in them, from friends of friends who were tagged. She would have 'liked' photos and videos that she wasn't tagged in. Bull that she thought only a select few would see it.

You were texting her asking her to take it down and she was laughing at you, telling you it was gas. She didn't take it down not because she had no internet.. she could have contacted her sister with her password and asked her to remove it. She could have gone to an internet cafe. She didn't take it down because she didn't take you seriously and I'd say only took it down because somebody else, or maybe a few somebody elses, told her to.

You're right to stay away from her now, OP. Absolutely do not need that kind of "friend" following you around on a night out, or ever. Not forgiving her might be the lesson she learns and make her think twice before doing similar again.

Niamhy_Li

Milly33 wrote: »

Oh OP well tis good news then again in the end... Might have a bit of OMG did I really do that but feck it, we all make mistakes and learn for them. Don't beat yourself up and I for one will say sorry this lady for also jumping the gun and thank her for explaining to you.. Still a silly thing to do but then she did try to look after you in the end.. So both silly things to do but alls well

I'm so confused as to why she recorded me outside the taxi but not while I was in the kitchen which is making me wonder was there any malicious intent. The girl who was with her while they looking in the window making sure I was OK said she seemed like she was genuinely trying to help by ringing the door bell and my phone.

If she was that malicious surely she would of recorded me then because I was told by the other girl who I would class as a genuine friend that she walked up to see what was going on and there I was completely naked in my kitchen in my drunken state stumbling into everything trying to make to the sink to pour a glass of water and then started to fall asleep leaning against the sink standing up surely if she thought me trying to walk to my house was "funny" then she definitely would of recorded that. Then a part of me is thinking did she not record me because my friend turned up to see what was taking her so long to get back to the taxi?

It's such a messed up situation and by reading this you'd probably think I am a complete binge drinker or some sort of alcoholic but I genuinely just got so pissed out of my head I didn't actually know what I was doing I have never ever been that drunk and I'm really paying a heavy price for my actions weeks later

from_atozinc

Niamhy_Li wrote: »

I'm so confused as to why she recorded me outside the taxi but not while I was in the kitchen which is making me wonder was there any malicious intent. The girl who was with her while they looking in the window making sure I was OK said she seemed like she was genuinely trying to help by ringing the door bell and my phone.

If she was that malicious surely she would of recorded me then because I was told by the other girl who I would class as a genuine friend that she walked up to see what was going on and there I was completely naked in my kitchen in my drunken state stumbling into everything trying to make to the sink to pour a glass of water and then started to fall asleep leaning against the sink standing up surely if she thought me trying to walk to my house was "funny" then she definitely would of recorded that. Then a part of me is thinking did she not record me because my friend turned up to see what was taking her so long to get back to the taxi?

It's such a messed up situation and by reading this you'd probably think I am a complete binge drinker or some sort of alcoholic but I genuinely just got so pissed out of my head I didn't actually know what I was doing I have never ever been that drunk and I'm really paying a heavy price for my actions weeks later

Don't bother trying to guess what your "friend" was or wasn't trying to do, it's pointless, but if I was you I would not be friends with this person anymore, she sounds like a twisted Cnut (pardon language )

How are you paying a heavy price WEEKS later ?

Niamhy_Li

from_atozinc wrote: »

Don't bother trying to guess what your "friend" was or wasn't trying to do, it's pointless, but if I was you I would not be friends with this person anymore, she sounds like a twisted Cnut (pardon language )

How are you paying a heavy price WEEKS later ?

The embarrassment of allowing myself to get so drunk in the first place and being seen completely naked in my own home constantly stumbling and not being even able to stand in the one spot I am amazed as to how I didn't fall over that night. It's something that will take more than a few weeks to get over.

Big Bag of Chips

Malicious or not she still posted that video to her Facebook page AFTER whatever 'concern' she may have shown you. And she didn't take it down when asked. If she was genuinely concerned about you she'd have rang you the next morning to make sure you were ok. Not post a video of you online.

All the actions that caused you embarrassment happened the next day. It wasn't done stupidly. It wasn't done drunkenly. It was done to gain 'likes' and have a laugh at your expense. I wouldn't pay much attention to other friends pleading her case either. She's obviously feeling a bit sorry for herself now after getting a dressing down and is probably playing the victim who didn't mean any harm. Her friends will understandably be trying to smooth things over and just move on. Versions of events might be exaggerated/altered/details omitted.

In your shoes I'd probably have returned the hamper and voucher too!

Milly33

bag of Chips you so nasty like....

OH OP your thinking to much into it would you have preferred she recorded you naked stumbling around the kitchen. Just stop take a breath and say sod it look it is done you have learned your lesson.

Give this girl three strikes another two and shes out, it would be better to know you gave someone a chance rather than believing they are bad. She may feel just as bad, that she has done this to you as you feel she has done something to you.. Some people are just that silly that they would not think something like this could hurt someone..

As mentioned Facebook seems to have given muppets control to do stupid things....She more than likely thought ah jaysus look at the cut of her, ill take a video, then went crap I hope she is ok, and went to check on you.. She then stupidly put the video up yes very stupid of her, but you have dealt with this issue.. You will drive yourself crazy thinking that she done it for other reasons... Time for you to get over it too.

Big Bag of Chips

Milly33 wrote: »

would you have preferred she recorded you naked stumbling around the kitchen.

The OP can't be sure that she didn't, just that she seemed to have slightly more sense than to post that publicly...

Also, the OP doesn't have to choose which of her friend's actions she'd prefer more! She could prefer her friend didn't record her at all, and certainly didn't post it to Facebook and tag a load of people in it, opening the video up to all the friends of those tagged people, potentially a couple of thousand people. If she was genuinely concerned she'd have gotten out of the taxi sooner and made sure she got in and got to bed/the couch. Instead of sitting in the taxi recording her, laughing at her and then looking in her window at her.

Sorry Milly, she may be sorry now, but sometimes "Sorry" just doesn't cut it.

intheclouds

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

She's obviously feeling a bit sorry for herself now after getting a dressing down and is probably playing the victim who didn't mean any harm.

This is a typical response of an idiot who pushes a joke too far.

Milly33

Jes yer are hard judges... Off with their heads policy only

intheclouds

Milly33 wrote: »

Jes yer are hard judges... Off with their heads policy only

Personally I think what the girl did was unforgivable and I would have been onto a solicitor.

She could have damaged the OPs job prospects, if it had gone viral should could have absolutely destroyed the OPs life.

Its really hard to see how it wasnt malicious. We all do stupid things. But to use someones stupid thing to publicly make a show of them online is just not acceptable at all.

Sapphire

Milly33 wrote: »

Give this girl three strikes another two and shes out, it would be better to know you gave someone a chance rather than believing they are bad. She may feel just as bad, that she has done this to you as you feel she has done something to you.. Some people are just that silly that they would not think something like this could hurt someone..

Why should a person give another two chances when the first incident clearly demonstrates their lack of character, lack of loyalty, and cruelty?

If this went viral it could have had serious consequences for the OP. It's happened before. I usually find that those kind of humiliating pictures or videos tend to be posted by nasty little Queen Bee types. There was no mistake, no accidental delay in taking the video down. She milked it for all the mirth it was worth and humiliating someone in the process. I'd say it was only when someone else she might listen to told her that she'd gone too far was when she finally removed it. The OP is right to distance herself from this person going forward.

OP, I would say though, stop beating yourself up about it. I'm about 20 years on from my clubbing days and like you was not a heavy drinker but there were some nights back then where I accidentally overdid it on the drink and I get the shiver of horror over what I got up to. We have nearly all been there - getting accidentally drunk and making a bit of an eejit of ourselves. I guarantee if we all shared our stories of shame here yours would not sound so bad! So stop tormenting yourself.

Milly33

because if you were to bite the hand of every person you came across that did you wrong once, more than likely you would come back at one stage and bite a big chunk off your own hand... Sorry but open minds or just walk away renee. In a perfect world perhaps you are right but unfortunately, the world of live isn't..

Still OP rock on your great don't let it worry you

from_atozinc

Milly33 wrote: »

because if you were to bite the hand of every person you came across that did you wrong once, more than likely you would come back at one stage and bite a big chunk off your own hand... Sorry but open minds or just walk away renee. In a perfect world perhaps you are right but unfortunately, the world of live isn't..

Still OP rock on your great don't let it worry you

Milly, no real offence.......but I think your living in cloud cuckoo land, where everyone is nice and no one is bad and la la la la la

Milly33

No offence taken atozic But I would much prefer to be living in my cuckoo land that surround myself with negative thoughts or thinking negatively all the time..Not good for you

Faith

Milly33 wrote: »

No offence taken atozic But I would much prefer to be living in my cuckoo land that surround myself with negative thoughts or thinking negatively all the time..Not good for you

There's big difference between negativity and realism. I honestly don't think you understand the implications and possible consequences of the girl's actions.

Was it all fun and games when somebody recorded that poor girl at Slane a few years ago? She was admitted to hospital due to the distress caused by that video going public. God knows what psychological damage that has caused.

The girl in this case had no right to post such a sensitive video to Facebook, where it was seen by countless people, and where the OP was identifiable. If "the lad bible" or 4Chan or one of those types had gotten a hold of the video, the outcome could have been immeasurably worse for the OP. And it would be entirely the fault of the bitch who recorded it and posted it online. She did not care about the potential consequences of posting that, and such a callous disregard for another person is exactly why she doesn't deserve "another chance".

Sapphire

Milly33 wrote: »

No offence taken atozic But I would much prefer to be living in my cuckoo land that surround myself with negative thoughts or thinking negatively all the time..Not good for you

Just because you no longer want to be best buddies with someone who pulled a nasty stunt does not mean that you surround yourself with negativity or are a nasty person.

You can forgive someone and move past what they did but it doesn't mean that they are automatically entitled to the same level of friendship as before. It's ok to distance yourself without any hard feelings from someone who has done something to you that changes the way you regard them. Fool me once and all that...

Big Bag of Chips

Milly, I think most, if not all, people here will have examples of times they forgave somebody, and times they themselves were forgiven and given another chance. But 'turn the other cheek' isn't always appropriate advice depending on the situation. I am a very easy going person. Some might say a little bit too nice, and let people take advantage. But I'd rather be nice than, as you say, surround myself with negative thoughts.

In saying that, when I was 17 I received obscene phone calls for a number of weeks. The calls were coming from someone who knew me very well. Knew where I lived. Knew every member of my family and knew my movements, whether I had been in a particular place at a specific time. The things this person said to me were horrible, and frightened me. It frightened me that he knew so much about me and I hadn't a clue who it was. It made me doubt every single male friend I had. It made me nervous about going outside on my own. It made me anxious that I might be unwittingly talking to this person, being my usual friendly self, completely unaware that he was the one tormenting me.

We eventually found out who it was. I don't forgive him for how he made me feel. I will never forgive him for the fear he put in me. I have moved on. I have forgotten about it. I never think about it or him (except when discussions on forgiveness comes up!!) But I will never give him a '3 strikes and your out' deal. Sometimes 1 strike is serious enough. A few years later, I saw his name in the local paper up in court for something totally different, but again against another individual. Some people are arseholes and don't deserve chances from goodwilled people just going about their business without bothering others.

I surround myself with people like me. I don't surround myself with the negativity brought by mean spirited, potentially dangerous people. OP's 'friend' is someone I would consider potentially dangerous. Shows little regard for others in an attempt to promote herself.

Niamhy_Li

By distancing myself from her and not wanting to have any contact with this woman anymore doesn't mean I'm trying to make her life hell from now on or hoping that something terrible happens to her! I just don't see the point in being fake and trying to make small talk in hope that I won't feel any negativity in my life

In reality this woman recorded me when she should of helped, she also seen me completely naked in my own kitchen when I couldn't even stand in the one spot without stumbling because I was so drunk out of my mind so I don't think anyone could blame me for not feeling comfortable in her presence anymore.

Who's to know she could have been genuinely sorry for a silly mistake or then again she could of went off on her holidays and had a great laugh telling someone about how she seen her "friend" stumbling around the kitchen in the nip falling asleep at her sink too drunk to even know how to walk properly, so for that I think I'll continue to keep my distance for now